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I wish they could all just be happy for us, since we got our fiance visa petition approval. I’ve shared the amazing news with all my close friends and family. Now everyone that cares about us is just as happy as we are, and even screaming with me when I tell them. But then again, we’re also getting some bad vibes coming from some people that have heard the news somewhere.
I truly think I have just a few really good friends and life has showed me who they are (they really understand me and support us), but I am really friendly and have tons of people I know and have kept in touch with at some level. So from the beginning of our relationship, whenever I got negative comments from them, I’ve tried to just not listen or have politely asked them not to judge me so quickly. For the first year this worked just fine, but then it really started to bug me. I decided to have a line ready for those that wanted to rub in my face how naive I was for trusting Mr. Poodle the way I do. I would simply say, “If you don’t have anything good to say, I’d prefer for you to not talk about us at all,” and give them a big smile. Of course, on the inside, I wanted to punch them in the face. LOL
At one point it did really affect me and I wondered why people would judge our relationship and make awful comments when I never asked for their opinions—I wasn’t even sharing things with them. I was dealing with lots of things that happened to me last year, and of course, dealing with the long distance between us. 
Soon after that, I realized that most of the people that had said stupid things about us (mostly how he must have been cheating on me daily, since we were not even in the same country) were cheating on their girlfriends/boyfriends or didn’t want to commit to anyone on any level. Then I understood that they were just reflecting their own personal issues and trying to convince me of how terrible I was to believe in someone and love him no matter what.
Trust me, I’m not naive when it comes to the subject of cheating. I’ve been there and seen how much it can hurt. Plus, after finding out about how my ex cheated on me, all the bad family stories, and the fact that I haven’t even seen a good example of marriage in my own family—not even my Mom’s—it got me to the point where I didn’t want to trust anyone. That is, until I met Mr. Poodle. We had such a similar love background; we were both hurt before, but have managed to open our hearts to each other. To me, he’s the only man in my life I truly trust and the kind of love I’ve always dreamed of.
Nothing matters when you have such a deep connection. Not distance, color, religion, or language can get in the way. I didn’t choose who I was going to fall in love with, but I did choose to be faithful, loyal, and honest with him in order to keep our love healthy and growing.
I know I’m not the only one that has had to deal with awful comments about their relationships. Have you found yourself in that situation? What have you done about it?
oh dear, poodle. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with nay-sayers. You’ll only ever get positive encouragement from me! It sounds like you have your head on straight!
I am so glad to hear that you stay strong. You are a role model for women who succumb to insecure individuals’ hurtful words. I am glad to hear that you found your Mr. Poodle and you have a huge cheering section in your corner - so next time someone says something bad, don’t forget about us (we’ll take them down for you 
)!
You know, because of how relatively short a time Mr. Mary Jane and I have known each other and been engaged, I expected a lot of naysaying. So when announcing our engagement, I prefaced it by saying (in a very much more polite way): “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” It actually worked and most people have either said nothing, or been happy for us.
I’m so happy for both of you. And you’re right, often people who have their own issues and jealousies will project those onto you and your happiness. Can’t wait to see photos of your wedding!
Poodle, that’s so typical of people, isn’t it? When someone is as happy, exuberant, and positive as you, I think people want to find something wrong. Don’t let them disract you. Stay the course, on your merry way!!!
I’m with Bear Cub, you seem like someone who has her head on straight, solid, and happily! You seem to have SO many virtues (from what I can tell just by reading), and strength is one of them. I don’t read naivete in anything about you!
I’m sorry to hear that some people around you have not been supportive of your relationship with Mr. Poodle. I would get annoyed and hurt if I also heard negative things about it. So, kudos for you for defending your love. I agree with you on “if you have nothing to say then say nothing at all”. I’d eventually keep my distance from those people.
I’ve never had a long distance relationship so I don’t have much to offer. I can only assume that it’s not always easy. But, I think it’s great when it works out like yours. Your love for eachother is greater than the miles that separate you :o)
Aww! Well I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re going through but I can imagine that it is one of the hardest things you will ever have to endure, and I applaud you for being so strong through it! You have made it and anyone that has anything to say can keep it to themselves, they’re not worth your friendship!
That must feel awful. I hope you get extra support from those who are closest to you, and it sounds like you are.
My FI and I have both been hurt as well. I get a lot of negative comments because when I was 18 I got engaged to someone who turned out to be a cheater. I quickly realized I was too young to know anything about marriage. They think it’s strange that I want to marry the man I love after all that. I just try to ignore them for the most part.
I am so happy for you, and I wish you guys every happiness in the world!
I can relate. There have been plenty of people that took it upon themselves make comments about the “dangers” of long distance relationships–”how would you ever know if he’s cheating on you?” or “he could have another girlfriend down there if he wanted.” Yeah, it’s annoying, and it’s stupid. But I have to think that they are coming from a different place in life than I am.
My Christian parents flipped the heck out when I moved out with my boyfriend (now my fiance) before getting married.
