Wedding Blog
I’m not a stickler for etiquette by any means, but there’s a rule I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. It’s the one where the mother of groom should wear something similar to the mother of the bride.
But what do you do when this isn’t an option?
My mom will be wearing a sari. A fancy sari.
Not my mom’s sari, but I thought it would be useful for comparison’s sake. (Source)
Saris aren’t actually difficult to wear. It’s just that they seem difficult to wear. The first couple of times you wear a sari, be prepared for it to feel like the whole thing is going to come apart at any second. Yes, even if you’re wearing 257 safety pins along with the sari. Or possibly even 258 safety pins.
And, well, it just seems like a bad idea to make your brand-new mother-in-law feel like her clothes are falling off.
So I started to think about what she normally wears. Only she normally doesn’t dress up.
Then I waited for her to bring it up to me. She first mentioned wearing the suit she bought for Mr. DD’s older brother’s wedding seven years ago. Later on, she changed her mind and mentioned that she might like to wear a short dress.
I’m a little worried that she’s misjudged the formality of our wedding and that it will end up leaving her feeling underdressed and uncomfortable. My mom’s sari is really rather formal, and our dads will be wearing tuxes.
So I’d like to make some long dress suggestions to her.
Right now I’m thinking of a long dress with a a jacket. Something like one of these:
Cachet Lace & Satin Dress with Bolero Jacket
Alex Evenings Bolero Jacket Dress
Chadwicks Pleat-Collar Jacket Dress
Ideally, I’d like something in a more festive color. I just haven’t found anything yet. Apparently, designers don’t quite have saris in mind when designing mother of bride/groom dresses. Can you believe it??
If anyone has any colored dress suggestions, I’d love to hear them.
Will the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom match at your wedding?
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Share this post: But What Goes With A Sari?
What colors do you have in mind? I love your inspiration photos, and think any of those would look great for your FMIL!
Ooh great post! I am Indian and my mom wore a sari to our wedding, but my MIL wore this dress:
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3031845/0~2376776~2374327~2374331~6014165?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6014165&P=1
It’s not super festive but it looked great in the pictures. Good luck with your search!
They didn’t match at mine. They both looked nice and both had the same level of formality, but one wore long and one wore short. I told them it didn’t matter to me too much; I just wanted them both to be comfortable.
I went to a wedding where the mother of the groom wore a variant on the bridesmaids’ dresses! She happened to work at the bridal salon, and I think she just got hooked on them. The girls were in short burgundy dresses, and she was in a long champagne dress, but it was the same top, the same jacket, etc.
If your mother’s sari has any metallic, like gold, silver, or bronze, a simple suit in one of those colors would be very pretty and compliment each other well.
I asked my mothers to coordinate, but not match– and to have at least the same level of formality.
My mom bought a floor length gown and my MIL bought a knee length. At the end of the day, I just had to say, “oh well!”
At least you’re not asking her to wear a sari!
I think the best way to approach it is to ask her what she’s thinking of and maybe send her a few links (3-5) of dresses you liked and thought she might like.
I think as long as each mom has an idea of what the other mom is wearing, it should be the mom’s “informed” choice. Each should feel comfortable in what she wears.
I would try to steer her away from the seven-year-old, previously-worn ensemble, but you’ll be able to see it in her face in every single picture if she’s uncomfortable.
I’m not sure I see the problem with her wearing pants, if that’s how she feels most comfortable dressing up. It also might be easier to match a bright-colored blouse and shoes to the sari than a whole dress or one of your inspiration pics up there, color-wise.
I think a fancy pants suit in a brighter color with some fancy beading would actually be a nice compliment to a sari. Think of it as an American version of the tunic/flowing pants combo (a salwar kameez, I think?)
We are looking at ideas for my mom right now, but I still don’t know what FMIL will be wearing.
I think it’s will be really cool if you could find a colorful option of a jacket and skirt for Mr. DD’s mom 
My inlaws are Indian (I am not) so I love this post! We ended up having two ceremonies, though: One Catholic, one Hindu. For the Catholic ceremony, my mother wore an awesome, long, royal blue dress from Nordstrom and my MIL wore a beautiful burgundy dress, also floor-length, with a burgundy and gold embroidered bolero jacket. They both looked awesome but they didn’t match exactly (but matched in their level of formality). This was my mother’s dress: http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3019549/0~2376776~2374327~2374331~6014165?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6014165&P=2
For the Hindu ceremony, they both wore saris. My mother LOVED wearing hers (one of the aunties wrapped her and pinned her so it wouldn’t fall down). You’d be surprised; maybe your FMIL won’t mind wearing a sari, especially if it’s of a lighter material. If she’s more comfortable in pants, what about the idea of having her try on fancier salwars? Or even cholis or lenghas? (Easier to dance in than saris.)
