Thanks? Or, No Thanks?

Thanks? Or, No Thanks?

August 19th, 2009 @ 2:59 pm by Mrs. Penguin
Share

A few of my friends are getting married soon, and since I’m (somewhat) fresh off our own wedding, all the ways I wanted to help swirled around in my head. Armed with all my crafty gadgets, which have really only been gathering dust over the past year, I longed to bust the Gocco out for a long session of stamping and sweating. I had this huge urge to tell my girlfriends that I was waiting in the wings for their call, should they ever want any paper projects made by a friend!

Then I thought back to when I first got engaged, and all of the random offers for help I got. “My mom is an aspiring cake baker,” someone would say. Or, “My friend just started an invitations business… check them out!” I remembered all the awkward but polite, “Thanks but no thanks”s I doled out. Everyone who had offered help was only doing it out of the genuine kindness of their hearts, but I was so set on doing things my way that I was running out of polite ways to decline every time I got another random suggestion for a random “friendor of a friend”.

So now, here I am. Ex-bride, craft obsessed. Do I offer to help?

By offering to help, would my friends have to do the polite, “Thanks but no thanks” dance, or would they be so grateful that I offered? In the end, I chose to offer no help. I know that sounds strange, but I felt like if either of my friends wanted help from me, they’d approach me and ask for it. One eventually did, and of course, I gladly and excitedly helped her create her invitation suite. And I sleep well knowing that she came to me for help, and the thought of, “Did I push this on her?” didn’t have to cross my mind. But sometimes I wonder if I should offer to help more. I just keep thinking back on how much I wanted to do everything myself for our own wedding, that it makes me gun shy to offer up my help to others.

As a former bride, how strong is the urge to lend a hand in your friends’ wedding projects? As a current bride, are you finding yourself politely declining random offers for wedding help?

Tags: diy |

Share |

Latest Gallery Pics

Hot Pink and White with Zebra 36" Lighted Spandex Ostrich Feather Centerpiece

23 Responses to “Thanks? Or, No Thanks?”

1 2 Last

Bee

Miss Bruschetta (message) 5,565 posts, Bee Keeper

We haven’t had TOO many offers for help, but it HAS been frustrating to have one major roadblock — scheduling difficulties — making it tough to “cash in” on assistance with projects and last-minute details!

I have a feeling I’ll make it known BEFORE any of my non-engaged friends have a ring that I’ll be around if they need any help…because you’re right, Pengy, a bride-to-be hears plenty of similar offers over the course of the wedding planning journey!

8/19/09 @ 3:02 pm (reply)

Member

Miss Disney (message) 205 posts, Helper bee

I would love if some of my friends had such crafty experience! I am the first in our group of friends to get married—so its all pretty new to them…I think its always great to have friends offer at least!

8/19/09 @ 3:04 pm (reply)

Member

Champagne Wishes (message) 1,187 posts, Bumble bee

I would love to have a friend teach me how to Gocco, stamp or even how to do my own invites! I am a wannabe-crafter with no supplies (Goccos are expensive!) but tons of ideas.
I say let your friends know all the great tools you have and that you can show them how to use them!

8/19/09 @ 3:07 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Mascara (message) 859 posts, Busy bee

Honestly I think even when I’ve declined an offer to help, I was still more grateful and a little less stressed knowing that there was someone that could help me with a project if I needed them too. And a couple friends offered to help when I never would have asked them to, like my MOH who flew down for a weekend just to help with projects! I would never have asked her to hop on a plane to help, but she offered and I could never have done it without her!

8/19/09 @ 3:12 pm (reply)

Member

mary-alice-me (message) 1,864 posts, Buzzing bee

I think that offering to help with crafts is a little different than offering to do the photography or be a DJ. I never realized how many crafty things were possible, and although I did most of them myself to have a personal touch and do them my way, I’d be glad for some help. You could at least see if your bride friends have any interests in crafts! But I really understand your hesitation.

8/19/09 @ 3:24 pm (reply)

Member

Sage (message) 728 posts, Busy bee

My FI’s family immediately offered to cook all the food. I had to think of a way to politely decline, as I wanted something catered. Now as I’m planning my own wedding, my best friend is also engaged. I am careful when offering her suggestions because we have VERRRRRRY different tastes.

8/19/09 @ 3:27 pm (reply)

Member

FlipFlopBride (message) 1,437 posts, Bumble bee

I’m a control freak, especially when it comes to crafty stuff. So i probably will have to dole out the “thanks but no thanks” quite a bit, no matter how talented my friends are.

And even though I do what you said, and not just at the chance to offer help (I wait for them to come to me), deep down inside I’m always itching to get involved.

8/19/09 @ 3:27 pm (reply)

Guest

andrea

I’d love to be offered help from a friendor. But I don’t have many friends who do wedding things. I think you should offer your friends your help. It’d be nice and they may be too afraid to approach you to ask for it themselves.

