- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee Blog
I am blessed on the wedding front. I was among the first of my friends to get engaged, and dutifully, my family, best friends, and bridesmaids went all-out and provided me with the full “bridal” experience that I was hoping for, but wasn’t necessarily expecting. I really got the “bridal works”. In turn, as my close friends travel their own roads to the altar, I’m more than happy to participate in all their wedding festivities. After all, they all did it for me, and so, without batting an eyelash, I try to participate in as many of their wedding festivities as I can (and at LEAST the minimum of activities that they participated in for me. If a friend made the time to come to my bachelorette, neither hell nor high water would prevent me from going to hers!).
A friend of mine is getting married this weekend, and I’m so excited to travel down to Southern California and reconnect with friends for a few days. I thought about if it was appropriate or not to write this post, because money is always a touchy subject. But I wanted to sit down and document how much money I’ve spent on the wedding festivities surrounding her wedding. I do want to reiterate how this isn’t some kind of jilted guest post—this particular friend participated in all my wedding activities just a year ago. And it seems as if in our busy lives, weddings are really the only events left that get all our friends together in one place at one time anymore. So, for that, no matter the cost, we are grateful!
Shower:
Gift: $50 (made stationery)
Travel: $35 for rental car that day (I was in town anyway, but required a rental car that day to get from where I was staying to the shower)
Bachelorette Party:
Travel to (Oakland to Las Vegas flight): $260
Cab/Shuttle fares (various throughout the weekend): $100
Lodging/gift chip in/cabana chip in/bottle service at club chip in: $275
Food (including chip in for bride’s meals) 4 meals: $100
Wedding:
Gift: $125
Travel (gas to drive round trip to Southern California): $80
Lodging (2 nights): $250
Food for 2 people (Mr. Peng and me): $120
TOTAL: $1395
This, by far, isn’t the most I’ve spent to attend a wedding. My best friend got married in London a few years ago, and in turn, I spent a week in the UK, which was a total blast, but was rough on the wallet!
Knowing that many of my friends have already gone through the “financial strain” of attending my own wedding makes me brush these costs off. But sometimes I wonder how I’d feel about all these costs if I weren’t married or engaged yet. I’d be lying if I didn’t look at that grand total and be a bit… overwhelmed.
Do you find that it’s harder to get your unwed friends on board the bridal “party” train? What’s the most you’ve spent to attend a wedding?
I haven’t ever spent quite that much, but I do find them even pricier whenever you a member of the bridal party. Factor in the $200-$250 dress, the $50 shoes, accessories, etc and the grand total line get scary. It was especially hard for me last year when I was in 4 weddings one summer.
You know, I wonder if we all spend more than we think we do because we don’t actually lay it all out like that. Typically, you think about what you spent on the gift, or a weekend party or getting to the wedding, but you don’t take the time to total it all together. I’ve probably done the same thing in the past!
Pengy - thank you for bringing this up! Pre-wedding, I would have been appalled at spending this much! Post-wedding…I think I even go out of my way to ensure that I’ve put in the equivalent effort of attending, gifting, paying for the bride and her events. If it’s a closer friend, or sister - there’s more added- like helping her make things for the wedding, or buying wedding items for her, and not asking for reimbursement!
Although - for Vietnamese weddings, if you are in the bridal party, hair, makeup and gown(s) are covered by the bride, so this makes it easier on the wallet.
Maybe. Not many of my friends have gotten married yet, but I know I balked at the associated expenses for my step-sister’s wedding. (But not for my FI’s schoolmate’s wedding, so maybe it’s just a function of how much I like the people getting married! ;))
Great post! Luckily I haven’t attended any “destination weddings” yet so it hasn’t hit me as hard in the wallet. Most of mine have been local…
Thanks for writing about this topic. So many people shy away from the “money issue” which may just be a reason it is such a tender topic for discussion.
This is a great post, and I’m interested in hearing what others have to say. I, too, am concerned about asking too much financially to attend our wedding. Many of our friends are just out of college and living far away (some still unemployed), so I don’t want them to feel monetarily burdened just to attend my wedding and its festivities. But on the same note, I’d pawn my left kidney before missing a close friend’s wedding. Pengy’s right: It’s practically the only chance to see everyone you love all in one night 
oh goodness! at this point in our young, newlywed lives, we wouldn’t be able to afford to attend weddings out of state. I did attend my bridesmaid’s wedding in MI (from San Diego) last month, but couldn’t afford to have flown out two weekends before for her bachelorette, and because only her family threw her showers, I wasn’t invited to any.
I think the total cost on that trip was about $450 and it really did some damage to our budget! At least most brides know their wedding details far enough ahead of time to plan for the trip, both financially and otherwise.
Almost all of my friends are already married except for one of my bff’s and my son’s godmother.
I’ll go to the ends of the earth for her! I also shared your feelings Pengy about being there for my friends on that important day!
