Weddingbee Blog

Source

We met with our officiant, aka my hometown pastor, over Labor Day weekend. It was our second and final meeting with him before our big day.

During our meeting, we went over our “marriage inventory”.

The marriage inventory is basically a test you and your future spouse take to identify if there are any potential conflicts that the two of you haven’t addressed yet. It is mainly used as an important conversation starter, but Mr. Lab and I took it very seriously. We aren’t doing any official premarital counseling, so this was the closest we’d get to it. I’m glad to report that we both “passed” the test!

Source

Our biggest conflict is about our financial future, but we’ve already come up with budgets and are doing the best that two broke-ass college students can do. I begin working full-time in January, with Mr. Lab following soon after in June, so I suspect a lot of the tension will be eased shortly. It’s also comforting in a weird way to know that money is the #1 reason for marital disputes, and since we don’t fight heatedly about it and do communicate, I think we’re pretty normal compared to others.

We also finalized our ceremony layout during the meeting! I won’t go into too many specifics (I don’t want to spoil my ceremony recaps for you!), but here is the gist of our “traditional with touches of modern realism” ceremony:

Mr. & Miss Lab’s Celebration of Marriage:

Processional
Greeting
Prayers/Thanks/Remembrance
Giving Away of the Bride

Hand Ceremony:

(Mrs. Apple & Mrs. Onion used it, too!)

“These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow, and forever. These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together you build your future. These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch, will comfort you like no other. These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief fills your mind. These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow, and tears of joy. These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children. These are the hands that will help you to hold your family as one. These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it. And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged, will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.”

Scripture
Homily

Love Letter Box Presentation:
Excerpt from “The Gift From The Sea”, by Anne Morrow Lindbergh

(Also used by Mrs. Corn & Mrs. Green Tea!)

“When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that two dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern. The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits - islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides.”

Special Reading:
“Blessings for a Marriage”, by James Dillet Freeman

(Possibly being used by Miss Stiletto as well! We have a very special way of incorporating this reading but you’ll have to wait until after the wedding to find out what it is!)

“May your marriage bring you all the exquisite excitements a marriage should bring, and may life also grant you patience, tolerance, and understanding. May you always need one another - not so much out of weakness or to fill your emptiness as to help you to know your fullness. May you want one another, but not out of lack. May you entice one another, but not compel one another. May you embrace one another, but not overwhelm one another. May you succeed in all-important ways with one another, and not fail in the little graces. May you look for things to praise, often say, “I love you!” and take no notice of small faults. If you have quarrels that push you apart, may both of you hope to have good sense enough to take the first step back. May you enter into the mystery, which is the awareness of one another’s presence - no more physical than spiritual, warm and near when you are side-by-side, and warm and near when you are in separate rooms or even distant cities. May you have happiness, and may you find it making one another happy. May you have love, and may you find it loving one another.”

Group Declaration Of Support (Similar to Mrs. Cherry Pie’s!)

“Union”, by Robert Fulghum (read by our officiant)

(As brought to my attention by several bees before me!)

“You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes, to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making commitments in an informal way. All of those conversations that were held in a car, or over a meal, or during long walks – all those conversations that began with, “When we’re married,” and continued with “I will” and “you will” and “we will” – all those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe” – and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding. The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “You know all those things that we’ve promised, and hoped, and dreamed – well, I meant it all, every word.” Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another – acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, even teacher, for you have learned much from one another these past few years. Shortly you shall say a few words that will take you across a threshold of life, and things between you will never quite be the same. For after today you shall say to the world – This is my husband. This is my wife.”

Exchanging of Vows
Exchanging of the Rings

Engagement Ring Ceremony:

(I forgot where I found this, but I love that my e-ring will get a little of the spotlight!)

“The engagement ring is a symbol of promise and intention. Now the intention is realized and the promise fulfilled. Mr. Lab, please place Miss Lab’s engagement ring on her finger over her wedding band to symbolize that the love that brought you together will always protect and sustain your marriage.”

Pronouncement
Recessional

Mr. Lab and I love our ceremony! It has just enough hope and blessings sprinkled with realistic advice to address the inevitable tough times. We didn’t want to prance in and out of our ceremony without addressing how hard a marriage is to keep in today’s age. But we also didn’t want to make our ceremony depressing. We also wanted to hold everyone’s attention and I think we’re going to walk the line between boring and too philosophical perfectly.

What considerations did you put into your ceremony layout and wording?