8/19/09 @ 3:44 pm (reply)

Member

Newport Nuptials (message) 1,230 posts, Bumble bee

I personally like doing everything myself. I am just liek you though and will want to share my craftiness with others. I did offer help to my sister and she gladly accepted, but I am cautious of who I offer help to because I completely get what your saying. My sister is the only one I’ve offered to help so far, she is crafty but travels for work- alot, so shes really busy and loves the extra help

I think the offer depends on the person. If your friends are crafty themselves, they probably would want to do things themself, but if a friend isn’t crafty or feels she isn’t creative she may really love the offer.

8/19/09 @ 3:55 pm (reply)

10.

Guest

vanessa

I offered to do my cousin’s wedding flowers, and she “forgot” and did fake flowers with her sister. I was going to do real so maybe it was best they did them. I am trying to build my florist portfolio.

I was really looking forward to it, and I was really annoyed when I found out she forgot. I spent hours and hours researching for this wedding. If she didn’t want me to help I would have just preferred a flat out no. It hurt way more to be pushed aside like you don’t know what your doing when you do.

I just hope no one in the family thinks I am doing the flowers still. I don’t even know how to approach that comment or question…

8/19/09 @ 4:00 pm (reply)

11.

Member

Steph921 (message) 189 posts, Blushing bee

As a current bride who is admittly stubborn and slightly OCD about details, I’ve had many offers from friends and family to help, and each time I politely decline. I enjoy doing everything myself and if I need help, I know my friends and family are there for me But with a month out, the offers are to help are coming fast and furious and sometimes I do get annoyed by having to repeatedly say no, but in my heart I know they’re only offering because they love me

I think a good rule is offer once - that way the bride knows you’re there if she needs you.

8/19/09 @ 4:11 pm (reply)

12.

Hostess

Mrs. DG (message) 8,491 posts, Bee Keeper

I’ve offered a few times, but given a big out by saying that they shouldn’t feel bad by turning me down.

One took me up on the offer though and I’m DOCing for her

8/19/09 @ 4:13 pm (reply)

13.

Member

yogigal (message) 419 posts, Helper bee

I have offered a bit of help, which has not always been received well. I think the best offers of advice that I have given have been on vendors not DYI projects. A couple of my vendors have been booked already by a few engaged friends, so that makes me happy.

8/19/09 @ 4:19 pm (reply)

14.

Member

Soon2BeeMrsLewis (message) 695 posts, Busy bee

offered to help a friend with invites just today at lunch… and then i’m thinking… she is getting married one month after me and i haven’t even done MY invites yet. i could definately be regretting this.

8/19/09 @ 4:28 pm (reply)

15.

Guest

sweetnenz

I can totaly relate. I am a recent ex-bride (July) and am still constantly on weddingbee. Needless to say when my closest cousin (more like sister) delivered her engagement news to me last Sunday I was Uber Excited. Naturally I started googling, color palettes, bm dress, possible decor ideas, then it hit me. While I appreciated all the ideas that came my way, not all of them were ones I wanted for my wedding. So I simply told her I would be more than happy to help, having many wedding ideas fresh in my mind. However it is in her court if she would like to tap into them.

8/19/09 @ 4:37 pm (reply)

16.

Hostess

LatteLove (message) 5,587 posts, Bee Keeper

my offers haven’t been received well ,either but knowing where you were a year ago will save your feelings if you’re refused, so I think you should go ahead and offer! The worst they will say is no, and I think more often than not, they’ll be grateful to know someone is willing to help!

8/19/09 @ 4:58 pm (reply)

17.

Member

tea (message) 7,263 posts, Bee Keeper

i’m very obsessive and controlling about my projects so those things i will need to take care of myself, so i know i’ll be politely declining help as it comes up. i’d much rather do it myself then having someone else help and then experience the wrath of a perfectionist.

that said, i always offer help, but it’s more of a “if you need any help, let me know!” kind of thing. nothing that requires any commitment.

8/19/09 @ 7:18 pm (reply)

18.

Bee

Miss Moonbeam (message) 1,732 posts, Bumble bee

Offering can’t hurt. As long as those offering don’t get offended by a ‘no thanks’.

8/19/09 @ 9:26 pm (reply)

19.

Member

mrspaetz (message) 3,805 posts, Honey bee

Agree that offering can’t hurt. I had friends who gingerly asked if they’d mind if i tell them abt my vendors etc, and i’ve been more than happy to share. one of them was particularly thrilled that by ‘inheriting’ my research, she saved heaps of time.

8/19/09 @ 11:21 pm (reply)

20.

Guest

Anna

Even though I’m 26, I’m still one of the first in my group of friends to get married. Many of my friends don’t know the first thing about planning weddings, so they haven’t offered any help, but I’m always so grateful when someone offers their services. I haven’t taken anybody up on their offers yet, but it’s comforting to know those people are out there, and are willing to help if I need it.

8/20/09 @ 12:18 am (reply)

1 2 Last