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So, wedding planning has been so fun for me, but there have definitely been days when I wanted to run from it all and hide my head in a hole.
Don’t get me wrong; I love having this creative outlet, but sometimes it can be overwhelming and a little lonely. The reason I actually started blogging was because I didn’t want to bore my friends with all the details of our wedding. Not that people were acting bored, really (okay, maybe one was), but I just don’t like to be a burden on people.
So, I go to vendor appointments alone, make decisions about colors, and hell, even my dress. Alone. But I realize that it’s totally my fault because I have this irrational fear of asking for help. I know that any of my BMs would go with me to appointments if I just asked them to. But for some reason I can’t. I always form these rationalizations in my head for why it’s okay that I’m going alone (like I want to find a dress before showing them, or I need to see if I even like the vendor, and then get other opinions), but then when I leave, I always wish that I had someone there with me that heard what I heard or saw what I saw so that we could talk about it.
Mr. Fro Yo told me from the beginning that he loved me very much, and that he would go to the JP tomorrow to marry me and didn’t need the big wedding. That was very sweet, but I wanted the big wedding. So I guess I don’t want to ask him to come, because I know how he feels about the big wedding-thing. And again, that fear of asking for help arises.
So what have I learned from all this? I learned that I need to put myself out there a little more and ask for help when I need it because I’m the one making myself lonely—no one else is. That’s going to be a hard lesson for me, though.
Has anyone else found this wedding planning experience to be a little lonely at times?
I saw JP and was like, what? My fiance? (His name is Jean-Pierre… goes by JP…lol)
I have that feeling all the time. The “I wanna throw my hands up in the air and just give up and go to the courthouse” feeling. I typically come back to earth with the help of my fiance, and know I’d regret it if I didn’t go through with our plans.
I feel like I just read an entry out of my own diary. I feel the same way, I don’t want to be the person who can ONLY talk about wedding stuff, so I find that I too make most of the decision by myself and I’ve considered going dress shopping alone too (because it will be easier for everyone) but I’m afraid that people will be mad that I didn’t include them.
I wish I had some advice how to make it better (aside from putting yourself out there more) but I need to do the same thing and I know it’s uncomfortable to put yourself out there when that’s not what you’re used to.
You’re not alone - I’m in that same boat with you. (The worst part is that I’ve complained to my FI about feeling alone twice already and I feel like I’m digging for compliments. 
)
I have felt that way a lot and learned the hard way that it’s worth it to ask for help. No one will mind, I promise!
I tend to do the same thing! I immediately sent my MOH an email!
I am exactly the same way!
I had to force myself to ask my BM’s to come to a dress shopping appt. on Saturday that my mom couldn’t make. Previously it’s just been my mom and I. Of course, none of them could come (because really they never make it to anything I ask them to do…story for another day…) but I do have my sister and cousin coming along. After asking them to come, I almost immediately regret it. I almost feel bad, like I am wasting their time. And I almost feel like I’d RATHER be alone. But I know that having people with me will make it much more fun than going by myself.
I usually do everything myself too, like ‘regular’ clothes shopping etc. I am already setting myself up to do the registry stuff alone because I feel convinced he won’t want to go or will go and be miserable!
This totally struck a chord with me, obviously. I more than feel your pain. I hate asking for help but I am doing my best to try it through this process.
I think how you’re feeling is very normal, and I think the solution has to be a compromise - no, don’t take everyone to everything, but do mix it up and take some people to some things and others to other things. This way you can get opinions, but your not dragging ONE person to everything you have to do - that might be a bit overwhelming for someone not planning a wedding…
From my experience though, you’ll know if people don’t want to be in a situation - or if they do - maybe just try to read your BMs and see how they feel.
Actually, I usually have a problem asking for help and delegating. But surprisingly I’ve done both with wedding planning. FI and I have a massive master spreadsheet of things to do. He’s in charge of things he’s good at (music, photography, hotel blocks) and I’m in charge of the other stuff. For the things we both care about (reception, photography, etc) - we both interview the vendors together. He’s handling music solo and I’m doing flowers solo (possibly with my Mom or a BM). And I’ve asked BMs and my Mom to go wedding dress shopping with me. And it was fun.
Take a chance and ask for help from FI, family, and friends. You’ll be surprised at how much you’ll enjoy the help!
