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Um, that was not a typo. And, again, for those who missed it: we are not having a rehearsal. It made my muscles tense just to type that. But, I am forced to let it go. And here’s why.
Mr. CB is anti-wedding rehearsal. The one thing he’s been pulling for this entire time is not a playlist, a particular band, suit, or tie. It’s not an item on our menu or even a particular beer.
It’s that our wedding feel as organic as possible.
The last thing he wants is for the ceremony to feel like a production or a staged show. While I’ve never been to a wedding rehearsal, he’s been to many and, as someone who’s older and (okay, I’ll give it to him) wiser, he’s taking the final say on this one.
Yes, I see the merit in a rehearsal. It’s a chance for people to shake their nerves off, to run through everything just to have a general gist of how it’s going to play out. It’s not like everyone has blocking tape and scripted lines. But, no matter how much I try to gently cajole Mr. CB into feeling the same way, he doesn’t. He views them as a waste of time during which the bride stresses out and everyone stands around listening to her berate everyone. Man, he must’ve come across some bridezillas.
So, I’m gonna hand it to him:
The freedom to escape a 15-minute rehearsal. And, no, I’m not going to run through it with everyone without him there, either. (Even if I got extremely jealous of how well Mrs. Peep Toe’s went and would follow her instructions completely!)
Lucky for me, I have an aunt who is also into all-things-organic. She’s incredibly spiritual, a massage therapist, and great at making lemonade out of lemons. Her husband, my uncle, is officiating. So, of course, I mentioned to her that we weren’t going to have a rehearsal. She saw the sunny side of things and told me not to worry, that the ceremony will just be very raw and real. We won’t have been through it before so we are going to feel the transition of it all. And that’s a good thing. Because what we want is to really feel what we are doing—committing our lives to each other.
Am I worried a bridesmaid will walk the wrong way? That our transition from song to tradition will not run as smoothly? No. It might happen, and I’m okay with it. Partially because I’ll create a very thorough set of instructions for everyone, let people know beforehand who they are paired up with, and make sure our singers (my aunt and grandmother) know when they are singing. From there? I’ll let my uncle take the reins.
How do you feel about us not having a rehearsal? Do you see the value in a raw ceremony, or is a run-through a necessity?
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While I think a rehearsal helps those to calm nerves, I don’t think it’s required. I think it’s wonderful you are honoring your husband-to-be by respecting his wishes. I also love the idea of your wedding day being completely organic. Best to you!
I think that’s great. Some of the best moments of our ceremony were the parts that just unintentionally just happened. We needed a rehearsal. Our readers needed it more.
We’re doing a rehearsal of sorts… it’s not at our venue, though and will likely just turn into a party, which I’m fine with.
mmm… I found my rehearsal very helpful in many ways. Not only did it calm our nerves but it also guided the bridal party. As Mrs. Joey said, it also helped our readers. Everyone is a bit nervous so the rehearsal was a plus.
Go with what your heart feels :o)
We’ll be doing a loose rehearsal; mostly more for the aspect of having a rehearsal dinner/welcome event, but I really like the idea of not having one, like you two.
I like this idea! Since it’s mostly family participating in your ceremony, you should be fine. We rehearsed, but I didn’t remember a thing, so it didn’t help. Plus I didn’t wear a floor-length sheath to rehearse–really throws a wrench in the works. I *sheepishly admits* had my bridezilla moment at the rehearsal & am very ashamed of my behavior. I was very stressed & sleep-deprived, and quite honestly could have skipped the rehearsal & dinner & relaxed or gotten some final DIY done instead. The only good thing is I got to meet my husband’s extended family for the first time before the actual wedding.
i would be a WRECK without one! Even if it’s by the pool with a margarita, we are having one. Maybe just a yadda yadda she says this he does that, kiss, bubbles, pictures.. It’s nice to have a plan.
FI has the same opinion as Mr. CB. It’s a pretty small concession and I do like the excitement of an unrehearsed ceremony!
I needed one, and I’m glad I had it. It sparked discussion of speaker placement and other previously overlooked issues. But, my oh my, it was painful!
It was kind of a blur, but I remember that after the rehearsal, a bunch of family members brought up some really relevant questions. I can’t remember what they were, (I think they had to do with family reserved seating and people who needed to escort more than one person down the aisle) but I know I’d covered some of them and they’d forgotten, and others I’d just never thought of. We also ran into major logistical issues with the church that for some reason, we hadn’t seen until the day before the wedding. I was really, really glad that we worked everything out in advance, and I thought that the rehearsal was absolutely necessary.
