Adventures of a Young-ish Bride, Blazing the Trail

Adventures of a Young-ish Bride, Blazing the Trail

September 8th, 2009 @ 1:40 pm by Mrs. Star

There are a lot of perks that go along with being the oldest child: scoring a later bedtime, never having to wear hand-me-downs, getting the bigger bedroom… the list goes on, I’m sure.

There are also definite downsides: getting blamed for something that your little brother actually did, the strict rules you have to follow as a teenager that your sibling ends up somehow getting out of, and, when you add into the mix the deadly combo of a young-ish bride and a young-ish groom, you get Super Duper Wedding Trailblazer status.

(Photo Credit)

Let me explain.

Both Mr. Star and I are the first among our generation in our families to get married. This means a few things:

No one is exactly sure how they are supposed to behave or what the family wedding planning dynamic is. Both moms have been unsure of what their specific roles in the planning will be: how much involvement is too much? Should they give their opinions or not? Who will throw the bridal shower? What should they wear? If you’re not the oldest sibling who’s getting married on the young-ish side, it’s often likely that your families will have figured out these crucial dynamics before your wedding planning even starts!
We are creating the benchmark for future family and friend weddings to live up to and surpass! I feel like there’s a lot of pressure when no one else has done this yet, so we have no idea what our guests are expecting in terms of traditions, level of formality, or even how much each family is willing to contribute monetarily. We’re making this up as we go here, and I definitely think it’s true that future weddings will take from ours, whether they decide to follow in our footsteps or “outdo” us.
Although my bridesmaids have actually been absolutely amazing, there are a lot of young-ish bridal parties who have no idea what they’re doing. Miss Lightning made her ladies’ booklets to get them up to speed on wedding etiquette, and Mr. Star has had his work cut out for him in teaching his groomsmen how to be bridal party experts! Older couples often have more married or engaged bridesmaids or groomsmen, which is a huuuuge bonus. I mean, I know that I will be an infinitely better bridesmaid in the future, after having planned my own wedding, won’t you?

There are a lot of unique challenges that accompany a young-ish bride as she fulfills her Super Duper Wedding Trailblazer duties. How have you been a Wedding Trailblazer, whether you’re a young-ish bride or not?

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19 Responses to “Adventures of a Young-ish Bride, Blazing the Trail”

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minneapolitan (message) 733 posts, Busy bee

We’re definitely in the same boat — I’m the oldest of my generation and my FI is too, so nobody knows what to do, and neither do we!

The bridal party is the same way — our sisters are all younger, and I’m the first of my friends to get married. But luckily they’re all the kind of girls that are on top of things, and I’m not asking them to do much anyway. My FI’s friends are almost all married, and have been really great so far.

9/8/09 @ 1:45 pm (reply)

Member

Gator (message) 487 posts, Helper bee

We are the first for both of our parents and since we have divorced parents we have more parents to “go around.” This said, the tradition that our parents had in the 80s has been thrown out the window. (Like what to do when your dad’s girlfriend (whom you’ve known for years) offers to help but doesn’t want to step on your mom’s toes!)

9/8/09 @ 1:56 pm (reply)

Hostess

LatteLove (message) 4,094 posts, Honey bee

I’m the wedding trailblazer in my family and group of friends (I was also a young-ish bride!)

I wish I had spent more time helping my family and bridal party with my expectations (I sort of thought they would just understand what needed to be done and what would be most helpful for me)
In the end I had a lot of clueless, but very willing people and not enough time or energy to show them how to help or what I needed. (But I blame myself!)

I will definitely be a better bridesmaid after my own wedding!

9/8/09 @ 2:07 pm (reply)

Member

alohababy28 (message) 192 posts, Blushing bee

My fi has an older brother and sister who are married, but they are quite a bit older than him, and have been married for 7 and 11 years respectively. There was quite a bit of shellshock when his parents saw how much things cost nowadays, in addition to the fact that our wedding is much more, let’s say modern. Even though he’s not the first in his generation to wed (I am in my family) it’s still not a smooth process. There is still a lot of “what are we supposed to do? what’s our role?” etc… going on.

9/8/09 @ 2:09 pm (reply)

Member

tea (message) 2,616 posts, Sugar bee

though i’m not the oldest, the boy and i will be among the first of our generation to have a full-blown wedding as well. my older sister eloped so my parents missed out on that. my mom isn’t even sure how American weddings really work! lol. so it’ll definitely be interesting how our families will handle things when it’s our turn!

