Some of Our Guests Will Be Flyin’ Solo

Some of Our Guests Will Be Flyin’ Solo

August 26th, 2009 @ 3:20 pm by Mrs. Stiletto

I’ve been watching our guest count grow and grow over the past couple of weeks. The jury is still out for about 10 of the 72 invites we sent out, but the RSVP deadline isn’t until this Friday. I think that’s a pretty good response rate so far!

We’ve had very few declines… 6 to be exact, in addition to the 5 invites we sent to some family members that we were pretty sure wouldn’t be making the trip, but we needed to send an invitation to. Otherwise, people are apparently excited to celebrate with the Stilettos! Yay.

But what has really surprised me about the response cards is that so many of our guests are not taking advantage of their “plus one” status!

I know that there are different schools of thought on this “who gets a plus one” situation. There are some who feel if you’re not in a relationship, you should forfeit your plus one. And I understand that - weddings are expensive and each additional guest can really add up! But I wanted our guests to be able to bring someone with them that they’ll have a good time with! Especially if they may not know a lot of other people at the wedding, it would be nice for them have someone to hang out with throughout the afternoon and evening.

We also set our goal of having a max of 120 guests at the wedding, and sent out 72 invitations (or invited 144 people if everyone brought a plus one). If approximately 25% of your invited guests are not able to make it (a pretty safe assumption), we invited just under that 25% mark. So, we most definitely have room for our guests to cash in their plus ones!

This is probably a silly thing for me to be picking up on, but I just found it curious that we have so many “1s” on our spreadsheet. I guess this will make it easier to do those pesky seating assignments…?!

How do you feel about the “plus 1″ debate? Should guests feel free to bring a friend along, or should the “plus 1″ be reserved for significant others only?

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47 Responses to “Some of Our Guests Will Be Flyin’ Solo”

Member

kmattso2 (message) 990 posts, Busy bee

I plan on inviting some 1s only in order to cut down on numbers because we have a strict cut off due to space but they are people that know each other really well and we can just sit them all together and know they will have a great time. There are some though that will invite with a plus one because they won’t know everyone and we want them to be comfortable, or they are in a long term relationship.

8/26/09 @ 3:25 pm (reply)

Member

cfitz621 (message) 153 posts, Blushing bee

I’m on the all or nothing boat. Either everyone gets a plus one, or no one. We giving everyone a plus 1 and letting them decide - especially since many of our guests are coming from out of town, I’d like to give them a travel buddy if they need it.

8/26/09 @ 3:27 pm (reply)

Guest

May Bride

We gave everyone a +1, unless it was family (i.e. my cousins who are not married or dating anyone and came with their parents). Oddly enough most people we invited did have a bf/gf, which of course sucks for those looking to find Mr/Mrs right at our wedding. but we did have single friends and like you, wanted them to have the option in case they didn’t know many people. On the other side, our friends that did not have a bf/gf but knew a lot of people coming to the wedding decided not to bring a date either. I know I have bailed on a wedding or 2 before for that same reason… and was not given a +1. Hooray for a big turnout!

8/26/09 @ 3:33 pm (reply)

Member

The.mrs.2010 (message) 67 posts, Worker bee

In your situation it is a plus, maybe you could extend late inviatations to some of the other people in you guys life that would enjoy coming. Maybe call the ones close to you and see if they would like to bring a guest.. maybe they were being “polite” and not inviting the +1 out of consideration.

I can only pray to have this problem for my wedding! We are trying to determine who does not get the invite with the +1 on it.

Good luck and don’t stress to much!

8/26/09 @ 3:34 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Mouse (message) 3,311 posts, Sugar bee

I’m in the camp that believes singles should get a plus one. But I do think every wedding is different. For us, we didn’t want the singles to not know anyone at the wedding–giving them a plus one could make socializing easier.

8/26/09 @ 3:37 pm (reply)

Member

West Coast Bride (message) 672 posts, Busy bee

Everyone at our wedding was either single family members (who would have lots of family to hang with) or in our wedding party (ie friends who can hang together anyway). We extended plus ones to singletons in the wedding party as a courtesy but all other invites were sent to couples by name No one in our circle is in a relationship that isn’t full on life partnerships so it was an easy choice for us!

