Soul Mates?

Soul Mates?

August 19th, 2009 @ 2:09 pm by Mrs. D'orsay
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I recently joined a book club and the first book the group chose to read was The Time Traveler’s Wife. The movie apparently has a different ending, but I’m sure the same points regarding fate/determinism/chaos are likely still explored.

We were discussing whether the two characters really had a choice in meeting and being together or if it was all pre-determined by fate. This then brought up real life relationships. Did anyone in the group believe in soul mates? Every single one of us answered no.

The more I thought about it, the more strange I thought my own answer was. Mr. D and I always joke that we were fated to meet, because it just seems SO unlikely that it could have happened any other way. My friend Erin asked me if I hadn’t met Mr. D in Austin, did I think we would have met again? While possible, it just seems so unlikely. I’d like to think that had Mr. D and I not met, that we would each find other people who make us just as happy.

However, it’s hard for me to think that or assume the outcome of that situation, since Mr. D is already a part of my reality.

I cannot imagine anyone else I’d be as happy with. My other married friend piped up and said that she thought her husband was her soul mate. This made me wonder: if you think your mate is your soul mate… do you believe in soul mates in general? What causes the mental divide between “I’ve met my soul mate and soul mates exist” and “I met my soul mate, but I don’t believe in soul mates”?

I don’t think I believe in soul mates, but I do think Mr. D and I were fated to meet. There are so many different ways our meeting could have happened and so many directions we could have taken once we’d met. So, I’d like to think that “fate” (or whatever) throws opportunities our way and we have free will to capitalize on those situations or not.

Do you believe in soul mates? Would you say your partner is your soul mate?

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46 Responses to “Soul Mates?”

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Bee

Miss Bruschetta (message) 5,565 posts, Bee Keeper

I’ve always imagined that soul mates have one or two chance meetings…and I knew of Mr. Bru since he was in 7th grade! So, by THAT definition…hmmm….

We openly acknowledge that we’re each other’s best friend…but is that the same thing as being soul mates?

8/19/09 @ 2:12 pm (reply)

Member

Gerbera (message) 4,481 posts, Honey bee

Absolutely yes to both questions. I think there is a soul mate out there for ALL of us. We are all given the chance to cross paths but we are not all as lucky to realize at that point that they are our soul mates. Or to have the chance to connect with them. Make sense? I thank the powers that be each and every day that I met mine and connected!
BTW, I Love The Time Traveler’s Wife! I’m thinking of going with my FMIL!

8/19/09 @ 2:14 pm (reply)

Member

LovestheBear (message) 1,250 posts, Bumble bee

I really don’t love the idea of “soul mates.” Maybe because it’s usually used in some sort of cheesy or dramatic context. I know that we were made to be together, I know that there isn’t anyone in the world that I could be with, and I know that we were supposed to meet. Is that what I would consider a soul mate? Sure…why not.
I loved that book, it really got me thinking about love and relationships in general.

8/19/09 @ 2:15 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Kiwi (message) 426 posts, Helper bee

I thought about this a lot, because of the past history between Mr. Kiwi and I. We met and dated immediately after high school, then got back together after searching for him for years.

Of course, between our relationships I dated someone else who I imagined marrying- I thought I would have been absolutely satisfied marrying him. Until I got back with Mr. Kiwi and I saw all the things that weren’t right.

I believe that there are people we are destined to meet, but it’s up to you how those meetings go. Like, I was meant to meet Mr. Kiwi, but it was MY choice to search him out again and make the move to date him.

8/19/09 @ 2:18 pm (reply)

Member

sambasoo79 (message) 76 posts, Worker bee

I don’t believe in soul mates - or that there is just one person for each of us. I think there are many people out there who could make each of us happy…and we just need to find ONE of them and make the choice to love them for life.

If you do believe in soul mates, what happens when your soul mate dies? Can you have another?

