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I’m not a stickler for etiquette by any means, but there’s a rule I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. It’s the one where the mother of groom should wear something similar to the mother of the bride.
But what do you do when this isn’t an option?
My mom will be wearing a sari. A fancy sari.
Not my mom’s sari, but I thought it would be useful for comparison’s sake. (Source)
Saris aren’t actually difficult to wear. It’s just that they seem difficult to wear. The first couple of times you wear a sari, be prepared for it to feel like the whole thing is going to come apart at any second. Yes, even if you’re wearing 257 safety pins along with the sari. Or possibly even 258 safety pins.
And, well, it just seems like a bad idea to make your brand-new mother-in-law feel like her clothes are falling off.
So I started to think about what she normally wears. Only she normally doesn’t dress up.
Then I waited for her to bring it up to me. She first mentioned wearing the suit she bought for Mr. DD’s older brother’s wedding seven years ago. Later on, she changed her mind and mentioned that she might like to wear a short dress.
I’m a little worried that she’s misjudged the formality of our wedding and that it will end up leaving her feeling underdressed and uncomfortable. My mom’s sari is really rather formal, and our dads will be wearing tuxes.
So I’d like to make some long dress suggestions to her.
Right now I’m thinking of a long dress with a a jacket. Something like one of these:
Cachet Lace & Satin Dress with Bolero Jacket
Alex Evenings Bolero Jacket Dress
Chadwicks Pleat-Collar Jacket Dress
Ideally, I’d like something in a more festive color. I just haven’t found anything yet. Apparently, designers don’t quite have saris in mind when designing mother of bride/groom dresses. Can you believe it??
If anyone has any colored dress suggestions, I’d love to hear them.
Will the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom match at your wedding?
What colors do you have in mind? I love your inspiration photos, and think any of those would look great for your FMIL!
Ooh great post! I am Indian and my mom wore a sari to our wedding, but my MIL wore this dress:
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3031845/0~2376776~2374327~2374331~6014165?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6014165&P=1
It’s not super festive but it looked great in the pictures. Good luck with your search!
They didn’t match at mine. They both looked nice and both had the same level of formality, but one wore long and one wore short. I told them it didn’t matter to me too much; I just wanted them both to be comfortable.
I went to a wedding where the mother of the groom wore a variant on the bridesmaids’ dresses! She happened to work at the bridal salon, and I think she just got hooked on them. The girls were in short burgundy dresses, and she was in a long champagne dress, but it was the same top, the same jacket, etc.
If your mother’s sari has any metallic, like gold, silver, or bronze, a simple suit in one of those colors would be very pretty and compliment each other well.
I asked my mothers to coordinate, but not match– and to have at least the same level of formality.
My mom bought a floor length gown and my MIL bought a knee length. At the end of the day, I just had to say, “oh well!”
At least you’re not asking her to wear a sari!
I think the best way to approach it is to ask her what she’s thinking of and maybe send her a few links (3-5) of dresses you liked and thought she might like.
I think as long as each mom has an idea of what the other mom is wearing, it should be the mom’s “informed” choice. Each should feel comfortable in what she wears.
I would try to steer her away from the seven-year-old, previously-worn ensemble, but you’ll be able to see it in her face in every single picture if she’s uncomfortable.
I’m not sure I see the problem with her wearing pants, if that’s how she feels most comfortable dressing up. It also might be easier to match a bright-colored blouse and shoes to the sari than a whole dress or one of your inspiration pics up there, color-wise.
I think a fancy pants suit in a brighter color with some fancy beading would actually be a nice compliment to a sari. Think of it as an American version of the tunic/flowing pants combo (a salwar kameez, I think?)
We are looking at ideas for my mom right now, but I still don’t know what FMIL will be wearing.
