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Mrs. Cub, Chile/Portland Age and Occupation: 26, Astronomer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Astronomer Engagement Date: May 10, 2008 Wedding Date: September 2009 Venue: Westwind YWCA camp About Me: I'm a small-town girl who's making a living in Chile, with her heart in the Pacific Northwest. I grew up in Southern California, went to high school in Texas, grad school in New Mexico, and now I can't wait to settle down in Oregon! I love pears, hazelnuts, knitting, traveling, running, baking, and long talks on the phone with good friends. I'm planning my Oregon coast summer camp wedding while abroad with my best friend - I'm always at home when I'm with him!
About Mrs. Bear Cub

Selling the Idea of “The Wedding”

August 19th, 2009 @ 1:42 pm by Mrs. Bear Cub

Over the past few weeks, I’ve gained a new skill. Marketing reps should be quite proud of me; I now have plenty experience with cold calling friends, family, and strangers about our wedding.

Our invites were sent out a few weeks ago, and the RSVP date was this past weekend (I promise I’ll share the details on our invites soon!). Out of the 175 people we invited, only 25 have actually RSVPed, be it yes or no. The calling game has begun, and it’s not fun.

At first it wasn’t so bad - I called a few of our family and friends I was pretty sure were planning on coming. As suspected, they were just a little late with their “yes” RSVP. It’s been wonderful hearing people say things like “I wouldn’t miss your wedding for the world!”, “Of course we’re coming!”, and “Viking-ninjas couldn’t stop me!”. Now we’ve gotten to the doldrums of the delinquency list. Now we’re calling the maybes, and the most-likely-nos. And it’s no fun.

The worst part is the “maybes” who are worried about coming to our wedding because it’s at a campground. The first thing I’ve heard from a lot of people is, “we’ll be staying at a motel in the neighboring city,” and then “I have to catch a plane at 7AM the day after the wedding,” and after that, the always popular, “do we really have to bring sleeping bags?”

*sigh*

Yes. You really need to bring a sleeping bag. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. The cabins are a little rustic, but they are heated. I understand that all the airlines smoked some crack a few years ago and decided to charge for checked luggage, but if you really don’t want to pay $25 for an extra bag, we can arrange for you to rent a sleeping bag when you get to town (hopefully I can fit this into my already ballooning list of errands to run during my ONLY WEEK IN THE STATES).

It’s really not advisable to stay at a motel in a neighboring city. While you mean well, it will only cause you more strife. Remember, our venue isn’t exactly NORMAL. It’s surrounded entirely by Nature Conservancy land, and the main access is via once-daily ferry. It is physically possible to drive to the camp, but only a handful of cars are allowed at the camp grounds. Since it’s in a forest, the idea is to preserve it, not pollute it. READ: there’s a reason we’re recommending everyone sleep at the camp. It’s easy. Driving to a “neighboring” motel is most definitely not.

Unfortunately, even those who are definitely coming to our wedding are having issues dealing with the uniqueness of our venue. Almost every phone call I make to our family and friends includes me selling the idea of our wedding. Here I am, living in another country, finalizing the plans for my wedding, and I’m left reassuring our guests that yes there are bathrooms (communal), and yes the food will be healthy, and no you probably shouldn’t try to get a hotel in the neighboring town. Oh, and by the way, YES it will be a wonderfully fun and amazing weekend! I find myself telling our guests not to worry about the circumstances of our wedding so much, and it’s really getting me down.

Why should I have to sell the idea of our wedding so much? At this point, I really feel like the best wedding gift anyone could give us is REALLY just their presence. I know that’s what a lot of people say - “your presence at our wedding is the only gift we need!” - but seriously. It would be such a wonderful gift to us for our guests to be able to chill out & go with the flow.

I understand that a lot of people think the idea of a wedding is to include as many family members as possible. By that notion, we should have planned our wedding to be at a country club or some other place that’s easily accessible. That may be suitable for some people, but it just isn’t for Mr. Bear Cub and me. It’s just not us. We wouldn’t feel comfortable - it wouldn’t feel as sacred or special unless we had done it our way. And our way is how we always feel comfortable - in nature, playing fun games (like Frisbee!), and camping, singing, laughing, hugging. I know this means that not everyone can make it to our wedding - we understood that when we signed the contract at our venue. A wedding means something different to everyone, but I believe that it should be a community effort. For a short while, everyone puts aside their issues and worries, and works to make the wedding a success.

