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Interestingly enough, being happy is sometimes the exact source of my worry. Call it first child syndrome, people pleasing, or a personality flaw, but whatever you call it, I have it. In my immense desire to please people, especially authority figures, I sacrifice what I think will make me happy.
In my own mind, this sacrifice ultimately will make me happy, because I think that my source of happiness will stem from pleasing that person. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, congratulations! You may be a youngest born, or just not give a crap about what anybody else thinks. I truly wonder how free that must feel!
*tap, tap, tap*
Excuse, Miss Lamb? This is a wedding blog about rainbows and butterflies and love being enough!
Well, dear reader, I never would have believed it before going through it myself, but weddings are not all they’re cracked up to be. Now just gather around and let me tell you a little wedding story.
Once upon a time, there was a little girl who believed that every girl would feel like Cinderella on her wedding day and that she would have lovely glass slippers to wear. This little girl grew up and fell in love with a man an inch tall than her.
So, she decided that she would buy a pair of ballet flats.
She also couldn’t stop browsing eBay and found a gorgeous pair of high heels. Prince Charming encouraged her to wear what she wanted to wear. Then the well meaning mother, whom the girl adored, sang the praises of the ballet flats. She tried them both on with her dress and knew that she felt glamorous and like a movie star in the high heels. But the well meaning mother made a long list of reasons not to wear them.
The girl couldn’t sleep at night. Mother loved the pretty ballet shoes. And everyone knows that: “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” All of the lovely ‘maids by the girl’s side also whispered in her dreams. They said, “You should feel glamorous in your shoes!” The girl entertained all sorts of compromises, wearing the movie star shoes and then wearing the ballet shoes later. And vice versa.
Unable to make a choice, a sad and conflicted spell was cast upon the girl and she could not sleep again until she made the choice to make herself happy, or make others happy.
The End.
Are you easily influenced by your desire to please others? Did you ever commit to a wedding item that someone else liked, only to regret it later?
I was so lost and then I read this: “If you have no idea what I’m talking about…You may be a youngest born…” Indeed I am! Sooo which did you choose?
Do the ones you like! I’m an oldest too. It’s hard to not please everyone else but if your husband to be is fine with it then go for the heels! My husband is three inches shorter than me and I sure did wear heels on our wedding day. I felt hotter and he didn’t mind.
I’m the same way! I’m already dreading trying to make everyone happy while planning the wedding. I haven’t even figured anything out for sure and the logistics already have me terrified!
I do think you should go with the heels if they make you happier though. It’s your day to feel like a movie star! Good luck!
@markyk: LOL
i hope you followed your heart and got the heels. i do like your compromise of both the heels and flats but i can tell you really do love the heels. go with the heels!
I’m an oldest and I feel your pain…125%!!! I think you should wear the ones you love! Despite the fact that your mom is advocating the flats, her main concern is that you are happy on your wedding day! I think she will stand by you, no matter what shoes you may choose. 
First born crazy people pleaser here….reading this totally stressed me out and I feel your pain. Here is what I would do if I were you (only a suggestion tho…) :
I would wear the heels at the reception and during pictures with the b’maids and family but wear the flats during the ceremony and pictures with your man.
Good luck!
I’m a first born and my desire to please really hindered me. I went to college for a profession I didn’t like at the time because my father wanted to see me there. My wedding wasn’t “me” in an effort to please others around me. Do what you want- I have regrets.
Like CourtneyCrocker said, I am so the same way that reading this stressed me out too! Weirdly enough, I had never associated it with the first born thing before! I have been consciously trying to work on this too, especially with the wedding, but it’s so hard once it’s programmed into you your whole life!! Good luck standing up for yourself, Miss Lamb! (And P.S. Go with the heels!!! You’ll always have the ballet flats to change into if your feet get sore!)
I hear you, I spent many a prom in flats.
One way to solve the barely taller future husband dilemma: he wears cowboy boots? In Montana, that amounts to men’s dress wear, just make ‘em shiny!
yes yes YES! i totally know what you are talking about! and like bri i never knew that was a first born thing either, but knowing my family & friends it makes TOTAL sense. fortunately my wedding thus far has been all my own… although i’m sure it’s only a matter of time
ps wear the heels
I’m the middle child and I’m a total people pleaser!! I think it stems from me always wanting the attention that was given to my older and younger siblings. The only way I could get it was by sucking up .. if one of them complained, I made an extra effort to be agreeable. *Sigh* This has definitely effected my wedding ~ from BM dresses to flowers to location…
I’m just like you! I always want to please everyone else… it gets really annoying. Sometimes I wish I didn’t care so much!
I am also the oldest and a TOTAL people pleaser! I had no idea the was an older sibling thing! I too wish I didn’t care so much sometimes :-/
My mom didn’t like that I wanted to wear colored shoes w/ my white dress, but I knew that was what I wanted and in the end she ended up really liking them
I’m the total first born people pleaser too! I know your pain! And while I agree with everyone and want to say wear the heels, that is soooo easier said than done. If I could follow my own advice, maybe there would be something in our wedding that I REALLY wanted instead of settling for the cheaper, more convenient, practical choices that I’ve made so far! (but that bigger down payment on the house will be nice) Maybe we should start a support group!
I’m a youngest, but definitely have that problem too.
Also, I bought those flats for my wedding and my mom LOVED them. I felt less enthused, but I tower over 6′ and I hate seeing pictures of myself next to shorter people because I look ENORMOUS. So flats it is. But if you are a normal height, wear the heels! I would if I could.
OMG the story of my day!
I just went to the dress shop in a panic because I was not getting the positive response to the pictures of my dress. Did I choose the wrong lace color? Should I change it? I few tears and a panic attack later, I went with what I wanted. I have to get use to the do-what-makes-me-happy thing!!
DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY MISS LAMB!!! I love the heels and you deserve to feel your best.
oh to be the oldest. i wouldn’t say that i’m necessarily a people-pleaser, but i def go out of my way to accommodate people. it’s my constant hostess-mindset. (i love heels!)
This is the story of my life. Seriously. I have the same thing going on with my mother. I can do you one worse though - I also have my FMIL in on it too. I totally feel your pain…
That being said, go for the heels. They are fabulous, and you deserve to feel like a princess. Truth be told, your feet will probably be dying halfway through your reception and you’ll want to switch to the flats anyways!
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Mrs. Lamb, Norfolk Age and Occupation: 25, Homeland Security Consultant Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Graduate Student Engagement Date: January 2009 Wedding Date: January 2010 Venue: Trinity Presbyterian Church/Harrison Opera House About Me: I’m a Homeland Security Consultant with a tendency towards pulling office pranks, taking lunch breaks, and drinking Wawa shakes. I’m also an English major with a serious obsession with alliteration and rhymes. While I’m not keeping America safe, I’m training for half marathons and the Escape from Alcatraz swim. Or moving for the third time this year. Or baking. Or wedding crafting. Or crying about wedding planning. All the while, I’m getting myself into Lucille Ball-esque scrapes and making Jim Carey-esque faces. Our big fat Czech/Baptist/Jewish/Italian wedding is a combination of vintage eclectic, DIY, and little spoonful of sugar from our Event Coordinator. It’s going to be a Norfolk flavored wedding with the verve of an only-daughter-blow-out bash!
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