Wedding Blog
Well, it’s official: my stepfather is legally allowed to marry people in the city and state of New York!
Yep, you heard that right, my stepfather is going to be our wedding officiant!
How did this come about, you may wonder? Well, as many of you may know, it can be pretty tough planning a wedding when you have divorced and remarried parents. Don’t get me wrong, I love my stepparents. I always say, why would I be upset to have four parents who love me instead of just two? However, wedding traditions can get a bit sticky when your family tree is anything but tall and straight.
It’s even tougher (and also more awesome!) when your stepfather has been around since you were 15 and has become a major parental figure in your life. Who walks you down the aisle? Who dances with you? Who contributes financially? It’s all very complicated.
I tossed around various ideas for months: maybe they could each walk me down the aisle halfway? Maybe one could do the aisle and one could do the dance? Maybe I could walk down the aisle with my mom or by myself and avoid the issue altogether? Nothing seemed right.
One day, an idea dawned on me as I remembered a story my stepfather once told me about getting himself registered to be a minister with the Universal Life Church way back in the ’70s on a lark. For those of you who don’t know, anyone can register with the ULC online in order to perform wedding ceremonies. It was how Joey was able to marry Monica and Chandler on Friends, for those of us Friends nerds out there.
The laws on whether or not ULC ordained ministers can legally perform wedding ceremonies vary widely from state to state, but most accept it with no problem and almost all accept it with a little bit of legwork. I did some research on New York State laws and most sources I came across said it wasn’t difficult at all, except in New York City — of course! I was really discouraged by what I read about how strict NYC is about registering officiants, but I am here to tell you it really wasn’t difficult at all!
If you are getting married in NYC and want the person of your choice to be able to marry you, all you have to do is:
1. Go to this site and register them with the ULC
2. Then visit the NYC Marriage Bureau site to fill out an online application and print the signature page; have your officiant sign it
3. Within three weeks, mail to the office the following required paperwork to 141 Worth St, NY, NY 10003:
And voila! Your friend/family member/college roommate is legally allowed to officiate your civil ceremony!
For us, this is really exciting. We aren’t aligned with a particular faith, so we were having a hard time choosing an officiant in the first place. This allows us to have someone really meaningful to us do the marrying! It also gives my stepfather a role of honor in our big day. And it saved us about $250-300 just by not having to hire an officiant (dress money, hello?)! Possibly the coolest part is that it means we get to write our whole ceremony from start to finish to be exactly what we want it to be. Of course, the downside is that we get to write our whole ceremony! It’s been pretty overwhelming working on it, but I know it will be so incredibly rewarding when it’s all finished.
Who is marrying you? Will your officiant have special meaning to you? Would you consider having someone special to you do the honors?
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Share this post: Stepfather = Officiant
miss star, i think it is wonderful that you are having your stepfather be your officiant. We are planning on having our officiant ordained through ULC as well. We’re taking one of our best friends to dinner tomorrow night and planning on asking him then!
That’s pretty cool that he gets to do this for you!! So now he’ll be your officiant and your dad will walk you down the aisle I’m assuming? Only thing left to figure out is the dance!
I love it! Adds such a personal touch to your wedding. We’re having a friend officiate our ceremony, and wrote out our own ceremony too.
Two links for you to check out, for ideas/inspiration when you guys are ready to start writing:
That’s great news! My step father will also be a huge part in my wedding day.
Our wedding officiant will be my grandmother’s brother. We’re not religious at all, but knew that his family would flip if we just had a JOP. Luckily, my grandma’s brother is a Lutheran pastor and expressed interest in marrying us. I was baptized Lutheran, so it works. And while it won’t be the Catholic priest that we know they’re itching for, it’ll do the job. Plus, it means a whole lot more to us that the person marrying us is part of our family and will know us for years to come.
That’s great that you’re close to all your parents. I think it’s a great way to honor your stepfather and have your dad walk you down the aisle.
