Letting Go

Letting Go

September 8th, 2009 @ 4:06 pm by Mrs. Beagle
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Confession: I have a really hard time asking for help. I think I can do everything on my own (and by “everything”, I mean everything) and even when help is offered, I usually (politely) turn it down. I would like to think that this is because I don’t want to burden anyone with mindless wedding tasks that I’m scrambling to get done (thank you, procrastination). However, I think the underlying issue is this: somehow I think that my projects will only get done “right” if I do them myself. All by myself. Alone. (Now that I’ve put that out there, I’ll admit, I feel a tad bit embarrassed.)

Maybe I think they’ll be less DIY if I don’t actually do them alone; maybe it’s genetics (hehe… I’ve noticed Papa Beagle has the same tendencies ), either way, if I don’t learn to “let go” ASAP, I’m going to enjoy many sleepless nights over the next 6 weeks. I’m working to get over the fact that not everything may come out perfectly (or at least, perfectly in my mind) because these people that are offering to help, my friends and my family, actually want to be a part of this big party we’re throwing next month. And when I think about it that way, it kind of softens my heart a little; it makes it just a tiny bit easier to hand over a project to someone else.

So this past weekend, when FMIL Beagle offered to help me assemble our invitations, I let go of my need to do it alone, and accepted her offer. As it turns out, we actually had a good time- we got a lot done, we chatted, and it wasn’t as painful as I anticipated.

Am I alone on this boat? Is anyone else having a hard time asking for or accepting help from their friends and family? Any tips for a newbie?

Tags: emotional |

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35 Responses to “Letting Go”

1 2 Last

Member

abrideagain (message) 532 posts, Busy bee

You’re SO not alone in this! My Maids, my family and even my FI lament this fact about me over and over and over again…

I struggle with it too, and have to bite my tongue a bit to keep from correcting the helpers…but it IS better to get some help rather than none at all!

9/8/09 @ 4:08 pm (reply)

Member

tea (message) 7,278 posts, Busy Beekeeper

nope, you’re definitely not alone! i actually have issue handing things over because i’m a bit of a control freak and a perfectionist so i’m very critical and exacting of my expectations. my friends love asking me for help since they know my perfectionist tendacies come in handy but are always a little hesitant about helping me. lol. i’m still very much a work in progress.

9/8/09 @ 4:11 pm (reply)

Member

alishaneva (message) 2,152 posts, Buzzing bee

Definitely not alone! However, it’s defintiely great that your friends and family want to help - and sometimes, these things may be just that much more perfect because it was a team effort!

9/8/09 @ 4:15 pm (reply)

Member

HugsKissesLadyBugsBride (message) 361 posts, Helper bee

Nope! I am the same way and I dont think you are alone at in this problem. I think most people think, if I want it done right, I have to do it myself. Take a step back and enjoy the fact that someone cares enough about you to offer their help, to ease some of your worries and stress. You are lucky in the fact that while you may you chose to do most things on your own, you are not Forced to do so. Not everyone is so lucky!

9/8/09 @ 4:15 pm (reply)

Hostess

Jessie516 (message) 5,480 posts, Bee Keeper

I know it was really hard for me to let a few things go and delegate stuff. Eventually, I got to the point where I knew I couldn’t do it all on my own. I delegated a couple of things to my sis and mom and honestly, it helped me feel a lot less stressed!

9/8/09 @ 4:19 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Stiletto (message) 919 posts, Busy bee

I’m right there with you! I realize that my bridesmaids have done next to nothing - not because they wouldn’t - but because I just naturally do it all myself. It’s not only a total control thing, but also getting things done on my schedule as needed!

9/8/09 @ 4:19 pm (reply)

Member

melodyjune (message) 244 posts, Helper bee

I definitely have the same tendencies. I’m trying to work on that, though. I don’t want anyone to think I don’t value their input or hard work.

9/8/09 @ 4:19 pm (reply)

Member

TravelBug (message) 68 posts, Worker bee

Oh Beagle I’m exactly like you! In everything. Work, wedding planning… just about anything. I’ve already had trouble sleeping and I’m still almost 8 months out! Although wedding is definitely NOT the biggest stressor in my life, there’s a lot I’ve taken on my shoulders and I don’t like to let anyone else do a thing. Let me know if you figure out anything that helps!

9/8/09 @ 4:22 pm (reply)

Member

mander411 (message) 735 posts, Busy bee

I am very much the same way! Have gotten better though, thanks to a 12 step program lol jk. But I won’t even ask for directions bc I hate asking for help so much - and will leave the grocery store w/o intended items bc I cannot reach it way in the back on the top shelf - I could just ask the tall man who I’m sure would gladly help.

Honestly though, I love being able to help people, even when it is just small - so I should get over it too.

9/8/09 @ 4:23 pm (reply)

10.

Bee

Miss Bear Cub (message) 1,566 posts, Bumble bee

I think it’s SO hard to ask for/accept help with wedding tasks. Like you, I tend to want something done a very specific way, so rather than explain exactly how I want it done, I do it myself :-/

9/8/09 @ 4:24 pm (reply)

11.

Member

MaPo (message) 315 posts, Helper bee

I hear ya! My day job is as an administrative assistant, so it’s in my core to do everything by myself, especially if I want it done right. It was hard to let go!!! It was also really hard not to get the level of service I expect from vendors at work. Oh that drove me nuts!

9/8/09 @ 4:25 pm (reply)

12.

Bee

Mrs. Joey (message) 1,031 posts, Bumble bee

I did and I really regret not asking before the wedding week. Asking for help the week of the wedding made getting help more work.

9/8/09 @ 4:28 pm (reply)

13.

Member

Laylabelle (message) 3,378 posts, Sugar bee

Right there with ya!

9/8/09 @ 4:33 pm (reply)

14.

Member

Amber1279 (message) 319 posts, Helper bee

I am the WORST … and with only 4 days to go I really wish I had taken those offers.

9/8/09 @ 4:34 pm (reply)

15.

Bee

Mrs. French Bulldog (message) 7,706 posts, Bumble Beekeeper

I have the hardest time letting other ppl help me w/ stuff. On the wedding day it was so hard to trust everyone to get everything done w/o me there to tell them how it was supposed to go. Learn to let go now, you will have much more fun at your wedding

9/8/09 @ 4:40 pm (reply)

16.

Member

FlipFlopBride (message) 1,437 posts, Bumble bee

I’m such a perfectionist and control freak, I’m sure I’ll have the same issue!

9/8/09 @ 4:42 pm (reply)

17.

Member

azwinelover (message) 167 posts, Blushing bee

That post sounded like something I could’ve written. If I hadn’t been so convinced that no one else would be able to cut, paste, tape, and assemble my DIY invitations with as much TLC as I could, they would have gone out at least a week sooner than they did.

9/8/09 @ 4:50 pm (reply)

18.

Hostess

LatteLove (message) 5,590 posts, Bee Keeper

I had a hard time letting others help as well. i finally gave in and allowed people in. And you know what?–things weren’t perfect, but I have great memories of time spent with family and friends, and they finally felt helpful!

9/8/09 @ 5:01 pm (reply)

19.

Bee

Miss Moonbeam (message) 1,732 posts, Bumble bee

I have certain people that I’d accept help from. It’s a scary thought, because you have so many expectations for the things for your big day and if someone’s work doesn’t live up to it, you either have to use it or hurt someone’s feelings. Probably better to accept the help though.

9/8/09 @ 5:43 pm (reply)

20.