I like the idea behind not having a rehearsal. We had a really loose ceremony as well so I think it would have went the same without the rehearsal (then again, who knows?). I think you’ll be fine, but maybe budget an extra half hour into your wedding day before the ceremony to get everything in order? Not exactly rehearse… but to give the BMs and GMs some kind of heads up. I’m not really a wedding party veteran, so I’d appreciate some sort of direction for the big day!
I can totally understand his point of view. For me and my groom though, I am SO glad we had one. It took going through the rehearsal for me to realize that I didn’t want to walk by myself and that my godfather was more than happy to escort me. Plus, it hammered in the recognition that we needed someone to organize us and tell everyone when to go. Worked out the last minute kinks for reassurance. Thankfully, it helped cement or fix things that were otherwise nebulous ideas. Our photographer came and figured out where he was going to be during the day and we got a free session out of it. It ended up being a fun party where our priest ended up with a few more jokes to work into his homily, so it was very much worth it!
Is your bridal party/readers comfortable with not having a rehearsal? Mr. CB might want it to be organic and un-rehearsed but I know if I was a reader I’d be incredibly nervous without a rehearsal. Not everyone has the same traditions/has their ceremony in the same order after all so know I would be a lot more comfortable as a wedding party participant with a rehearsal.
I think the value of rehearsals is much more for the bridal party - to make sure they know when to enter and where they will be standing. I’ve been to weddings without rehearsals and with rehearsals, and they’re both equally as successfull - it’s all about the attitude and the level of your own personal sanity you need to maintain.
We didn’t have a rehearsal! We had a short, simple wedding that we didn’t feel really needed rehearsal. Plus, it was a destination wedding and there was a lot going on in the days leading up to the wedding, so we decided to let everyone off the hook. Also, I shared your fiance’s feelings about keeping it organic and not overly-scripted. Everything worked out fine - don’t worry!
actually, because of our wedding rehearsal, my husband got all confused when our officiator asked “will you love honor cherish…” he said “i will! i do! i mean i will!” since he knew that both phrases would come up during the ceremony. i’m still glad we had ours though, because it gave our wedding party time to ooh and aah over our ceremony site before the hectic day! 
Well - we missed our rehearsal because we were stuck in traffic and it took us 2 hours to get to the venue instead of the usual 45 minutes. “We” was my husband and myself, my mom, and my siblings (2/6 members of the bridal party). Basically, our site coordinator showed the rest of the wedding party (4 bridal party members and my husband’s parents) the ceremony site and they talked through the basics. Everything went well the next day and we were just fine having missed our rehearsal. I’m sure everything will work out just fine.
I wouldn’t worry about it - especially if your minister is great. You might put some extra pressure on him/her to be ultra organized the day of so make sure they’re comfortable and have a play-list of who’s who and who is important and needs to be seated by an usher… like Grandma’s or mother-in-laws.
We basically just had ours as another excuse to get the families together for dinner and a drink since they met for the first time 2 days before the wedding.
Yes! I love this idea! I can see the point in rehearsing but I don’t need to rehearse my wedding. The mister feels the same way. The last wedding he was in, he kept griping about the rehearsal. (I think he said something along the lines of “do they think we’ll walk the wrong way down the aisle?”)
I think that by not rehearsing you might have those little moments that lighten the stress. The ones where folks are unsure what’s next and they check with each other with a little glance, or even a lighthearted comment to the guests. I went to a wedding recently where they said their own vows and I think the little unrehearsed moments helped keep things light enough that they could say them
I think that this will be a blessing in disguise. Your wedding will be real and you and your bridesmaids can always stress and fake-rehearse together. You don’t need everyone standing around to get an idea of the mood and theme and I think your FI is very sentimental and wants to see you walk down that aisle just one time.
Good luck with this, I hope your nerves calm down a bit!
We skipped the rehearsal, and never missed it. Frankly, as past bridesmaid / groomsman, we always thought the rehearsals were a lot of standing around for very little payoff. And especially with our simple ceremony, it was easy enough to just to tell people what to do and when.
I like the idea of an organic flow to the ceremony and the rehearsals I’ve been to have seemed a little tedious. However, I went to a wedding earlier this summer and it was obvious that it would have benefited from a rehearsal. People whispered back and forth about where they should stand and readers stumbled and mispronounced words. It was a little distracting. But if everyone has a rough idea of what they should do and can do it with confidence, then it should be fine.
