Wedding Blog
So, I was dead set on not assigning tables for the wedding. It felt like a giant stressor so close to the end, and I just didn’t want to do that to myself. But then I read this post on the Weddingbee boards and I started to second guess myself. My problem with assigning tables is if people don’t come to the wedding that RSVPed, the people at that table might feel shunned. And what if people just ignore the assignments, anyway? And what if I can’t figure out who should sit together? OR worse, what if I forget to assign a seat to someone?
Now, I’ve been to weddings where seating is assigned and weddings where it isn’t. I’ve never felt like I was scrambling when it wasn’t assigned, nor did I feel like I had to “mark” my table. I’m just so torn.
On a positive note, there are so many adorable ways to personalize the name cards and table numbers. I did feel sad at one point that I wouldn’t be taking on that task. Here are some ideas that I love:
Yes, they are gorgeous, but is it worth it? Should I take on this task? What do you think hive? What’s been your experience with and without assigning tables?
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Assign tables!! It makes everything easier for your guests.I am too shy to make friends easily, and it’s awkward to sit at a table with strangers. I went to quite a few weddings this past summer, and I was so glad to have my table given to me. Guaranteed seats! To me, it’s worth the extra time for your guests’ comfort.
If I had to do it again, I wouldn’t assign tables. We had a lot of no shows which left almost 2 tables in the middle of the space completely empty. If we didn’t assign seats, we wouldn’t have had empty tables.
The weddings I’ve been to without assigned tables totally stressed me out. I didn’t know many people, felt like I was scrambling to find a seat, and then there are weird gabs everywhere.
When a table is assigned for me, I really appreciate it. But I do think it depends on the size of your group and what they’re all used to. We’re definitely assigning tables.
I’m right there with you on NOT assigning seatings. I think I’ll reserve some tables for the wedding party, and then just make everything else up for grabs. I guess you have to consider your guest list. Most, if not all, of our guest will know someone else at the wedding and will likely seek them out to sit with. If you’re inviting a lot of people who won’t know anyone but you or the groom, Littlebug has a point.
I agree that it really depends on your group and how well everyone knows everybody else. I prefer assigned seating because I feel like its awkward otherwise. You might end up stuck at a table with people you don’t know at all, or you might feel badly if you find a table first then see someone you know well doesn’t have a seat they’re comfortable in and your table is full. I just find it really stressful.
But, if you’re confident that everyone knows everyone else well enough that it won’t be an issue… use your best judgment.
I like assigned tables because I like to feel like someone took the time to seat me with people who I might have something in common. At one wedding I went to where there was not assigned seating, I felt totally awkward. We didn’t know anyone outside of the bride and groom. We ended up sitting with the bride’s family (aunts and cousins). It was weird because we didn’t know who they were and felt bad that we realized we were at a family table. I don’t think they appreciated us being there, either.
I think having assigned tables will also help to ensure you won’t have one seat open at one table, one open at another, and a couple who can’t find two seats together.
Due to the nature of our venue, assigned seating just wont work. I am a little stressed out about this, but hopefully 2 reserved tables for families and one for us will alleviate some of the “family awkwardness”… I dont know, I guess we will just see how it goes.
I went to a wedding last fall of my boyfriend’s coworker. The tables were assigned, but we must have missed the board indicating that they were, and just plopped ourselves down anywhere. After a while all of the other tables started to fill up, while ours remained woefully empty. At some point during dinner their DOC bustled over to see why we were sitting alone at our table, and started reading off the names of people who were supposed to be seated there. Not only had we somehow managed to sit down at the table we were originally assigned to, but all of the empty chairs belonged to other coworkers who had RSVPed and not bothered to show up!
We felt a little weird to be sitting alone at a table for ten, but we still enjoyed ourselves and once the dancing started we weren’t sitting down anyway. In the end I’d rather be assigned next to people I’d at least met, than left to fend for myself in a sea of tables with people I’d never seen before!
I’ve never been to a wedding without seating arrangements…I think that would be really weird.
I’ve never been to a wedding that had assigned seating, and I’ve been in and to a lot of weddings! What are the chances? haha There have never been any problems though.
I’m a huge fan of assigning tables.
I don’t like being the wedding guest that doesn’t know that many people and gets stuck at a table with older guests or kids or a family or whatever. And if I know lots of people (especially if I haven’t seen some of them in a while) I want to sit with my friends and I hate scrambling to find a table that will seat all of us. Its just awkward all the way around.
I have never attended a wedding where seating wasn’t assigned, but that being said, there never have really been issues with who we sat with. I appreciated the fact that even though we didn’t arrive with some of the other couples we know, we were able to sit with them since our tables were already assigned.