You know, one of the nice things about asking for advice on WB is that you don’t have to really worry as much about “hurting feelings.” The opinions and advice seem much more objective–no worrying about a friend’s agenda.
Yeppers! Been there, maybe there a little bit right now even. Recently, when people have asked me if there’s anything for them to help with, I take them up on the offer. That way, I know they were interested in helping and I’m able to delegate a little. Some of my married friends have been super helpful and have gladly commiserated with me!
Yes! I feel so lonely. None of my bridesmaids live in the same city, they’re all spread out and none of them live in my city
@ Suz - I took my fiance to do the registry with me, it was actually a lot of fun. Especially to dream up all of the ways that we could use our gravy boat (umm…nothing wrong with putting ranch dressing in the gravy boat while eating pizza from Round Table, right?!?!)
I have definitely found this to be a lonely experience…partly my fault, and partly just semantics. I’m the only one that lives here in Austin. All of my family, all of my Maids…they all live elsewhere. So it’s hard. But you do what you have to do…and at the end of the day, I’m happy with it all…
My family and friends are all out of state, so YES I feel like that ALL the time.
I was just thinking the other day that I’ve been feeling a little alone in the middle of all of this planning. My MOH, BM and entire family live elsewhere, so I even did the dress shopping alone (which I think is how I ended up a 2 dress bride who still doubts both decisions!). I’ve also managed to tell myself that I’m “saving up” my need to ask for help for the actual day, so that at least on my wedding, I won’t have to deal with all the details and can just enjoy it.
Phew! I feel a lot less alone now! I am really trying to ask for help now and actually, one of my BMs read this post and sent me an email saying please ask me! So I know I have the support.
Yeah, that would be me right now. 2 months to go, I live 400 miles from where I’m getting married and my bridesmaids are on the other side of the country. So when I have moments like yesterday, when the wedding planner hadn’t emailed me back in two weeks, the flowers were going to be WAY over budget, and my veil finally arrived but I had no one to show it to and to top it all off, I’m still in school and trying to work and be in a show at the same time. My FH is great, but after more than 10 minutes of wedding talk his eyes glaze over so he’s no help. I finally called my mom crying about the flowers and she said, “well, why don’t you ask you sister and Annie (one of the BMs) to help since they’re getting to town early? ” And it was like a lightbulb went off - DUH, I don’t have to do this all by myself! I’m working on it…
Absolutely it’s lonely at times! My fiance actually asked me if the Cook County Courthouse (Chicago) would be open the day after we got engaged so we could go there… he doesn’t want a big wedding either - but it’s hard to avoid given how big our families are. In any case, I’m right there with you on knowing how much the fiance loves you, but not the production! It is hard for me to ask for help from my mom sometimes as well, I feel like our visions of this wedding are so different…
I feel your pain. None of my bridespeople live in the same city as me, and both of my parents are deceased. And really, no one cares quite as much about your wedding as the people in it and your parents. I’m trying to keep them all involved, but it’s hard! I do think you should reach out, though - if people agreed to be in your wedding, they’re probably excited about it and would love to help!
Boy, did this post resonate with me! I just found out today that my MOH (and only attendant) won’t be at my bachelorette party two nights before the wedding and only barely got enough time off to come the day before the wedding. So I get to plan my bachelorette party on top of everything else. It’s definitely a ‘woe is me’ sort of day. I need to re-focus on how many people love us and are willing to help us, but sometimes it’s easy to let the negative stuff overwhelm the positive.
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Mrs. Frozen Yogurt, Dallas Age and Occupation: 28, Special Projects Coordinator Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Equity Trader Engagement Date: March 19, 2009 Wedding Date: April 2010 Venue: Marie Gabrielle, Dallas About Me: I was born and raised in Texas, and have lived in several of the cities across the state, but I currently reside in Austin. I went to college in Boston and have a special place in my heart for the Northeast. I love reading, shopping, wine, reuniting with college friends that are scattered across the country, reality TV, trying out new recipes, and attempting all the DIY projects that come along with wedding planning. I'm a "bleeding heart, save the world type" and thankfully my job allows me to work on legislation and policy to help out those in need. I met Mr. Frozen Yogurt in a bar, though he doesn't even drink! And now we are planning a modern yet vintage wedding in Dallas while dealing with the trials and tribulations of first time homeownership.
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