Don’t you feel guilty about using slightly spiny words about your FMIL in such a public place? You made a similar remark about your in-laws in general in a previous post too.
Our moms looked nothing like one another at the wedding. Part of that was my mom changing her dress at the last minute and the other was my MIL being passive-aggressive and choosing something completely different than what we talked about. My mom wore an adorable black cocktail dress and my MIL wore a pretty formal baby-blue silk shantung dress with jacket. FWIW, I thought it was going to bother me that they were so different, but in looking at the photos, there really weren’t too many with the two of them together, so it was fine.
I read somewhere that the MOB chooses her attire first, then the MOG matches her level of formality. Namely, whatever length the MOB goes with, the MOG does the same or longer. So since your mom is wearing a sari, his mom should wear something floor-length.
Both our moms are wearing long dresses with little jackets. My mom in blue, his mom in tan/copper/beige.
My mom and MIL did match, actually, even though I was unaware of this tradition! They were both wearing pants and green jackets.
Have you brought up the idea of wearing a sari to his mom? My MIL wore one to a wedding once and loved it.
Oh DewDrop we are in the same predicament! Except, I am wondering what my mom will wear, and his mom will be in the sari (as well as me… Hindu ceremony only!) I’m thinking a nice lengha (with tummy coverage!) for my mom since (as you know) its essentially a 2 piece dress!
To give those who aren’t familiar, an idea.. http://www.bharatplaza.com/showitem.php?itemid=SLPN1014&catid=50&pageno=1&uid=1250526334
oh my gosh, i don’t even know how to approach this subject with my fmil. my mom is pretty excited about shopping for a new outfit for herself for the wedding, but my fmil is quite a bit older than my mom and VERY thrifty. im pretty sure she will want to wear something she’s had for 20+ years.
i don’t want to step on any toes or make her feel obligated to buy something new for the wedding, at the same time, i don’t want her to feel left out if i don’t make suggestions about what she could wear.
ive chosen to just ignore the subject for now 
Maybe I’m not really into tradition, but I just don’t agree with trying to control what other people are wearing to the wedding. Let your MIL wear what she will be most comfortable in and don’t worry about it. There are too many other details and more important things to focus on!
If you picked out a dress like those shown I think that would be nice. What if you added a scarf or an embellishment of sari fabric sewn one on side or pinned to her.
I think you’re fine if she decides to wear a short dress or a pantsuit. Maybe just remind her how fancy your family will be and give her the go-ahead to get all kinds of fancy! She may not want to upstage the bride’s family. Do give her the option to wear a nice sari if she’d like, though. She may secretly be dying to don one (like me, even tho i’ll never have a reason to!). Or, a sari with the pants underneath? I”ve seen those and they are super pretty
i really loved the first picture of the dress and jacket. I would definately pitch the idea of a sari, though. You never know, she might want to wear one. (Even if it is just to please you)
maybe using a dupatta or chunni as a scarf will add the colour you need to her dress! i was going to suggest a churidaar or salwar but she still won’t have the same level of formality as your mom in the sari will…
another idea is to maybe see if she’d be interested in wearing the “stitched” saris– they’re kind of a transition from lehenga to sari…the pleats and everything are sewn to the petticoat. they are sooo easy to wear and she won’t have to worry about everything falling apart! I used to wear them before my mom deemed me “old enough” to wear saris haha..you can buy them in Delhi for sure : )
I love that first dress option Very classy, yet feminine… although you mentioned she isn’t used to wearing a dresses, so she maybe more comfy in the less feminine ones w/ the suit jacket tops.
I will feel lucky if my mother shows up in a dress at all. Asking her to coordinate with my FMIL - a woman she still has not yet met - would be, I’m afraid, asking too much. LOL!
If your FMIL doesn’t feel comfortable in a dress you might not want to pressure her. It seems you already have some pictures picked out. Show her some pics with dresses and some with pants. I don’t your FMIL needs to be to matchy with your wedding colors, so long as it doesn’t clash.
Our wedding will be a blending of two cultures also: Vietnamese and Mexican. I might make some suggestions to my FMIL but I won’t really mind with what she picks. I like her taste.
My MIL wore dressy/formal black pants and a very nice top. The pants were kind of gauzy and it is hard to tell they are not a skirt in most pictures. A dress is just not her style. She was comfortable and looked great. My mom wore this dress and jacket http://www.moncheribridals.com/CollectionProductDetail.aspx?cname=Montage&year=2006&season=Spring&best=True&pid=625&did=704&
She had the sleeves altered to 3/4 and straps added, as well as having the slit sewn up a bit. They were both really happy with their outfits.