I agree with the idea that your wedding party and readers might need and want a rehearsal. I had to miss a rehearsal once for a wedding I was in, and I was really distracted during the ceremony, hoping I was getting things right. Maybe you could walk them through, or at least show them the space and point a few things out? Either way, I don’t think it will be a huge deal and I’m sure the ceremony will be just fine.
For me, I don’t think I could do it without a rehearsal. I’m too awkward- where to stand, practicing when to say what. I’m a spaz. :p
@fiftyfootbride: i’m with you on being a spaz! I am for sure I will stutter, trip and somehow injure myself on my wedding day!
@krissycake: oh lordy, i even screwed up the wording in that reply! proof positive!!
um HOLY CRAP. How did i miss that earlier post about your AMAZING grandma??? I don’t even know what to say except that is probably the most awesome thing I’ve heard. Kickass!
I also think it’s cool you’re going sans rehearsal. The last three I’ve been involved in have been total gong shows that lasted about 5 times longer than they needed to! I’ll be doing a rehearsal when my time comes though — the church requires it, but i think everyone will need it too
I am definetly doing a rehearsal and I think my bridal parties nerves would be frazzled along with mine if we didn’t. I think it helps the bridal party probably the most because being the bride I know where to stand but since every venue is different I am sure the bridal party going to want to scope out the site and make sure there are no trip hazards! I want them to feel comfortable and having my musicians there will be helpful for them because they can make sure the acoustics are just right or if they need to tweak anything. I think my wedding will still be organic and orginial because the rehearsal feels nothing like the wedding day at all,(been there done that)and yes you are probably nervous during the rehearsal but you don’t have many pairs of eyes on you as you walk down the aisle at our rehearsal. Plus me being Type A doesn’t help either. But you are one up because you let Mr. CB win this battle.
I think it’ll be fine, just make sure everyone knows what they’re doing and when and it won’t be needed. I think after being in a lot of weddings, the most helpful thing is knowing who you come after- who to walk after in the processional, who you follow when you do a reading, if everyone knows that, then it’s all good! Sounds like your Uncle will be able to help a lot too.
We’re not having one either. Traditionally, Jewish weddings don’t have rehearsals and I really don’t think it’s necessary. Usually, they just tell you where to stand right before and it works out great. You’ll be totally fine!!
you’ll be fine. it’s pretty straightforward. walk down the aisle, stand in the middle, and repeat after the officiant. easy peasy, lemon squeezy. the two rehearsals i’ve been to ended up with the bridal party goofing around while the couple paid close attention. lol.
My Sister didn’t have one, but I want one just to make sure our songs time okay. = )
I think you’ll be fine. My wedding is the day after Christmas, and we won’t be having a formal rehearsal simply because folks will still be with their families. I’ll just type out a plan and we’ll go over it with the parties and see if there are any questions. Since our wedding isn’t super formal, the guests probably won’t know what was intended and what was a mistake anyway.
We didn’t have a rehearsal, and it was FINE. A lot actually went differently than I expected and….it didn’t matter. Some of it was better! Our officiant (a friend) was nervous, and ended up standing next to us, so me and DH stood facing our guests, holding hands, the whole time (until we exchanged rings). I got comments later that people liked that—more intimate, and different.
Really, as a poster on another site noted, “It’s not a show, and no one is coming to stare at my dress or discuss the cost of the luncheon…” (or something like that.) They’re coming for YOU (that’s you and FH) and whatever happens is what is meant to happen.
I can see your FI’s opinion, and I can see the other side as well. I’ve been a reader where I have no idea where I’m supposed to go, and been to weddings where there was no rehearsal where readers/bridesmaids/groomsmen didn’t know where they need to be or to go and were frustrated and confused.
I think it depends on the couple and the ceremony. I think it will work great for you!
you are such a good sport! While I do see Mr. BC’s point of view, I would just be too nervous personally that people wouldn’t be able to do it without a simple walk through. My cousin’s wedding went so much smoother after doing two (I was the Rehearsal Coordinator and made them do it twice) simple walk throughs - literally, everyone just walked to practice how the bridesmaids were going to walk down with the groomsmen. You’ll have a fabulous time regardless though!
omg your grandmother is Marni Nixon!? That is AMAZING! I have always loved her voice and since I was a child my mom made sure I knew she was singing and not the actresses on the screen…being an opera singer now, I completely love and respect her even more! You are blessed to have her in your life!
no rehearsal for us either… and it ISN’T a simple ceremony. am i worried? no. so long as the groom and i say “i do”, that’s all that matters to me
Never heard of this before, but am actually kind of loving the idea behind it! I’m too much of a planner that I at least need to see our venue set-up for the ceremony for logistic purposes, but the actual rehearsal part, we really don’t need to do.
we didn’t have one. just briefed our BMs/GMs (not all in the same setting even, because everyone was flying in from all over the world!) and emailed them photos of the place and diagram of where to stand in relation to photos.
turned up great, without a hitch!
wow! i totally missed the post about your uber-talented family! that is just so awesome!! and, cheers to you for making such a compromise! we are doing a rehearsal, but it’s “different strokes for different folks,” yo. i’m sure you’ll be fine, just the same.
