Weddingbee Blog

I obviously can’t speak for couples worldwide, only the couples I know. But I’ve noticed this peculiar difference between men’s and women’s bachelorette parties and I’m wondering if you all have noticed the same.

Mr. Penguin and I had similar, yet very different bachelor/bachelorette parties. While we went on two different weekends, we both went to Las Vegas. Vegas is a natural choice for Californians; transportation from the airport is easy (and if you use the shuttles, very cheap), people from LA can drive, and flights from Nor Cal are pretty reasonable. This is exactly why I personally chose Vegas. For Mr. Peng, and his many friends that hold their bachelor parties in Vegas, this is not the case. They choose Vegas because it is an adult male playground, with anything they’d want at their fingertips… luxurious suites, great steak houses, and strip clubs.

I was talking to Mr. Peng last night about how peculiar it is that there is this huge disparity in the attitudes of brides in our social circle about their bachelorette parties vs. the attitudes of the men and their parties.

For the men in our circle, bachelor parties are no-expense-spared affairs. The most recent bachelor party of my close friend involved a limo for the men rented for the 3 day affair, which first traveled from Los Angeles to Las Vegas (WOW!) and then was at their beck and call for the remainder of the weekend, a couple huge suites at the Palms, lavish meals, bottle service at the clubs, and a few trips to the strip clubs. On the other hand, the bachelorette party for his future wife included a trip to Oxnard (because it was cheaper than Santa Barbara), a trip to the local spa (where most girls opted to only get one small service, or no services), one nice Italian meal out (while the rest of our meals included the free continental breakfast at our hotel, or trips to the supermarket for wine and cheese), and a trip to the local Karaoke lounge where we were entertained for free by the locals.

It seems that the big difference between the parties was the attitude about money. Men in our circle tend to look at their bachelor parties as no-expense-spared affairs. 5 star meals, 5 star accommodations, 5 star entertainment. The women in my circle look for the best deals, affordable meals, cheap thrills. To be honest, I find the bachelorette parties I attend super fun, so there’s no real complaint here. But why is it that while we women are making trips to Subway for lunch to split $5 footlongs (ooohhh, adding chips and a drink? Do I dare?), the men, that very same weekend, are dining at an $80-for-just-the-cut-of-meat-only steak houses? This seems to be the absolute norm in my circle. While Mr. Peng was cracking crab claws at Joe’s, and warning the waitress that, “if she ever sees his drink getting low, to just go ahead and bring him another,” I was eating a bean burrito and sending back our pitchers of Sangria at the crappiest Mexican restaurant on the Vegas strip, refusing to pay for the swill that they had sent to our table disguised as “drinks”.

Mr. Peng argues that if you’re going to spend $40 at a shitty restaurant, why not just spend $80 at a really delicious restaurant? I think it’s a great argument. However, it’s one that is hard to convince a group of ladies. For some reason, it’s the MOH’s charge to find the bachelorette attendees the best bang for our buck; the more we can get for less, the more successful the trip. For the men it seems, if they aren’t making it rain, it’s not a real bachelor party.

If I had to guess, it’s that the bachelorette party is kind of a forced event. We all love a girls’ night out, but it’s not natural for the girls I know to want to all get together, get majorly drunk, and go buck wild, especially with a group of girls that we may not necessarily really know (a group comprised of the bride’s college friends, high school friends, and sisters is the typical group we hang with at bachelorettes). We’ve force them upon ourselves because we know that our men are doing the same… only they seem to treat their bachelor parties as more of a rite of passage, a no-expense-spared necessity.

I know I’m making generalizations, and I only speak from my own experience. But I’m wondering if this is something you all notice too? It doesn’t make a lot of sense—all of my bride friends are marrying the same grooms that go on these lavish bachelor parties, so it’s not as if there is really a huge income disparity among the girls and guys in my social circle. So why the spending/attitude disparity when it comes to the bachelor/bachelorette parties?

Is the situation similar in your social circle to? Why do you think it is that men are willing to go all out for their bachelorette parties, while their fiancees are looking for more of a “bang for your buck” experience?