Wedding Blog
I recently joined a book club and the first book the group chose to read was The Time Traveler’s Wife. The movie apparently has a different ending, but I’m sure the same points regarding fate/determinism/chaos are likely still explored.
We were discussing whether the two characters really had a choice in meeting and being together or if it was all pre-determined by fate. This then brought up real life relationships. Did anyone in the group believe in soul mates? Every single one of us answered no.
The more I thought about it, the more strange I thought my own answer was. Mr. D and I always joke that we were fated to meet, because it just seems SO unlikely that it could have happened any other way. My friend Erin asked me if I hadn’t met Mr. D in Austin, did I think we would have met again? While possible, it just seems so unlikely. I’d like to think that had Mr. D and I not met, that we would each find other people who make us just as happy.
However, it’s hard for me to think that or assume the outcome of that situation, since Mr. D is already a part of my reality.
I cannot imagine anyone else I’d be as happy with. My other married friend piped up and said that she thought her husband was her soul mate. This made me wonder: if you think your mate is your soul mate… do you believe in soul mates in general? What causes the mental divide between “I’ve met my soul mate and soul mates exist” and “I met my soul mate, but I don’t believe in soul mates”?
I don’t think I believe in soul mates, but I do think Mr. D and I were fated to meet. There are so many different ways our meeting could have happened and so many directions we could have taken once we’d met. So, I’d like to think that “fate” (or whatever) throws opportunities our way and we have free will to capitalize on those situations or not.
Do you believe in soul mates? Would you say your partner is your soul mate?
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I’ve always imagined that soul mates have one or two chance meetings…and I knew of Mr. Bru since he was in 7th grade! So, by THAT definition…hmmm….
We openly acknowledge that we’re each other’s best friend…but is that the same thing as being soul mates?
Absolutely yes to both questions. I think there is a soul mate out there for ALL of us. We are all given the chance to cross paths but we are not all as lucky to realize at that point that they are our soul mates. Or to have the chance to connect with them. Make sense? I thank the powers that be each and every day that I met mine and connected!
BTW, I Love The Time Traveler’s Wife! I’m thinking of going with my FMIL!
I really don’t love the idea of “soul mates.” Maybe because it’s usually used in some sort of cheesy or dramatic context. I know that we were made to be together, I know that there isn’t anyone in the world that I could be with, and I know that we were supposed to meet. Is that what I would consider a soul mate? Sure…why not.
I loved that book, it really got me thinking about love and relationships in general.
I thought about this a lot, because of the past history between Mr. Kiwi and I. We met and dated immediately after high school, then got back together after searching for him for years.
Of course, between our relationships I dated someone else who I imagined marrying- I thought I would have been absolutely satisfied marrying him. Until I got back with Mr. Kiwi and I saw all the things that weren’t right.
I believe that there are people we are destined to meet, but it’s up to you how those meetings go. Like, I was meant to meet Mr. Kiwi, but it was MY choice to search him out again and make the move to date him.
I don’t believe in soul mates - or that there is just one person for each of us. I think there are many people out there who could make each of us happy…and we just need to find ONE of them and make the choice to love them for life.
If you do believe in soul mates, what happens when your soul mate dies? Can you have another?
I love the romanticism of soul mates but no, I don’t believe in them. I agree with you Miss D, that people are fated to meet. I do think in time My Mister and I would have met because of the circle of friends we have (his bff from k-12 was my good friend in college). But My Mister was suppose to go to Duke but decided to go to a state college last minute. If he had gone to Duke, I don’t know if we would have met. So I think it was fate!
i definitely believe in soul mates and fate. and, like you, i believe that we have control over our choices, whatever may come our way. soul mates are not necessarily confined to lovers. there’s different types of soul mates. i have a “twin” soul mate….my bff. there’s lots of interesting stuff out there on soul mates.:-)
I believe in Soul Mates! I also believe that a person can have multiple soul mates, and they don’t have to be romantic. I have incredibly close friends I consider soul mates. I have had a couple romantic relationships that were that close. I consider a couple of my sisters soul mates… So my answer is yes… and yes. 
