Wedding Blog
I wish they could all just be happy for us, since we got our fiance visa petition approval. I’ve shared the amazing news with all my close friends and family. Now everyone that cares about us is just as happy as we are, and even screaming with me when I tell them. But then again, we’re also getting some bad vibes coming from some people that have heard the news somewhere.
I truly think I have just a few really good friends and life has showed me who they are (they really understand me and support us), but I am really friendly and have tons of people I know and have kept in touch with at some level. So from the beginning of our relationship, whenever I got negative comments from them, I’ve tried to just not listen or have politely asked them not to judge me so quickly. For the first year this worked just fine, but then it really started to bug me. I decided to have a line ready for those that wanted to rub in my face how naive I was for trusting Mr. Poodle the way I do. I would simply say, “If you don’t have anything good to say, I’d prefer for you to not talk about us at all,” and give them a big smile. Of course, on the inside, I wanted to punch them in the face. LOL
At one point it did really affect me and I wondered why people would judge our relationship and make awful comments when I never asked for their opinions—I wasn’t even sharing things with them. I was dealing with lots of things that happened to me last year, and of course, dealing with the long distance between us. 
Soon after that, I realized that most of the people that had said stupid things about us (mostly how he must have been cheating on me daily, since we were not even in the same country) were cheating on their girlfriends/boyfriends or didn’t want to commit to anyone on any level. Then I understood that they were just reflecting their own personal issues and trying to convince me of how terrible I was to believe in someone and love him no matter what.
Trust me, I’m not naive when it comes to the subject of cheating. I’ve been there and seen how much it can hurt. Plus, after finding out about how my ex cheated on me, all the bad family stories, and the fact that I haven’t even seen a good example of marriage in my own family—not even my Mom’s—it got me to the point where I didn’t want to trust anyone. That is, until I met Mr. Poodle. We had such a similar love background; we were both hurt before, but have managed to open our hearts to each other. To me, he’s the only man in my life I truly trust and the kind of love I’ve always dreamed of.
Nothing matters when you have such a deep connection. Not distance, color, religion, or language can get in the way. I didn’t choose who I was going to fall in love with, but I did choose to be faithful, loyal, and honest with him in order to keep our love healthy and growing.
I know I’m not the only one that has had to deal with awful comments about their relationships. Have you found yourself in that situation? What have you done about it?
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oh dear, poodle. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with nay-sayers. You’ll only ever get positive encouragement from me! It sounds like you have your head on straight!
I am so glad to hear that you stay strong. You are a role model for women who succumb to insecure individuals’ hurtful words. I am glad to hear that you found your Mr. Poodle and you have a huge cheering section in your corner - so next time someone says something bad, don’t forget about us (we’ll take them down for you 
)!
You know, because of how relatively short a time Mr. Mary Jane and I have known each other and been engaged, I expected a lot of naysaying. So when announcing our engagement, I prefaced it by saying (in a very much more polite way): “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” It actually worked and most people have either said nothing, or been happy for us.
I’m so happy for both of you. And you’re right, often people who have their own issues and jealousies will project those onto you and your happiness. Can’t wait to see photos of your wedding!
Poodle, that’s so typical of people, isn’t it? When someone is as happy, exuberant, and positive as you, I think people want to find something wrong. Don’t let them disract you. Stay the course, on your merry way!!!
I’m with Bear Cub, you seem like someone who has her head on straight, solid, and happily! You seem to have SO many virtues (from what I can tell just by reading), and strength is one of them. I don’t read naivete in anything about you!
I’m sorry to hear that some people around you have not been supportive of your relationship with Mr. Poodle. I would get annoyed and hurt if I also heard negative things about it. So, kudos for you for defending your love. I agree with you on “if you have nothing to say then say nothing at all”. I’d eventually keep my distance from those people.
I’ve never had a long distance relationship so I don’t have much to offer. I can only assume that it’s not always easy. But, I think it’s great when it works out like yours. Your love for eachother is greater than the miles that separate you :o)
Aww! Well I haven’t the slightest idea what you’re going through but I can imagine that it is one of the hardest things you will ever have to endure, and I applaud you for being so strong through it! You have made it and anyone that has anything to say can keep it to themselves, they’re not worth your friendship!
That must feel awful. I hope you get extra support from those who are closest to you, and it sounds like you are.