I have a positive attitude when it comes to our wedding, but recently it feels like it’s being stretched too thin.

Have you had to sell the idea of your wedding to your guests? If you’ve had a few guests that have been nervous about attending your wedding for whatever reason, how have you eased their nerves? And how have you kept a positive attitude, while being beaten down by the naysayers?

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50 Responses to “Selling the Idea of “The Wedding””

1.
mary-alice-me
Member
mary-alice-me (message)  1,870 posts, Buzzing bee

Oh dear, I can’t imagine having to call so many people! It does sound like you’ve thought this through and actually want to make it easy for your guests! I had a lot of gripes about mine, too, that it wasn’t in his hometown or mine, and that it was an hour away from an airport. Oh well. All this will be completely worth it in the end, right? ;)

 
2.
BeachyBride2010
Member
BeachyBride2010 (message)  314 posts, Helper bee

Great post… as a destination bride I’ve been selling the idea as well.. I did TONS of research to find the perfect spot for us, taking into consideration allllll the nuances of travel outside of the country, the cost, etc. UNDERSTANDING full well that it would be a small and intimate group. What is most annoying is the ones who were on board early on have backed out… HELLO??? Yes, it’s a fun getaway, really, no kids… yes, it’s all-inclusive, with drinks and food and tips and transfers. Just come for the fun, trust us, you’ll LOVE it!!

 
3.
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Bee
Miss Lamb (message)  463 posts, Helper bee

I’d love to come to your wedding! I understand what you mean about “selling” your ideas. It was hard enough for me to sell the idea of having online rsvps! I think you’re wedding is going to be fabulous and I’m sorry that not everyone is wrapping their brains around the fun, albeit non-traditional, venue. Hang in there!

 
4.
Miss.Swede
Member
Miss.Swede (message)  46 posts, Newbee

Hey I would love to come and stay in a campground!! We are having a hard time because we are asking all my FI’s family and freinds to come from Sweden to the states. As of right now his parents and sister plus a best man have said they will come. He knows that unless we get married in Sweden which we cant do since he wants to get residency in the US his grandparents and 99% of friends will not be there. And even then I feel as if I am selling them on it and its putting extra pressure on me (probably self imposed) since I feel hey people are flying 15+ hours I bettter make it worth it rather then focusing on what we want from the wedding. Sorry this was a bit of a rant!!

 
5.
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Member
JenniferMarie0703 (message)  2 posts, Wannabee

People just need to suck it up and learn to love Nature, if not forever, then just for your special day!

Our problem is, our families are spread out ALL over the entire East Coast of the US. We decided to have our wedding in a local church in the town my fiance’ grew up in. But now I have to hear it from my family that lives in the Northern states(Where I was born and raised) that I’m not having the wedding up there. Hello!! I’ve lived in the south for 15 years. And FH his entire life, why would be travel 21 hours to have our wedding somewhere that isn’t that “homely” to us!
So yes, I definately know what you mean, I feel like I’m having to “sell” our wedding to our guests as well. I realize it’s a long drive for my family that live up North. But I’m not expecting EVERYONE to come. But it would be nice if atleast some of them come, considering FH and I make the drive up north about once a year(not in our planned vacation) for a family members wedding/new baby birth, etc!

 
6.
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Member
HurseyGirl (message)  127 posts, Blushing bee

It was and still is exceptionally difficult to “sell” the idea of my wedding. I had about 25% of my RSVPs returned, and that was only AFTER making the dreaded calls.
How has it gotten to be that people think it’s OK to blow off a response? When they plan something for themselves, they want to know how many people to expect so they can plan accordingly. Why do they think it’s different for weddings?

 
7.
Mrs. Penguin
Bee
Mrs. Penguin (message)  2,148 posts, Buzzing bee

We did the opposite… I wasn’t all that excited to have a winery wedding but I really didn’t want Mr. Pengs family to have to fly all the way to california just to go to a “hotel” type wedding… I wanted them to have a californian experience. So I had the wedding that I figured our guests would like most… which in the end was lovely. The positive side of it all was that I didn’t have to sell the wedding, like you’re mentioning. The process was pretty organic. And in the end, we were still married, and everyone was happy.