8/26/09 @ 3:40 pm (reply)

Member

bvig (message) 828 posts, Busy bee

We only gave it to friends in long term relationships or coming from a distance. But my cousins will already know a bunch of people there. All of our single friends who we offered a plus one to because of their distance (6 people) declined.

8/26/09 @ 3:41 pm (reply)

Member

bvig (message) 828 posts, Busy bee

declined the plus one i mean not wedding

8/26/09 @ 3:41 pm (reply)

Member

kimmibear (message) 13 posts, Newbee

I would love to invite everyone +1, but the budget just isn’t allowing it. So I’m just doing significant others that are in a long term relationship. Even some of my friends coming from far away will most likely not be given a plus one. My concern is that people won’t realize that if the invite says Ms. Kimmibear’s Friend that is different than Ms. Kimmibear’s Friend + Guest.

8/26/09 @ 3:43 pm (reply)

10.

Guest

For us, everyone coming was part of a group of other people coming - family, parent’s close friends, church friends, college friends, etc. There was no one who wasn’t going to know somebody. On top of that, my fiance has a large family and my parents have way too many friends (who also know me very well growing up) who we wanted to celebrate with. So, we took the other extreme tactic. If you weren’t engaged, married, or living together, you did not get a plus one. Having been to weddings without my fiance when he was still only my boyfriend, I know it can be a bit sad to be going by yourself, especially when it is fun to share a romantic moment with your special somebody, but I always understood that the bride and groom should get to celebrate with those they truly loved! In the cases where I got a plus one when I wasn’t dating anyone, I usually didn’t want to bring anyone because it would have been awkward for me. Inviting someone to a wedding is a big deal in my circles.

So that’s a minority voice (based on the comments so far).

8/26/09 @ 3:43 pm (reply)

11.

Member

Gator (message) 491 posts, Helper bee

We’re pretty strict on our plus one’s (very limited to long term relationships, best friends who come to family events) but if we were to get a special request we definitely would look at our numbers and reconsider. Its important for us to be surrounded by people that we know, and the plus one would make it so someone else gets the axe (we’re limited to 120 guests).

8/26/09 @ 3:43 pm (reply)

12.

Member

mary-alice-me (message) 1,870 posts, Buzzing bee

I think it varies from wedding to wedding. I didn’t want my guests to take a +1 because it was a teeny-tiny wedding. Bigger wedding, sure, you need the company!

That’s so neat that so many guests are coming, even coming alone!

8/26/09 @ 3:46 pm (reply)

13.

Hostess

Jessie516 (message) 4,015 posts, Honey bee

We gave all adults (over 21) a “+1″. Like you, Miss S, I was surprised how few people brought a guest. In fact, I don’t think any of them brought a date. It worked out in terms of seating, because we had a pretty small wedding, but I was surprised.

8/26/09 @ 3:46 pm (reply)

14.

Member

Miss Chapstick (message) 470 posts, Helper bee

I think it’s really nice when people allow guests to bring a plus one if they’re not in a serious relationship. However, we couldn’t because our venue can only hold 90 people (95 max, and that’s pushing it). And I really didn’t feel that bad about it, honestly. I think if there had been any extenuating circumstances where heavy travel was involved, and the person wasn’t going to know anyone, we would have made exceptions based on those situations. But that was never the case with our geust list! Being on the bride/groom spectrum of it, I now completely understand how costly it can be as well, so if I were single, I wouldn’t mind coming by myself (so long as I knew other guests well enough).

I think it’s really interesting that people aren’t taking advantage of the plus one on your end, though. Very curious, indeed!

8/26/09 @ 3:47 pm (reply)

15.

Member

saraeliz (message) 72 posts, Worker bee

We did plus 1’s for all of our younger/college friends. Interestingly, almost NO ONE is bringing a date. I think the reason is that we are getting married in our college town, and it’s a good excuse to have a “girls weekend” or just have a mini-college reunion, and “plus 1’s” might feel left out of the action with all the college buddy bonding. I was actually really surprised when we started getting responses back from the singles, but it helped our budget TREMENDOUSLY, and if I was in their shoes, I totally wouldn’t want to bring a date either!

