Sometimes

September 15th, 2009 @ 11:05 am by Miss Ramen

I think one of the most frustrating things about planning this wedding is feeling a little bit alone. I mean, I’m not so self-centered that I expect everyone else’s life to revolve around me, or our wedding. But sometimes, you just want some support, you know? I’m not even talking about some physical help, but to know that people actually care about what’s going on with my LIFE. Not just the wedding. Because my life is so much more than just one day. While support from the wedding blogging community (because I know we all go through this) is nice, it’s just not what I’m left wanting.

Sure, the wedding is important to me. I’m excited for it! It’s a big day! But… what happens when it’s over? Will anyone have anything to say to me? Will I have anything left to say to anyone else?

I think the thing that all brides battle is becoming so obsessed with planning the wedding that we forget that life doesn’t just end when we get the ring. I don’t want to be at a loss with all the “free time” I’ll have after the wedding (although I’m sure school will make sure I don’t have too many of those moments). I don’t want to dwell on the “what ifs” and “wish I hads” of wedding regret. I want to be able to smoothly move on into married life, and I don’t want my friends to say, “I’m so glad you’re back!”

Mr. Ramen is a total gift - he’s been amazing, but at times I know he gets frustrated that all we do is talk about the wedding, invitations, music, crafts…. I almost forget what we used to do before we were engaged. How tragic.

At any rate, here’s to learning how to balance planning the biggest party of our lives without forgetting how to live my life.

How do you and your fiance step back and take a break from wedding planning?

Tags: engagement |

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19 Responses to “Sometimes”

Member

kjpugs (message) 856 posts, Busy bee

I totallllllllly agree… poor FI is absolutely sick of wedding talk, and the teensy-tiny details that he wouldn’t have noticed if I didn’t plan them. Our men are such troopers!

9/15/09 @ 11:32 am (reply)

Member

alohababy28 (message) 192 posts, Blushing bee

We used to have “no wedding Wednesdays” when we were in the thick of finding venues, etc. Now that has calmed down a bit, and we have other things to think about (i.e. buying a house, Christmas shopping, etc). We do have breaks from wedding talk, but mostly to discuss those other two things. As you allude to there is always “something”, and I wonder how that will change when we have a house, are married, etc. Will it always be on to the next thing or will things calm down? I guess I’m on the opposite end because I can’t WAIT till there is nothing to look to next. When it’s just peace and then we can live our lives normally. Best wishes!

9/15/09 @ 11:42 am (reply)

Member

krissycake (message) 2,085 posts, Buzzing bee

hug hug hug!

we all know what it’s like to be in that boat, so keep your chin up =) And as you say, there will always be more…no one will fault you for being absorbed with the wedding, so even if they say “glad you’re back” they’ll mean it in a positive way!! Think about all the wonderful things you will be working on after you’re married - just being with that person you love, starting your family (whether that includes kids or not!) and discovering a new part of life. I would recommend Mrs. Penguin’s recent post if you haven’t read it already, because I think that’s a great goal to strive for: contentedness!

9/15/09 @ 11:54 am (reply)

Bee

Miss Moonbeam (message) 1,328 posts, Bumble bee

Such a hard thing to do, but a definite must when escaping the planning is to get out of the home (where all your projects are). Good luck striking the right balance, we’re all trying.

9/15/09 @ 12:23 pm (reply)

Hostess

LatteLove (message) 4,094 posts, Honey bee

we had wedding talk time. Maybe twice a week, over the phone (since we were long distance) I would run by a bunch of wedding things for him. Then we would drop it and move on! It helped me not to be obsessed and him not to get too overwhelmed.

I think budgeting time out for wedding stuff is the best way to go!

9/15/09 @ 12:26 pm (reply)

Guest

Letizia

omg i couldnt agree with u more!! all we do with every one is talk about the wedding and then when that convo is done there dead silence! o well i guess its just a phase till the next adventure ife has for us!

9/15/09 @ 12:51 pm (reply)

Member

Sage (message) 398 posts, Helper bee

My fiance and I almost never talk about the wedding. Because we gave ourselves such a long engagement (~16 months) and he made it known early on that most of the little stuff he couldn’t give 2 craps about, it has left us with little to discuss (at least until we get closer, say ~3/4 months out). It has really kept me sane, knowing that there are a TON of other things going on in the world besides my wedding, which only about 2.5 people in my life actually care about. LOL.

9/15/09 @ 12:53 pm (reply)

Member

ColorCoated (message) 951 posts, Busy bee

I know the feeling. It’s tough sometimes, for serious!