9/8/09 @ 2:15 pm (reply)

Member

kjpugs (message) 856 posts, Busy bee

OH… MY… GOSH… Miss Star you are speaking my language. FI and I aren’t as young as you guys- I’m 24, he’s 27- but we’re both the oldest and first in our families to get married, and NO ONE knows how to act or what’s appropriate for things! It’s hilarious but frightening at the same time. i’m so glad you put this out there so I know I’m not alone!!!

9/8/09 @ 2:16 pm (reply)

Member

shelliduke (message) 222 posts, Helper bee

I’m actually the oldest of 3, but I am the last to marry. (I’m 30.) I did see this among younger family and friends. I think letting people know what you expect is key.

9/8/09 @ 2:25 pm (reply)

Member

Brianalaura (message) 316 posts, Helper bee

I’m the middle child but the first to get married (my fiance is the oldest of even all of his cousins, so he is the first all over!). My family is very old fashioned and all up on the manners and etiquette, so I think they’ll be fine. I’m more worried about my fiance’s brother/best man who I know has no clue!

9/8/09 @ 2:56 pm (reply)

Member

LittlestBirds (message) 100 posts, Blushing bee

I’m 26 and my fiance is 25, and I’m actually the youngest in my family, but we’re both the first ones to get married! So, turns out you might have had to face trailblazer status even if you weren’t a youngish bride - no one around here has any idea what they’re supposed to do, either. I keep getting emails from my mom saying “I found such and such random etiquette rule online, do you think that’s true?” Oh boy. We’ll all just plow through together - though, I doubt I’m going to get much in the way of help from my bridesmaids; there are only so many ways you can hint that yes, it would be nice if someone organized a shower and bachelorette party… Everybody is pretty much clueless, but we get by.

9/8/09 @ 3:41 pm (reply)

10.

Guest

Cristina

I had one cousin who got married before me, but that was 10 years ago. Other than her, I am the first on one side of the family to get married, and my fiance is the first in his family. And I’m the oldest. And we are young. So we are (kind of) trailblazers too!

9/8/09 @ 3:46 pm (reply)

11.

Guest

Miss Politico

Our moms are the etiquette police so I grew up throwing showers for friends and families with mom mom, as did my poor fiance! Actually we are both the oldest but our younger siblings are already married and have been for years. I would say I’m a little less into details than my sister and my wedding is different from all of my cousins. However, I feel like it will be compared to all others too!

9/8/09 @ 4:39 pm (reply)

12.

Member

skibobrown (message) 260 posts, Helper bee

I’m 28 and I definitely have older cousins, but somehow I was the very first in my extended family to get engaged. I’m in the same boat where my mom and sister need some coaching as to what is expected of them. Oh, and btw, somehow even though I am the oldest sibling in my family, I often ended up w. an earlier bedtime than my younger sister. Wtf?

9/8/09 @ 9:32 pm (reply)

13.

Member

kate6214 (message) 101 posts, Blushing bee

I’m the first on my side (well minus a cousin who got married to a jerk who no one likes) and so is my FI. Although he’s had a couple of friends get married. I’m the first. Actually I’m the only one in any sort of long term relationship, which has made things somewhat difficult at times. Sometimes it really is tough being the trailblazer!

9/8/09 @ 11:04 pm (reply)

14.

Guest

miss bliss

I’m in the opposite position… my cousins have all married and I’m the last to wed… by years and years… but I’m also an only child so it’s an unique place to be in a family

9/9/09 @ 4:08 pm (reply)

15.

Member

froggy518 (message) 56 posts, Worker bee

I’m in exactly the same position. Okay, not yet- I’m like a year or so behind you, but I will be in the same position before long! (At this point, he has the ring but I don’t yet, I’ve already been “planning” so to speak for months, and we’ve been talking about getting married for years now- pretty much since our first year of dating. We’re waiting until we finish our undergraduate work.) Anyway, though, we’ll both be wedding trailblazers, and we’ll both be in our early 20’s (22, that is). Your blog has been SO helpful in illuminating what to expect in terms of family matters and being a young-ish bride in general! Thank you, Miss Star!

9/13/09 @ 11:08 am (reply)

16.