Wedding Blog
We haven’t sent out our invitations yet, but I’ve already received a few “nos” from friends after sending out our STDs. It’s this mixed bag of emotions. On one hand, we do need some people to say “no”, so we don’t go over our max capacity, so that’s good; on the other hand, we DO like these people, so we WANT them to come (I mean, after all, that’s why we invited them, right?). Of course, there are those “obligation” invites that you WISH would tell you they can’t come, but of course, those people sometimes come anyway (come on, I know you all have those people on your guest lists, whether they be parents’ friends, coworkers, or people you haven’t seen in a very long time).
So why am I thinking about the “nos” already? I just received an email from a friend we had asked to run sound at our ceremony and reception. This friend is REALLY talented at what he does, and I was really looking forward to having him there… and introducing him to some of my single friends (haha). Here is the twist: there’s ANOTHER couple in Phoenix that we know getting married on the SAME date as we are. Yeah, I know, date twins are no big deal (and NO, this is not Bride Wars 2). BUT, the big deal is more that we have a lot of mutual friends, and as you can imagine, there’s some conflict for those who will be invited to both. At any rate, several months after we had asked him to help out at our wedding and he accepted, the other couple asked him to usher at their wedding. So, I told him to do whatever he wanted; that we would love for him to be at our wedding, but I understood if he couldn’t make it. In short, he chose to go to the other wedding. So, that leaves us back at square 1 for sound.
But, back to dealing with rejection. Again, I’m reminding myself that our wedding isn’t the sun, and life does not revolve around it. Or us. I know that regardless of who is able to make it or not, Mr. Ramen and I will enjoy ourselves and have a super memorable day. Yes, I’m disappointed, and yeah, you want your favorite people to be able to celebrate this pretty freakin’ big deal occasion with you, But as long as my family is there and we’re all healthy, I’m good.
Are you receiving some surprise “no” responses to your wedding? How are you dealing with the emotional toll of it all?
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Share this post: Rejection Letters…
No two ways around it, we were bummed by a number of the “no”s we received back from guests…and realized some of these folks were ones who we hadn’t remembered to send a STD to — if we HAD, they may have been able to attend! 
Don’t be stingy with your STDs 
I have been getting more “no”s than I expected, but mostly from friends not from distant relatives. I guess since all of them rallied for other weddings we had this year (all which were planned after ours/were more last minute) they would rally for ours. So I am definitely disappointed. I am not sure how to deal with it yet, but it reemphasizes to me that I have a wonderful family that will make the trip to DC to wish us well even though they haven’t seen me in years.
I haven’t felt the sting of getting a “no” but I certainly hated having to say “no” to one of my best friends from college. Just know that if they really are people you wanted to invite (not the obligatory invites) then they most likely feel the same way about coming. But, sometimes… it just doesn’t work out. For me… it’s the cost of getting to CA (from IL).
That’s too bad
It would be nice for everyone to get all ‘yes’s wouldn’t it? 
I was bummed about a couple of “no” responses that we received. I had a friend from out of state whom I was really hoping would be able to make it. However, she wasn’t working at the time and wasn’t able to fly up. I was little bummed about that, even though I totally understood.
I open each RSVP card with a mix of anticipation and worry. We had a friend book himself a gig on the night of our wedding, despite offering to provide music for our ceremony. I understand that paying gigs are important for musicians, but it stung, especially because now we have to shell out unanticipated money for ceremony musicians (amplified sound not allowed at our ceremony venue.)
as far as i remember, all the “NOs” that we got was the “expected” ones. my disappointment was towards the people who did say YES but ended up not coming because of last minute reasons. oh well… by that time i was already too occupied to deal with other stuff rather than being angry or disappointed!
i like your reaction and how you deal with this. even though you’re disappointed, you’re being positive instead of throwing bitter comments.
I just sent out my invitations and haven’t received RSVPs yet, but I do suspect a couple Nos. For those of you who received some Nos, if they were close friends of yours, how did you deal with the rejection? If you didn’t get a justifiable reason, did you take it personal? Did you speak to them again? Held grudges? Like, if a “close” friend RSVPed no, how did you react to that? I have a feeling that one of my “close” friends will either RSVP no, not send the RSVP at all, or RSVP yes and not show up at the last minute. She always cancels with mostly everything I invite her to. She even didn’t make it to the engagement party.
I think if she doesn’t make it to the wedding, my reaction will literally be, “OK, I get the hint. Have a great life.”
Well, my grandpa and his wife aren’t coming to my October 10th wedding as well as my dad’s brother, wife and kids. They have no excuse, so I’m hurt. I’ve had friends say no, and that isn’t nearly as bad as family, because my parents are insulted and hurt, and I can’t prevent that.
