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I’m going to warn you guys: this is a Debbie Downer post. But it’s important to be real, right? Anyway, I guess I’ll just jump right in… when I was 12, my father passed away. He was sick for a while and we all knew that his time with us was limited, but obviously you can’t prepare yourself for something like this. As I’ve made my way through the important events and milestones in my life, I’ve always wished that I could have my dad by my side, and my wedding day is no different.
This meant that he wouldn’t be there to walk me down the aisle, give me away, have our father daughter dance, or give a stern talking to Mr. Fro Yo (should he require one). I’ve never thought about this and not cried. And this time is no different; however, I’ve found ways to incorporate things that represent Daddy Fro Yo in our wedding. One of the things I plan to incorporate is magnolia flowers.
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My dad was from Mississippi, and you can’t drive 3 feet without seeing a magnolia tree there. I will have some of these gorgeous flowers in my bouquet, though I realize this is not a traditional wedding flower. My florist and I are still working out other ways to incorporate them. I have also been searching for the perfect magnolia flower to wear in my hair, and am still searching!
I also have some amazing people in my life that make my loss a little easier. Enter Brother Fro Yo:
(Can you guess which one he is? 
)
He will walk me down the aisle, tell me lots of jokes to calm my nerves, and keep me from crying the day of the wedding. He did this for my older sister at her wedding, and I know that he will do the same for me. He’s already taking his joke telling seriously by sharing this picture with me and saying that I should tell you all that he’s one of the monks.
However, the one thing he can’t stand in for is the father-daughter dance. Which leads me to the mother-son dance… I definitely do not want to take this moment away from Mr. Fro Yo and his mom, and he’s been so sensitive and wonderful regarding my feelings. But at the same time, I know that seeing them out there and knowing that my turn isn’t next will be very difficult for me. I have not come up with the solution for this. One thing I considered is just letting them dance whenever they want to, but maybe not making it a “moment” with a designated song. But is that special enough for them?
What would you all do?
Oh Miss Fro Yo I am so very sorry for your loss. Brother Fro Yo is a cutie patootie and sounds like a great guy. What about doing a dance with him?
What a great brother you have. What about dancing with your brother, or do you have another male member of your family who has been a strong male figure in your family? One of my good friends was in a similar situation and she ended up dancing with her uncle and it was very sweet.
I agree what about dancing with Brother Fro Yo. Maybe invite other dads and daughters to dance too in honour of your dad.
PS That magnolia is a beautiful flower…
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I know that the big events in our lives reopen old wounds, and I can only imagine how hard it would be to have to experience your wedding without your father.
I’m glad your brother will be there to support you on your wedding day. How lucky to have such an awesome sibling!
Are you close to your mom? Though it’ll never be a replacement for your father-daughter dance, a mother-daughter dance could be just as touching. Maybe you could find a song about mothers in general, and you and Mr. Fro Yo could dance with your mothers at the same time?
I have a similar situation as you (as I try not to cry right now). My dad passed away 10 years ago, when I was 17. It’s still very difficult to deal with, and while getting married should be such a happy event, it’s impossible to think of your dad not being able to be there to share it, let alone the fact that he and your FH will never meet. Before I go on a rambling tangent, what my fiancee and I decided was that he will dance with his mom at some point during the night, but not a special only-ones-on-the-dance-floor type dance. I left it up to him and that’s what he wants to do.
BTW..i love that you are incorporating magnolias into your wedding. It makes me think about how I will represent my dad there.
Magnolia flower and beautiful birdcage veils:
Unveiled Bridal Designs.com
A great site!
After reading a couple of the other posts, the reason we aren’t doing a “replacement” dance is that I feel that the one person I want to be there can’t be, and if I dance with my uncle or poppop, it’s not the same and all I’ll think about is how my dad is not there. Then again, I have been to a wedding where the bride danced with both her brothers, bc the dad had passed away, and it seemed really nice bc they had been there for her. Maybe if i had a brother, the situation would be different.
Is Mr. Fro Yo’s dad around? If my dad wasn’t around I would either choose a grandfather or FFIL for that dance, but I don’t know the whole dynamics of your situation.
Is there a song that reminds you of your dad? Or maybe his wedding song with you mom? You could play it in memory of him, and everyone could dance, and you could be in your husband’s arms, which would be a safe place for that sort of tough moment.
I say dance with your brother. I think brides often forget how important brothers are. He won’t be replacing your dad. It’ll just be a new experience for both of you and a sort of sweet way to honor your father. Maybe dance to a favorite song of his.
I’m so sorry that your wedding day will have even a twinge of sadness in it. It makes me cry just thinking about it. I like the idea of you dancing with your mother best. If I were you, I wouldn’t want someone to stand in for my father… but there is nothing wrong with doing a mother/daughter dance! ((hugs))
Miss Fro Yo, we are in the same position. My father past away when I was 13, and even though our situations aren’t exactly the same, I understand. I have had many back and fourth thoughts about how to handle the big father/daughter moments. You want them, but at the same time you don’t want to replace him in any way.