That’s so great that you found a way to include both your dad and stepdad and figure out an officiant all in one swoop! We don’t know who will officiate our wedding, and we’ve considered having a friend get ordained through ULC, but we also want to find someone to do premarital counseling and such, so we’re still not sure.
How wonderful!!! And I love the Friend reference, having watched all 10 seasons at least 10 times. ;p
I’m so glad you’ll be able to give both your dad and stepdad a way to play a big role in your wedding!
Nice, glad it can be done in NYC. We were going to have a family friend marry us, but he and my mother got into a fairly big fight so now he won’t. I think we’re just going to get a combo MC/offiiciant.
thats so sweet!
have you been keeping up with the posts by Jessie from Eclectic Unions over on ‘Pro for advice on how to structure your ceremony?
I love this! I’ll be having my father’s cousin. She is amazing and has a lot of good ideas. Shes a notary in my state so she can legally marry us and we love the fact that she knows us both so well (and can save us $$!). We are having a problem, however. My FI’s mom says its not a real wedding unless theres a spiritual “blessing” and has asked us to also invite a clergy member. I am very much against this idea so my cousin has known me my entire life and knows my FI well too. Neither my FI nor I are “religious” so we are put off by the idea of a stranger “blessing” the wedding to make his mom happy.
Either way, congrats Miss Star! This is great news 
Our officiant is also ordained by the ULC! It’s the best way to get the secular wedding we want without having to use a judge or JOP.
My stepdad is doing the same thing! I think it’s a perfect compromise for the dad situation, and it’s fairly easy in Nevada too. We live in Henderson, which is part of Clark County (same county as Las Vegas), so there’s a larger fee for out-of-state officiants, but we’re really excited we can do it this way.
Here are the links for anyone who is considering a Vegas wedding with an out-of-state officiant:
Licensing Info:
http://www.accessclarkcounty.com/depts/clerk/Pages/minister_licensing.aspx
Temporary License Application:
http://www.accessclarkcounty.com/depts/clerk/Documents/Temp%20App%20Package.pdf
When you get to the point of writing the ceremony, could you share what you used? I’ve already opened up the links BananaPants shared. We’re using a friend ordained by ULC as well, and writing the ceremony is daunting. I’m collecting whatever resources I can!
Hurray! I think it’s so important to have a ceremony that really reflects who the couple are - be that religious or non-religious, civil, secular, or anything else.
I just want to make an addendum to your info about registering in NYC. I believe that application needs to be notarized if the officiant doesn’t apply in person, and you do have to purchase the “Register in NYC” package from the ULC’s website to make sure you have all of the proper paperwork that NYC allows.
If you need any help putting your ceremony together, you know where to find me Good luck, Miss Star!
Hooray for you! My dad (who was already an officiant in his home state) officiated our wedding, and it was the BEST THING EVER! The ceremony took on a whole new level of meaning.
@BananaPants: Thanks for the links — I’ll have to check them out, since I’m in the middle of writing the ceremony right now!
@Jessie Blum @ Eclectic Unions: True, I should have mentioned that you do need the officiant to sign the signature page with a notary present. My bad. As for the ULC packages, I have no idea, since my Stepfather was already registered in 1974! And I might just shoot you some ceremony questions if I get stuck — I have definitely been following along with your posts!
I love the idea of having someone special be the officiant for your wedding! And I think it is even more wonderful that it is your Step Father.
What happy news, Miss Star! I’m sure he’s honored to be filling such an important role in your day. We’re having a close friend act as our officiant - if you remember from Mrs. Cherry Pie’s posts, anyone can marry you in the state of Montana. This is great in all aspects but one: Ever since we’ve gotten our marriage license, if I get a few drinks in me and we’re around even just one other person, I try to convince my fiance that we should get married right then and there. Can you imagine?? I would probably be hiccuping through our “ceremony” while Mr. Tron is itching to get back to his WoW raid. Thankfully, he’s much more sensible than me, and can usually get me to forget all about my brilliant plan by finding one of the Bring It On movies on tv.