I didn’t assign tables and it was totally right for my wedding. I think there are definitely regional/cultural norms when it comes to assigned seating. I’ve only been to maybe one wedding with assigned seating. We wanted our wedding to have laid-back vibe, and not assigning seats contributed to that. People sat where they wanted to sit, and it worked out great for us!
depends on the group. most of the weddings i’ve been to didn’t assign tables and i was fine. the only time it’s been a problem was when there seemed to be more people than tables [i think because folks didn't rsvp like they were supposed to].
i’m thinking about assigning tables since there are going to be a lot of people who don’t know each other so i’d rather help group people off.
I prefer to be assigned, so I don’t have to worry about marking my table (which reminds me of my dog, heh). But either way, I usually only sit at my table for 20 minutes while I am eating anyway. I think that the importance of seating arrangements are a bit inflated, at least for weddings where there is not a long, multi-course dinner.
I went to a wedding with no assigned seating and it was SO AWKWARD. I never gave a thought about it before then- who cares, I thought. Wrong.
Some people get there sooner and there are odd numbers of seats left available and people wind up getting split up. In our case, we sat with people we didn’t know…which is fine, except we had traveled to see my family, and then didn’t get to sit with them because the tables filled up so quickly.
I say assign seats. If people want to switch or move, they will.
i appreciate assigned seating. I don’t like the weddings without it. You never know if you are sitting too close, you have to try to reserve a spot for you and your date all night, etc. It’s just too much work for your guests if the seats aren’t assigned.
We were just going to assign seats to our families and wedding party (we are doing a sweetheart table), but now I’m not sure.
Sigh.
I’m going to assign tables (but not seating) so that we can position the oldies away from the speakers, and my friends close to the bar, etc. Yeah it’ll be a PITA, but hopefully worth it.
On the other hand, we might end up going with two long tables, which could complicate seating. But that’s another headache for another day.
As a guest I feel less stressed when the tables are assigned. There is definitely software out there that makes the process relatively stress free. I think it took me less than an hour to do with Perfect Table Plan.
Like emariel mentioned, it’s frustrating when you’ve traveled from very far to attend a wedding, only to get split up from your friends or family because of random seating. It’s not that you’re necessarily upset meeting new people, it’s just that you’re probably attending the wedding with friends that you don’t see very often, and it’s nice to spend that few hours in time with them.
I think it totally depends on the way you are serving food. If you are having the tables set and either food served or buffet style then assigning seats makes sense and might relieve stress.
We’re opting for something different. We’re having a heavy hors d’oeuvres buffet (i.e. as much food as a regular buffet but everything can be eaten with a fork) and not setting tables but having plates, napkins, and forks out by the food. There will be a wide range of table heights and sizes (lounge furniture too). Guests can wander up and get food, find a seat, move around etc. I think this style is very flexible- but of course wouldn’t work for a formal affair.
If I do it, it will be as an excuse to make escort cards. So cute.
thank you everyone for your comments! I really appreciate it. I want all my guests to feel comfortable, so you’ve given me a lot to think about. 
@Knit: We are having a buffet, so it’s less formal.
I went to a family wedding this year where the tables weren’t assigned. By the time that I realized that I was to find my own seat, my family giant family was already sitting and there wasn’t a chair in sight for me and FI. I ended up having to sit on the other side of the room by myself, right beside the very loud speakers. Since I had traveled across an ocean for this wedding, and hadn’t seen my family for almost 3 years, I was really upset by this. I almost started crying, and I could tell that the bride felt really bad about this (of course I tried to tell her that it wasn’t a big deal, but she could tell that I was upset). Please spare your guests this grief!
Just want to weigh in since this group tends to lean in favor of assigning tables — I did NOT assign tables and am so so so happy I did not. We had a dressy evening wedding but served food buffet style and I think not assigning tables made it seem more like a big party. There was more mixing and people could sit wherever they wanted. We did have a variety of table sizes and extra seats. Our group was very social and everyone knew at least one or two other people. If you are going to have some orphan attendees, ask a bridesmaid or social friend to keep an eye out for them to make sure they are missing. I have gone to a lot of weddings where they assign tables and I have never felt like my experience was enriched by being told where to sit.
I agree with Mrs. Penguin - as a guest, I feel less stressed when I know where to sit. I got married in May and had one “no-show” (my grandmother who was in the hospital), so I was surprised to read all the comments about noshows being an issue! But you know your guests and guest count best.