8/26/09 @ 3:49 pm (reply)

16.

Member

Veil Tales (message) 60 posts, Worker bee

I wish we could have a +1 for everyone, but with limited seating in the venue, we might have to decide when it gets closer to the response date.

8/26/09 @ 3:50 pm (reply)

17.

Member

minneapolitan (message) 733 posts, Busy bee

I think ideally everybody should be offered a plus one, and we’re mostly doing that for our friends. A few choice relatives don’t for certain reasons (they’re underage, they have a new bf/gf every other week, they can come with their families).

I’ve found so far that most of our single friends, even when they’re offered a guest, aren’t bringing one, and don’t care! I’ve ahd a few conversation about it, and can use another friend’s upcoming wedding as a gauge for how many singles are adding a guest

8/26/09 @ 3:50 pm (reply)

18.

Guest

legallyheidi

we invited friends who were in relationships/living together/married with a plus one. We’re paying for a large chunk of this wedding and I didn’t want friends feeling the NEED to invite a guest just cause they were invited plus one. Especially if it was someone we didn’t know.

Unfortunately, a friend that had been invited (plus one) was dumped by the girl he was living with and is now trying to find a date for our wedding over facebook I’m a little annoyed, and ticked off because well 1. i don’t think you should ah-hem whore out your wedding invitation (they’re not for resale!) 2. he was invited with his girlfriend. her name. not “and guest” 3. i don’t want our single pals to be offended that they weren’t invited with a guest and he was when that’s not the case.

I mean, guests are expensive! I’m not sure how i feel about a friend bringing a random rachel to my wedding just because he can’t tolerate being around one of my bridesmaids (who happens to be his ex from college) and her boyfriend.

8/26/09 @ 3:56 pm (reply)

19.

Member

alohababy28 (message) 192 posts, Blushing bee

I go back and forth on the +1 debate. If you’re tight on space I say only allow +1 for people who have been dating over a year. If you’re not tight on space, I say just try to be fair. We wanted a small wedding, but we have to meet a food/bev minimum so we’re inviting quite a few more people than we wanted, and letting anyone over 18 have the option of +1.

When I was single, if I weren’t allowed +1, I wouldn’t go to the wedding (unless it was a close family member). It’s too awkward if you don’t really know anyone else. The great majority of our wedding guests are family (we only have a couple of friends each). I definitely wanted our friends to have the plus one option so they wouldn’t feel horribly uncomfortable.

8/26/09 @ 3:56 pm (reply)

20.

Member

ChiDIY (message) 92 posts, Worker bee

unfortunately, due to space (and budget!) restrictions we just are not going to be able to. Couples that have been dating over a year, are married or engaged or live together will be invited by name, and as a courtesy, the bridal party will be extended +1s. Everyone else will have to fly solo- we hope and believe our group is enough fun that everyone will feel included!

8/26/09 @ 3:58 pm (reply)

21.

Member

mdarrah (message) 1,006 posts, Bumble bee

I feel like if you have the budget and room to give al the singles a +1 option, you should. I understand that that isnt always an option, but depending on how many other guests they may or may not know, it can go a long way to making their evening more enjoyable.

8/26/09 @ 3:58 pm (reply)

22.

Member

heather25 (message) 478 posts, Helper bee

Do you have a few more people that you would love to accomodate?

8/26/09 @ 4:02 pm (reply)

23.

Bee

Miss Snapdragon (message) 438 posts, Helper bee

It looks like the odds will fall in my favor muah ha ha

I agree - I and lots of my buds have no problem flying solo at weddings. I only get squirmish about it if I won’t know ANYBODY there. That can be kinda tough.

8/26/09 @ 4:03 pm (reply)

24.

Bee

Mrs. Taffy (message) 2,600 posts, Sugar bee

We gave everyone a plus one, and we also had a fair group of people that elected to come alone. They all seemed to have a great time!

Snappy- exactly!!!!

8/26/09 @ 4:06 pm (reply)

25.

