Weddingbee Blog

Be sure to check out all the posts in our Relationship Series here!

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The ideal age difference between a couple is ___. Why do you feel this way?

Mrs. French Bulldog - I obviously can’t speak for other couples, but we’re only a month or 2 apart and it is ideal for us. I’d dated men older than me in the past and always felt like they thought they knew better than me because they were older. We like being “on the same level”.

Miss Frozen Yogurt - I don’t think that I ever considered what an ideal age difference would be; however, I never would have guessed that my future husband would be YOUNGER than me. That’s right, 2 years younger (I almost didn’t give him a chance because of it, such an ageist!). I’ve always felt mature for my age, and just assumed that I would have to date someone older than me to compensate for that. Well, Mr. Fro Yo always felt the same way, so it just works for us, and has never been an issue. Although sometimes when we talk about what grade we were in when such and such happened, I’m reminded and then it’s funny to think about.

Mrs. Bunny - I think the ideal age difference differs depending on the people involved in the relationship. Obviously age has an effect on maturity, but it’s not a direct correlation.

Age differences also matter less as you get older. I have a friend who is 25 and is dating a 19 year old. She’s very mature and he’s taking things slowly and is being respectful of her and her parents. Even so, friends often tease him about her. In a few years, though, no one will think twice about it!

Mr. Bunny and I are almost three years apart in age and it works out well for us, but his parents are more like 6 years apart and my parents are only 6 months apart!

Mrs. Penguin - My personal ideal age gap is 4-6 years. I only say this because I notice that the people I know that are my age (28 ish) end up finding steady relationships in men that are in their mid 30s. I also find that I have an easier time talking to men that are in their mid 30s than men my age. I can’t exactly put my finger on what it is, though! I think I am attracted to people that seem to know more than I do. I enjoy learning from friends and their experiences, and I think relationship wise, I feel the same.

Mr. Peng and I are 3 years apart. I wouldn’t mind if he were older, because then I’d seem younger.

Mrs. Mouse - I really think it depends on the couple! The Dude and I are about five years apart in age, and for us it has worked out great. That said, we are at similar places in our lives, and we have been pretty much from the beginning. I guess it’s more about emotional maturity and the logistics of where your life is headed than age that really matters.

Mrs. Peep Toe - I have no idea how to answer this question. Mr. Peep is 7 years older than me, which we really only notice on our birthdays or when we talk about early ’80s pop culture. I know that if I had met a younger Mr. Peep, we would not be married today. Life is about timing, and we met at the perfect time for both of us. That said, I now feel the clock ticking to start having kids before he’s 40!!

Oh, and ironically, all four of our parents are exactly the same age.

Miss Ramen - Maybe 2-4 years? I guess to each their own, but for me, sometimes even our 3 year age difference seems huge! I guess it just depends on each person.

Miss Star - Mr. Star is about a year and a half older than I am and I think it’s great. I’ve always dated people who were about 1-2 years older than me and it’s worked out. I don’t think I would have a problem with Mr. Star being even older or the same age as me, but I think it might be hard for me to date someone younger! I think it depends on the relationship, though.

Mrs. Eggplant - The ideal age difference is four years, with the woman being older than the man (for hetero couples). Women, on average, live longer than men, so with a four-year spread, the woman and the man will be the same age from death! At least that’s how I justify robbing the cradle.

Seriously though, it’s all about maturity level. Mr. Eggplant is four years younger than me, yet he’s ten years more mature when it comes to responsibility. I wouldn’t mind if he was a little older (or if I was a little younger). He’s pursuing an advanced degree, which puts our family plans on hold. If we were closer to the same age, we would probably start a family earlier.

Mrs. Crab Cake - Mr. Crab Cake is 6 and a half years older than me. Afer I had Mini, I found that guys my age (or close to my age) were looking for something totally different than what I was looking for. I found that it was more important for me to focus on maturity level and life stage then on age as a number.

Our age difference works out perfectly for us. We’re “getting old” right along together, even though he has a big head start on me.

I don’t think we’d be together if I’d met a younger Mr. CC. I’ve heard too many stories of his days before me and I’m not really sure I like that person very much.

Mrs. Yorkie - I agree with Bunny’s first sentence. It really depends on the two people in the relationship. Having dated guys that were younger and older than me, I always expected to marry someone a bit older than me (perhaps by 2-4 years). I never expected to marry a man an entire decade older than me, though, yet that’s exactly the difference between me and Mr. Y. It honestly only mattered to us for the first week of our relationship (when I wondered if he knew how old I was and he wondered the same).

The only time I think about the difference these days is when calculating how old each of us may be at the milestones in the lives of our future children (learning to read, HS graduation, college, wedding, etc.).

The timing of our relationship couldn’t have been better. I’m not sure that either of us would have considered the other, say, ten years ago. When you think of it, I was in kindergarten the same year that Mr. Y got his driver’s license!

Mrs. Deviled Egg - My parents are 7 years apart in age. My oldest sister and her husband are also 7 years apart. However, I really can’t imagine being with someone who is that much older than me. Maybe it’s because I’m the youngest child out of four and the birth order would always define me as younger, so being with someone 7 or more years older would seem more drastic than the reality.

I would say my ideal would be within 3 years of my age. Mr. Deviled Egg and I are just over a year apart. It’s weird, but as he is approaching 30, I feel that I am right there with him, even though I won’t turn the corner until 2011. I just don’t see him as a year older. I never really consider our ages as anything that defines us, as it might in a relationship with a more obvious difference.

On a maturity level, there are some areas where I feel Mr. DE is light years ahead of me. There are also areas in our relationship where I feel I am the more mature half. I guess it all works out!