9/15/09 @ 2:07 pm (reply)

Guest

stlginkgo

my FI and I have started monthly “mystery dates” I am pretty sure that I got the idea from WeddingBee at some point The general idea is that you switch off planning a date for each other each month. The first month was my turn so we took a picnic and went to a local park that had paddle boats. This month was his turn to plan the date and we ended up going to the zoo on a beautiful Sat afternoon. Its been really nice to take a break and just enjoy an activity together. (The mystery part is that you don’t tell them where you are going! Works out great)

9/15/09 @ 2:12 pm (reply)

10.

Member

Miss_Carmel (message) 317 posts, Helper bee

Mr. Carmel and I just had this conversation on Sunday night. I asked if it wasn’t too late to go to an island and elope and then spend 2 weeks there for our honeymoon (it would cost about 1/4 of what we’re going to spend on our wedding & honeymoon). He reminded me that a wedding is about more than just us, it’s about our friends and family too. It’s a celebration and sometimes I think we (us brides) lose sight of the celebratory nature of the whole day. Keep your chin up! You’re not the only one who feels that way.

9/15/09 @ 2:42 pm (reply)

11.

Member

alvina (message) 298 posts, Helper bee

Agreed! I only try to bring up wedding stuff with the FI when necessary. :oT Keeps me sane too! It’s kinda like doing all the research (which is kinda fun) and then presenting your findings

9/15/09 @ 2:47 pm (reply)

12.

Bee

Mrs. Bruschetta (message) 5,553 posts, Bee Keeper

We’re currently in wedding “clean-up” mode, but really can’t wait to be able to just lounge around, watch TV — we’ve missed every new Monk and Psych episode from this summer, and have a lot of catching up to do! — and just hang out with family and friends…which we were WAY too busy to do in the months leading up to the wedding, as sad and crazy as that sounds!

I wish I’d been more detail-oriented at the start of the planning, because then I wouldn’t have been rushing around and stressing a LOT so close to our wedding!

9/15/09 @ 2:56 pm (reply)

13.

Member

RecessionistaBride (message) 3,342 posts, Sugar bee

We only talk wedding talk on “Wedding Wednesdays” it’s off limits unless something is time sensitive. My FI can’t handle it & finds all the little details too overwhelming…

9/15/09 @ 3:37 pm (reply)

14.

Member

lcneiny (message) 170 posts, Blushing bee

Thank you for this post! My FI gets a little annoyed when it’s all I talk about. So I just have to remember to make it a point to discuss things other than wedding planning. It helps he always likes to end the day by talking about what we did, etc.

9/15/09 @ 4:26 pm (reply)

15.

Member

AmberEyes (message) 72 posts, Worker bee

For us, having a long engagement really helps. We have time to set aside wedding planning from time to time and do other things like have get-togethers with friends and family, go on vacation etc. Sometimes, wedding planning can get too much for me, so I just put it in the back burner some days.

9/15/09 @ 9:35 pm (reply)

16.

Member

Adriana26 (message) 143 posts, Blushing bee

Fear not! After the wedding everything will fall back into place.

9/16/09 @ 8:15 am (reply)

17.

Bee

Miss Poodle (message) 3,020 posts, Sugar bee

We don’t talk wedding so often, but just because lately we haven’t had as much time to chat as usual because of his work, on normal times, I try not to bother him with things I already know his answer, so that way we can focus more on just us and not the wedding - Even tho I know after I move its going to be wedding madness LOL

9/16/09 @ 10:02 pm (reply)

18.

Member

Mrs. Moonbaby (message) 157 posts, Blushing bee

omg. i’m SO glad someone else gets me. i feel bad talking to my friends at time because i wonder if they feel all i do is talk about the wedding. :[ sometime i just want it to get here so this is all over and it’s when i take a step back and take a break…

9/17/09 @ 5:14 pm (reply)

19.

Guest

Ella

It’s true that the planning can be all-consuming! There are so many different moving parts. Honestly, now that our wedding is two months behind us, I look back and think that I worried a lot about the unknown and this caused me to be more stressed than I needed to. Yes there is a lot of work, and yes there are so many things to think of (esp. if you are DIY a lot of it, as we did). However, even though we had a very simple & small wedding in lots of ways, looking back I see that I didn’t need to make quite as big of a deal over some things. I think the key is to trust yourself and not second judge yourself. Just keep telling yourself you WILL be happy with your wedding, you WILL love the decisions you’ve made, and then step back and focus on enjoying the process. Because you’re right — at the end, you go back to yourself and to the rest of life and you want to feel like it’s a nice experience that you lived through… not something painful that you endured. If you feel yourself getting caught up in anxieties, just take a deep breath and try to focus on the feelings — go with what makes you happiest, and forget about the details. No one cares about them but you…everyone is just there to feel the moments with you and sometimes more “stuff” just gets in the way of that. Best of luck.

11/22/09 @ 1:07 am (reply)