Wedding Blog

Hi! I wanted to have some Korean traditions in my wedding and had to do some research on my own and luckily found a woman in Ann Arbor who helps coordinate the paebak ceremonies. She ended up whipping out tons of details that even impressed my parents. My husband is not Korean and we were getting married in Michigan with the majority of his family and friends (my family is in New York and spread out in the U.S.), so we added a brief description in the program….In Korean tradition, the marriage between a man and a woman represents the joining of two families, rather than the joining of two individuals (which was my dad’s motto all weekend and then repeated at my brother’s wedding a few months later). Pae baek (pae-baek) is an ancient Korean wedding-related ceremony with deep respect for ancestors as a formal introduction and acceptance of the bride into the groom’s family. Traditionally, Koreans will often hold the ceremony in a small room with immediate family (which many cousins did, but all were Korean weddings). A&J wanted to share the moment publicly with all the guests. A&J will be dressed in traditional Korean ceremonial dress called Hanbok (han-bok). The Pae baek table will be setup with a variety of foods (all brought by the coordinator and all with significant symbolism (ie. wooden ducks (pair for life), coin purses, a mini pine tree/plant, another plant type, (oh, it all escapes me now!)) and rice wine that signify the couple to rise early, work hard, be productive, and be reproductive and the warding off of evil spirits. A will offer symbolic gifts (tea/fruit juice/soju (not sure what it really was) and I think it is supposed to be in a gourd, but we used tea serving stuff) to her new parents as a sign of steadfastness and eternal faith to their son. Groom’s parents will signal their approval of the match by accepting A’s offering of rice wine (soju). A will prepare the apron of her Hanbok for receipt of new parent’s gifts. Groom’s parents will toss chestnuts and dates (one symbolizes boys and the other is for girls) for A to catch. The more of each she catches, the better it is for productivity, having children and savoring the sweetness of life. Tossing and catching these items assures fertility, happiness, health, wealth and a bright future for the new couple. Finally, J will carry A piggyback around the room as a signal that he is prepared to support her fully as her husband…..this is what I thought was going to happen, however the coordinator added everything in the book right on the spot. It ended up being very well received so we kept going. Other parts included groom giving “piggybacks” to his mom and bride’s mom. Undressing each other out of the traditional gown. Lots and lots of bowing. Groom had to carry me around the room THREE times!

I probably butchered it all.

Do what feels right to you. My parents was not sure how it all would be received and wanted a very simple wedding. But they still could not be happier with how it all played out. The Korean ceremony took up most of the evening, but all the guests loved it! My parents are very proud. I did it for me and my need to acknowledge my heritage as my culture now melds with my husband’s, but I think I am happiest that my parents enjoyed it.