Overall, I guess I really don’t see a big deal with age differences, as long as it’s legal.

Miss Lamb - I’ve always felt older than I am. My parents used to joke that I was 5 going on 25. I never had a quarter century life crisis, because I already feel like I’m over 30. Lamma-ramma-ding-dong? Hahahaha, he acts like an ornery 80 year old man. So I think we’re perfectly matched according to our emotional ages. I think that maturity, rather than age, is the better indicator for the ideal age difference.

Mrs. Mary Jane - As a young child I was told that women live an average of 6-8 years longer than men, so I thought that when I grew up, I’d marry a boy 6-8 years younger than me (so we wouldn’t ever have to live without each other!). Then as I got older, I thought that 3-5 years was an ideal age difference, with the guy being older. My parents are 4 years apart and many of my friends’ parents were 3-5 years apart. (But then why, oh why, didn’t our moms want us to date the older high school boys? Haha.)

As an adult, I feel that it really doesn’t matter. Mr. Mary Jane and I are the same age, with my birthday a few months before his. I wouldn’t care if he was 5 years younger, or 10 years older, as long as he was himself, displaying the level of maturity and personality that I love. I think it’s nice that we’re the same age because we have similar life experiences due to having grown up in the same timespan and part of the country. (And the same cheesy taste in ’90s music!)

Mrs. Mascara - For me, I always thought the ideal age difference was at least 1-2 years, with the guy being older. Guys seem to mature a bit slower than girls and I think maturity level is much more important than age.

There are only 9 months difference between Mr. Mascara and I (he is older) but I think he’s always been pretty mature compared to the rest of his friends. I think we are in the same place maturity-wise, and that’s what’s important to us. And it is fun to share memories of the trends we both fell victim to as children (hello, tight-rolled jeans).

Mrs. Bruschetta - I don’t really know what the ideal age difference is for a couple — whatever works for them, I suppose. While my parents are closer in age, Mr. Bruschetta’s mom and dad were 20 years apart.

I’ve come to peace with the fact that I robbed the cradle (though, come on, does five months really count?!), and now enjoy teasing my husband that he’s almost always the youngest in the crowd when we’re with family and friends.

Mrs. Snow Pea - I think ideally 4-6+ would be good. Mr. SP and I are about the same age and we’re going for our goals at the same time and that’s kinda hard at times. I wish he was older so we could alternate.

Miss Poodle - I always thought I was going to marry someone older than me, maybe because those were the only kinds of age differencees I saw when I was little, so it was pretty shocking for me to learn that Mr. Poodle was younger than I was. When I met him I thought he was about 3 years older than me, but it was the other way around. I think the gap depends on the couple, because I’ve seen a lot of older guys that were really immature, but gladly Mr. Poodle is not. And now I don’t care about me being the older one anymore.

Mrs. Cherry Pie - I’ve always felt that the ideal age difference for heteronormative couples is for the man to be a few years older than the woman. But I think that only applies to relationships that start young (i.e. high school, early college), when the girl tends to be more physically and emotionally mature than the boy. After a certain point, I think it becomes irrelevant. Unless, of course, one person falls outside the “half your age, plus seven years” rule.

Mrs. Cupcake - I pretty much always dated guys who were a few years older than me in high school and college, as I guess I related to them a little better (i.e., they were sliiiiiightly less immature than the boys my age ;). Mr. Cupcake is just about two years older than me, and it works out just fine for us. Had we both been the same age when we met, I probably would have been ready to talk marriage a few years before he was, but the way it worked out, we both sort of reached that point together.

Oh, and Mr. C often jokes that something was “before my time” if we’re reminiscing about our respective childhoods and I don’t remember a certain fad he may have been into, but I usually chalk that up to being a girly girl who wasn’t into the same boy things!

Mrs. Duckling - I used to think no more than 5 years difference was ideal. However, as I’ve gotten older and seen my friends find their soul mates, I’ve have seen every age combination.  I think it depends on the couple and the individuals in that relationship. Mr. Ducky is 2 years older than me, but finished one year ahead of me in college since it took him longer as a transfer. Our age difference is great, but not too big of a deal as I think we are more on the same page as far as maturity, goals, and our views, which is where it counts. But I do like to remind him I’ll always be younger.

Mrs. Ballet Flat - I always thought I would marry someone my own age. I ended up seriously dating someone two years younger and that TOTALLY didn’t work. Then, I dated my (now) husband, and he is two years older than me. It works for us.

Thankfully, he isn’t pressuring me into having kids, because of our family gaps in age. He’s the youngest (brother has a kid) and I’m the oldest of 4, so I would be the first in my family to have a kid. I’m SO not ready to make my parents into grandparents!

Mrs. Bee - Rather than age difference, I think the birth order of you and your significant other has a greater impact your compatibility.  Oldest children, like myself, tend to date youngest children.  Mr. Bee is a middle and youngest child (of twins), and he’s four years older than I am.  It’s the perfect age difference for us because I generally prefer being around peeps that are older than me.  I just hope that he outlives me though because I think he could more easily live without me than I could live without him!

Miss Beagle - I’m not really sure that there is an ideal age difference. Instead, I think it has to do more with what point two people are at in their lives, their maturity level (which could be affected by age or experience) and their wants and needs. I’ve always found that I connect better with people that are older than me, which worked out great with Mr. Beagle because he’s almost 2 years older than I am. We are also both old souls, which has more to do with our personalities than our age, but I think it’s what makes us work well with one another.

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What do you think the ideal age difference is for couples?