Member

skibobrown (message) 268 posts, Helper bee

We’re allowing all of our single guests a +1 and letting them make the decision. I’m happy to let everyone decide what makes them the most comfortable — bring a date, or don’t if you don’t want to. I hope nobody feels pressure to do one or the other though. Just b/c we are allowing +1’s doesn’t mean that we want our friends to scramble to find a date.

8/26/09 @ 4:08 pm (reply)

26.

Member

stephbolt (message) 63 posts, Worker bee

I think we will end up giving everyone a plus one - we only have 7 or 8 guests on our already small guest list that this will apply to! The exception may be my college-aged cousins. Most of them won’t be able to travel from school anyway, but those that are local will know the rest of the family and have not introduced any of their SOs to the family.

8/26/09 @ 4:12 pm (reply)

27.

Bee

Miss Moonbeam (message) 1,328 posts, Bumble bee

I like giving everyone a plus one, no one should have to feel uncomfortable or out of place.

8/26/09 @ 4:26 pm (reply)

28.

Member

HL (message) 267 posts, Helper bee

The only person I gave a true +1 to is my brother. I don’t consider the people who my friends are in relationships with (and certainly not the ones who are engaged/married) to be “+1s” and they were all invited by name. Our venue isn’t big enough to allow +1s, and nobody at our wedding will be in the position of not knowing anybody. Invitations just went out yesterday, though, so we’ll see how it goes…

8/26/09 @ 4:28 pm (reply)

29.

Guest

Lisa

Four years ago I was invited to the wedding of one of my best friends without a guest. They had a huge guest list and unless their friends were in relationships, they didn’t invite plus ones. And at that wedding I met the man I’m marrying in 3 months. . . so I think it worked out wonderfully for all!

8/26/09 @ 4:39 pm (reply)

30.

Guest

Lauren

We invited everyone with a +1 and (I hate to say it, unfortunately) most people have taken us up on it! Of course we want our guests to be happy and feel welcome, it just so happens that most of the singles happen to be dating people right now! Really though - the more the merrier, I just wish it didn’t cost so much

8/26/09 @ 4:42 pm (reply)

31.

Hostess

tessabella76 (message) 2,682 posts, Sugar bee

I like giving everyone a plus 1.

8/26/09 @ 5:08 pm (reply)

32.

Bee

Mrs. Peony (message) 318 posts, Helper bee

Because of our ginormous (and continually expanding) guestlist, we only reserved plus ones for the married, engaged, or been in relationships for over 6 months. Of course, there were people who asked if they could bring their boyfriend/girlfriend that they had recently started seeing, but since only a couple of people asked we said yes.

8/26/09 @ 5:09 pm (reply)

33.

Hostess

LatteLove (message) 4,094 posts, Honey bee

Plus Ones was a hard thing, not for budgetary reasons so much as space reasons. Thankfully we only ended up with about 8 friends that were single, and we allowed them all to bring plus ones. Only a couple did!

8/26/09 @ 5:10 pm (reply)

34.

Member

Soon2BeeMrsLewis (message) 507 posts, Busy bee

I will definately have my fingers crossed that some +1s DONT come. We are over on our guest list but I just know I was kinda bummed I couldn’t bring my fiance to a wedding with me.

8/26/09 @ 5:12 pm (reply)

35.

Member

alishaneva (message) 1,526 posts, Bumble bee

I think it was definitely awesome of you to include the +1 on the invitations for everyone - I’m truly surprised people didn’t take advantage of it … very very curious indeed…

8/26/09 @ 5:19 pm (reply)

36.

Member

lcneiny (message) 170 posts, Blushing bee

I am torn on the subject! I really want to invite “plus one’s” since I was dating my now FI when I was invited to a wedding and he wasn’t, and it was not fun having to sit at the single table knowing I wasn’t actually single. However, now that I’m actually planning my own wedding, I’m not sure if I can afford all the “plus one’s.” I think our criteria will be if you’re family (cousins) or under the age of 21, you don’t get the choice. Older friends who are single get to bring a date if they so choose.

8/26/09 @ 5:48 pm (reply)

37.

