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(Psst - if you’re new here, read part 1 and part 2 of the surname saga and then come on back for the conclusion!)
Thank you all so much for your support and amazing feedback about this situation. I’ve loved hearing your thoughts and speculations about our decision, and you’ve been wearing your patient pants, so now it’s time for the big reveal!
In the end, we decided compromise was the best solution. Mr. M still felt it was crucial to honor my name, despite us also honoring his parents’ wishes. He wanted to make a grand gesture to both show me that he was becoming as much a part of my family as I am of his, and to make better the disappointment we had been through before. I am so proud of him for standing up for what he believes in, as well as for doing right by his family (even if I still disagree with their opinion). He wins my heart over and over every day we’re together, delighting me with his thoughtful, loving nature and generous spirit.
So, today I write to you as:
Dana Susan LaRue Stiebel, wife of Hunter Hans LaRue Stiebel.
(I ain’t gonna lie - those are pretty rad looking names, no? Fortherecord: that’s Steeeeeble, not Sty-ble.)
I am “hyphenating” last names (but I prefer the way it looks without a hyphen), and he is adding my maiden name as a 2nd middle name. It was the best we could do, without alienating anyone in the family. I’m pretty pleased with it. And there’s a twist…
While I’m still let down that our child(ren) won’t share my last name as I’ve known it, we are leaving the door open to naming a child after my maiden name, just as Mr. M was named for his mother’s maiden name. It’s certainly a fun idea to entertain, and when we’re ready for kids, we’ll definitely revisit the idea. A little girl named LaRue Stiebel could be pretty dang fierce, methinks!
The best part? After months of waiting for the right moment to break the news to his parents, Mr. M told them about our compromise and the response couldn’t have been better. Totally positive, on board, and supportive - exactly totally ultimately perfect. I’m so relieved to know that it’s over, and everyone seems to be at peace with the end result. Because at the end of the day, having a happy family is key, yaknow?
What do you think? Did we make the right choice?
LOVE LaRue as a girl’s name. My last name is a boy’s name so we’ll probably name a son that.
Love it! After I read your original post I talked to FI about taking my last name too…and though he didn’t want to add my last name to his last name (too long) he said he’d be willing to add it as a second middle name, too. So we might do that, not sure. I will be putting my last as my middle, because I don’t have a middle name, and taking his last name.
This is EXACTLY what we’re doing! So obviously I’m biased, adn think it’s the best compromise ever 
That seems like a great compromise to me. And you’re right, having a happy family is key - kind of like “happy wife, happy life”. I’m glad you came to a conculsion that makes everyone involved feel respected and pleased with the decision!
I’m glad that the compromise worked out and that his parents were supportive!
That was the perfect choice for you! And I’m so glad that the family approved too…
I think you both made a great choice! The bonus is that everyone seems to be happy (but it’s most important that you and Mr. Meatball are!).
i love it. my fiance and i are hyphenating our last names, too. so happy that it reflects you all well!
Oh, the name game. I’m just keeping my name and luckily his parents didn’t get upset when they learned that. Glad you came to a solution. And I agree that LaRue Stiebel would be an awesome name and probably someone you wouldn’t want to cross. A little bit ’southern belle’ and a little bit ‘I can handle my own.’
Sounds great! When you have kids, another option would be to give the kids your maiden name as their middle names. That’s my mom did with all her kids and what I plan to do with all mine
My good friend (who happened to keep her maiden name) gave both her sons her maiden name, while their official last name is her husband’s. (I think that makes sense). Anyway, I think that’s a great compromise & it’s lovely that your hubby is so supportive of you!
Ohh la la… I LOVE LaRue as a girls name… way to compromise meatball!
For my first wedding, I changed my name happily, now that I’m a widow, engaged to be re-married we’ve decided I’ll keep my name for the sake of my son…perhaps when he’s out of school, I’ll change it… TBD
Great story. I had been waiting to find out for so long. Your last name IS beautiful. Glad you kept it.
I think it’s the right choice if you’re both happy! Good work! And it’s even better that everyone else is on board.
Great compromise! LaRue Stiebel would be an awesome girl’s name! I’m so glad that his parents are supportive of the decision.
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Mrs. Meatball, Hollywood Age and Occupation: 30, Actor/Writer/Office Maven Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Actor/Writer Engagement Date: October 7, 2007 Wedding Date: May, 2009 Blogging Since: September 16, 2008 Venue: Private Garden/The Bungalow Club About Me: I love melty cheese and diet coke almost as much as I love my man. I'm from Chicago, he's from NYC, and we both miss public transit and great pizza. We have an adorable muppet dog called Paco. I'm part hippie with a healthy dash of hip hop superstar, have excessive empathy for animals, and have not one, but two bionic eyes (long story). We're broke and it ain't no joke. It can't stop us from planning the bold and whimsical wedding of our dreams, but we've had to get pretty creative to make it work, yo!
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