Squirm*Squirm

Squirm*Squirm

October 9th, 2009 @ 12:25 pm by Mrs. Lamb
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I had been told by my friends that the guest list was one of the hardest wedding related tasks. I had heard the jokes when I mentioned I was working on mine: “Good luck!”

I had thought that it didn’t apply to me.

These are the reasons I thought I was going to have an easy go of the guest list:

We wouldn’t have to make any cuts because we had made the decision to have a big wedding rather than a small intimate affair
It would be easiest to invite all family members.
My group of friends would stay set for the year of the planning.
We could decide a number, put all the family on the list, then go around from his parents, to my parents, to us and we could each add someone until we reached the magic number.

These are the reasons why I ended up with everyone else on the wedding guest list roller coaster:

There are always going to be more people that you can invite.
Some family members get arrested, become mentally unstable, or get into hot water with the wedding financiers.
During the move toward being a permanent couple, friendships grow and change. Add in two moves and people getting back in touch with you to congratulate you on the engagement… you end up with a bevy of old and new friends that it just wouldn’t seem right to celebrate without.
Since all of the parties are spread across the country, a sit down was impossible and it turned into a “send us your list, send us your list and I’ll merge them into theknot.com tracker” kind of deal.

We settled on a guest list as we had to get the Save-the-Dates out in quick order around the 4th of July. My personality (read: not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings), combined with Ewe Mother’s exuberance for inviting and a dash of Ram Father’s practicality, eventually met in the middle.

The hardest part of the process was setting emotions to the side. People weren’t cut from the list because we hated their guts and would barf wedding cake if we saw them at the wedding. There were simply situations that would prove to be a damper on the wedding celebrations, or just a plain, old lost connection. Ram Father helped so much - he took on the responsibility of explaining to family members how the decisions were made.

Are you stressed about your guest list? Has anyone in the family stood up for you and your decisions?

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29 Responses to “Squirm*Squirm”

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Bee

Miss Scissors (message) 7,343 posts, Busy Beekeeper

My guest list has been the biggest chore and pain in the butt of everything so far, tbh. I hate all the politics involved. I also really stink at trying to cut people. We need to shave off around 100 people just in invites. :-/

10/9/09 @ 12:36 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Spaniel (message) 6,809 posts, Busy Beekeeper

ARRRGH the guest list. On the one hand my parents both say “we need to cut the list.” On the other, they won’t let us cut anyone.

10/9/09 @ 12:46 pm (reply)

Guest

dc bride

oh my the guest list was the hardest part. We were trying to merge his Italian american family and my irish italian family and our large network of close friends. My mom sent me her list that included 250 people. And his side kept adding and removing people from the guest list (even after save the dates were sent). We finally just created set rules–no one past second cousins were invited, no friends of the parents, no friend who didnt know us as a couple, etc.

10/9/09 @ 12:50 pm (reply)

Member

julesann (message) 90 posts, Worker bee

We are having a SMALL wedding…..So we invited 83, expecting on the max……60 to show….So far we have not received a no, and we are at 74!!!! AHHH!!!

10/9/09 @ 12:51 pm (reply)

Guest

Colleen

THE. WORST.
I, like you, would have never imagned how stressful this would be. Where do you draw the line? Who gets to bring their SigOther? Do you invite the long-time friend who is a bit unstable and could explode at any minute? Do you need to reach out and justify to people why they aren’t invited? Ugh….

10/9/09 @ 12:55 pm (reply)

Member

bflobride (message) 15 posts, Newbee

Major cause of stress this week! Like you, we were pushed to finalize it so we could send STDs. We’ve been good about our list, but neither of the moms will budge - ugh.

10/9/09 @ 1:02 pm (reply)

Member

redherring (message) 1,991 posts, Buzzing bee

I also naively thought “We totally won’t have a problem!” since my fiance and I are paying for it ourselves, and therefore are only giving the families very limited input. Yeah - we’re up to 150 invites so far (for a wedding that’s not happening until September, 2010), and if we get an exceptionally good RSVP rate, I’m not sure what we’re going to do!

10/9/09 @ 1:07 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Giraffe (message) 4,187 posts, Honey bee

Guests lists are seriously a pain in the butt. I’ve just decided not to think about it right now :). ahahaha

10/9/09 @ 1:09 pm (reply)

Bee

Ms Potato Chips (message) 1,193 posts, Bumble bee

YES the guest list is beginning to get a wee bit stressful. Our venue cannot comfortably accommodate more than a certain amount of people, but the list keeps creeping up and up…

10/9/09 @ 1:14 pm (reply)

10.