These are my current plans for the father/daughter moments. I want to walk down the aisle by myself, and have all nine members of my family give me away. My mom will lift my drop veil, and someone (aunt or uncle) will say in memory of my grandma and dad. As for the dance, I am not planning the traditional sentimental dance. I will be dancing with my 16 year old cousin to something fun (currently thinking “hey ya”) and invite everyone on to the dance floor 3/4 through the song. I like that it won’t be exactly like a father/daughter dance and it will be up beat.
I know you will find something that will fit. Even if you decide just to nix the dance. Its your choice!
i’m so sorry. after coming narrowly close to losing my dad this year, this post really hit me. have you thought of dancing with your mom?
i love how you plan on incorporating the magnolia for your dad. i think that’s a sweet touch.
What about dancing with your dad’s brother? or father? or Mother’s father?
It’s still somewhat traditional- your Dad’s brother (or father) would be “the closest thing” in a way or if you danced with your Maternal Grandfather, it would be what your mother was doing the day she married your father…
I also agree with dancing with your mum! That would be very special.
It might be a little too theatrical for you, but I loved that scene in Elizabethtown *I think that was the movie* when the mother does a dance FOR her husband who passed.
You could have your husband dedicate a dance with you to your father, and/or maybe dance a little with each of the men who carry on your father’s spirit (above mentioned grandfather, uncle, best friend? etc.)
Just throwing some ideas out that might spark one of your own! I hope you find something that works for you.
-Hugs-
*Hugs* My heart goes out to you, Miss Fro Yo. Something about getting married without your dad there just doesn’t feel right. We decided to skip the whole father/daughter, mother/son dance thing since my dad passed away last year. I’m not sure if we would have done it anyway. I hope you can come up with something to make it less painful for you. Do you have anyone who could fill your dad’s shoes for the dance?
I completely empathize with you FroYo. My father passed away when I was 14 and my youngest brother will walk me down the aisle. I love your idea of the magnolias to represent him at your wedding!
People always think this is an odd idea, but why not dance with your Mom? Where’s the rule that it has to be a male member of your family you dance with? If the dance is all about signifying the special person who raised you and supported you and got you to this point, then why not your Mom. My parents are both alive (I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you, thinking about your Dad not being there *hugs*) but I wanted to acknowledge that they both raised and supported and nurtured me. My Dad walked me down the aisle, but I danced with both of them. They switched halfway through the song. Lots of people told me afterwards how nice they thought it was that I danced with my Mom too.
If you’re interested, here is my blog post about it: http://rubyslippersbride.blogspot.com/2009/07/down-yellow-brick-road-part-xix-dancing.html
Miss Fro Yo. As someone who will be missing a parent (in my case my amazing mom) at my wedding my heart goes out to you. I commend you for finding ways to include him in the ceremony. My dad, will also not be there, but that is because he hasn’t ever been there. Instead, my cousin will be walking me down the aisle, and the two of us will be boogie-ing to something fun as our first dance song. I know this is rough, and this may be too hard, but dancing with your bro, might be an option.
I’m sorry about your father. 
I don’t have a father, so my cousin is walking me down the aisle. I was all for the FI having a mother/son dance, but he declined. He said he didn’t want the attention, but I have a feeling he was just making me feel less awkward about it. Gotta love that man.
I’m not sure what to tell you - I would go ahead with the mother/son dance and maybe take that opportunity to run to the restroom, straighten up your hair, have great photo ops with your mom and brother, etc?
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. I’d imagine this is probably one of the hardest milestones to get through without him.
I think you should let him have his designated dance with his mom. Then during your time, maybe you could put together a slide show of pictures of you and your dad together before he passed away?? You could set it to a song you’d like to dance to with him if you had the opportunity.
As for the magnolia hair flower…have you considered having someone make it out of clay for you?? I bet you could get a pretty exact replica.
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Mrs. Frozen Yogurt, Dallas Age and Occupation: 28, Special Projects Coordinator Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Equity Trader Engagement Date: March 19, 2009 Wedding Date: April 2010 Venue: Marie Gabrielle, Dallas About Me: I was born and raised in Texas, and have lived in several of the cities across the state, but I currently reside in Austin. I went to college in Boston and have a special place in my heart for the Northeast. I love reading, shopping, wine, reuniting with college friends that are scattered across the country, reality TV, trying out new recipes, and attempting all the DIY projects that come along with wedding planning. I'm a "bleeding heart, save the world type" and thankfully my job allows me to work on legislation and policy to help out those in need. I met Mr. Frozen Yogurt in a bar, though he doesn't even drink! And now we are planning a modern yet vintage wedding in Dallas while dealing with the trials and tribulations of first time homeownership.
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