I didn’t deal with it well. I was living with them at the time and felt really trapped in the situation. Mostly, we argued about it, loudly, but I wish I’d kept a clearer head and just explained myself calmly, then shut down any other discussion. That’s what I would try to do in your shoes. It’s not easy though, because your arguments probably won’t convince anyone who thinks they are ‘just trying to help you out.’
ms. p, I’m sorry for what you are going through. it’s tough, but you’re a strong, strong woman. don’t let them get you down.
you are right, most people reflect their own insecurities/downfalls/ignorance on others. despite everything i have seen and heard in this world, i still really believe, that at the end of it all, most people have a good heart. i remind myself that when someone hurts me or i see pain in the world.
i went through a tough situation too when FI and i started dating. ours was because of our different ethnic backgrounds. it’s been years, most people are accepting, yet there are still a few naysayers. i’ve learned something very valuable though, and that is this: you can choose to live your life the way you want to. that includes whom you choose to have in your life. now, if someone does not provide a positive influence in my life, i don’t waste my time on them. if they are family and i have to see them at a function, i am very gracious and courteous, but i keep my distance.
you two love each other and will soon spend your lives together. that’s what’s important. to all the naysayers, just say, “i’m going to let you own that. i won’t have a part of it.”
I will tell you what my very wise and loving mister told me - just because you are happy doesn’t mean everyone will be happy for you.
I too have had negative feedback from some people but like you stated most were unfaithful in their own relationships.
My mister and I met when he was doing some army training in Mass, but he’s from TX and almost a year and a half later, and almost 1/2 a world away (since he’s in Afghanistan now) we are still going strong.
It’s hard to explain to people how you can trust someone so far away, but for the 1st time in my life I’ve never felt more secure in a relationship.
Sigue adelanta chica and be happy. I’m happy for you!!!
Aww, Poodle, hugs! I hear you, I hear you. I’m sure you’ve read how much Mr. Star and I have battled this type of snark and it’s really hard sometimes. But you definitely sound like a lady who knows what she’s doing and us Bees are here for emotional support when real life-ers are getting you down Congrats again on the visa!!
Good for you for being able to rise above the comments. It’s hard, and often feels like a slap in the face! But, I try to explain to those offenders that they don’t *really” know what FI and my relationship is like. Only the two of us know what it is *really* like. And I would never pressume to judge another relationship b/c likewise, I can’t really know what it’s truly like. It’s still tough though.
Wow Poodle - well said. I, too, have listened to people put me down/say I was being stupid/blah blah , all because I trust and love with abandon. I will admit that it has bitten me ~ I’m an encore, if that tells you anything, BUT I would not chang it. FI is like you said - the kind of love I’ve been dreaming of and the only one I truly trust.
Yay for that! Keep it up girl!
When I first started dating FI, I had people tell me to not date him because he is a pilot and pilot’s cheat all the time. One went as far as doing a check on him within the company. My FI has never done anything to make me or anyone think that he is unfaithful. When I would get those comments I would just tell them, that it doesn’t matter what profession someone is in, if they want to cheat they will. And besides that, he has to trust me too.
Awe Poodle I am so sorry! Some ppl just have NO manners 
Big Hugs for you! and I’m so happy you and Mr Poodle found each other
I feel completely for you and have had the same things said to me. When I met my FI I was living in London and he was visiting from Sweden so when he had to go home everyone thought I was crazy for maintaining the relationship but I knew in my heart that we were being honest and dedicated so it didnt matter. Then after a month and a half I decided to move to Sweden and even my boss at the time ridiculed me. I will say though that having so much negativity on the outside made us cherish how really happy we are and I will say personally I happy for you and very happy that you get to have your dreams come true.
Try not to let the naysayers damper your spirits too much. Im in a similar position to you (He’s in the US and Im in South Africa). Nurturing a long distance relationship is hard enough to deal with without others trying to undermine your resolve about being with each other. I applaud your approach to the subject (being cordial and smiling, but wishing you could punch them LOL) and am so happy that you have Mr.Poodle to support and go through all of this unneccesary drama with you.
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Mrs. Poodle, Santiago, Chile/San Bernardino, CA Age and Occupation: 27, Industrial & Web Designer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Firefighter & Mountain Patrol Engagement Date: February 25, 2009 Wedding Date: January 2010 Venue: Mr. P's Grandparents’ Ranch About Me: I’m a Chilean girl who's crazy about nature and swimming. I enjoy carving, drawing, reading and sewing; I drool over computers, fabric, pretty paper, purple and patterns. To me, chocolate should be one of the seven wonders, right next to lemon pie. I never thought an exchange work experience program was going to change my life forever, but while working in California, I met Mr. Poodle, and ever since my days are better and brighter. We are two goofy souls that, after finding each other, couldn’t help but want to be together forever. It has being a long and sometimes hard road, since we have to deal with such a long distance between us, but we are now facing the last stage of our Fiancé Visa, and soon we will be together. You know the best part? We will be married! So I’ll be blogging from Chile until just a few months before our “green and purple” wedding.
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