 
8.
tea
Member
tea (message)  2,619 posts, Sugar bee

oh i’m sorry you have to go through that! but your wedding sounds like so much fun, you wouldn’t have to convince me. but i know that people always have questions, even when you provide them with all the information. it’s so annoying. hopefully you don’t let this get you down!

 
9.
Gerbera
Member
Gerbera (message)  824 posts, Busy bee

Selling it to my fam every single day!
We still have no venue yet but yes, everytime I see something I think “is this a good compromise”? Something that the FI & I love but isn’t “too crazy” for my fam. We want to get married where WE want but it’s also important to us that our [immediate] families are happy. That’s just how we are.

 
10.
Champagne Wishes
Member
Champagne Wishes (message)  485 posts, Helper bee

True story: My cousins had a 4H Camp Wedding weekend just like the Bear Cubs!
Yes, we was not thrilled about camping but we managed and had a wonderful time staying up late with everyone… sitting around the fire, playing games, singing musicals. The best thing was we could just walk back to our cabin and call it a night.
My uncles however, opted for the hotel in town. Because of the park’s curfew, they HAD to leave early every night and missed some of the best moments with our family.

So feel free to tell your “maybes” that CW says stay at the cabins! The memories alone are well worth it.

Good luck!!

 
11.
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Bee
Miss Bruschetta (message)  5,553 posts, Bee Keeper

A number of our guests aren’t comfortable with driving into, or parking in, Philadelphia. And I can feel the negative thoughts they’re kinda sorta holding back, and it definitely hurts, because a Philly reception is just so “us.” So, BC, I totally hear your frustrations…just on a very different, urban front :-)

 
12.
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Member
KathyQ (message)  132 posts, Blushing bee

I kind of had to sell our wedding too, to some people, because it was a destination wedding and that came with a lot of questions. We handled it by sharing as much information as possible (a wedding newsletter about 6 months before the wedding, a website with hotel and travel recommendations, a yahoo groups listserv, frequent emails and conversations with friends and family). We did our best to arm people with all the information we could provide about applying for passports, booking international flights, planning their trips, finding hotels, etc. Other than that, we just focused on the positive: the people who were really excited and happy about our plans, and just tried to ignore any naysayers. It sounds like you’re doing all the right things! I know how you feel - good luck!

 
13.
FutureMrsKoontz
Member
FutureMrsKoontz (message)  148 posts, Blushing bee

We’re having a DW in Jamaica, and I’m definately having to sell our wedding. I keep having to reassure everyone that, “Yes, it’s safe.” “No, you won’t be robbed in the street.”

I don’t understand why everyone is making such a big deal about it! I just want everyone to come and have a nice vacation and enjoy our wedding. All the negative energy ppl give really gets me down. But, then I look at our photographers blog, and it reminds me why we want our wedding in Jamaica. :)

 
14.
thefuturemrsjewell
Member
thefuturemrsjewell (message)  1,531 posts, Bumble bee

I’m sorry that some of your guests seem to be having a problem with the idea of the camping wedding. I think it sounds amazing!

 
15.
ladybuglove
Member
ladybuglove (message)  707 posts, Busy bee

that cartoon made me lol.

I too would love to come to your wedding! it sounds like so much fun! but, i am an up-for-anything type of gal. unfortunately, most people are not (this is coming from a non-scientific survey, mind you).

i’m sure it’s not fun to have to “sell your wedding,” but some people are just narrow-minded. do you have a website? are most of your guests web savvy? if you have a website, maybe you can make it more interactive (if it isn’t already), so that all or most of their questions could be answered? you know, put pics of you two having fun at the camp, pics of the camp (with the bathrooms) and pics of people being warm inside their cabins, etc., etc.

i’ve had to sell some ideas to my FI. my mind is wayyyyy out there……lol….and his is notsomuch.

good luck! seriously, from all of your posts, your wedding sounds like it’s going to be full of love and laughs and fun!:-)

 
16.
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Guest
Miss Politico

Miss Bear Cub, I’m not a big outdoorsy person, but I’d definitely come to your wedding as it sounds very “you and Mr. Bear Cub”.

I feel your pain as only two of my mom’s 8 siblings are coming to our wedding in DC and I am super close to all of them. A lot of them are afraid of flying and a lot of them can not afford the wedding. However, I fly back to the Midwest all the time for their weddings, kids’ weddings, baptisms, parties, etc. Ah! And these are folks that take trips all the time and occassionally fly. And I picked an affordable hotel close to public transportation and got a discount on airfare.