I think personally it would make me freak out not having a rehearsal, but I do see his point. It sounds like you’ve got everything covered, so I’m sure it will go smoothly!!
I think a rehearsal is mostly necessary when you have a religious wedding and not all members of the wedding party are familiar with the particular religion or if someone has never been to a wedding. We will have a rehearsal because we are getting married in a church with a very specific ceremony to follow.
I didn’t think we’d really need one (my sister didn’t have one, and hers went fine) but in the interests of organisation I had everyone in the bridal party, plus parents, over to our house 3 days before the wedding, so we’d know who should do what when. And thank goodness we did! We realised no one had ANY idea who walked where, where to stand when they did readings, what they needed to be holding, etc etc. I’m not trying to scare you, but it was SO necessary for us!
I don’t even remember ours & I managed to figure it all out the next day you’ll be fine!
I think it depends on how complicated or simple your wedding is. And how many people are in the wedding. If you have an hour long ceremony with 20 people participating…. you might want to have a rehearsal. At any level, something like that, would feel a bit staged. Now if the wedding is smaller, simpler, shorter, it’s not as big of a deal. I know we’ll be having a rehearsal for sure, not because the wedding is complicated, but it’s not going to be simple either. We just want everyone to feel comfortable the wedding day and have a little peace of mind. Good luck!
I guess it depends on how many people are involved in your wedding. I had no rehearsal. Things were okay. I don’t think rehearsing would have made a difference. We looked at the space ahead of time, but there was no run-through.
Maybe it’s because I’m an older bride and I often have to speak in front of people at work, maybe it’s because I think a lot of wedding related traditions are ridiculous, but I don’t want a rehearsal either! I feel that it’s sort of a waste of our time. Our ceremony is short and sweet and whatever happens happens, c’est la vie!
I only have one person in my wedding who has ever been involved in a wedding before - Me. Hence the obvious need for a rehearsal. I’m hoping it will be fairly stress free, and relatively quick. But, either way, hopefully we’ll end the rehearsal with a laugh and move on to a great meal!
I think it’s cool that you’re laid back enough to forgo the rehearsal. I would have personally freaked out if we didn’t have a rehearsal. Honestly, I was really nervous at the rehearsal, but something about the process calmed me down. Because I knew exactly what was going to happen, I was able to relax and have fun on the actual wedding day.
I actually really like this idea. We are having a similar-sized wedding (probably 60-80 people), and I dread having to “order people around” during our rehearsal. I would much rather have a big barbeque and hang out with everyone who is in town. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on how this went.
Our DOC suggested that we could go without a rehearsal. Our wedding party is small, and we’re not having any kind of complicated religious ceremony. I thought about her advice for a couple weeks and decided to take it. We have a copy of our ceremony text, so we can read over it before the day. Our DOC will tell our bridal party where to stand and when to walk, so I’m really not worrying about it!
All that said, there’s no way I’d consider not having a rehearsal if I didn’t have a DOC.
We didnt have a rehearal either, but thats mostly because we just ran out of time. I actually think its kind of hard to screw up walking down an aisle, but who knows. Everything will be fine, and any minor bumps will just make it more real. You will be fine! Just enjoy the day.
I think it’s a case by case basis. If you trust your bridal party, and think will do well enough to satisfy sans practice, then skip it. I however, have been to ZERO weddings, so I’m doing the rehearsal more for my benefit than anyone else’s. I don’t think anyone (except the flower girl/ring bearer) will really get anything out of it, and more than likely they’ll be complete hooligans and make a joke of it like they do everything else. If that’s the case, I will ask them to leave, the Mr. and I can get the run down, and we’ll meet them at dinner (or not- depending on how naughty they were)!
Best wishes- I’m sure it will be just fine!
While we’ll probably do a mini-rehearsal (without our officiant) I’m very much for the organic feel of the wedding as well. I don’t want to feel like a character in a one-act-play… I’m not. I’m committing myself in marriage, and it shouldn’t have to feel like a variety show! (Of course, I’ll still stress that something will go wrong - LOL)
It’ll be fine, I think it’s great that you’re including him so fully in the planning.