If you don’t have time to make escort cards, a seating chart, or to assign seats even on a simple list, it would be a good idea to at least block off tables for your bridal party and family. My cousin recently got married and didn’t save tables for the family - so my poor Grandparents were put to the back of the room and separated from aunts/uncles/cousins. It was really embarrassing and they didn’t feel as special as I know she would have wanted them to!
As someone who’s painfully shy, I’m another vote for assigned tables. I’m already very nervous in social situations and not knowing where to sit, or being worried that everyone I know will already be at full tables and I’ll end up sitting somewhere random, just makes me even more uncomfortable.
I would definitely assign, based on my own personal experience. I attended a wedding with my boyfriend, at which his ex-girlfriend was a bridesmaid. There were no assigned seats. End of story was that we sat with his ex-girlfriend’s parents, a 3 year old girl and her mother from the brides extended family, and one coworker of the groom and his wife. It was a very awkward hour.
We’ve debated assigning tables, and finally made the decision to do it because I’m having visions of people crowding 12 or 14 around a table, moving place settings to make more room, etc. (I know this won’t likely happen, and that I’m being a worry wart, but still…if it eases my mind…).
We did not assign tables, it would have been very out of the norm for our families. We did, however, reserve a few tables for the close family so that they could be near our sweetheart table. Our wedding was almost exclusively family, so we didn’t have to worry much about guests not knowing anyone else. I think it made things feel very relaxed, no one seemed stressed about finding a seat, and we didn’t have to deal with empty assigned seats from our no shows (there were about 10!).
I am always PRO assigned seating! In fact you can probably find my rant on that post. I’ve been to 3 weddings w/o assigned seating and it ended badly each time :-/
I took the French Bulldog clan a good couple nights to complete iron out the seating chart, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way
We’re assigning tables but not seats. The last 2 weddings we’ve been to together, they haven’t and it was awkward since we didn’t know anyone there. At least this way people won’t feel weird about where to sit without all the trouble of seating boy/ girl/ boy/ girl…
The only time that I feel comfortable at wedding where the table isnt assigned is when the wedding is super casual. The amount of people at the wedding is 50 people or less and the vibe is more of a backyard affair or a very light party. Otherwise, I feel it stresses me out because you need to rush to find a table to sit and you feel left out because people tend to crowd around their table with their friends and you are still forced to a table without knowing anyone. I think its just easier to assign a table for your guests. Don’t worry about people not showing up. That is just unnecessary stress. Just hope for the best and put people where you think they would have the best time and conversations.
Assign! Doing business events and weddings has taught me people need direction. This way you can plan to seat families and friends together that may not otherwise have figured it out themselves or known those people were there.
And yes there are very cute ways to do it but it can be as simple as buying the escort cards from Michael’s and printing them yourself. At the end of the event they are usually thrown away anyway. Might as well not spend an arm and a leg on something that just tell people where to go.
Buffet or even sit down, it’s your wedding so at the end of the day, maybe poll your fam and close friends to see how they feel about the arrangements.
I’m just another voice piping up for assigned tables. We thought about not assigning tables and I can definitely see why people do it (the guest list, amount of people, space, etc). As a guest though, I 100% prefer to know where I’m going.
You might want to decide after you get your “yes” RSVPs and do a rough grouping of people you think would gravitate toward each other. Are the numbers weird (a group of 5 or 13) that wouldn’t work if they all wanted to sit near each other? That’s how we made our table assignments.
As a side note, my husband wanted table assignments so he could mix everyone up and it took me forever to talk him out of it! Like others said, who wants to travel to a wedding with people they probably rarely see and sit with someone’s random childhood friend?
I am definitely pro assigned seating! I think some brides want things to be low key, but it can easily translate into extra stress for the guests. I have been to weddings with no table assignments and it was not a great situation for many of the guests. It can even come off as unpleasant, as if the hosts did not care to take the time to make sure the guests were planned for. I hope this doesn’t sound too blunt, we just had a really bad experience!
I assigned seating purely b/c of my guest list. We had my rowdy Vietnamese speaking family and his very proper Korean speaking family and then our friends who are were seating in between. I and his family didn’t even know that a fight broke up during my reception between my drunk uncles saving me and my family any embarrassment I think it made all my guests who didn’t know each other at all feel much more comfortable.
I would assign if you have a diverse group, and unassigned if you group will easily get along with an assigned seating.
oh, and if there is an obvious table that is completely uneven b/c of no shows, make sure Lisa knows to take care of ASAP. She will… trust me!
We assigned for a few reasons:
1. Our cocktail hour was at a different location than the reception - once we got to the reception we wanted to get people in and seated asap.
