Wedding Blog
I love birthdays. No, scratch that. I love my birthday. I look forward to my birthday with an enthusiasm that is almost completely embarrassing now that I am no longer 10 years old. Oh yes, I’m that person who, on June 1, declares it her “birthday month”. I also crow about my “birthday week”, which has slowly crept to encompass the 5-7 days around my actual birthdate.
Mr. Potato Head has to remind me, gently, so as not to burst my over-inflated bubble, that I get a day, and that this is not Hanukkah, and I will not actually be receiving eight nights of gifts.
My 29th birthday month was this past June, and I had a happy weekend of celebrating with friends. But I have to admit to something, and it’s kinda embarrassing. But. It is a learning experience, and at 29, I need all the wisdom I can get.
On my actual birthday, I woke up and things, well… started going Not My Way. I had to stay up until 3:30 AM the night before to finish some work, then wake up at 7 AM on my birthday to get it done before the deadline. My car was in the shop and the mechanic called to let me know that it required more work (and monies) than they’d thought. My beach plans were ruined by bad weather, my fiance had to work, and finally, on the way to brunch with friends, we were stuck in traffic for an hour only to wait for ages for our food to arrive.
So I came home, and my fiance came home, and, well, I kinda pouted.
I was overtired and disappointed. And I was in a funk. And when I’m in a funk it can ruin my whole day. Sometimes it feels physically impossible to snap myself out of it, and no amount of cheering up will do the trick. It’s silly and it’s childish and I’m totally embarrassed to admit it, but it’s true. Sometimes I am just a Grumpy Bear, and so-help-me if you even try to cheer me up. I’m set, I’m down, I’m out of batteries, the end. Let me sulk in my rain cloud until the day starts again.
Ooh why you so grumpy, bear??
But the sun came out, literally and figuratively, and after a talk and a run with Mr. PH, my funk slowly, miraculously dissolved.
And I got to thinking. What if, on the wedding day, everything begins to go wrong? What if the weather sucks and my hair is frizzy and people are late and the car doesn’t start and the flowers are fug? Will a bad mood escape me just because of my wedding day? Probably not. I mean, I can’t guarantee anything. And even though I anticipate a laid-back, chill wedding, it is still a grand production that we’ve spent months planning for, and years waiting for. There will be, for better or for worse, some expectations attached. More likely, I need to practice what I did on my birthday: looking at the bright side (I got a day off, yummy brunch with good friends, a great run, and later, kicked it in karaoke!), rolling with the punches, and not allowing the grumps to ruin my day.
How do you handle mood swings and the grumps? Are you also determined to stay cheerful on your wedding day, come hell or high water?
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Share this post: On Managing Expectations
@ “the flowers are fug” = Hilarious!
I’m going to use a day of coordinator so that I don’t know about any of the things that go wrong. I want to ignorantly enjoy my day and not stress about anything. I’m sure that you’ll be ridiculously happy on your wedding day, despite anything that could go wrong. Even fug flowers. 
Oh man - reading your opening line, well paragraph, ok whole post - is like reading a page out of my own life. I worry about the exact same dilemma - if something goes wrong on my brithday, rehearsal, wedding day, etc…How will I get myself out of the funk? More champagne is probably not the answer! Months out - I’ve been psyching mysef up for the day - adn the unexpected and keep giving myself the same pep talk - it could happena dn you’ll have to get past it - remeber this day is about marrying the man I love, not all the details - or what people may say, or if they’re late - oh and don’t take any of it personal! Have fun - enjoy the day - and get through whatever comes my way!!
I’m so glad your birthday turned around - it could’ve been so disappointing!! 
Oh man. I could have TOTALLY written this post. I love my birthday as well and I can totally relate to being in a funk from time to time. The FI knows that when I get moody I need a WIDE berth.
For wedding day, I agree with Miss Carmel that a DOC will help alot. So even if something does go wrong you won’t notice.
If all else fails, get a fun feather boa and pink champagne. Because who can be sad rocking that awesome combo?!