My FI and I have both been hurt as well. I get a lot of negative comments because when I was 18 I got engaged to someone who turned out to be a cheater. I quickly realized I was too young to know anything about marriage. They think it’s strange that I want to marry the man I love after all that. I just try to ignore them for the most part.
I am so happy for you, and I wish you guys every happiness in the world!
I can relate. There have been plenty of people that took it upon themselves make comments about the “dangers” of long distance relationships–”how would you ever know if he’s cheating on you?” or “he could have another girlfriend down there if he wanted.” Yeah, it’s annoying, and it’s stupid. But I have to think that they are coming from a different place in life than I am.
My Christian parents flipped the heck out when I moved out with my boyfriend (now my fiance) before getting married.
I didn’t deal with it well. I was living with them at the time and felt really trapped in the situation. Mostly, we argued about it, loudly, but I wish I’d kept a clearer head and just explained myself calmly, then shut down any other discussion. That’s what I would try to do in your shoes. It’s not easy though, because your arguments probably won’t convince anyone who thinks they are ‘just trying to help you out.’
ms. p, I’m sorry for what you are going through. it’s tough, but you’re a strong, strong woman. don’t let them get you down.
you are right, most people reflect their own insecurities/downfalls/ignorance on others. despite everything i have seen and heard in this world, i still really believe, that at the end of it all, most people have a good heart. i remind myself that when someone hurts me or i see pain in the world.
i went through a tough situation too when FI and i started dating. ours was because of our different ethnic backgrounds. it’s been years, most people are accepting, yet there are still a few naysayers. i’ve learned something very valuable though, and that is this: you can choose to live your life the way you want to. that includes whom you choose to have in your life. now, if someone does not provide a positive influence in my life, i don’t waste my time on them. if they are family and i have to see them at a function, i am very gracious and courteous, but i keep my distance.
you two love each other and will soon spend your lives together. that’s what’s important. to all the naysayers, just say, “i’m going to let you own that. i won’t have a part of it.”
I will tell you what my very wise and loving mister told me - just because you are happy doesn’t mean everyone will be happy for you.
I too have had negative feedback from some people but like you stated most were unfaithful in their own relationships.
My mister and I met when he was doing some army training in Mass, but he’s from TX and almost a year and a half later, and almost 1/2 a world away (since he’s in Afghanistan now) we are still going strong.
It’s hard to explain to people how you can trust someone so far away, but for the 1st time in my life I’ve never felt more secure in a relationship.
Sigue adelanta chica and be happy. I’m happy for you!!!
Aww, Poodle, hugs! I hear you, I hear you. I’m sure you’ve read how much Mr. Star and I have battled this type of snark and it’s really hard sometimes. But you definitely sound like a lady who knows what she’s doing and us Bees are here for emotional support when real life-ers are getting you down Congrats again on the visa!!
Good for you for being able to rise above the comments. It’s hard, and often feels like a slap in the face! But, I try to explain to those offenders that they don’t *really” know what FI and my relationship is like. Only the two of us know what it is *really* like. And I would never pressume to judge another relationship b/c likewise, I can’t really know what it’s truly like. It’s still tough though.
Wow Poodle - well said. I, too, have listened to people put me down/say I was being stupid/blah blah , all because I trust and love with abandon. I will admit that it has bitten me ~ I’m an encore, if that tells you anything, BUT I would not chang it. FI is like you said - the kind of love I’ve been dreaming of and the only one I truly trust.
Yay for that! Keep it up girl!
When I first started dating FI, I had people tell me to not date him because he is a pilot and pilot’s cheat all the time. One went as far as doing a check on him within the company. My FI has never done anything to make me or anyone think that he is unfaithful. When I would get those comments I would just tell them, that it doesn’t matter what profession someone is in, if they want to cheat they will. And besides that, he has to trust me too.
Awe Poodle I am so sorry! Some ppl just have NO manners 
Big Hugs for you! and I’m so happy you and Mr Poodle found each other
I feel completely for you and have had the same things said to me. When I met my FI I was living in London and he was visiting from Sweden so when he had to go home everyone thought I was crazy for maintaining the relationship but I knew in my heart that we were being honest and dedicated so it didnt matter. Then after a month and a half I decided to move to Sweden and even my boss at the time ridiculed me. I will say though that having so much negativity on the outside made us cherish how really happy we are and I will say personally I happy for you and very happy that you get to have your dreams come true.