As Mrs. Bruschetta said, send out STDs! They can make such a difference!
We were also bummed by a number of No’s I feel your pain… I had asked a family friend who also happens to be my mother’s hair stylists to do my hair the day of our wedding. At first he agreed, but then had to back out b/c it was his mom’s birthday. TOTALLY understandable, but still a bummer
I was more bummed by those who said they were coming and then didn’t. Plus it was kinda rude and we still had to pay for their dinner.
I kinda hate being the “friend who plays piano” and always gets asked to play piano for the weddings - and people assume that since you’re such a great friend you’ll want to do all of that work for free! That definitely has made me turn down a few weddings. : (
That must be hard getting married on the same date as one of your friends, especially when you have to lose out on some of the people that you want to come to yours. But like you said, you both are going to still have a fantastic day no matter what. And I bet when those guests see your pictures- they’re going to wish they came to yours
We had some surprising nos and many more nos than we expected, which was tough and I feel ya. But sometimes at weddings, the less the merrier… Think of your shorter receiving line!
I’ve had a few of my mom’s friends say they aren’t coming because it is 5 hours away. I’m very disappointed in them because my parents have hosted bridal/baby showers for these peoples’ kids and even gone 4 1/2 hours away for their children’s weddings. We haven’t mailed invitations yet but I have made it known that it sure was nice that my mom could go to their kids weddings.
no matter what you’re planning you’re always going to feel a little bummed about the no replys, whether it’s a wedding or a birthday. can’t help but take it a little personal since it is your event. but i’m glad you’re looking on the bright side of things!
Some of the no’s are sad, but most of those no’s would have to fly in, and it’s pretty understandable in this economy. Still a bummer though.
I haven’t gotten that far, but like you, we’re expecting some “no’s” so we’ll see how it goes.
Aww that kinda sucks he promised to you first and then went to the other BUT… that’s cool you gave him the out! I’m sure he appreciated it.
And yes. there are those ppl on the list that are receiving invites out of some sort of obligation 
yes i have received alot of nos that we thought for sure would be yeses, for our engagement party every one responded yes and now for our wedding we are getting more nos than yes espeically from people who we thought for sure would have come! like u said it is disappointing and upsetting but the day will still go on…
we had a couple double wedding conflicts. One of our groomsmen’s fiances couldn’t come because she was standing up in my DH’s Ex’s wedding! (complicated, i know)
That’s tough, but it sounds like you have a good attitude about i!
I had a really hard time with some of our “no’s”. Like crying, Ben & Jerry’s kind of hard time. These were people that I thought were super important to me, my fiance, and our life. Some of them had legit reasons, but some didn’t give me a reason at all. And that left me wondering if going out with their friends was more important than our wedding. I got over it, but many of our no’s made me re-think how close I am with some of my “friends”. Just keep your head up, and remember that those people who come are those that truly love and support you!
I was really sad at the beginning when I realized most of my family will not be there with us, but I know they all care and wish us the best - I’m guessing it will be the same when we get the “will not attend” - All that matters is what that day means to us and the support we have form all the ones that love us
wow. it’s funny, i just got done doing a post about this earlier on. the FI’s sister isn’t coming to our wedding. what bugs me is that i asked her via email a few weeks ago and i just don’t get why she didn’t just reply then and there! ((HUGS)) i thought i was the only sensitive person around!
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Miss Ramen, Phoenix
Age and Occupation: 26, Optometry Student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 23, Industrial Designer
Engagement Date: January 3, 2009
Wedding Date: December 2009
Venue: Phoenix Art Museum
About Me: I'm an SF-born, Seattle-raised girl, transplanted to Phoenix where I'll be getting married, and planning all the way from Orange County where I go to school (yes, it feels as crazy as it sounds). I loooooove Yogurtland, am slightly very obsessed with all things paper, am heavily addicted to wedding blogs, deeply desire a puppy, thoroughly enjoy cooking, cry when I watch (almost all) movies, thrive on solo car-karaoke, can't stop being sarcastic, am neurotic about taking pictures of almost everything I eat before I eat it, and aspire to travel the world. My super-talented fiance and I are attempting to DIY a majority of our massive (~350 guests) "clean & modern, yet romantic, but completely unexpected, with a teeny dash of vintage" wedding, stay within our not-so-massive budget, and somehow get a really luxe (but still fun!) look/feel at the same time. In music terms (since we're both really into music) think Coldplay meets Motown meets Kanye meets Sinatra.
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