I’m a birthday month gal myself- and having to deal with grownup stuff on your birthday can just be so not fun. But believe me- when it comes to your wedding- everything can go wrong and it won’t matter- because you’re marrying Mr. Potato Chips- and you’ll be so blissfully focused on that- that everything else will just kind of drift by the wayside
A friend of mine really really recommended going on a run the morning of your wedding. She did that morning, got the nerves worked out, got a few minutes to herself, and really got a chance to collect herself. So plan for it!
I plan to take a shortish run at least the night before if not the day of, just to steal a few minutes to myself.
@suzanne1880: Isn’t champagne always the answer?? I think so.
@nightfall: Yes! I plan on doing that too. A short run is the best way to clear my mind!
@Mrs. Espresso: That is true! And a lovely way of putting it. Eyes on the prize!
@canegirl08: This is the best advice ever! Love it.
@Miss_Carmel: A DOC sounds like such a smart decision, from what I’ve read!
I intend to take a yoga class the morning of my wedding with my mom… and then… agreed. start drinking champagne. i hadn’t even thought about a foul mood on the wedding day until now… i have a tendency to be a “grumpy bear” as well…
When I’m in a funk, I’m convinced Slurpees from 7-11 are the answer. I don’t know why, but something is psychologically ingrained that they will make everything better. Other than that, people just need to stay out of my way and let me sulk!
Thankfully, in Hampton Roads there’s a 7-11 on every corner. I think my wedding day will work out. lol
Also…my best bud/MOH is the only one who just doesn’t question the Slurpee thing. She just shows up with them. *I’m saved!*
It’s funny: I was worried about things getting to me on my wedding day, too. I thought I’d be stressing about the weather, or what the set-up for the reception looked like. But on the day, I honestly did not give a rat’s ass about any of that stuff! It was so weird–months and months of stressing and it all just melted away without me even trying! So don’t worry too much about it.
HA! Miss PC, I am the EXACT same way about my birthday! I expect the world to stop and for EVERYONE to acknowledge this important event As far as the wedding goes, I think first of all, it would be pretty damn bad luck to have ALL those things go wrong…And secondly, after witnessing two of my friends get married in the past two weekend, I think it’s safe to say that you’ll be floating on a cloud of love and bliss and none of that will matter…and if it’s really necessary, like the other posters have said, some champagne and an extra slice of cake should do the trick!
haha, i also celebrate the entire month. and then arrogantly pronounce that my birthday should be a nationally recognized holiday. and i just turned 28. but i do it with reckless abandon.
i kind of am a little worried about getting into a funk should something go amiss on the day. i get kind of obsessive about details working exactly as i planned or else i’m not happy. sigh. it’s not a good trait and i’m working on relaxing.
Oh you won’t, I promise you won’t — take it from me, someone who was CONVINCED that even the smallest derailment from my vision would send me into a wedding day funk. It just….doesn’t happen, kind of like Miss Mouse said. I mean, sure, a few things went wrong on my wedding day (they always do) but you somehow just shrug them off in a way that you don’t do normally, even on other special days like birthdays. I mean, I remember being very briefly annoyed about a couple of things at the time, but the feeling passed in a few seconds, honestly. And now I can’t even remember what it was that I “thought” had gone wrong!
So trust me, whatever grumpy funk you’re worried will materialize if things go wrong just won’t happen. (And PS: I went for a swim before my wedding day and it helped enormously!)
I am also a Birthday week kinda girl Mr Frenchie tried to tell me I only got one day, but slowly learned it was just easier to give me my week
I was worried I’d be a stress case on our wedding day and that it would ruin the whole day, but I think being worried about it actually helped because I actively made myself un-funky
I’m TOTALLY a birthday-month girl & shamelessly advertise it!
As for wedding day funk, FI & I are attempting thwart it with TWO wedding days…the Catholic version on Friday & the secular, outdoor “vow renewal” on Sunday…so it could go doubly great, doubly awful or split right down the middle. I’m following Miss Caramel & canegirl with getting a day of coordinator…but I love Mrs. Espresso’s advice best: the day can’t go all that wrong when you’re marrying Mr. Right!
