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Mrs. Hot Cocoa, Boston/Los Angeles Age and Occupation: 31, JD/PhD Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 32, Medical Student Engagement Date: May 30, 2008 Wedding Date: March, 2009 Blogging Since: April, 2008 Venue: Ritz Carlton, Marina Del Rey About Me: I am a professional student by day and an amateur cupcake taster, bargain shopper, and wedding planner by night. I am obsessed with NPR, the Food Network, paper, dance shows, Anthropologie, post-structuralist theory, Weddingbee!, "The Office," and celebrity gossip. When not procrastinating from my dissertation, I spend time catering to Jellyby, our overly anxious shih tzu, and getting to know Mr. Hot Cocoa. We have only been dating for fifteen years, so it's like I'm in love with a stranger! From the East Coast, we are planning a Jewish-Chinese Extravaganza in L.A., where we both grew up.
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愛-Vey! My Meltdown Moment

September 24th, 2009 @ 3:33 pm by Mrs. Hot Cocoa

First things first: Happy National Punctuation Day everyone! On this special day, let us all give thanks for the syncopation of the serial comma, the breathy pause of the semi-colon, and… wait for it… the anticipatory sigh of the ellipsis.

Gosh I’m a nerd.

Alrighty. Back to the recap. After Mr. HC and I finished our couples portraits, we met up with the rest of the wedding party (who were off rehearsing for the ceremony with Angel). By then, we were running behind schedule, and we had only about a half hour to get our group shots done before our bedecken was supposed to start. Oy vey, indeed.

Nobody warned me, but getting two large families together for group shots is like herding cats. Chatty cats. With short attention spans.


We somehow managed to corral the masses into formation for a few portraits, including this wonderful one of all of our living grandparents. We then hustled outside to take advantage of the good light and get a few shots with…

our adorable flower girl,

the handsome (and beautiful) groomspeople,

and my oh-so-fabulous sisters- and friends-of-honor.

Sometime in the middle of all of this picture-taking, I started to have a meltdown.

All day long, I was the picture of giddy zen (imagine a bonsai tree with streamers). But as our schedule ran later and later… and guests began to arrive and wander into our shots… and family members wandered out of our shots as they got distracted by arriving friends and acquaintances… I came closer and closer to losing it.

It was embarrassing.

In retrospect, my impending meltdown had nothing to do with the hotel misdirecting guests or members of the wedding party wandering off. I think I was so adamant about not being stressed and, more importantly, not stressing anyone else out that day that I not only failed to ask for help when I needed it, but also suppressed any and all anxiety I was feeling.

Mr. HC, seeing the pathetic little tears roll down my face, folded me into his arms in a corner. Our rabbi, who is 50% teacher, 40% psychiatrist, and 10% zen master, sequestered us into a room for some deep breathing. My wonderful and intuitive bridal party, with not a word from me, took charge of the wandering guests situation and directed the new arrivals away from our bedecken room and to the ceremony site.

I think so many of us (particularly the Weddingbee crowd?) are so determined not to be “bridezilla” that we don’t ask for help or tell other people when we are feeling overwhelmed. What I realized, though, is that those who were nearest and dearest not only wanted to help but were amazing at it.

I wish I had been smart enough to recognize this before I ruined my makeup!

How are you at asking for help and handling stress? And married bees, did you have a melt-into-an-ugly-puddle moment on your wedding day?

Photos by Leigh Miller Photography, Luna Photography, and Della Chen Photography.

In previous episodes of the Hot Cocoa Chewish Wedding Recap Extravaganza:

- We had a welcome dinner.
- Hilarity ensued.
- I got prettified.
- We played games.
- Mr. HC got accessorized.
- We had a tea party… I mean, ceremony.
- I got haute.
- I giggled and Mr. HC looked.
- He smelled my cheek.

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19 Responses to “愛-Vey! My Meltdown Moment”

1.
Bee Icon
Bee
Mrs. Bruschetta (message)  5,553 posts, Bee Keeper

Oh no! I’m sorry to hear you had a mini meltdown on the wedding day — but I hafta admit, I felt a lil warm and fuzzy reading about your soon-to-be-hubby giving you a big ol’ hug to try to make things better for his bride :-)

 
2.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Lamb (message)  487 posts, Helper bee

I totally appreciate your geekery, especially punctuation-wise! And I can totally see myself having a breakdown for the same reasons during formal portraits - great advice!

 
3.
Guest Icon
Guest
MrsBtobe

Aww - I’m sorry to hear you had a mini meltdown moment. I understand/agree w/you when you say we all try so hard not to ask for help or be a “bridezilla”…I’ll remember this post when I’m feeling anxious or stressed out leading up to the wedding.
I <3 your wedding by the way..so gorgeous!

 
4.
Mrs. Penguin
Bee
Mrs. Penguin (message)  2,149 posts, Buzzing bee

My meltdown came the night before. I think I was lucky, I got in a huge fight with my mom. I imagine it was gonna happen no matter what, so it was almost lucky it didn’t happen on our wedding day.

I know what you felt like and I sympathize! It all just comes to a head at some point — the stress, the rushing around, and the impending “release” of the day… even though it had just barely begun for you at that point, it was still a mere 6 hours or so from being over! That is a lot to deal with, ya know?