Member

tea (message) 7,278 posts, Busy Beekeeper

i’m expecting the boy to be the pragmatic one as he is with practically everything else. which will help because i’d probably feel obliged to invite everyone i’ve ever known.

10/9/09 @ 1:17 pm (reply)

11.

Member

Miss_Carmel (message) 316 posts, Helper bee

I’m still thinking that our guest list is going to be easy peasy. Hopefully mine actually will be… I’m more worried about dealing with our crazy families on the day of.

10/9/09 @ 1:28 pm (reply)

12.

Bee

Miss French Fries (message) 2,218 posts, Buzzing bee

We still don’t have a set list, and we’ve been hounding our parents for months about it. Now that we have our STD’s, it’s time to get it figured out. I think we’re avoiding it for some of the same reasons as you — it’s a hard part of planning.

10/9/09 @ 1:32 pm (reply)

13.

Member

Stesse (message) 136 posts, Blushing bee

Oh the guest list! Not a problem with M’s family, as they are small & should only be about 30 people - but MY family! Oh my goodness. I asked mom for the list - I got the ENTIRE Christmas card list (and let me just add - Mom could single-handedly support the greeting card industry). She had 300 people on her list! Including my pediatrician that I haven’t seen since, well, since I was a kid (duh!). And the librarian from the town we lived in when I was 12! And… oh the list goes on. She’s been good about cutting it down - questions from my dad such as “when was the last time you talked to this person?” and “tell me one recent fact about that person” have been very helpful in cutting out the people she hasn’t stayed in touch with (other than through the annual Xmas card).

10/9/09 @ 1:32 pm (reply)

14.

Member

LittleWit (message) 114 posts, Blushing bee

Sadly/Fortunately I am the relative that keeps tabs on most of my side of the family. Which made it really hard trying to reign in my large-ish family so that we could invite a few of our friends. In the end I am having to cut children we’re not close to. I am completely dreading having to tell my cousins their kids aren’t invited but we’re just flat out of room and money.

10/9/09 @ 1:37 pm (reply)

15.

Member

rachelpete (message) 90 posts, Worker bee

Way to go Papa Lamb! Explaining why people didn’t make the cut is a hard job. I wish I’d been a little more adamant about cutting the guest list. . . I wanted a 60-person wedding, and got. . . 300!

10/9/09 @ 1:39 pm (reply)

16.

Member

cutemommie (message) 17 posts, Newbee

We had set a limit of 100 people due to budget. We made it a adult only reception since our ceremony is at 7pm on a Sat and we are doing cocktails and apps. That help cut our list down to 100.

10/9/09 @ 1:58 pm (reply)

17.

Member

polkadot (message) 218 posts, Helper bee

Ughh this was definitely one of the hardest parts of planning. We decided not to include children, and we set the family cut off bar at “no second cousins.” No one has complained yet (that I know of!). I am hoping that people understand.

10/9/09 @ 3:16 pm (reply)

18.

Member

Bridebella (message) 368 posts, Helper bee

The hardest part of planning…hands down! I thought we were beyond the annoying guest list debates when a week and a half before our wedding we have people asking if we can add them to our list. It just keeps coming back! I love everything about planning, just NOT THE GUEST LIST!

10/9/09 @ 3:57 pm (reply)

19.

Member

RecessionistaBride (message) 5,018 posts, Bee Keeper

Our guest list is a nightmare… it keeps growing and growing. I only wanted 50 people originally & we’re already up to 75. It’s hard to cut out family members… my extended family & I are close on both sides. I’m the 1st to get married out of the kids…
It is most definitely the worst part of planning a wedding.

10/9/09 @ 4:00 pm (reply)

20.

Member

Sage (message) 728 posts, Busy bee

I didn’t think we’d have a guest list issue either, but it turns out… it’s just a fact of wedding planning! LOL! We said no kids, and then that was an issue. There are family members FI didn’t want there, and that was an issue. And he’s inviting friends of his that I’ve never met… WHAT?!?

Hehehehehe! Ahh, the joy of Guest Lists.

10/9/09 @ 4:29 pm (reply)

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