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Miss Parfait, Chicago Age and Occupation: 26, Teacher Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Senior Online Consultant Engagement Date: February 14, 2009 Wedding Date: April 2010 Venue: Signature Events About Me: I have a soft spot for all things sweet and romantic. Desserts, love songs, sappy movies? Yes, yes, and ohh yes. My fiance and I enjoy singing to our dogs, creating crazy ice cream sundaes, and generally being lovey dovey cuddle bunnies. We also do socially acceptable things like dancing, throwing Frisbees, playing high stakes board games, and taking unreasonably fun road-trips. We're planning a Korean/Serbian wedding with plenty of playful, personal touches!
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Finding My Inner Tough Cookie

October 6th, 2009 @ 2:37 pm by Miss Parfait

When it comes to getting my way and negotiating, I’m a little less “tough cookie” and a little more “wimpy, mushy cookie”. As an illustration:

bunny

Not a tough cookie! (Source)

Like many girls (and many other bees), it’s hard for me to put myself first. I feel terrible when I inconvenience others or have to ask for what I need. So when it comes to negotiating, I’m not exactly your go-to gal!

However, the love of my life taught me a very important lesson. I’ll share my paraphrased version here:

When money is involved, the interaction between two people is about business. It is not about personal sacrifice or hurt feelings. It’s about a transaction.

His advice is incredibly eye-opening for me. The best part is, the more I apply it in our wedding planning, the more it sinks in! I mentioned before that our food and drinks take up 70% of our budget, so we need to cut costs everywhere else. I’m learning to state our needs (without feeling demanding), ask about costs (without feeling intrusive), and even do a teensy bit of negotiating. New illustration!

toughbunny

That is one tough cookie! (Source)

Following, you’ll find all of my new tips on how to be a ferosha-fierce negotiator! Just teasing. ;) I just compiled some things I try to remember when working with wedding vendors, so that I stop being “personal sacrifice girl” and start finding my inner tough cookie!

  1. Know my budget. And don’t apologize for it! I get comments about how big it is and about how small it is. Oh well, I say, oh well!
  2. Do a ton of research on the vendor. And not just on their website. I’m surprised at how many vendor associations I find just by asking friends and family! Also, blogs of local photographers can give you an inside look at venues and vendors; so can online reviews. Lastly, I have a ton of wedding magazines, and I cut out ads for the vendors I’m considering. All of this helps me understand what we’re getting in exchange for the cost.
  3. Ask about prices. Since many of the vendors I like don’t state their prices, I feel like I’m stepping on toes by asking. But I need to find out who can work with our budget and what they can provide.
  4. Make that change! All of our contacts have been willing to change their packages. I’ve taken out intermezzo courses, specialty linens, and champagne toasts from catering packages to lower the price. I feel like it’s a hassle for the reception coordinators to send me a revised, personalized package (and for us to be different from their “standard wedding format”), but I also don’t want them to provide things we really don’t need.
  5. Work with nice people. It’s easier to ask about off-season discounts when you know you won’t get a stink-face with their reply. :P The people we’ve signed contracts with have been very kind and professional, which makes it easier for us to trust them with our event!
  6. Find a vendor that has an amazing deal going on! If it’s for a limited time, it’s worth asking if they’ll extend the special for us. Then I don’t need to negotiate a great deal––they’ve already offered it to the world! Ahhh, that’s totally the way to go.
  7. Bring the fiance along. I went to a few meetings by myself and came away with absolutely no information about costs. I don’t have a habit of talking finances with people I’ve just met! When Mr. Parfait and I are together, we work off of each other to better understand the person’s (or company’s) style, price, and personality.

Wow, when I type it all out, it looks like a lot to remember! But it all boils down to creating the smoothest possible business transaction between two friendly parties. It helps that I’m not doing it alone, and that my teammate is my super-business-savvy fiance! With his help, I know we’ll find the sweet, fun, and, of course, budget-friendly vendors we need for our special day!

Are you comfortable discussing the financial aspect with your wedding vendors, or do you leave that to your fiance? What’s your advice on getting a good price for a not-so-assertive bride-to-be?

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23 Responses to “Finding My Inner Tough Cookie”

1.
LatteLove
Hostess
LatteLove (message)  4,094 posts, Honey bee

I really enjoyed interacting with my wedding vendors after the first couple of months when I found some resolve to be kind but firm about contracts and agreements etc.

Way to be a tough cookie!

 
2.
fiftyfootbride
Member
fiftyfootbride (message)  3,683 posts, Sugar bee

Great advice! I really second the research and bring-your-fiance-along ones. You need to try to know as much about your vendors as possible beforehand. Also, I feel like most, if not all, wedding decisions should include BOTH parties. I think it’s the bride and groom’s day, not just the bride’s day. :)

 
3.
tea
Member
tea (message)  2,616 posts, Sugar bee

aww, the bunnies! so cute!

okay, enough bunny. this is great advice! i sometimes have a problem negoitating as well [which burns my mom up. lol. she's the queen of negoiations] but everysooften i’m able to wear the hat of a tough cookie.

 
4.
catlady
Member
catlady (message)  618 posts, Busy bee

I second bringing the fiance along. Between us he’s the more business oriented invididual. I’ve also found vendors were more likely to negotiate with him…sucks huh?

 
5.
ETwedding
Member
ETwedding (message)  102 posts, Blushing bee

I have absolutely no spine and cannot negotiate. My FI does it. I find the vendor, he negotiates the price and does awesome at it. 25% off catering, wow.