Sounds like it is THEIR problem, not yours. I know it is annoying, but I’d rather have 5 of the people that really care about me come to our wedding rather than 125 people that are going to complain all weekend.

 
17.
gibbysgirl21
Member
gibbysgirl21 (message)  123 posts, Blushing bee

I hate to admit it, but I’m actually okay with the declines, since I was so afraid of our guest list expanding on top of what we already have. I’m more in the mind-frame that if people really want to or can come, they will say yes. I’m discouraging maybes by giving them a deadline for catering purposes or they are crossed off. In a nicer sense.

We had a decent turn out on RSVP’s- about 60 of the 150. Not too bad in comparison. I’ve slowly been starting my calls/IMs, etc. to follow up with the non responders. Our DD is tomorrow.

Best of luck to all the bees on the guest list dilemma. This has been the only pain in the *** so far for the wedding. :)

PS- I would love to go to a campground wedding.

 
18.
MelissaB
Member
MelissaB (message)  414 posts, Helper bee

That sounds really frustrating! I know it can feel like a personal rejection when you plan something that’s so “you,” only to have people be less than enthusiastic about the idea. I can sympathize with guests who aren’t super-enthused about communal bathrooms or paying $25 to check their sleeping bag (full disclosure: camping isn’t my favorite thing in the world), but it’s not like you’re asking people to sleep naked outside in December or something! And honestly, if they had concerns and weren’t sure if they wanted to come because of the location, they needed to talk to you before the RSVP date. Letting that slide and forcing you into a phone call from a foreign country is wishy-washy and annoying!

Do you have a wedding website? Could you put up something like a Campground FAQ that answers all of peoples’ questions about the location, the sleeping arrangements, etc? (Forgive me if you posted about this and I missed it!)

 
19.
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Bee
Miss Mascara (message)  771 posts, Busy bee

I totally understand. None of my friends from Chicago are coming to our wedding because it’s “too far to drive” the 4.5 hours up to the UP for the weekend. And they think our wedding is in the middle of nowhere, which it is in a way, but there are plenty of things to do and it is not as desolate as they think! It’s frustrating.

 
20.
LovestheBear
Member
LovestheBear (message)  875 posts, Busy bee

I’m sorry you have had to call so many people, and from out of the country. Your wedding sounds like it will be so much fun!

 
21.
bexyk1010
Member
bexyk1010 (message)  73 posts, Worker bee

I hear “You don’t want that” a LOT to my wedding ideas. Right from the beginning: I’d like a tented country wedding “You don’t want that what if it rains?” I’d love a camping-harvest vibe with hayrides and smores in October! “OH, you don’t want that! With everyone dressed up?” And when I defend the idea I get a stubborn “no” and a shaking of the head in response… yeah… FMIL. I’ve learned to keep quiet and then later tell her I booked the tented venue and the caterer with the smores and then she’s happy an positive! I don’t get it, but I’m trying not to care tooo much about opinions because I know it will be a beautiful day like no other wedding my family has attended :)

I hope you wrangle your RSVPs Miss BC! It really steams me up that you’re guests are so worked up about camping because I can feel your pain on a much smaller scale. It will all be worth it though!! They’ll understand the beauty of it when they get to your wedding :)

 
22.
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Guest
Turtle

I hear you Bear Cub. Whatever happened to graciousness. I could not believe in the final weeks leading up to our wedding, which was very traditional affair in a small city, the questions and expectations for care people had. Invited guests are given so much information now– welcome bags, websites, detailed invites etc– and none of it seems to be enough instead they expect more and more– free transportation, parking…sleeping bags! I just don’t understand why people don’t have the basic manners to keep their thoughts about the perfect event/location/accommodations quiet and to attend or not as they choose.