I’ve got to chime in on the other side–I DID get in a funk on wedding day (well, not so much a funk as a freak-the-heck-out)–but only up until the wedding actually started. Then I finally felt that lovely calm the other girls are talking about where I cared about nothing besides having a good time…but the wedding didn’t start until 5 pm, and I must admit that I was not in the best mood a lot of the day. It was my own fault–I had left far too much to do that day, when I just should have been hanging out with my girls and having fun! My advice to avoid a funk? Avoid anything that you know will put you in one (in my case, I should have avoided doing anything whatsoever in terms of decorating, etc, but I am so type-a that I couldn’t just let it go and let other people do it).
And if you get in that funk after all? Um yea, champagne.
I am determined to stay positive on my wedding day. At that point, hopefully I’ll feel confident that I did all I could to make the day what I want it to be, and then I’ll realize that all the people that love us have taken planes and long ass car rides to spend time with us How could I be grumpy after that?
I planned my little heart out for 13 months and I was determined to enjoy the party no matter what happened. I got some great advice early on. A wise woman said “don’t foget to enjoy yourself”. I can easily see how brides forget to do just this. Believe me things will go wrong no matter how much you plan. I guess for some people everything goes smoothly but they didn’t for me (make up artist was hours late, it poured on my outside ceremony, our minister got food poisoning). However, I was able to focus on what was good (friends, family, support and marrying my love) and had a blast. Best of luck to you.
I love that you used Grumpy bear. That made my day! And that you called it “the grumps”. Honestly, one of my reasons for doing a first look before the ceremony is to see my FI. I know that if I am feeling down or stressed, seeing him will calm me down.
Usually the FI makes things better when I’m a grump (which is why the long distance has been sooo hard!) Try not to stress? Easier said than done, I know. But things will go wrong and you should just let them slide!
And someone said to me once (when I was telling our proposal story)… there’s always a good (possibly funny) story to tell if something goes wrong. 
Gosh, I’m already stressing and yes I am a control freak. But….just had my 1st interview with a DOC today….that certainly helped. I think in the end, when it rains and people are late and the flowers are not what you want and the steak turned out to be chicken….we need to remember that we are getting married to our beloved. Ok, that’s what I’ll try to tell myself.
I’m totally “funky” too, and not in the good way. Once I’m in a bad mood, it takes a lot of cheering up from Mr. FF to get me out of it. We have an event coordinator at our reception venue, and I’m pretty sure my mom will be able to handle problems in the AM since she has 3 weddings under her belt, so I’m hoping I’m set. Definitely something to think about, though!
OMG! I celebrate “Birthday Week” too! My friends and family usually get tired of it by day 4.
I am totally LOVING your posts. You are so funny!
Girl! I feel ya! On my wedding day I didn’t get any sleep the night before, my sister-in-law to be was driving me NUTS, I had a break down in the hairdresser’s chair and wasn’t a fan of my hair and then I stepped in DOG POO getting out of the car to go get ready…. I was in a SERIOUS funk….and really worried about what would kick me out of it…..but then….then I started doing my make up and as soon as I applied my fake eyelashes everything looked brighter and fantastic! So don’t worry….even if your day starts off icky…something will turn it around for you. It has too! It’s way too important of a day to have on permanent cranky-pants.
I get in super funks too. The thing that helps me is just sitting down, breathing, and looking into my fiance’s eyes. (That sounds so dumb and romance novel, but he sits me down and makes me do it). I guess it’s extended human contact that does it for me.
For my wedding I was determined to stay cheerful come hell or high water and I did. As far as any other day, I too am a grumpy bear like you and once I’m in a funk I’m a pain to get out, but I wish I wasn’t like that.
I totally like to wallow in my misery - and like a lot of other brides - I knew that I HAD to have a DOC. I’ve decided to let everything roll of my back and to keep my expectations low and to just enjoy myself. Although that is probably easier said then done.
Wedding days are a disaster waiting to happen, in my opinion, because there’s so much going on and so many people involved.