8/19/09 @ 2:19 pm (reply)

Member

Champagne Wishes (message) 1,187 posts, Bumble bee

I love the romanticism of soul mates but no, I don’t believe in them. I agree with you Miss D, that people are fated to meet. I do think in time My Mister and I would have met because of the circle of friends we have (his bff from k-12 was my good friend in college). But My Mister was suppose to go to Duke but decided to go to a state college last minute. If he had gone to Duke, I don’t know if we would have met. So I think it was fate!

8/19/09 @ 2:19 pm (reply)

Member

ladybuglove (message) 740 posts, Busy bee

i definitely believe in soul mates and fate. and, like you, i believe that we have control over our choices, whatever may come our way. soul mates are not necessarily confined to lovers. there’s different types of soul mates. i have a “twin” soul mate….my bff. there’s lots of interesting stuff out there on soul mates.:-)

8/19/09 @ 2:22 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Snapdragon (message) 721 posts, Busy bee

I believe in Soul Mates! I also believe that a person can have multiple soul mates, and they don’t have to be romantic. I have incredibly close friends I consider soul mates. I have had a couple romantic relationships that were that close. I consider a couple of my sisters soul mates… So my answer is yes… and yes.

8/19/09 @ 2:23 pm (reply)

Member

jhguba (message) 242 posts, Helper bee

I absolutely believe in soul mates. As a Christian, I know that God has made one person to be my mate. As for free will, that goes into a lot of Christian philosophy and splits many hairs! I believe that God gives us the free will to choose what we believe is best for ourselves, but he knows what choice we will choose, and in fact has preordained it (without taking away our ability to choose!) Crazy, I know. ; ) “For we know that all things work together for good, for those who love God and are called according to His purpose!”

8/19/09 @ 2:24 pm (reply)

10.

Member

ChiDIY (message) 184 posts, Blushing bee

i have to say yes, because there is absolutely no reason in the world that the FI and I should have met. and though we did, there is even less reason that we should have fallen in love and now be getting married. just sayin’…

(anyone watch John Stewart last night? anyone?)

8/19/09 @ 2:25 pm (reply)

11.

Hostess

bellenga (message) 7,536 posts, Bumble Beekeeper

I certainly do.

Our situation is very unique. Technically, we’ve been destined to meet and it’s amazing we did not meet earlier. Our coincidences are simply just not that.

I am originally from No. Mississippi/Memphis area. When I met T, it was out with friends at a sushi place. We talked and joked and it was a chance meeting. I remember asking him where he lived and he said Suwanee and I said Cumming, but I used to live in Suwanee (when I was married to my xh I built my dream house there and left it after I found out he cheated on me. Lived in it 6 mos). He asked me where I lived. HE lives in the SAME subdivision! In a different section though.

I was also online attempting to try to date and a few weeks later he winked at me online and we went out again. It was my last official first date! During that date we talked about where we were from and his family’s antebellum home which has been in his family 8 generations was minutes (about 40) from where I grew up. We never attended the same colleges, but when he was younger, his grandma used to take him shopping at Goldsmith’s Dept Store, and my grandma ran the stationery department there and it was across from the candy department. He remembers his grandma buying her stationery there and getting him candy so he met my grandmother about 30 years ago.

It’s not an accident. We were meant to meet at a certain point in time. He just wishes I had gone to Emory!

8/19/09 @ 2:29 pm (reply)

12.

Hostess

Jessie516 (message) 5,480 posts, Bee Keeper

Personally, I don’t believe in soul mates, in general or in my own life. While I love my husband and can’t imagine my life without him, I don’t know if I think that we were fated to meet. I love him and our marriage and relationship are great, but I believe that’s because we work at it, not because we were fated to be together. Maybe I’m not as romantic as some, but that’s just how I feel.

While we’re on the topic of soul mates, does this imply that there’s just *one* soul mate for everyone? I personally don’t believe that. I can think of a couple of examples of people I know whose partners passed away who later found love in their life. If one person is actually their soul mate, then I feel like that diminishes their other partner, you know?