 
23.
Miss Disney
Member
Miss Disney (message)  129 posts, Blushing bee

I completely understand! You have no idea! We planned a cruise wedding-leaving from Florida (which is where the majority of the guests are from) and very few people were excited or are coming–but I’m not letting that get me down a small wedding of about 15 is perfect for us!
Apparently for a 5 day cruise all inclusive with gifts galor from my fiance was not worth the approximate $500 ohhhh well

 
24.
Camrah
Member
Camrah (message)  36 posts, Newbee

I’m sorry that all your guests aren’t on board. Let them know that it might seem like a lot of work for them to get there, sleep in bunk beds, and use communal bathrooms, but remind them how beautiful and peaceful it will be once they get there. I grow up in Oregon and went to a camp very similar (it might even be the same one!) for outdoor school. Its a great place to get away and relax. Once everyone is there they will be focusing on the joy of your wedding and the natural beauty of the surroundings. After your wedding, your guests will all be raving about how unique and special your wedding was.

 
25.
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Guest
JJ

Yes! Our wedding is on a farm with also somewhat unconventional sleeping arrangements and a lot of people don’t seem into it. But I really feel like if they think it is annoying, then I don’t want them to come. Our wedding will be very “us” and fun and beautiful. I guess the key is just to remember that if people miss it, that’s their loss. And for everyone who comes it will be an amazing wedding, unlike any other! Good luck!

 
26.
FlipFlopBride
Member
FlipFlopBride (message)  1,305 posts, Bumble bee

I think your wedding sounds like a blast. I’d pay double the extra baggage fee to participate in such a unique celebration! I’m having a hard enough time just selling the idea of me getting married period.

 
27.
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Guest
Marianne

OK, maybe I’m the only one who thinks this, but here’s my assessment: You had a choice between your own comfort and your guests comfort and you chose your own. That’s fine, but I think along with your choice you have to accept that a lot of people won’t want to come. I actually think your wedding sounds awesome, but I know a ton of people who would think it was weird and uncomfortable and resent that you’re forcing them to do something they don’t want to do if they want to celebrate your nuptials.

 
28.
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Guest
Amber

I agree with Marianne. I think your wedding sounds like it fits your and your Mr’s personality perfectly, but if I were invited to a wedding like yours I would politely decline. But you can’t take the “no”s personally! Just trust that everyone is making the best choice for him or herself.

 
29.
carrie.a.s.b
Member
carrie.a.s.b (message)  315 posts, Helper bee

I feel you. Our wedding is in Pittsburgh–five hours away from my hometown, and an out-of-town destination for probably 97% of our guest list. It’s basically a mini-destination wedding. My fiance and I feel very strongly about having our wedding there, because it’s where we went to college, met, fell in love, and want to move back to live permanently someday. The entire city is filled with places that have a lot of meaning and memories for us. Sounds like a pretty strong rationale, right? You wouldn’t think so with the amount of “…….really?” we’ve gotten from our families.

I do believe that it’s important to make your guests comfortable, but you just have to do what’s right for you. You will not regret it!

 
30.
chicagowife
Member
chicagowife (message)  381 posts, Helper bee

I agree with Marianne too. You chose to prioritize self-expression over your guests’ comfort. People are different — not everyone will want to participate in this weekend, because they just don’t like this kind of thing. That’s going to be true no matter how much you try to “sell them” on your concept. So just accept the consequences of your decision, move on, and have fun!

 
31.
Miss Bear Cub
Bee
Miss Bear Cub (message)  1,351 posts, Bumble bee

@Marianne: @Amber: @chicagowife: I think it’s also a little unfair to judge the circumstances of my wedding without actually knowing me in person. One of the major reasons we chose the campground was because it was the cheapest option for both us and our guests. We tried to keep cost a priority in our wedding planning - we don’t wish to spend where we don’t need to, and we understand that finances are a potential barrier for our friends and family, too. That said, I think it’s unfair to my guests to post actual costs on weddingbee. In choosing our for our own “comfort”, we also considered the cost to be the biggest “comfort zone” for our guests. Hotels and plush blankets might be nice, but airline tickets are expensive. A camp is definitely cheaper than any hotel, and while it’s not the plushest way to sleep, I’m certain that those who do come (even out of their comfort zone) will feel perfectly comfortable.
I’m not forcing them to do anything they don’t feel comfortable with - we have a good chunk of people who, while initially were nervous about the idea, are now excited and keeping a positive attitude about the camp.
I am definitely accepting the consequences of our decision to have our wedding in a more “rugged” location. My point was that it bums me out when people are downers about it. Especially when I’m trying to keep positive. It’s a wedding! The point is to be positive!