I had major problems to deal with less than 48hrs before the wedding when my MIL/SIL decided to bare their claws and go berserk on us. It resulted in a frenzied rush where I had to redo all my programs (they weren’t gonna be in the ceremony) at 2am before my wedding morning.
Come wedding day, it was really up to me to make a decision to NOT allow such people to ruin our big day.
My conscious choice to be happy made all the difference.
You can too!
I felt the same way as you. We had a tropical wave coming our way for our big day and I was just scared everything would fall apart. I was so into the budget, we had no coordinator.
However, on the morning of the wedding, I woke up with this attitude feeling that I was getting married and NOTHING was going to change that. Sure, things went wrong…some big things (to me), but I told myself that I would deal with it the next day.
I needed to be completely relaxed and happy! It totally worked…I had a blast and I think my happiness was contagious. Just remember to be happy, and if something goes wrong, you can’t change it on that day (usually). Tell yourself, you’ll sweat it tomorrow, if at all!
I think about this ALL the time…what if…what if….what if. And my wedding is less than 30 days away and we have A LOT to do. I’m hoping for the best on the day of and trying to tell myself that I only get one shot. I’ve been giving myself the same pep talk for a couple of months. It goes like this, “If something goes wrong on the wedding day, take a deep breath and try to forget about it. Let someone else deal with it. That’s why you hired a wedding coordinator. Let yourself enjoy this day that you’ve been looking forward to for years and have spent thousands of dollars on.”
I always wondered why Grumpy Bear was so Grumpy. He just can’t help himself.
… I had NEVER thought about that! I usually wake up in a pretty good mood but man, once something goes wrong it usually goes downhill from there. Man, I need to figure out what keeps me sane real quick! Thanks for the self-realization!
BTW you are TOO cute for words!
I have already decided that I will not be stressing on my wedding day. No matter what. I will have spent way too much energy, effort, and money at this point to not just sit back and enjoy everything. That is my resolution.
When I’m in a super trashy mood - I do kiddy stuff. NO, really. And on my wedding day it was no different. Like when the 5 year old flower girl threw up on my perfectly jewelled flip flops, and when I completely forgot to pack deodorant… I find that a coloring book and an 8 pack of crayons, plus two oreos and a glass of milk can make me smile. Find something little, something silly that will help you relax. Or, just a bottle of wine seems to do the trick!
This post = me to a “T.” Seriously. I always have birthday months … and it’s always a celebration week. I REFUSE to work on my birthday. The best thing? FI’s birthday is EXACTLY one week before mine.
But sometimes, during that time, something happens and I get in a funk I can’t shake.I constantly get concerned about exactly the same thing on my wedding day but hopefully I won’t know about things going wrong … I’m pretty laid back but if something ruins that attitude - it’s ahrd to get back on track. I definitely appreciate this post - because everyone here has some pretty good advice!
O.M.G. I am exactly the same way with my moods!! FI gets sooo mad at me when I get grumpy b/c not only can he not snap me out of it, I don’t WANT to snap out of it! I want to wallow and be miserable.
I’ve also considered what would happen on my wedding day if something doesn’t go according to plan - b/c in normal life I absolutely hate, cannot stand, that. Looks like I have something to work on before that date, but at least I am not alone - thank you for posting this Ms P.Chips!!
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Ms. Potato Chips, Boston/Narragansett RI
Age and Occupation: 29, PhD Student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, Personal Trainer/Business Owner/Physical Therapy Assistant
Engagement Date: January 1, 2009
Wedding Date: June 2010
Venue: The Narragansett Towers
About Me: A semi-professional bookworm, if I could be a literary character I’d be a cross between Jo March and Jane Eyre, only better accessorized and much lazier. My hobbies include sleeping in, seasonal brews, running, Trader Joe’s, and watching Unwrapped and Good Eats with Mr. Potato Chips. I harbor an irrational fear of tulle, crafts, things that are fussy, and overuse of the phrase "Your Special Day". After a year or seven together, down the aisle we go, slouching toward adulthood and planning a Rhodie party with equal parts whimsy, cheer, and pizza.
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