Weddingbee Blog

So, as you may have noticed by now, I’m Indian and Mr. DD is not.

He’s German-and-Welsh-and-Scottish. Not Indian at all.

This somehow causes everyone we know to immediately imagine we’re going to have some sort of über-Indian wedding. I’m the bride, after all. Shouldn’t my childhood dream wedding win out?

As I mentioned earlier, my family is Ismaili Muslim. That means no mandap, no fire, and no red wedding sari. (Mine is ivory-colored, instead.) So there’s pretty much no way Mr. DD and I would have the Bollywood-style über-Indian wedding of everyone’s dreams, anyway.

And, really, if I had a childhood dream wedding, it was all-American soap opera:

But I’m pretty sure that type of wedding would require Mr. DD to have a strap-on eye patch and me to lose my hearing and my voice and get my hearing but not my voice back before the wedding and then miraculously get my voice back during my wedding vows…

Strangely enough, Mr. DD isn’t quite on board with that.

What I’d really like is to have a wedding that reflects both of us. Something that will include some of my cultural traditions without ignoring that this is Mr. DD’s wedding too.

So we’re going to have a half-Indian wedding, the Diet Coke of Indian weddings. You know–just one calorie, not Indian enough?

(Source)

The basic structure of the ceremony will be as follows:

Day 1 (Thursday): Pithi ceremony and mehndi for me, groomsmen bonding for Mr. DD

The pithi ceremony is when family and friends rub turmeric paste on your skin. It’s supposed to be good luck and make your skin glow. I’m all for good luck, even if I need turmeric paste to get it.

Then I’ll have my bridal mehndi applied. This takes a really long time and it seems that I’ll have to sleep with plastic wrap on my hands and feet again. All the women in the house at the time will get mendhi applied, too.

Mr. DD is skipping a pithi ceremony. People tend to end up smearing the groom with condiments and eggs along with the turmeric paste. It seems kind of mean to make Mr. DD go through this since it’s not his tradition. Instead, he’s going to go bond with his groomsmen. (His night is unlikely to involve plastic wrap. At least, I think so?)

Day 2 (Friday): Rehearsal followed by an Indian dinner and dandiya

We decided to have our rehearsal dinner at a community center when our numbers grew a bit too large for a restaurant. This means we’ll have ample space to play dandiya! My family is originally from Gujarat, and dandiya raas is a Gujarati folk dance where people dance in lines and hit sticks together to a beat.

Dandiya sticks (Source)

We’ll also have Indian food, which Mr. DD is really excited about. (He thinks our relationship should involve a lot more Indian food. I have no idea what he’s talking about. Me? Eat Indian food?)

Day 3 (Saturday): Wedding ceremony and reception

Our actual wedding day will be pretty straightforwardly American.

Our officiant is the director of the Boy Scout camp that Mr. DD worked at as a teenager (who later became a pastor). We’re planning a short, to the point, non-denominational ceremony.

Well, I should also mention that we’re planning a garland exchange at the beginning of the ceremony and an outfit change. Mr. DD and I will wear Indian outfits during the ceremony and change into a tux and wedding dress for the reception. Similarly, the bridesmaids will wear saris during the ceremony and dresses during the reception. The groomsmen, flower girl, and ring bearer will just wear non-Indian clothes the whole time.

We’re considering adding in a couple of Ismaili ceremonies meant to welcome the bride into the groom’s family at the beginning of the reception, but we’re still working the logistics of that out.

Other than that, we’re just planning a whole lot of eating and dancing and celebrating. (And I can’t wait!)

Day 4 (Sunday): Vidaai ceremony

The day after the wedding, we’ll have a vidaai ceremony. This is traditionally the bride’s formal departure from her parents’ home. I’ll be wearing green for good luck. Then, after bidding a symbolic goodbye to my family, I’ll leave the house throwing rice behind me (which is supposed to bring prosperity to either me or the family I’m leaving behind–but it depends on who you ask).

Whew! I think the last part of the wedding might just involve collapsing in a heap somewhere…

Do you have more cultural/family wedding traditions than your fiance? Or is it the other way around?