I think it’s will be really cool if you could find a colorful option of a jacket and skirt for Mr. DD’s mom 
My inlaws are Indian (I am not) so I love this post! We ended up having two ceremonies, though: One Catholic, one Hindu. For the Catholic ceremony, my mother wore an awesome, long, royal blue dress from Nordstrom and my MIL wore a beautiful burgundy dress, also floor-length, with a burgundy and gold embroidered bolero jacket. They both looked awesome but they didn’t match exactly (but matched in their level of formality). This was my mother’s dress: http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3019549/0~2376776~2374327~2374331~6014165?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6014165&P=2
For the Hindu ceremony, they both wore saris. My mother LOVED wearing hers (one of the aunties wrapped her and pinned her so it wouldn’t fall down). You’d be surprised; maybe your FMIL won’t mind wearing a sari, especially if it’s of a lighter material. If she’s more comfortable in pants, what about the idea of having her try on fancier salwars? Or even cholis or lenghas? (Easier to dance in than saris.)
Don’t you feel guilty about using slightly spiny words about your FMIL in such a public place? You made a similar remark about your in-laws in general in a previous post too.
Our moms looked nothing like one another at the wedding. Part of that was my mom changing her dress at the last minute and the other was my MIL being passive-aggressive and choosing something completely different than what we talked about. My mom wore an adorable black cocktail dress and my MIL wore a pretty formal baby-blue silk shantung dress with jacket. FWIW, I thought it was going to bother me that they were so different, but in looking at the photos, there really weren’t too many with the two of them together, so it was fine.
I read somewhere that the MOB chooses her attire first, then the MOG matches her level of formality. Namely, whatever length the MOB goes with, the MOG does the same or longer. So since your mom is wearing a sari, his mom should wear something floor-length.
Both our moms are wearing long dresses with little jackets. My mom in blue, his mom in tan/copper/beige.
My mom and MIL did match, actually, even though I was unaware of this tradition! They were both wearing pants and green jackets.
Have you brought up the idea of wearing a sari to his mom? My MIL wore one to a wedding once and loved it.
Oh DewDrop we are in the same predicament! Except, I am wondering what my mom will wear, and his mom will be in the sari (as well as me… Hindu ceremony only!) I’m thinking a nice lengha (with tummy coverage!) for my mom since (as you know) its essentially a 2 piece dress!
To give those who aren’t familiar, an idea.. http://www.bharatplaza.com/showitem.php?itemid=SLPN1014&catid=50&pageno=1&uid=1250526334
oh my gosh, i don’t even know how to approach this subject with my fmil. my mom is pretty excited about shopping for a new outfit for herself for the wedding, but my fmil is quite a bit older than my mom and VERY thrifty. im pretty sure she will want to wear something she’s had for 20+ years.
i don’t want to step on any toes or make her feel obligated to buy something new for the wedding, at the same time, i don’t want her to feel left out if i don’t make suggestions about what she could wear.
ive chosen to just ignore the subject for now 
Maybe I’m not really into tradition, but I just don’t agree with trying to control what other people are wearing to the wedding. Let your MIL wear what she will be most comfortable in and don’t worry about it. There are too many other details and more important things to focus on!
If you picked out a dress like those shown I think that would be nice. What if you added a scarf or an embellishment of sari fabric sewn one on side or pinned to her.
I think you’re fine if she decides to wear a short dress or a pantsuit. Maybe just remind her how fancy your family will be and give her the go-ahead to get all kinds of fancy! She may not want to upstage the bride’s family. Do give her the option to wear a nice sari if she’d like, though. She may secretly be dying to don one (like me, even tho i’ll never have a reason to!). Or, a sari with the pants underneath? I”ve seen those and they are super pretty
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Miss Dew Drop, San Francisco Age and Occupation: 31, Attorney Fiance's Age and Occupation: 35, Managerial Type at an Internet Company Engagement Date: December 12, 2008 Wedding Date: September 2009 Venue: Ralston Hall Mansion About Me: I'm a food-and-baking-obsessed, occasionally sword wielding Bay Area native who is quickly becoming overwhelmed with planning a wedding and opening a law practice at the same time. (Brilliant move, that one.) I love reading, online shopping, ice cream, my Macbook, Bollywood movies, hoodies, the UCLA Bruins, and of course, Mr. Dew Drop.
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