Wedding Blog

I have to agree… the loss of autonomy has been one of the biggest changes I’ve had to get used to.
It definitely changes your perspective of yourself and makes you realize that the long road to finding out who you are and becoming a person that is stable enough to BE married is the very BEGINNING to the road of finding out who you are with this other person as their spouse.

It’s very… wonderfully hard.
Good, but sometimes so frustrating - it’s a lot of the process - but it’s so much fun learning about him in this way.
And it’s nice to hear a man who took years to say the L word say that he loves me more every day, especially the learning who we’ll be together sort of way.

wowza can I relate! There are so many subtle things that change once engaged that no one ever mentions. IN-LAWS are unexpectedly hard!! . I always thought I had a lovely relationship with my FI parents . I never took the time to explain all of my life decisions to them before i had a ring on my finger .. but all of a sudden post engagement ..I felt that each decision I made needed to be announced on egg shells. I was a really independent person and was not accustomed to all of my choices ( personal and professional) effecting others. But I had to except that my “circle” has grown and my life is intertwined with others now. It did get better, and hopefully will continue to improve.
It also does feel odd to be part of a “club”. In one aspect a whole new group of people deem you “valid” which , as you said, makes you wonder what you were before?? But a whole other group of people begin to slowly write you off as “smug marrieds”. I was thrilled to make this huge commitment but not prepared for the way it changed other people’s perceptions of my relationship.
I think the important thing is to communicate your feelings with your FI and acknowledge that things are changing and will continue to do so…this is just the beginning right?

DD, you are quickly becoming one of my favorite bees! I definitely agree with you (and Frenchie) that it’s hard to think of yourself as “needing” someone else when you’ve been doing just fine on your own for so long.

I completely understand!! I loved looking through blogs and wedding magazines, but when it came down to actually booking vendors and figuring out logistics - procrastination central. I was so stressed and overwhelmed for the first three or four months of being engaged!

I didn’t have to come to terms with getting married to Eric, but there were certainly changes, and adjustments I had to deal with. Namely, I didn’t realize I was marrying his family too. Start off by saying I love Fi’s family, and for the most part I am excited to become part of the family. However, things changed when we got engaged. Where before they were fine with us doing our own thing, now they are (pardon the phrase) “all up in our business” all the time. I feel judged by them where I never did before, they get upset if we don’t spend at least one evening a week with them, and they have on several occasions TOLD us what we were doing. “That’s your dinner” (um, excuse me- I’ll eat whatever I darned well feel like eating!) Apparently now that we are engaged, they feel free to let loose and control us as much as possible. That seems backwards to me. I’m doing my best to let fi know that this WILL NOT continue once we’re married. Next it will be the endless houding of “when are you having kids?” They already TOLD us we HAVE to have 7- all girls. I believe they are only partially joking, but his mother conitnually makes “estimates” of when we’ll have babies, and we continually tell her “don’t hold your breath- keep hounding us, and there will be none” I didn’t see this coming, and so I feel your pain.