I absolutely believe in soul mates. As a Christian, I know that God has made one person to be my mate. As for free will, that goes into a lot of Christian philosophy and splits many hairs! I believe that God gives us the free will to choose what we believe is best for ourselves, but he knows what choice we will choose, and in fact has preordained it (without taking away our ability to choose!) Crazy, I know. ; ) “For we know that all things work together for good, for those who love God and are called according to His purpose!”
i have to say yes, because there is absolutely no reason in the world that the FI and I should have met. and though we did, there is even less reason that we should have fallen in love and now be getting married. just sayin’…
(anyone watch John Stewart last night? anyone?)
I certainly do.
Our situation is very unique. Technically, we’ve been destined to meet and it’s amazing we did not meet earlier. Our coincidences are simply just not that.
I am originally from No. Mississippi/Memphis area. When I met T, it was out with friends at a sushi place. We talked and joked and it was a chance meeting. I remember asking him where he lived and he said Suwanee and I said Cumming, but I used to live in Suwanee (when I was married to my xh I built my dream house there and left it after I found out he cheated on me. Lived in it 6 mos). He asked me where I lived. HE lives in the SAME subdivision! In a different section though.
I was also online attempting to try to date and a few weeks later he winked at me online and we went out again. It was my last official first date! During that date we talked about where we were from and his family’s antebellum home which has been in his family 8 generations was minutes (about 40) from where I grew up. We never attended the same colleges, but when he was younger, his grandma used to take him shopping at Goldsmith’s Dept Store, and my grandma ran the stationery department there and it was across from the candy department. He remembers his grandma buying her stationery there and getting him candy so he met my grandmother about 30 years ago.
It’s not an accident. We were meant to meet at a certain point in time. He just wishes I had gone to Emory!
Personally, I don’t believe in soul mates, in general or in my own life. While I love my husband and can’t imagine my life without him, I don’t know if I think that we were fated to meet. I love him and our marriage and relationship are great, but I believe that’s because we work at it, not because we were fated to be together. Maybe I’m not as romantic as some, but that’s just how I feel.
While we’re on the topic of soul mates, does this imply that there’s just *one* soul mate for everyone? I personally don’t believe that. I can think of a couple of examples of people I know whose partners passed away who later found love in their life. If one person is actually their soul mate, then I feel like that diminishes their other partner, you know?
I don’t believe in soul mates either, nor do I believe in “your one true love”. I think that a lot of people can be very happy in their lives with different people.
p.s. Time Traveler’s Wife is my favourite. book. evar!!!1!
p.p.s. the movie- not so much.
I cannot imagine the idea of soul mate and if someone does not find their soul mate that they’ll never feel true happiness & love. I was brought up to believe that in relationships there are billions of types of love, you love your coworker, friend, dog, mother and mate - just all in different ways. With saying this, I believe that many people can make you happy and make every moment amazing, but it takes a lot more to be your lifelong partner and lover (and best friend). Does this “more” make them a soul mate? I don’t think so, what if they were hit by a bus? Would you be destined to be unhappy the rest of your life?
I don’t think I believe in soul mates, necessarily. But sometimes I think life is kind of already mapped out for you, that there a certain places you’re meant to be and certain people you’re meant to meet and what happens in between those markers is left to free will.
I’m pretty sure that was worded terribly and made no sense, but I can’t think of a better way to put it.
I love my fiance dearly, but he doesn’t belief in anything remotely spiritual, soul mates included, which makes me hesitant to say he is my soul mate. He is definitely the person I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, though.
I actually consider my best friend to be my soul mate. I don’t think it has to be a romantic thing.
I agree with what Snapdragon said. I believe in soulmates across the board, not just in the romantic sense. My 4 year old niece and I have had a connection since the day she was born. The moment my brother placed her in my arms she opened her eyes and looked directly into mine. From that moment on, we’ve been best buddies. I love all my nieces and nephews, but this one and I just have a special something.
