Weddingbee Blog

I was on the phone with SistahChips and she spoke carefully: “Mom told me that she really loves your dress—really does—but mentioned how she always pictured taking you to a bridal salon like Priscilla of Boston.” And then the bomb. “She was sad.”

Me: Sigh.

This is Portuguese guilt. It is entwined very strongly with Portuguese Love (also see: Portuguese Food). I didn’t quite understand it until we visited the Azores last June. At the airport, in line for customs, we watched a Portuguese mother holler at her son for running off without telling her. Both were sobbing and shaking and apologizing and blaming. My sister and I turned to each other with raised eyebrows: our childhoods suddenly made a lot more sense.

It’s a hard thing to explain and I’m probably not doing a very good job at it. But it’s innate, it’s in our bones. A strong sense of guilt and a ridiculous need to please others is passed down from one generation to the next.

Against my better judgment, I think I’ll acquiesce, make the appointment at Priscilla of Boston, and give my mom the moment she’s apparently dreamed of.

Best case scenario: It is confirmed that my dress is the awesomest, no harm, no foul. Worst case: I find something else I like and have to make a (pricey) decision.

This is a bad idea, right? What would you do? Are you a people-pleaser as well? Is there a twelve-step program I can go to for this?