I know that this dress is crazy expensive but it is super cute while also being classy (and it’s fun)!
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3019548/0~2376776~2374327~6005464~6005515~6005555?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6005555&P=2
My mom wore a short dress with a jacket, like the ones you’re looking at. She got it a Lord and Taylor. She never wears dresses, so it would have been too much for her to wear a long dress. As long as the material is fancy (silk instead of cotton), I think a short dress can look very nice for a MOG
would your FMIL be comfortable with an indian inspired dress? i’m thinking of something that has that wonderful ornate trim that you see on the bottoms of saris (like the golden edging that you have in the picture above). then it could still be just a regular dress, which she’d be comfortable with, but will have echos of a sari which would match your mum! i’ve seen some by modern South Asian designers. I don’t know if they’re available stateside tho
If you’re looking for something with a long skirt and jacket but in a brighter color, check out Siri Inc - they have their showroom in the Bayview. They have tons of great fabrics and colors so you’ll have more options.
Too funny. “apparently it wasn’t a joke.” My MIL ASKED me to clear her selections! I didn’t think it was any of my business. If you go to the Macy’s bridal salon, they have some great options for MOtB/MOtG. I think I recall some jewel tones (and A LOT of brown.)
My mom’s going to be wearing a tea-length dress and my FMIL is either wearing a dress and jacket combo or a pantsuit. I don’t think it’s incredibly important that they’re wearing similar things, as long as they each know what the other is wearing and are OK with it.
I must reside on a different planet, because I don’t see a problem in your FMIL wearing something not brand new to your wedding. Maybe get her a sari-inspired scarf to go with said suit, or the option of helping her find an outfit in the sari-with-pants style if she would be interested. My POV comes from having a FMIL who sometimes acts like I am her new, personal Barbie doll to play dress up with, and sometimes I get annoyed that she’s taking part of my “fun” away because I didn’t get any say in the outfits she surprises me with. Not that they’re not nice, lovely things, but I’m the one who actually has to wear it… KWIM? You could end up stepping on toes and find out about it only months/years later.
nope, my mom will be a lot more formal than the MIL. but, what can i do… to each their own style!
they have pre-stitched saris that come like a skirt. one of my friends ordered one from utsavsarees.com and it turned out really nice. She was able to put it on the first time (with no prior experience or help). All my bridesmaids were excited and loved the fact they were going to wear a sari .. bring it up with her, and see if she’ll wear one too. Or a lengha is a better option, no falling down there!
Has she even tried one on? Maybe offer to bring one to the privacy of her home and have her try it on. She may be curious but not know how to bring it up. Even if she decides against it, she will then have an idea of what others are wearing.
@Miss Bruschetta: Just something a little brighter than brown or champagne–no specific color in mind.
@KathyQ,
@iswimibikeirun, and @Jo: I’d really like my FMIL to be comfortable at the wedding too. Since my FFIL will be wearing a tux, I’m not sure she’d feel most comfortable wearing pants. Also, she has said that she would like to wear a dress and has never mentioned pants. So that’s why I’m looking for dresses to suggest to her.
@LatteLove: Yes, I agree, and that’s exactly how I was planning on making suggestions to her.
@Miss Poodle: I hope so too!
@phruphru, @sonipapdi, @carol, @ejs4y8, and @soniasays: We have brought up the idea of wearing a sari or other Indian attire to her (and the option is still open if she changes her mind). Right now it seems like her preference is to wear a dress.
@Miss French Bulldog and @honeymyheart: The first one is my favorite too.
@backyardwed: Yes, it’s hard to know how to bring this up, and I really don’t want my FMIL to feel left out either.
Keep looking for that bright dress, I’m sure you’ll find something awesome - my FMIL found a skirt and top combination where I think the top is black but the skirt is very colorful (I haven’t seen it yet) and she’s very excited about it. She’s also considering wearing a lengha to the ceremony and changing into her dress for the wedding, which may also be an option for your FMIL depending on timing…
I love the first dress with the bolero - very pretty!
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Miss Dew Drop, San Francisco
Age and Occupation: 31, Attorney
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 35, Managerial Type at an Internet Company
Engagement Date: December 12, 2008
Wedding Date: September 2009
Venue: Ralston Hall Mansion
About Me: I'm a food-and-baking-obsessed, occasionally sword wielding Bay Area native who is quickly becoming overwhelmed with planning a wedding and opening a law practice at the same time. (Brilliant move, that one.) I love reading, online shopping, ice cream, my Macbook, Bollywood movies, hoodies, the UCLA Bruins, and of course, Mr. Dew Drop.
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