Try not to let the naysayers damper your spirits too much. Im in a similar position to you (He’s in the US and Im in South Africa). Nurturing a long distance relationship is hard enough to deal with without others trying to undermine your resolve about being with each other. I applaud your approach to the subject (being cordial and smiling, but wishing you could punch them LOL) and am so happy that you have Mr.Poodle to support and go through all of this unneccesary drama with you.
Well, you’ll show them when you’re celebrating your anniversary to the man you love and they’re still mired in the cheating swamp. =)
i’m so sorry people have been so hurtful to you, and the way you’ve reacted about it really talks about maturity and class, which is something they don’t have. Enjoy your love and the trust between you two and don’t even bother listening to that sad little people with bitter lives.
Sounds like you handled the situation well! Kudos to you! 
I heard about some comments from friends/not-so-friends of my now-husband when we were having a long distance relationship. In particular, they centered on me being a young American woman who surely is sleeping around while we’re apart, or will divorce him in a few years, because apparently that’s what young American women do…………….
You are so strong and optimistic, I wish I could be as nice as you. If it were me, I’d surely tell them all to go to hell in a handbasket and mind their own damn business!! I know not everyone agrees with our relationship, but I honestly don’t care at all. Our families love and agree with us, and our closest friends are happy for us. Its usually the ones that are dealing with negativity in their own lives that just want to bring you down to their level. Way to go for not giving in
@hunterstorme: Oh yes, that’s ALL we know how to do, you didn’t get the memo 
I’m so sorry you’ve had to go through all that negativity. Stay strong!
When I told one of my closest friends (someone I considered to be like a brother to me) that I was engaged, his response was that he was very disappointed in me. He went on and on about how I was making the biggest mistake of my life because I was too young. I should be using this time in my life to travel the world, not planning a wedding. I was in shock. How could a man who frequently has one night stands be disappointed in their best friend when she becomes engaged to a man she’s been with after five years!! I stood up for myself and he has since apologized, but our friendship just isn’t the same anymore.
Sorry, I should have put question marks instead of exclamation points. I was getting all riled up just thinking about the whole situation!
I never understood why people have to ruin other people’s happiness.
I have to go with what my dad used to say: “Opinions are like a-holes….everyone has one!”
Who cares what the naysayers say! It’s hard to find someone you can completely trust, and what do they know about you and Mr. Poodle.
Great post. My fiance and I had to deal with misconceptions when he first moved here. Some of the relatives caught up in the gossip are not invited to our wedding, 2 years later.
We are strong and he is my best friend. I am so proud to be his loving wife!
Isn’t it amazing how people can say such hurtful things?! I just don’t understand it. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
I am so glad you shared that with us! I get really frustrated when people are negative about other people’s relationships (and my relationship) for any reason, distance, too young, too much difference in age, or whatever other reasons people think of to be negative. Only the people in the relationship can know what it is and if you are happy (which clearly you are!) they should be happy for you!
I also just want to say: congratulations on finding Mr. Poodle and I am very excited for you!!
Miss Poodle you post has brought tears to my eyes. It makes you a stronger person and a stronger couple doesnt it? We have seen our fair share of bad comments too…and are getting passed them and moving on. At one point it was really bad and putting me in the middle and I just had enough of it. I found the love of my life…shouldnt that make you happy? Or are you jealous because I found a great man who trust me, who I can trust and who loves me for me. He didnt tease me because Im tall, or big, he saw my heart, my smile and loved me. And because he’s older than me and has children…you have a problem? But as time moved on everyone has seen the wonderful man he is and loves him for who he is. And even if they didnt, are 2010 wedding would still be awesome with or without the haters! Congrats to you and Mr. Poodle. Thanks for sharing your story.
Miss Poodle, I’m so sorry to hear you have to deal with this on top of the stress of the visa process. You’re so right though, their judgements are coming from their own issues, not yours, and I commend you for being able to see that and not let it get you down!
When my Boy and I first starting dating. Everyone was up in arms because I was a Christian and he was not. And after 6 months of dating, I left for an internship in NYC. So I have heard the cheating comments. And the he is not good enough for you comments. I think at the end of the day, I have to remember it is just him and I. Do you trust yourself? Do you trust him? Do you trust your relationship? Tell the others their lack of faith in you and your choice is disappointing and move on. It’s not worth being upset over. Boy and I have been together nearly 3 years now. And now everyone regards our relationship as the relationship model. Silly.