I’m sure you will be fine, you’re going for the organic feel! Me, being a control freak, will definitely need one, although I hope it’s not as painful as some I have heard of. Ones I have attended have been necessary and I’m glad we had it.
Around noon on the day of the wedding, we passed around the menu from a local sandwich place, called in the order, and sent a cousin out to pick it up for us. While we waited, we did a dry run of the ceremony so everyone knew where they needed to go. Took about three minutes.
I understand not wanting to devote a whole evening to it, but having been a guest at a wedding where even the bridal party had no idea what was going on, I have to suggest that talking through it does have value.
We aren’t doing a rehearsal either. Given the nature of our wedding we don’t really need it. I’m actually really looking forward to seeing how it plays out. I think as long as your peeps know what is going on, you will be just fine.
we didn’t do a rehearsal, but did do the dinner part Both Sonipapdis agreed that we wanted our wedding not to feel like a show. And I admit, there was a mess up of sorts on our wedding day… I forgot to pick up the garland while I walked out of the venue to meet the Mr on his horse (so there was a bit of delay when my BM ran to get it); and there was the fact that we didn’t communicate what we wanted our guests to do when they got to the venue (we wanted them part of the wedding, and dancing around us during the garland exchange .. this wouldn’t be too difficult if it would have been an Indian crowd) but nonetheless .. it all worked out and we were happily married.
Wow, scary! Good idea with the super detailed instructions for everyone though, and just hope for the best!
i think i’d be a wreck the morning of the wedding without a rehearsal. we realized so many things that were misunderstood or not known by our key wedding participants–i found it helpful and necessary for peace of mind! But I’m looking forward to hearing what you think after the fact!!
Miss CB, I think it’s totally fine of not having a rehearsal. I don’t think there was really a use for ours… the only thing we learned was when to turn our bodies from facing the front to facing each other! Our ceremony was only 20 minutes outdoors in a garden, so totally casual
I think it’s cool that Mr. CB wants a wedding full of whatever surprises may come!
[...] we aren’t having a rehearsal for the wedding, it doesn’t mean I’m going to give up the excuse to celebrate. Rehearsal [...]
[...] a Comment While we aren’t having a rehearsal for the wedding, it doesn’t mean I’m going to give up the excuse to celebrate. Rehearsal [...]
don’t worry about it!! my parents didn’t have a rehearsal and it went very smoothly (until my mom knocked my dad’s yarmulke off his head at the “you may kiss the bride” part). according to them jews don’t normally do rehearsals. who knew?! i can’t wait to see recaps!
[...] referring to Miss Cowboy Boot’s recent post on Weddingbee about her and her FI’s decision to not have a rehearsal. Mostly a request [...]
[...] What?! No Rehearsal? by Miss Cowboy Boot [...]
Wow - it hadn’t even crossed my mind to not have a rehearsal! I am the world’s biggest perfectionist, and I have a feeling I’d have a heart attack if I didn’t make sure everyone was aware of what they need to do and when!
I can see the value in both. =) I’ll probably have one, if only to figure out how to time my walk (my song is…tricky, to say the least) and give my FBIL an oppourtunity to make sure the music transitions are all smooth. But I don’t know if we’ll do EVERYTHING. Like Mr. Cowboy Boot, I want our actual ceremony to be the first time we do it. Especially our vows.
[...] Around 5:30 the night before the wedding, we all started to congregate inside of Winter Park’s Hernando’s Pizza Pub, the site of the rehearsal dinner Mama and Papa CB were throwing us. This was the first time the bridesmaids, groomsmen, and families really got together since we decided that we weren’t going to have a rehearsal. [...]
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Mrs. Cowboy Boot, Santa Fe
Age and Occupation: 25, Magazine Editor
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Artist and Whitewater Rafting Guide
Engagement Date: April 28th, 2008
Wedding Date: October 2009
Venue: Devil's Thumb Ranch, Colorado
About Me: I grew up in Los Angeles and have since lived in San Diego, Boston, Italy, Hawaii, New York City, and Santa Fe. I speak Italian and love pasta. My real passion is the outdoors, though. When I'm not at work, I'm snowboarding, hiking with my two dogs, mountain biking, surfing, cross-country-skiing, or boating New Mexico's rivers. Despite my boyish love for adventure, I'm a girly-girl at heart and am overly-excited to pull off the romantic, vintage-inspired, country wedding of my dreams.
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