 
32.
Jenniphyr
Member
Jenniphyr (message)  1,397 posts, Bumble bee

Blah. I’m dealing with this from my dad and grandmother. He’s trying to buy me out of having the wedding I want, and some days it makes me VERY mad.

 
33.
Miss Bear Cub
Bee
Miss Bear Cub (message)  1,351 posts, Bumble bee

I should add that the main reason we have any “no”s to our RSVPs is because of finances. Everyone we have talked to has said they think it’s a wonderful place to have a wedding. All have said they wish they could come, but the major issue is money. Some relatives have newborn babies they need to take care of at home, others can’t get even a day off from work. Some friends are still struggling to find jobs, and can’t afford to come.
Among those that are coming, a few are a little squeamish about camping, but have high spirits. All they needed was a little reassuring from me. It just gets a little tiring to call everyone a few weeks before the wedding and explain all the details, especially when we do have a website that has everything spelled out for them. I don’t mind calling everyone (in fact, I love making time to talk with them!), but the extra time it takes, while the rest of the wedding planning is making Mr BC and myself more busy, is leaving me stretched a little thin.
I know this is a common issue with weddings - everyone complains, and then at the wedding, everyone is joyous and happy. wouldn’t it be nice if guests could take the “happy” pill a month before the wedding?

 
34.
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Guest
gigi

We had a similar situation. After putting the website (with details) on every page of the 6 page invitation, people still didn’t get it.

I sent three emails to people with FAQ’s (this was helpful) with a link to our website/blog that laid everything out.

There were still people who were calling trying to figure it all out.

Great thing was: people had an amazing time - they were thrilled to be part of such a unique experience, and so many said they wanted multi-day weddings to be a new tradition in the family.

*my relatives who got hotel rooms realized their mistake after getting to the location (9 miles on a dirt road with a creek crossing) - we luckily were able to find space for them at the site, so no one was driving back into town late at night. I did my part in warning them and let them do their thing, though - no more stressing after I had done the warning.

 
35.
Miss Bear Cub
Bee
Miss Bear Cub (message)  1,351 posts, Bumble bee

@gigi: man I wish I could have gone to your wedding! sounds awesome! :)

 
36.
Miss Bear Cub
Bee
Miss Bear Cub (message)  1,351 posts, Bumble bee

@gigi: omg I just went to your wedding website. Your venue looks SO beautiful!!

 
37.
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Bee
Miss Cola (message)  565 posts, Busy bee

Wow, that’s crazy there are so many uncertain people! Just try to stay positive!

 
38.
CinnamonGirl
Member
CinnamonGirl (message)  43 posts, Newbee

I wanted a destination wedding or a wedding in Michigan’s UP from the beginning, but let our family’s doubts dictate where our wedding would or wouldn’t be. I spent 3 months in wedding planning hell planning a wedding that was EVERYTHING I didn’t want (large, local and in a church). It was truly rotten and I hated every minute of it, which is no way to begin planning such a special day. Finally my fiance and I woke up and realized what we were planning just wasn’t us. We cancelled all our vendor contracts, pushed our date back and told everyone we’re going to the Dominican. We know it’s not a convenient location, but it’s what WE want for ourselves and for our 30 closest friends and family. Surprisingly our families have been fairly receptive to the idea and the people that matter most to us will be there.

 
39.
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Bri

OMG no one is rsvping for me either! I’m about to scream! I’m like, it’s not that hard, just pick yes or no and mail the pre-stamped postcard back.

 
40.
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Bee
Miss Moonbeam (message)  1,328 posts, Bumble bee

And you’re calling from another country. Geez, it’s still a cabin. Sounds like a very fun wedding to me.

 
41.
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Bee
Miss Mouse (message)  3,306 posts, Sugar bee

I’m sorry, Miss Bear Cub. You know that it’s all going to be worth it when you stand up next to your guy with your friends and family there watching. Maybe not everyone you hoped would make it, but it will still be everything you dreamed of. :)

 
42.
Carbon Girl
Member
Carbon Girl (message)  428 posts, Helper bee

Bear cub, my first thought about your wedding when I read about it was, wow your family is so cool that they’d be up for a rustic venue like that! I am sorry that they are not as into it as you hoped. I would have loved to have a wedding like that as I love backpacking and live in a remote cabin each summer. I just can’t imagine anyone in my family wanting to “camp” even in a heated cabin (which is not camping to me). Just know that you will have a great time with those who do come.

