Weddingbee Blog

We don’t do fancy. We can try, but it usually doesn’t work. We go in for Egyptian cotton sheets and emerge with a polyester blend, the one that was twenty dollars cheaper. We splurge on the expensive wine but the bottle goes unfinished and rancid in the fridge. We decide to “grow up” our frat-house of a home, with paint and adult things like curtains and wall sconces, and we end up with a homemade bar and trim that goes untouched-up. Our vacations are to Disney World or in Rhode Island. Our big nights out involve nachos and splitting the bill. We don’t do fancy.

Our lives could probably stand to have a bit more polish, a bit more pretension, a shiny finish and clean edges, but instead we (make that I) let the dishes pile up and spend Sunday afternoons in our pajamas watching the Food Network. That’s us.

So maybe that is why, when friends inquire about wedding plans, I blush and stammer and insist, “Oh it’s nothing fancy. Just a party. Pretty laid back.” With a shrug and a smile I seek to reassure the person in question, “No no, this won’t be an affair for which you’ll need to buy a new dress. Please don’t worry about tan lines or tuxes.” For us, a grand affair with long gowns and dim lighting and those foot-high flower arrangements wouldn’t make sense.

Except… our wedding is decidedly, well, wedding-y. I mean, it’s not a home-grown affair, a backyard BBQ, or a small gathering in a state park. In some ways it’s very traditional: church ceremony, a reception in a historic building. I’ll wear a dress, he’ll wear… uh, something (tux? suit?), nails will be manicured and hair will be swept up with lots of hairspray. And as we shape up the details (invitations! calligraphy? caterers! salmon? dessert! cake or sweets table??) I feel the ridiculous but insistent need to remind ourselves and others of the kind of day we’re ultimately looking for.

We’re not looking for perfection. We’re not perfect people. If it rains I’ll wear my pink plaid galoshes. I will probably spill something on my dress, and someone, somewhere, will be late. Clothes will be wrinkled. It’s okay. It’s how we are. An ideal wedding day for me would be a simple outdoor affair, maybe at my family’s beach house. Maybe involving a cookout and shoes kicked off. Except all that simplicity requires an awful lot of sticky logistics—outside in June, in New England? Heck naw! And what about Porta Potties and septic tanks and the renting of things? Nothing seems laid-back about that.

Although our wedding won’t be the outdoor, J.Crew-catalogue affair I originally envisioned, it will still be “us”. And we’ll be careful not to overdo anything, not to get caught in the chicken-wire-maze of endless wedding details. This means: flipping through the new Martha Stewart wedding magazine, but probably not trying to create any of her crafts; nixing details that are, in our situation, unnecessary (read: Save the Dates); adding details that we care about (read: ice cream and pizza at the reception) rather than what tradition and those endless wedding TV shows dictate. And I think, once all that is done, we’ll be able to smile and relax on the day itself, and maybe then everyone else will, too.

Do you have a “vibe” for your wedding that you’re striving for? How do you plan on accomplishing it? Will your day be a fancier version of you, or will it reflect how you are every day? Am I completely overthinking everything?