I’ve been to a couple of weddings where the bride has danced with both of her fathers - one after the other. It went off without a hitch!
What a great way to include your step-father! My FH has two step-parents of his own, but neither have been around for a long period of time. We are actually getting a JOP to marry us. It’s a good friend of my grandmother’s. He’s a retired Judge. Neither of us are very religious, so this is more meaningful to us. I can’t wait to hear how your big day goes!
that is great! My maternal grandmother is actually marrying us, she is an ordained minister–yet not practicing at a church currently so she is doing it with the minister of our church:)
I am so excited!
im doing the same thing!!! except its my fiance and my mutual friend who sort of set us up. We figured it would be perfect since we both know him for a while now and im in NYC too! Its pretty awesome. We actually went downtown and i had my officiant go in person and he got to sign a huge book of officiants You should have ur stepdad do that too! its a memorable experience!! and the book is pretty cool to look at…it looks like it dates back like 50 yrs 
@MaryKatie3: That’s really awesome that your grandmother is co-officiating! Fairy Bridesmaid had her uncle co-officiate with the minister in her hometown because he’s a Lutheran minister here in NY and it was so cool! I liked the parts her uncle did best of all.
@mslinh210: That book sounds really neat! I wish we could’ve seen it! My Stepfather unfortunately lives in Florida and with two little girls, won’t be able to make it up here before October, so we had to do it long-distance! That’s neat that you were able to have such a fun experience together!
Awww, that’s awesome! What a sweet way to meaningfully include your step-pop
I also come from a family of remarriages, and I always dreamed of having my stepfather officiate my marriage someday. Congratulations to you! What a special way to honor your stepdad!
That’s wonderful for all of you! My dad’s college roomate is a Judge in PA, and he is going to marry us. He gave us two starter ceremonies and we made several changes/additions/revisions, but it really is the perfect ceremony for us and we couldn’t be more excited to have someone we love marry us!
I’m glad it worked out for you Miss Star! I got married in upstate ny and the whole process ended up being a hassle.
In order for my marriage to be legal my uncle got ordained by ULC, but a resolution also had to be passed by the town board we were to be married in to make him a marriage officer for the day. The Town Board (small rural town) had never done this before and weren’t sure how to go about the paperwork, so they simply denied our request due to laziness.
We had to find a JOP that was willing to marry us on a saturday morning, and had a courthouse ceremony before our self written uncle performed ceremony later in the afternoon.
My advice is that anyone who is planning on using an online ordained minister to just make sure with your state that it actually is legal.
I love that you posted this! My fiance and I have just started talking about taking this route!
@MissCamera: Oh, man, that’s irritating! We talked about what we would do if the application was rejected for some reason (we were really nervous, which is why I held off posting about this until he was approved!) and our plan was to do the exact same thing you did!
Actually my best friend from High School will be doing our ceremony. I wrote it but she will perform and do some words of her own. I’m so excited to have someone meaningful do the ceremony. We wanted the judge that swore my Fiance into the Florida Bar but because our wedding is a Friday, that isn’t realistic.
Just a warning about ULC. Most states take it but some make you register with the clerk of courts in the county that you are getting married in. It is a good idea to call the clerk to check!
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Mrs. Star, New York City
Age and Occupation: 22, Actress
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Casting Assistant
Wedding Date: October 2009
Venue: Ceremony: The Kraine Theatre, Reception: Midtown Loft & Terrace
About Me: I’m a professional actress who’s always had New York City in her blood and I'm finally getting the chance to make a home in Manhattan with my fiancé, my dog, and my big dreams! I love polka dots, craft projects, Dunkin’ Donuts’ iced coffee, and anything sparkly. I’m having a blast planning our elegant/dramatic/New York City/acting-themed/largely-DIY wedding and am thrilled to be the youngest current Miss Blogger!
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