My guy and I also have a similar connection. And it’s so crazy how we met. Technically we were set up, but there were a serious of events over a 5 year period that if even one of those things hadn’t happened, he and I would never have met. It’s unexplainable. Don’t mess with fate!
That being said, I probably could have found someone that I could have a lifelong happy relationship with.
I 100% believe in them.
Here is my take: I think that you can love a lot of people a ton of different ways. I also think that you can truly madly love someone who is not your soul mate and be completely happy with them - forever. I have loved a few people with a passion and even talked marriage with one but as soon as I met Mr. Lemon Pie something changed. It was like a light went on in my heart and has been shining like a beacon ever since.
I know - totally cheesy but true.
Call it what you will but I truly believe that he is my soul mate.
I don’t really believe in the idea of soul mates or “the one”. I believe in meeting the right person and the right time, when both people’s hearts are open. I dated other men that I could have been happy with, but the timing was off. My FI and I met at the right time when we were both ready for a long-term relationship.
Hmm, good question. I guess I take a practical, boringly grounded view of the whole thing. I’ve never called anyone my soul mate. I am compatible with Mr. P, as I am with many people. I don’t even know if we were fated to be together. It just happened. The timing was right, we were in the right place in our lives. But like you, I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. Does that make him my soul mate? Maybe just my bestie.
i believe in soul mates. i believe that while there are many people that will make us happy, there is that one person who makes the same experiences and feelings that much better.
i truely believe my bf is my soul mate. there was something different about our relationship from the start, how i didn’t feel the need to change to fit some mental image of the type of girl i thought i needed to be. i could just be me. that and for the first time ever, i didn’t second guess a single thing.
I am leaning towards believing in soul mates because I think it was fated for me and my FI to meet and so if we were fated to meet why not be soul mates. We met in London at a hostel where I was living and he was visiting his friend who lived in the bunk below me, we however had been in Prague, Stockholm (he is from southern Sweden), Dublin and then London all at the same time. I feel that in any of these places we cuold have met, even when he was in Stockholm it was for a concert and my friend and I were counting and trying to talk to any cute guy wearing the bands t-shirt!!
I do, but not in the cheesily romantic way of movies and stories.
I think we have people in our lives that we’re fated to meet - people that teach us lessons along the way, people that help us to grow and love maturely and people that teach us what we do and do not want in our lives.
I don’t think there is just one person we can spend our lives with and be happy - that’s the wonderful nature of love, that we can give it and share it with more than one person.
But I do believe there are very few people we’re lucky enough to meet that motivate us to work through the hard times to get back to the good.
My answer will probably be very different than everyone elses. I used to believe in soul mates, but I don’t think I do anymore. I never saw Mr. HS as my soul mate. There had been someone else that I connected with on every level. BUT, Mr. HS is the one I feel has entered my life to be “one” with me. The other guy I think eventually would have driven me crazy. Mr. HS and I compliment each other and that is what makes our relationship work on all levels. So, no I don’t necessarily think Mr. HS is my soul mate. However, as I said I don’t think believe in soul mates anymore period. My perspective of why Mr. HS and I came to be (and any of my relationships except with family really) is more like, “Everyone comes in to your life for a reason, season or a lifetime.” It is a chain email I received many years ago but it is what makes the most sense to me. Whether people stick around or leave your life as quickly as they came, one of you got something out of that relationship and that meeting. For me, Mr. HS is one of those people that has entered my life for a lifetime. I could not imagine being as happy as I am with anyone else. Something would be missing. I am sure of it.
I don’t really believe in soul mates … maybe there are some people that you would be more compatible with than others, but soul mates? No, not really. Strangely, I do think that some people are meant to be together or are destined to meet. I believe that God brought me and Mr. Bunny together. Only He could have done something so unlikely and wonderful!