You’re one helluva friend you know it? Hugs.
this is a hard post to read. It really hurts me to see that all these other brides have such nice friends who take them out and even fly with them to crazy bachelorette party weekends in vegas. I would have loved to have that too, but none of my friends in my bridal party even offered to plan anything. None of my friends have spent anything for me except for the gifts at my shower and their bridesmaid dresses.
I spent a lot to be in a wedding a few years ago - somewhere around $1000. That girl is in my wedding now and I haven’t seen her put any effort into helping or planning at all.
This is just disappointing.
I hear ya! I went to all my friend’s wedding activities and even though I would do it all again in a heartbeat, I don’t want to add up the final total!
i think this is a great post. I have no idea how much I spent last year for one of my best friends weddings. I threw her a bachelorette party in Ann Arbor- flights from DC, hotel, champagne, food, tickets to the football game, gift then I went to another bachelorette party in Chicago a month later, flights, gift, food & drink, then for the wedding a month later- dress, shoes, mani/pedi, hair, hotel, gift, etc… it was extremely expensive, but it was worth it.
I know that weddings get expensive, but for your very closest friends I guess it’s just always worth it. Looking back 5 years from now, I’d be more upset about missing it rather than the money i spent on being there… this i say as i’m about to purchase tickets to a wedding in Thailand for next Feb… ekkk!
@Marigold — ditto! I have learned that I’m going to be more careful about friends’ weddings in the future, as I recently spent $300 on a never-to-be-worn-again dress… to be an usher in a wedding. But, when my best friend/MOH gets married, whenever that may be, I’ll be more than happy to go all out for her.
I think the usher experience has just made me try to be a more considerate bride-to-be, and not expect my friends to spend loads of money on all things wedding related for me.
I am really glad you posted this. I myself have gone well beyond my means in the past just to make someone feel special, and while I am happy to do it, I can’t deny it’s a struggle. Now that I’m the bride, I want all the fun activities too, but I don’t want anyone to feel like they’ve overspent their time or money on me.
I think as long as you recognize what you’re getting into and budget for it, you’re fine. But I think many of us think, “oh, it’s ~$500 for gift and bridesmaid dress, etc.” when in actuality it’s closer to the $1400 figure you site above!
@amariem25: Honestly, there have been many years in my life where costs like this would have been absolutely not-doable. $1400 is rent and food for a month for most people. I do think that it’s especially harder for brides on the younger side with younger friends—when everyone is just getting on their feet, it’s pretty impossible to even afford a fraction of someone else’s wedding costs. When Mr. Peng was in grad school, he would sell his platelets a few times a month just so he could afford to eat. Since he chose to do his internship in SF, rent ate up his food allowance from his loan money 
Weddings are just very very expensive, for everyone involved.
I think this is a great post because (among other things,) it’s a good reminder not to be mad when the people around you may miss an event or two, or simply may not be able to attend the wedding. It can get expensive, no matter how easy a bride tries to make things on her guests. Sometimes, people just can’t afford it, and it’s not personal!
I agree with those who say the closer the friend, the easier it is to justify the expense. For instance, spending a lot of money on a bachelorette party where you have fun too, even if you’re spending extra to give the bride a free party, is great. Purchasing plane fare and hotel and rental car to attend a wedding of a childhood friend who you only get to chat with in the receiving line, not so great.
Well, this is the cost of being in a recent wedding: this was the first of my friends to get married
Shower:
Gift:$40
Cost of shower $110
Gas to get there etc. $15
Bachelorette Party in AC:
Gas/ tolls $40
Eating: $20
Male Show: $40
Drinks etc.: $100
Dress: $180
Alterations: $125
Shoes: $20
Hair: $110
Makeup $60
Hotel two nights (crammed with several bridesmaids) $100
Eating/ drinks: $70
Gift $200
Total: $1,230
And that is after we scaled back the costs of the bachelorette her college age sister planned. With local weddings, I’d say the cost is more like $300 to $500, depending on if we’re in the wedding/ go to the bachelorette etc. Thanks for sharing Pengy. You’re a very generous guest!
I have to say that I spent a lot of money last year when I went to 7 weddings. I spent money that I didn’t have. Taking stock of that year, I realized that what Suze Orman says is really true, “It’s not a gift if you can’t afford it.” I’ve done lots of scaling back, I only went to weddings this year where I could pay with miles, or stay with friends. I’ve also started making gifts or buying smaller ones. I say if you have the money and want to shower it on your friends, great. If you can’t afford it, send your love and stay out of debt!
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Mrs. Penguin, Northern California Age and Occupation: 27, Weddingbee Editor in Chief Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Doctor of Physical Therapy Engagement Date: January 29, 2007 Wedding Date: June 7, 2008 Blogging Since: September 14, 2007 Venue: Winery in the Gold Country About Me: I love the Spice Girls, dogs with underbites, bean burritos, making messes, high fives, avoiding showers, crossword puzzles, blogs, weddings, and blogs about weddings!
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 29 | 30 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 |
| 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |
| 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 |
| 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
Latest Gallery Pics