 
6.
Guest Icon
Guest
Vikki

Love that advice! I very much believe that it never hurts to ask - the worst thing that happens is you hear a “no.” Some of the vendors I respect most have told me “no” and explained why. They were very honest and straight forward about it and I appreciated this no-BS approach.

My advice to live by is - when you think about it, money is just paper. If you get nervous talking about money, remember, it’s just paper!

 
7.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss French Fries (message)  732 posts, Busy bee

Such good advice. I have a tendency to be a “mushy cookie” too, so I know where you’re coming from! I try to bring my fiance along whenever possible because he’s a good negotiator, but I need to learn how to step up do it myself every now and then.

 
8.
Member Icon
Member
jhguba (message)  239 posts, Helper bee

I’m a very tough cookie. I need to go the opposite direction and work on finding my inner soft and chewy cookie! : )

 
9.
texasmeredith
Member
texasmeredith (message)  1,113 posts, Bumble bee

Great advice!

 
10.
Mrs. Deviled Egg
Bee
Mrs. Deviled Egg (message)  892 posts, Busy bee

I feel you on this post! And, I was a terrible negotiator. I was so nervous to even ask if discounts were available, but finally got the nerve with our photog. I managed to save us10% by offering full payment upfront and added a CD of our photos for free, which was normally only included with her top tier package. However, that’s the extend of my skills. I had Mr. DE do the negotiations with the DJ.

 
11.
alishaneva
Member
alishaneva (message)  1,524 posts, Bumble bee

Great adcice! And I’m loving the pictures - they make me a mushy “awwww-”er!

 
12.
krissycake
Member
krissycake (message)  2,085 posts, Buzzing bee

Great advice! This is so me…

 
13.
Bee Icon
Bee
Mrs. Mouse (message)  3,300 posts, Sugar bee

Great advice. I could’ve used it when I was booking vendors!

 
14.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Moonbeam (message)  1,328 posts, Bumble bee

I’m still working on this, but thanks for the tips.

 
15.
Ruby Slippers
Member
Ruby Slippers (message)  482 posts, Helper bee

Mwahaha, that first bunny completely slays me!

 
16.
bexyk1010
Member
bexyk1010 (message)  73 posts, Worker bee

SUCH a great post! Thank you- that is so me too! It helps me to have my fiance with me, but in our last meeting with a photographer, I asked if we could sub in one item for another, and he was so proud of me! I thought I was asking an innocent question, but he said I was playing hardball. Ha! It’s empowering when you put it that way.

 
17.
ColorCoated
Member
ColorCoated (message)  951 posts, Busy bee

I am not a tough cookie at all! Thanks for the tips!

 
18.
KMSull
Member
KMSull (message)  2,509 posts, Sugar bee

Awwww the bunnies! For real, though, this is the part of the wedding where I am going to need mom and dad a little bit. Neither boyfriend nor I are fierce negotiators- him because he doesn’t feel right about it and me because I don’t have alot of experience- and I look forward to learning how to do it from my dad (even though he has a tendency to just pay whatever… not playing that game with the WIC this time around!)! Thanks so much for the tips!

 
19.
Guest Icon
Guest
suzy

great post.

i agree with the other posters who used their FHs as negotiators. in a work environment i am rational and tough but when it came to the wedding…i knew he’d be better at it than i was so had him do all the negotiating. it’s amazing how many things we got just by asking. and i never would have had the bunnies to ask!

talk to your FH and figure out which one of you should be the deal maker.

 
20.
pvaulter718
Member
pvaulter718 (message)  1,593 posts, Bumble bee

The bunnies are super adorable regardles sof how mushy you might be! I was a really bad negotiator with our photographer the first time around, and then after I realized how much more I could have gotten, with some further negotiating skills, I went back and squeezed a little more out of him! Since I don’t do much negotiating at work, this wasn’t something I had practice at!

 
21.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Parfait (message)  588 posts, Busy bee

@ETwedding: Sounds like you guys make a good team. :)

@Vikki: That is great advice! Thank you~~

@Ruby Slippers: Haha, glad you appreciated it, too!

 
22.
Member Icon
Member
fromcharleston (message)  87 posts, Worker bee

don’t feel bad about asking vendors to cut things out of packages. usually they use software to put this stuff together, so taking out or adding in things is very easy. big hotels and such use delphi or daylight to make banquet event orders (BEOs) and you basically check off the things you want to go on the BEO and the software puts it together automatically. easy for them! don’t feel bad anymore miss parfait!

 
23.
Miss Poodle
Bee
Miss Poodle (message)  3,020 posts, Sugar bee

what a great post!

 


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Miss Parfait
Miss Parfait Miss Parfait, Chicago Age and Occupation: 26, Teacher Fiance's Age and Occupation: 24, Senior Online Consultant Engagement Date: February 14, 2009 Wedding Date: April 2010 Venue: Signature Events About Me: I have a soft spot for all things sweet and romantic. Desserts, love songs, sappy movies? Yes, yes, and ohh yes. My fiance and I enjoy singing to our dogs, creating crazy ice cream sundaes, and generally being lovey dovey cuddle bunnies. We also do socially acceptable things like dancing, throwing Frisbees, playing high stakes board games, and taking unreasonably fun road-trips. We're planning a Korean/Serbian wedding with plenty of playful, personal touches!
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