 
43.
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chicagowife

Fair enough Miss Bear Cub. You just seem to think that everyone SHOULD want to go camping! A lot of people don’t like camping! I don’t think it’s really fair to be annoyed with them — especially the people who are putting their own comfort aside in order to accomodate your wishes and finances.

 
44.
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BRS

@chicagowife: I think it’s important to remember that the people going to Ms. Bear Cub’s wedding know her and her sweetie well- which can make all the explanations and hand-holding frustrating. Sure, non-camping commentors might think her wedding is a stretch, but it’s style and place is certainly not a surprise to the people invited if they know the couple.
We had our wedding at a summer camp my parents directed for most of my childhood and there was still a lot of checking in and reassuring etc of some family and friends. (despite that it had all been in the invites, and on the website). There were some people who seemed genuinely put out and after the third or forth conversation you just want to yell at them (no matter how much you love them) “we are frickin rock climbing instructors and the bride grew up at this camp and of course we’re getting married outdoors in Vermont- have you met us?- and either come or don’t come but please stop sucking so much of my energy.”
Like Ms. Bear Cub we put a ton of thought and planning into making it affordable and accessible (for my grandparents etc.) but there are people who feel like unless you’re having it at their favourite restaurant down the street from them then it’s just too much. And they suck a lot of energy in their waffling and questions and desires. Obviously you love them (maybe), but it can still get very frustrating.

 
45.
Miss Bear Cub
Bee
Miss Bear Cub (message)  1,351 posts, Bumble bee

@BRS: Thank you! You really summed up my sentiments :) Your wedding sounds like it must have been amazing, too!!

 
46.
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Guest
Tara

Gosh, I wish they could take a happy pill for your sake, too! I would just get so aggravated, either come or don’t, you know? Like you need to deal with cranks when you have the stress of planning a wedding… from another country! I hope everything works out! :)

 
47.
mandalynn17
Member
mandalynn17 (message)  1,071 posts, Bumble bee

Aww, I’m sad for you Miss BC! Good luck with getting the rest of those rsvp’s wrangled in.

Honestly, I think the camping thing sounds AWESOME. I get that people aren’t so into camping, but I don’t consider heated cabins, with mattresses (even if they are the thin ones used often in summer camps) & bathrooms to be really roughing it. Furthurmore, it’s ONE weekend, where you get to spend time around family and friends. A whole weekend of celebration. Sounds worth it to me!

Furthurmore, I don’t really see Mr. & Mrs. BC putting what they want ahead of their guests. They were trying to keep costs down (for everyone) AND express their relationship through the location of their venue.

 
48.
Guest Icon
Guest
Anne

I felt we had to sell our wedding. I’m not sure why I thought that but I worked a lot on save the dates and invitations and picking out unique aspects for our wedding. Well in the end too many people want to come :-/ ! I guess it is okay that people want to celebrate us!

 
49.
Member Icon
Member
Auro877 (message)  23 posts, Newbee

Your wedding sounds awesome! I am not a camping person but when I think back to my favorite times with family and friends it always involves sleeping bags and lots of stars. People just don’t realize how important and fun it is to disconnect from the world and just focus on people and conversations… Also, if it makes you feel any better I am having a very formal wedding and people are just as complainy. Especially, my mother - she just can’t understand why I don’t want to have it in her backyard. It hurts me that she can’t be supportinve but you just have to keep reminding yourself that it’s YOUR wedding - not theirs.

 
50.
KatieBug3017
Member
KatieBug3017 (message)  1,418 posts, Bumble bee

Dang! Your wedding sounds sooo cool! I’d love to be a guest!

 


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Mrs. Bear Cub Mrs. Cub, Chile/Portland Age and Occupation: 26, Astronomer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Astronomer Engagement Date: May 10, 2008 Wedding Date: September 2009 Venue: Westwind YWCA camp About Me: I'm a small-town girl who's making a living in Chile, with her heart in the Pacific Northwest. I grew up in Southern California, went to high school in Texas, grad school in New Mexico, and now I can't wait to settle down in Oregon! I love pears, hazelnuts, knitting, traveling, running, baking, and long talks on the phone with good friends. I'm planning my Oregon coast summer camp wedding while abroad with my best friend - I'm always at home when I'm with him!
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