I don’t believe in soul mates, for a lot of the reasons you mentioned. I think there are any number of people you’d be happy with, although each would be a different kind of happy. For instance, my relationship with my husband is very different from anything I’ve ever had or even dreamed of. I never imagined I’d be so close (read: dependent) on someone. I think I would be very happy in a relationship where each of us were more independent, but that’s not the way we get along.
If you do believe in soul mates, where do they come from? Who matches them? If you have more than one, are they sequential or can they overlap? If something happens to one of them, or if you don’t meet, are you doomed to be unhappy, or must you settle? Or, is part of believing in fate knowing that you’ll meet? I just can’t come up with satisfying answers to these questions.
Great post, Miss D’orsay!!!
I’m not sure if I believe in soul mates at all. I also don’t think that there is only one person in this world that you can love/be happy with for eternity. I think we choose our own paths and it’s all just a grand chaotic dance until we cross paths with someone compatible at just the right time.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my FI and am so glad our paths crossed when they did. But if they had crossed 5 years earlier? We wouldn’t be where we are today. But I’m not sure if I’d call that fate.
I don’t, no. I think it’s kind of a depressing outlook–what if, God forbid, my fiance dies unexpectedly and young? I’m then destined to be alone for the rest of my life? Also, my fiance and I are naturally very compatible, but relationships also take a lot of hard work and communication, no matter how easily your personalities match. I think I could feasibly make a marriage work with another person, but I’ve chosen him, and I don’t want anyone else. I think the idea of freely choosing and committing to your partner, rather than being “fated” to him due to a destiny you can’t control, is romantic!
I believe in Fate bringing us together. We met on his birthday in a bar. But once we got to talking I quickly realized that Fate was bringing our paths closer and closer. I.e. he’s a pilot for Contintental and I flew with them 4 times a week and/or we both joined Corvette clubs in the Houston area and would attend car shows with our cars. So I think had we not met in the bar that night I think it was destined to happen.
PS. The movie wasn’t all it was hyped to be 
I believe in meeting the right person at the right time. Had I met my FI two years before I did…we would not have worked out. We both had lessons to learn and mistakes to make before we were ready to commit to each other.
I think there are a certain set of people that you could be happy with. For some people, there are quite a few, but for others there may only be one or two. The person you end up with is the person that you met when the timing was right. This is not to say that you have never or will never meet the others. Marriage and love is a mix of faith, commitment, love, fate, and companionship.
hmmm. I think you GROW to be soul mates in many ways. my husband has a best guy friend and I don’t even want to go there, with what the two of them have. But marriage is a totally unique relationship. I think as time goes on our hearts become more “one”.
I don’t believe that Mr. Peng is my soul mate, but I do believe that there is such a thing as soul mates… does that sound sad? I feel like we have such a wonderful and meaningful relationship, but we are different in so many ways. I definitely think it’s a positive for our relationship (being so different keeps it interesting), but at the same time, I know some couples that are so spiritually connected and so alike in so many ways, that I think they’ve indeed found their soul mate.
Like, I see Nancy and Ronald Regan’s relationship, and I think they were soul mates. But, it didn’t seem to work out well for everyone around them, because they were a bit selfish in their love (at least from their kids’ perspective). But, oh man, to experience that kind of love would be incredible!
I tend to lean towards the idea of you find someone you can tolerate the most out of anybody else.
@redbull. You made me laugh out loud.
I agree with redbull too!
kind of like the person you’re with isn’t perfect - But perfect for YOU!. I totally agree with that….
I believe in soul mates. I also believe that not all soul mates have to be romantic, that you don’t have just one soul mate, and that you might not choose a spouse that is your romantic soul mate. But I think romantic love is not the stereotype driven by the media – mushy and grossly enamored. It is something much deeper.
That being said, I do believe that Mr. Cookie is one of my soul mates. My love for Mr. Cookie and his love for me runs deep. It’s not perfect, but there were way too many “coincidences” that brought us together. I truly believe that we were brought into each others lives for a reason.