2. We only had a few spare seats and didn’t want people to end up in uncomfortable situations (ie not with their partner/guest).
We did have a few no shows which made for an awkward table (which I felt TERRIBLE about) but it was quickly remedied
Got to be honest, never been to a wedding that didn’t assign table numbers, unless it was a BBQ. Pesonally, unsure if I would feel comfortable. I can be shy at times so I know I’d stick with my friends or family and hope there was enough room at the table for me. If there wasn’t I’d add a chair.
I am pro-arranged seating. I’ve only been to one wedding where the tables weren’t assigned and it ended up being pretty chaotic. People were moving chairs from table to table, so they could ensure having all their friends/family together. There were tables with 15 people squeezed in and tables with 3 people. Personally, I knew it would take a lot of the guess work away from the guests, so they could just relax and find their seats.
I wholeheartedly agree with Mrs. Mouse! It depends on the feel of your wedding whether you assign tables or not. My wedding was at a park and we wanted the relaxed, laid back feeling so we opted not to assign tables. I also had lined up plenty of DIY items the week of the wedding so it was a relief not to have another assignment to do myself!
I’ve been to both, assigned and not assigned and I’ve never felt like one was better, it just depends on your wedding and whether or not you’d like to spend the time doing it!
Good luck!
We did escort cards and I loved it. I don’t think the crowd would have broken into pure mayhem if we wouldn’t have- but I think it’s just an added touch for the guest- To show them that you’re thinking of them… and wrote their name down on a card to prove it We had a couple of guests who showed up (and were never invited), but hey- it all worked out
If it is too much time to do escort cards, you can always make a chart with the names and tables. Mrs. Shortcake did a really cute version of this!
I’m struggling with this myself - I love escort cards. They’re fun … but I don’t see any need to assign tables … like you said - I’ve never scrambled for a seat ever … I guess it depends on the tone of your reception, ya know?
I’m a big fan of assigned seating. You should already have a pretty good idea of who wants to sit with whom anyway. It’s a nice way to casually introduce people to each other who you think have similar interests. If people want to switch seats, they will do so. Also, I would hate to be a shy guest who doesn’t know anybody and having to ask for a seat.
I had assigned seating at my wedding and I think it was worth it. Our guests were pretty much prefectly placed. There were a few places where we didn’t expect a cousin or sibling to attend that did, but all in all it worked out since there were empty seats at other tables near by and a few people did have to move.
I think if you know your guest list and put some thought into it- it helps people feel welcome and taken care of. It is akward to sit with a table of people you don’t know. Especially walking around looking for a seat near people you don’t know.
I did finalize this last minute though- which was a pain the night before the wedding. But the fact that it was so close in time- that I could make those last minute changes, worked out.
definitely yes to assigned tables, because when groups of people sit together, the remaining seats may not be sufficient for OTHER groups.
we assigned, using our personalized favors (notes from bride & groom) as the place cards. no seating chart / escort cards.
We are planning on doing it just because we think it will be better for our guest, of course we are going to try to keep all the ones traveling together at the same table, I’m hoping we can make a good research to assign the best possible way
You’re right about one think, there are a lot of super cute ways to give table assignments!
It all depends, I think. Our wedding wasn’t very formal and we didn’t want it to be. We also had an appetizer buffet and not a sit down dinner. In then end, I’m glad we didn’t assign seats. It saved me the headache and we did have at least 7 people who RSVP’d call and say they couldn’t come like 3 days before the wedding.
[...] by Mrs. Mary Jane, The Chronic-(What?!)-cles of Wedding Dresses, Part III by Miss French Fries, To Assign or Not to Assign by Miss Frozen [...]
[...] you all convinced me about the assigning of tables. So I’m going to do it. I am a major planner, and I agreed that although I will be [...]
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Miss Frozen Yogurt, Dallas
Age and Occupation: 28, Special Projects Coordinator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Equity Trader
Engagement Date: March 19, 2009
Wedding Date: April 2010
Venue: Marie Gabrielle, Dallas
About Me: I was born and raised in Texas, and have lived in several of the cities across the state, but I currently reside in Austin. I went to college in Boston and have a special place in my heart for the Northeast. I love reading, shopping, wine, reuniting with college friends that are scattered across the country, reality TV, trying out new recipes, and attempting all the DIY projects that come along with wedding planning. I'm a "bleeding heart, save the world type" and thankfully my job allows me to work on legislation and policy to help out those in need. I met Mr. Frozen Yogurt in a bar, though he doesn't even drink! And now we are planning a modern yet vintage wedding in Dallas while dealing with the trials and tribulations of first time homeownership.
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