Wedding Blog
Mr Frenchie is SUPER nervous about our wedding ceremony. He hates public speaking and being the center of attention (one thing we are complete opposites about). Standing in front of all 130 of our guests with all eyes on us is really stressing him out.
Last night we got together to run through our ceremony so he knew exactly when things were happening and when and what he was supposed to do and say. I’m really glad we decided to do this, because I found a section of our service that didn’t sit right with me. At the beginning of the ceremony, under “Welcome & Statement of Marriage” there was this paragraph…
“Marriage is a gift from God given to us as a holy mystery in which a man and a woman are joined together and become one, just as Christ is one with the church.”
I know this is common statement at weddings, but as a supporter of marriage equality, this just didn’t sit right with me. I sat there wondering if I should bring this up to our officiant or just let it slide. The more I thought about it the more I knew I needed to ask her to change it. I was a little nervous to make waves so close to our wedding, but I love Leanne, and I knew she would take my feeling and beliefs into consideration regarding this issue, whether or not she agrees with me.
So, I called up Leanne this afternoon and asked her if we could change it to read…
“…in which two people are joined together and become one…”
She was very supportive of my request and understood my reasoning behind it. I know I’m very fortunate to have an officiant who will let me alter our ceremony, and I’m even more fortunate to have one that will let me change something to include marriage equality. That (among other reasons) is why I LOVE our officiant.
Were/are you able to alter you ceremony to more reflect your relationship and beliefs?
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Share this post: Another Reason I Love Our Officiant…
Great change, Frenchie. We’re allowed very little personalization as part of our Catholic mass — picking from a few options for prayers and readings, etc. — so even though my hands are tied, I applaud you for speaking up so you can ensure your ceremony reflects your beliefs!
We’re actually getting to write our own ceremony. Although I have to admit, the task is a bit daunting!
I’m glad you could change to how you want things. Like Miss Bru, I’m having a Catholic ceremony and there’s not a whole lot that can be changed. We can pick readings from a list and hyms from the hymn book. At least our homily shouls be very personal. FI’s Uncle is our priest.
so glad your officiant was accommodating! i wish we went through, in detail, what would be said during our ceremony. i was thrown off a bit with certain things said by our pastor. :p
like the change! that’s so great that your officiant is so willing to work with you to make your ceremony exactly what you want it to be.
I love my officiant! He is my childhood preacher and is an amazing person. Despite not seeing eye to eye on all things religion, he continues to say “the day is not about me or what I think. The day is about you and [fiance] and God.” I love that! Plus he was more than accommodating! He gave us a book of 25 different ceremonies and told us to pick out our ceremony. We were able to piece together our ceremony from the different 25 which was a wonderful way of making it truly unique to us.
I’m happy you’re happy with the change you made, but within the context of comparing marriage to Christ and the Church, it is more appropriate to retain gender references, since that the comparison is NEVER made without gender roles in the Bible. It would be more honest to remove the reference to Christ and the Church if you are going to remove the gender references. I’m not trying to comment on marriage equality politics here, just being a hermeneutics nerd. 
Oh, and we tried to change a few things in our marriage ceremony, and some of them made it through and some didn’t. But our officiant was my FIL so I guess I can’t complain too much. He was probably overcome with emotion and forgot to note some of the changes. So I ended up promising to obey even though we were taking that out.
Nice change, I’m glad your officiant was receptive to this. We wrote our ceremony with our officiant, but we wanted to make sure that it didn’t include “man and woman” in referring to the spouses. We wanted to reflect our views on marriage equality and were glad we had the flexibility to do so.
So glad you were able to change that. It wouldn’t have sat right with me either. I think our officiant is gay, actually, so I think he’ll be pretty open to whatever we want.
So glad you got to make a change that you wanted. My officiant also helped us out; I forgot to tell him NOT to introduce us as Mr & Mrs and he figured that he shouldn’t! Very glad for that.
It’s great you were able to change this. In Australia, we are required BY LAW to include it! This is a recent change and makes me very angry. We are going to add in a different section later on that acknowledges that not all people in our community are able to celebrate their relationships in the same way. It’s only a small thing, but at least it’s better than leaving it as is.
We are using an officiant from Journeys of the Heart who marry anyone of any religion, sex, color, etc. And they are awesome! We can write our vows, pick from poems, candle ceremonies, sand ceremonies…so much to pick from! Im glad you were able to change it and that you wanted to change it!
Thank you for the change!
Our whole ceremony was customised to our beliefs & values, and I loved it!
That’s so awesome. I think it’s little things like this that help in the fight towards marriage equality.
I’m glad you have an officiant who is willing to listen to your concerns and willing to work with you, it is something that I value in our ceremony and know my fiance does as well!
I really like the change! that’s so cool that you could do that
Glad to hear that other people have this issue! I had originally wanted to be married by a magistrate to avoid the problem all together, but my Fiances grandmother pitched a fit. Rather than face the horror of some unknown officiant(we’re getting married out of state) saying something that could offend members of the wedding as well as my own sense that marriage is for all, I begged the rev. at the church where I sing to come 400 miles to marry me and my fiance. He completely supportive of my position and getting married by a priest (even if we’re not getting married in a church) passifies the grandmother. Whew!
That is so great that she was willing to change it for you! I love the change, personally!
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Mrs. French Bulldog, Orange County
Age and Occupation: 28, Administrative Assistant & Interior Design Student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Purchasing Analyst
Engagement Date: November 8, 2008
Wedding Date: August 2009
Venue: Bernardo Winery
About Me: I've lived in Atlanta, Dallas and Laguna Niguel; although I've lived in Orange County, CA most my life, I'm a Southerner at heart. I work full time for a Commercial General Contractor (aka my father) and I go to school for Interior Design at night. I love modern design, music, wine, crafting, DMailing, my family, my Westies, and of course, Mr Frenchie! Mr Frenchie and I met 3 years ago on Match.com and have been best friends ever since. I love his "old soul" and how he laughs with his whole body, among many other things. We are planning our summer wedding at the winery near his hometown, just 45 minutes south of Orange County.
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