Interesting topic, ladies (and gents, maybe?).
LOL @ redbull! Maybe you’re MY soul mate? ^_~
I personally feel they’re out there, and I think even some you on the con side of it might be more believing than you realize.
The problem is that the term is so engulfed in pop culture cheesiness that it’s hard to get behind.
Like some of you’ve said: Love exists in many flavors, as do soul mates, kindred spirits, members of your tribe; whatever name you choose to call them by.
Some people have one, some are lucky to find more, but few are of the romantic/marital/companionship fold.
Sure, you can be happy with others, maybe have successful unions with them, but I think soul mates can give you that extra “umph!”in life. Of course, some of us have the type of soul that’s better off AWAY from its respective partner in crime…
They may fall in your lap, or you can get downright serendipitous in your interactions. Heck, you may have stepped on their foot in class and never saw them again, whatever. They’re around.
Just treat everyone well regardless, and keep the love flowing however it turns out!
<3
I don’t believe in soul mates, and I don’t believe that there’s just one person out there for each of us. I can’t imagine being happier with anybody other than my FI, but realistically I think that, given different circumstances, it could have easily ended up differently.
I believe in soul mates, but I think it’s possible that people have more than one and I don’t believe they necessarily have to be romantic — it could also include a best friend, like my best friend, I feel like he and I are soul mates, but it is not a relationship that would ever be romantic.
Nah, I don’t really believe in soulmates, but it’s a nice thought.
I agree with lots of what’s been said already. I don’t think there’s just ONE person and that’s it - too bad if you never cross paths. But I know for myself and FI we met when it was right and we were/are both at a stage in life when this path was the right one for both of us, not just one of us. Like a lot of you there were lots of coincidences and odd things about the circumstances surrounding our meeting and getting together so we both believe that something bigger than us played a part and we are both grateful for it!
I am so thankful that I met him when I did (at age 29) because I think if I’d met him even 2 or 3 years earlier I probably wouldn’t have appreciated him the way I do now. He’s my blessing. :o)
I absolutely believe in soul mates and that my fiance is my soul mate. I would like to think each person has multiple soul mates in case of a death, but I think each person has a primary (romantic/companion) soul mate and that is what I have found in my fiance. I truly believe I met my fiance only because of fate. The situation and timing had to be just so or nothing would have happened the way it did.
@jhguba: I agree with what you said. I believe in soul mates in a spiritual sense. I believe, that, God has a perfect path for me, and that includes the perfect person for me to be with in my lifetime. When my (now) fiance and I started talking, before I would agree to date him, I prayed about it.
***Sigh*** 1 - I am jealous that you have a book club. I would love to have a group of women to get together with that actually read some intelligent books like The Time Traveler’s Wife! You are lucky!
2- I guess I do believe in soul mates. My FI and I have no mutual friends, we just randomly met while walking down the beach…and then ran into each other again a few weeks later. The odds of us meeting and having a relationship form out of it like it did are so slim…I just have to believe that we’re soul mates…I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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Mrs. D'orsay, Baltimore/Lancaster UK
Age and Occupation: 24, Stay at home fiance (formerly in nonprofit communications)
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Web site developer and designer; co-owner of men's skincare shop
Engagement Date: August 10, 2008
Wedding Date: August, 2009
Venue: Oakland Manor
About Me: I'm a Maryland raised environmental policy wonk/activist/organizer and communications aficionado. In the past year I've lived in Baltimore, MD, Tucson, AZ, Miami, FL and Lancaster, England. In my not so spare time I enjoy planning trips with Mr. D' Orsay, visiting friends and family and crafting like a mo-fo. I also enjoy modern dance classes, rugby and soccer but have been banned by my mother, MOHs, and Mr. D' Orsay from playing till after the wedding. I have an unnatural addiction to cheese and shoes, but love Mr. D' Orsay more than either and can't wait to become Mrs. D' Orsay!
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