Weddingbee Blog

Before I start the other posts I promised, I wanted to get one thing off my chest - my two wedding day heartbreaking moments. I feel like I need to get these out of the way (and the “week before the wedding” post) in order to really share happy memories of our wedding day.

Heartbreaker #1

The first dance. While we were taking pictures after the ceremony and before the reception, our piano player and Mr. Joey’s bandmate, Paul, called us and let us know there was a problem with our mics. One was broken. We needed 2 mics, one for the singer and one for the guitar player. Paul said he’d call around and see if he could locate a mic near the reception venue. I was a little freaked out, but Mr. Joey said the boys would figure it out.

When we arrived at the reception, the guys said they figured it out. They would position it so the singer and guitar player could share mics. They tested it and said it sounded fine. I was relieved. I was really excited for the first dance. We found the perfect song and the guys were going to play it for us. Both Mr. Joey and I worked with all the guys in the band. Josh, the lead singer, was the first person I told when Mr. Joey and I were thinking of becoming a couple. It all made for a sweet, coming full circle-type moment.

We walked out onto the dance floor and the music started to play. It all seemed perfect until Josh began to sing. The second mic had a problem and turned his lovely voice into a frog’s voice. At first it was kind of funny. I could see Larry, the guitar player, trying not to laugh, but when I thought about the dance the next day, it made me really sad. I’m not sure anyone was able to pay attention to any of the words, and I hope no one thinks that that is what Josh really sounds like. Mr. Joey blames himself for not bringing extra mics, but how could we have known? The first dance was a minor heartbreak after the fact.

Heartbreaker #2

Heartbreaker #2 was something I noticed immediately. It’s a two-part heartbreak, which makes it even worse. Part 1? 10 people who RSVPed did not show up to the reception. Yes, TEN. 4 of them were relatives of mine who apparently are in some sort of argument with other relatives of mine. So those 4, an aunt and her adult kids, decided not to show up. My mom was really hurt by it. She hand-delivered their invitations because she really wanted them to come. They RSVPed in person to her, and she was really excited. They sent a gift, but it seemed bittersweet when I noticed they mailed it on our wedding day. So, it wasn’t like they forgot about the wedding, they just decided not to come.

Four of the other non-attenders were people who were part of a family or couple who RSVPed but then decided they wouldn’t join their significant other or family. That was lame, especially since 2 of them were guests of friends who begged to bring an extra quest. The last 2 people are mysteries. They were each coming from California and neither let us know they weren’t coming. They had to have known days before that they weren’t coming, right? We’re hoping there wasn’t any kind of emergency that prevented them from coming.

So, the heartbreaking part isn’t that we spent over $800 on 10 guests who didn’t show. It isn’t that we didn’t get presents. It’s that as I ate my meal, I looked across the dance floor from our sweetheart table and saw a table for 10 with only 4 people at the table. Behind that sad table was an empty booth for 4. It wasn’t entirely the fault of the 10 missing people, as other guests contributed to the empty tables, too. Here’s the second part of the heartbreak: quite a few attending guests dismissed the seating charts and sat elsewhere. It’s like they didn’t trust my judgment. I worked hard at those tables. I made sure everyone had someone to talk to about something they had in common. Even Mr. Joey agreed that they were great tables that never happened.

The other thing that kills me is that we could have easily filled those spots with people who would have wanted to be there. I had friends who only came to the after party because we didn’t have room at the reception. They could have attended both.

I felt awful about the empty tables. The 4 people at that table looked sad and alarmed. It was like I alienated them from everyone else. I noticed that the 4 people at the table for 10 left early and I can’t say I blame them. They tried to mingle for a while but with all the other tables past capacity, there was nowhere to sit besides at their empty table. My boss was 1 of the 4 people, and every time I see her, I feel a little guilty even though it wasn’t my fault.

I’m getting over the first dance thing, though I can think of a few ways we could have avoided the situation. The guests not coming or moving to other tables takes a little time. I’ve made peace with a few of the non-attenders, like my architect. I see him once a week and talk to him about 3 times a week. We would not be able to work on the Joey house together if there was conflict between us. I also forgave my Mom’s friend who didn’t bring his date and then skipped to another table. He’s helped me a lot in the past and I know he didn’t do it intentionally. He probably thought this was the typical Filipino wedding where RSVPs and numbers don’t matter because you always have enough food and space for an army. He probably thought people would bring friends who weren’t on the guest list, so not bringing his date would even numbers out.

I’m hoping for closure and that this post and few emails to the non-attending out-of-town RSVPers does the trick. Did anyone else have any wedding day heartbreakers?