Bee

Mrs. Espresso (message) 1,064 posts, Bumble bee

We did the same as Peony since our guest list was so huge. But things started to get out of hand when guests (that we weren’t very close with) started adding 4 or 5 people to their acceptance count… seriously- who does that?

8/26/09 @ 6:43 pm (reply)

38.

Member

ColorCoated (message) 951 posts, Busy bee

The jury’s still out on our plus one situation. We’re not sure who get them yet. But we have plenty of time to figure it out

8/26/09 @ 7:26 pm (reply)

39.

Member

Annui (message) 314 posts, Helper bee

The major thing for us is that since we met on a sports team and are inviting a large number of our teammates, we can’t have them all bring dates! The main problem is that we’re almost too close-knit. Significant others are either bored or completely lost when the team gets together (unless, like us, they met on the team) so I honestly felt bad asking people to bring dates because I can honestly say the dates wouldn’t have any fun.

8/27/09 @ 12:24 am (reply)

40.

Member

MrsSl82be (message) 1,472 posts, Bumble bee

Since we’re on a limited budget, we are only giving a select few plus ones. The friends who will know basically everyone there and are single aren’t getting a plus one, but there are a few people who won’t know anyone else, so I made sure to give them a plus one

8/27/09 @ 8:30 am (reply)

41.

Member

pvaulter718 (message) 1,594 posts, Bumble bee

Ours came down to space. The venue was perfect, fit our style, our budget, and location requirements. This meant we only had room for about 25 plus 1’s. We decided our rules were, living together, engaged, seriously dating only. My crazy roomate who has a new crush every other week, not so much.

I had one complaint, and I did bend the rules for her, but no one else has even brought it up. So, we ‘re on the money at 147 yes’s (can seat 152 - 155)!

8/27/09 @ 11:08 am (reply)

42.

Member

KellyV (message) 1,295 posts, Bumble bee

We invited EVERYONE with a plus one…only about 4 people took advantage, and they are couples. The rest decided to come alone as to not have to entertain someone who didnt know the crowd. Makes us happy because it cut about 55 people off our list! WOOHOO! Downside? Theyre FIs fraternity brothers and my old college cheerleading friends, so they dont have to be on their best bahvior for their dates now…aka more booze lol.

8/27/09 @ 11:10 am (reply)

43.

Member

voomie24 (message) 81 posts, Worker bee

I wish we could give the singles plus 1s, but we ran out of space and money so we decided on only inviting long standing significant others. I actually have one of my friends trying to get back together with her ex-boyfriend in order to try and convince me she should have a plus one. I feel terrible, but I want to remain consistant.

8/27/09 @ 1:26 pm (reply)

44.

Member

Jenniphyr (message) 1,397 posts, Bumble bee

It sounds to me like your guests are being extremely considerate! =) You know what they say, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

As for plus ones at our wedding…they’re only being invited if they’re married/engaged, or in the case of a couple people, if we’ve met and are friends with both parts of the couple.

8/29/09 @ 11:46 am (reply)

45.

Member

mandalynn17 (message) 1,071 posts, Bumble bee

We are pretty much only doing plus ones for those that are in committed relationships (~1 year+). We don’t really have any guests who won’t know anyone, so we aren’t worried about letting single people bring guests with them since they know other people!

8/30/09 @ 3:57 am (reply)

46.

Member

KatieBug3017 (message) 1,434 posts, Bumble bee

Hmmm I definitely don’t want to pick and choose who gets to bring a date and who doesn’t, but it does make for an interesting conundrum. I’d like to think that if I were attending someone’s wedding as a guest and I did not have a significant other, I wouldn’t just invite some Joe Schmoe from the street to go with me, unless I had been dating him for a while. Thankfully, most of my friends have significant others at the moment, and I’m friends with them now too…so I’m feeling pretty good about that situation!

8/30/09 @ 2:57 pm (reply)

47.

Guest

The Count, As It Stands Now » Weddingbee » The Wedding Blog

[...] ones” from the “yes” stack for those who declined to indulge in such a treat. Similar to the lovely Ms. Stiletto, we gave all of our single guests the option of bringing someone and, also similar to Ms. Stiletto, [...]

8/31/09 @ 12:27 pm (reply)