 
5.
FlipFlopBride
Member
FlipFlopBride (message)  1,306 posts, Bumble bee

I’m pretty sure I’ll have my emotional breakdown as soon as I wake up the morning of the wedding. I’m a “wake up, freak out” person.

 
6.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Moonbeam (message)  1,336 posts, Bumble bee

I fully expect a mini-meltdown from myself on the big day and I hope Mr. MB will do exactly what Mr. HC did. Great pics.

 
7.
Guest Icon
Guest
Allison

Thank you - I needed this! I too am worried about being a bridezilla (people can put so much pressure on you to NOT be one that it turns into paranoia, I swear). I’ve got a year to go and I know I’m going to need help. Now I won’t be so afraid to ask…

 
8.
Mrs. French Bulldog
Bee
Mrs. French Bulldog (message)  6,077 posts, Bee Keeper

I had an ugly meltdown the day before my wedding, lucky for me I had it out of my system by the wedding day but it was still embarrassing :-/

 
9.
Bee Icon
Bee
Mrs. Taffy (message)  2,607 posts, Sugar bee

I had a huuuge meltdown the day before the wedding due to complete lack of sleep and my family showing up 5 hours late to help. It was not pretty! I’m glad Mr. HC and your bridal party helped get things under control!

 
10.
tea
Member
tea (message)  2,668 posts, Sugar bee

i’m glad your friends and fam were able to help you out. especially sweet of mr. hc to help calm you down as well

though the giddy zen description? classic. i love it!

 
11.
Bee Icon
Bee
Mrs. Peep Toe (message)  1,636 posts, Bumble bee

I was right there with ya on the melt down- and yes, mine was a mini freak out over the time line- we were running late all day. And I am so very happy that you are back with your recaps. So beautiful.

 
12.
ColorCoated
Member
ColorCoated (message)  951 posts, Busy bee

Despite your melt down, your photos turned out great!

 
13.
Ms. Mojito
Member
Ms. Mojito (message)  230 posts, Helper bee

Timely post-I am almost trying really hard not to be a bridezilla, but I find myself getting frustrated at things. Luckily, my MOH has been over the top helpful and has been there to prevent any meltdowns!! By the way, your pics are great!!!

 
14.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Ramen (message)  264 posts, Helper bee

oh geez. i am a total “oh, i’ll just do it myself” girl. i’m trying to prevent my meltdowns by just remembering that whatever happens will be fun… and letting my doc handle the rest.

i totally miss your posts! more recaps!

 
15.
fiftyfootbride
Member
fiftyfootbride (message)  3,819 posts, Honey bee

I have told everyone that I might need a constant stream of xanax in my mouf. Hopefully they’ll do a good job of getting my head in the right place so that I don’t have to resort to that. :p

 
16.
Bee Icon
Bee
Mrs. Hot Cocoa (message)  1,721 posts, Bumble bee

Thanks for the empathetic stories everyone!!! It makes me feel less embarrassed about the whole thing.

@Allison: Definitely ask for help! Just do it with a smile, and I’m sure all will be bending over backwards to help.

@fiftyfootbride: LOL!

 
17.
pvaulter718
Member
pvaulter718 (message)  1,621 posts, Bumble bee

That was so me - the girl who was determined not to be a bridezilla, who didn’t want to stress out my mom or my bridal party. Until I got myself so worked-up at the rehearsal and so stressed out that I spent half my rehearsal getting sick in the bathroom. Not exactly the way I’d planned to spend the afternoon before my wedding. Thank god for mom and hubby and a little ginger-ale and list making later, I felt much more like myself. But boy, did I learn my lesson about asking for help when you need it!

 
18.
LatteLove
Hostess
LatteLove (message)  4,135 posts, Honey bee

I got a little anxious during family portraits as well. It was hard to plan, get everyone there at the same time, and the wind as whipping so hard from the storm that had been brewing since that morning, that I don’t think any of our family pictures turned out( i still have to wait and see!

 
19.
Member Icon
Member
jhguba (message)  239 posts, Helper bee

@pvaulter718 - I am so worried that will be me. Although - I tend to take the major things in a stride and freak out in the “just sit back and relax” moments. But hey, my profession thrives off of adrenaline.

 


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Mrs. Hot Cocoa Mrs. Hot Cocoa, Boston/Los Angeles Age and Occupation: 31, JD/PhD Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 32, Medical Student Engagement Date: May 30, 2008 Wedding Date: March, 2009 Blogging Since: April, 2008 Venue: Ritz Carlton, Marina Del Rey About Me: I am a professional student by day and an amateur cupcake taster, bargain shopper, and wedding planner by night. I am obsessed with NPR, the Food Network, paper, dance shows, Anthropologie, post-structuralist theory, Weddingbee!, "The Office," and celebrity gossip. When not procrastinating from my dissertation, I spend time catering to Jellyby, our overly anxious shih tzu, and getting to know Mr. Hot Cocoa. We have only been dating for fifteen years, so it's like I'm in love with a stranger! From the East Coast, we are planning a Jewish-Chinese Extravaganza in L.A., where we both grew up.
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