8/19/09 @ 2:29 pm (reply)

13.

Member

Keladry (message) 294 posts, Helper bee

I don’t believe in soul mates either, nor do I believe in “your one true love”. I think that a lot of people can be very happy in their lives with different people.

p.s. Time Traveler’s Wife is my favourite. book. evar!!!1!

p.p.s. the movie- not so much.

8/19/09 @ 2:32 pm (reply)

14.

Member

Gator (message) 607 posts, Busy bee

I cannot imagine the idea of soul mate and if someone does not find their soul mate that they’ll never feel true happiness & love. I was brought up to believe that in relationships there are billions of types of love, you love your coworker, friend, dog, mother and mate - just all in different ways. With saying this, I believe that many people can make you happy and make every moment amazing, but it takes a lot more to be your lifelong partner and lover (and best friend). Does this “more” make them a soul mate? I don’t think so, what if they were hit by a bus? Would you be destined to be unhappy the rest of your life?

8/19/09 @ 2:46 pm (reply)

15.

Member

mimi06d (message) 646 posts, Busy bee

I don’t think I believe in soul mates, necessarily. But sometimes I think life is kind of already mapped out for you, that there a certain places you’re meant to be and certain people you’re meant to meet and what happens in between those markers is left to free will.

I’m pretty sure that was worded terribly and made no sense, but I can’t think of a better way to put it.

8/19/09 @ 2:52 pm (reply)

16.

Member

Gilneas (message) 1,393 posts, Bumble bee

I love my fiance dearly, but he doesn’t belief in anything remotely spiritual, soul mates included, which makes me hesitant to say he is my soul mate. He is definitely the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, though.

I actually consider my best friend to be my soul mate. I don’t think it has to be a romantic thing.

8/19/09 @ 2:58 pm (reply)

17.

Hostess

tessabella76 (message) 3,122 posts, Sugar bee

I agree with what Snapdragon said. I believe in soulmates across the board, not just in the romantic sense. My 4 year old niece and I have had a connection since the day she was born. The moment my brother placed her in my arms she opened her eyes and looked directly into mine. From that moment on, we’ve been best buddies. I love all my nieces and nephews, but this one and I just have a special something.

My guy and I also have a similar connection. And it’s so crazy how we met. Technically we were set up, but there were a serious of events over a 5 year period that if even one of those things hadn’t happened, he and I would never have met. It’s unexplainable. Don’t mess with fate!

That being said, I probably could have found someone that I could have a lifelong happy relationship with.

8/19/09 @ 3:02 pm (reply)

18.

Member

yeslemonpie (message) 42 posts, Newbee

I 100% believe in them.

Here is my take: I think that you can love a lot of people a ton of different ways. I also think that you can truly madly love someone who is not your soul mate and be completely happy with them - forever. I have loved a few people with a passion and even talked marriage with one but as soon as I met Mr. Lemon Pie something changed. It was like a light went on in my heart and has been shining like a beacon ever since.

I know - totally cheesy but true.

Call it what you will but I truly believe that he is my soul mate.

8/19/09 @ 3:05 pm (reply)

19.

Member

budgetbeautiful (message) 1,191 posts, Bumble bee

I don’t really believe in the idea of soul mates or “the one”. I believe in meeting the right person and the right time, when both people’s hearts are open. I dated other men that I could have been happy with, but the timing was off. My FI and I met at the right time when we were both ready for a long-term relationship.

8/19/09 @ 3:05 pm (reply)

20.

Bee

Mrs. Perfume (message) 2,254 posts, Buzzing bee

Hmm, good question. I guess I take a practical, boringly grounded view of the whole thing. I’ve never called anyone my soul mate. I am compatible with Mr. P, as I am with many people. I don’t even know if we were fated to be together. It just happened. The timing was right, we were in the right place in our lives. But like you, I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. Does that make him my soul mate? Maybe just my bestie.

8/19/09 @ 3:08 pm (reply)

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