We dealt with a lot of very nasty and painful comments, even from some members of his family, right before the wedding day.
I am with you on this, and want you to know that the commitment & love both of you have for each other will overcome the distance (temporary), ethnic and language barriers.
We got through our K1, and I’m looking forward to good news from you too!
*big hugs*
@Miss Mary Jane: That was a really smart move
@Mrs. Perfume: You are so sweet!! Thank you so much
@LovestheBear: So true!
@ladybuglove: I really like that line!! you are so sweet
@jaydee1125: Muchas gracias por compartir tu historia conmigo!
@Miss Star: You are such a sweet young-ish BEE
@vintage2010: That is so terrible that people blame his profession and because of the he is supposed to be a cheater, aggg people can be so mean - *hugs* to you too
@Jenniphyr: Of course!! Claro que si!!
@D.Marie: Thank you for sharing a part of yours too!
@miss longhorn: That is so wrong! I hate when that happens, specially if you really trust them and thought they were really close friends, they should be the first ones being happy because you are happy. not starting to judge and make awful comments.
@mrspaetz: I-m so glad and happy to know you already went thought all this long and sometimes stupid process! It really cheers me up every time I know someone that already has a K1
Ugh! I hate people who rain on others parades! I have no use for them & have cut those people out of my life.
Some people, well, I don’t think they can be happy for others (usually because, as you well know, they aren’t happy themselves). And it stinks! You know how you feel - you know you love Mr. Poodle and he loves you. Congrats for your strong stance on this and I’m sorry people seem to be so jealous and well, rude.
Congratulations on the visa! It’s exciting and this should just be a time of happiness - not a time of having to weed out all of the people who truly don’t matter. But better now than later, right?
I am happy for you! It is a shame when people (esp. friends and family) reflect their insecurities on other peoples relationships. If he is a great guy, treats you with respect and you are happily in love then race, age, distance and the like should not even be an issue. A person should be loved for who they are and not judged by these things. Congratulations to you both!
it does get better i promise.
mr. lemon pie and i are not only 6 years apart [i am 6 years older] but we were only together for 8 months when we got engaged. It caused quite a stir in the beginning and now things - slowly but surely - are becoming more quiet. Once everyone realizes that you two are unwavering in your love for eachother there is really not much else they can say. Have faith that you are both doing all you can do for eachother and the rest will fall into place.
You can’t let the negativity get you down! You–and only you know the strong relationship that you are in. Many people always say, “I know how you feel”. Ummm, no they don’t! And that’s the problem, many people who are judging and being evil are jealous because they probably never knew what it felt like to be in love on your level! So on that note, it’s okay to feel sorry for THEM, because they probably can’t LOVE or BE LOVED the way you love your FI and the way he loves you!
Aww, Miss Poodle! Don’t listen to those haters! You and Mr. Poodle are so cute, and you’re going to be so happy together. Congrats again on getting your visa approved!
UGH. There are always people who are bothered by the happiness of others and will give off negative vibes! Like Miss Star, I’m a young bride so of course people have their opinions on how stable or valid my relationship is (even though we live together and have been together for 4 years). Don’t let them get you down, Poodle, and always remember - the only two people who know about your relationship are you and him!!
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Miss Poodle, Santiago, Chile/San Bernardino, CA
Age and Occupation: 27, Industrial & Web Designer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Firefighter & Mountain Patrol
Engagement Date: February 25, 2009
Wedding Date: January 2010
Venue: Mr. P's Grandparents’ Ranch
About Me: I’m a Chilean girl who's crazy about nature and swimming. I enjoy carving, drawing, reading and sewing; I drool over computers, fabric, pretty paper, purple and patterns. To me, chocolate should be one of the seven wonders, right next to lemon pie. I never thought an exchange work experience program was going to change my life forever, but while working in California, I met Mr. Poodle, and ever since my days are better and brighter. We are two goofy souls that, after finding each other, couldn’t help but want to be together forever. It has being a long and sometimes hard road, since we have to deal with such a long distance between us, but we are now facing the last stage of our Fiancé Visa, and soon we will be together. You know the best part? We will be married! So I’ll be blogging from Chile until just a few months before our “green and purple” wedding.
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