Wedding Blog
I always assumed I would change my name when I got married. It was a pretty simple idea—in theory, of course. But the thing is I fell in love with Mr. Cloud, who instead of having a simple and easy to pronounce last name like my maiden name, has a difficult last name that is not only very often mispronounced and misspelled, but if you say it quick enough, it sounds like a bodily function (trust me and use your imagination on this one, it’s not so good). I could already see my future children being teased to tears on the playground.
I had a few big factors to consider when deciding if I would go ahead and embrace the new name or not. First, my heart broke a little to think that if I did change my name, in a way I would no longer be me. I felt like giving up my maiden name would be giving up who I have been for the past 25 years, and letting go of a piece of my family. A family that is not only large and in charge, but whom I am also very, very close to. I know deep down my name doesn’t really change who I am, but still it was bothering me. I’m connected to my last name, and my initials. I wasn’t really sure I could let them go.
The second thing to consider is that Mr. Cloud’s last name isn’t just something he was born with, it was something he also chose.
When the Mr. was five, FMIL Cloud married his stepfather, FFIL Cloud. Then, while Mr. Cloud was in high school, his stepfather, who is the only dad he has ever known, was finally able to officially adopt both him and FSIL Cloud. Both Mr. Cloud and his sister decided they wanted to change their last names to FFIL Cloud’s. If a sixteen year old Mr. Cloud can let go of a very common last name to take on one that means so much, how can I now say I don’t like it enough to do the same?
Call me old fashioned, but I also had this other little fact gnawing in the back of my mind. Remember those imaginary future kids who I am so worried about being teased? I want them to have the same name as me and Mr. Cloud. And since Mr. Cloud was not willing to make another name change on his part and take my maiden name (because you know I asked!) the only way it’s going to happen is if I embrace the change on my end. Can you see where this is going?
I’m giving in and taking my future hubby’s last name. Thanks to my maid of honor wanting to buy me something with my new monogram on it months ago and forcing me into a decision, I’ve even had some time to get used to the idea. And in an effort to get to the embracing stage (and of course, add another unneeded craft to my list) I decided to make chair signs for our seats at the reception. It’s funny how a little crafting can make it all seem so official!
![chair sign_thumb[1]](http://www.weddingbee.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/14/chair-sign-thumb1.jpg)
Imagine these on beautiful black chivari chairs instead of my dining room table set which has also now been taken over with wedding crap. And again, sorry about the scribbles: gotta keep the stalkers away, ya know? 
Did you have a name change dilemma or was it an obvious choice?
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Share this post: What’s the Big Deal About a Name Anyway?
My name change will be difficult. His name is gorgeous, but is three different words and people hardly ever pronounce it right. (Which is beyond me, because it was never a problem, I thought). I’ll be going from a really easy last name to a really complicated french last name, but I don’t think I’d do it any other way. Plus, my “new” initials are already engraved on my engagement ring. :p
I’m in the same boat fifty. My maiden was super easy and short. My new last name is 3 words, with a hyphen! The hyphen isn’t because of his parents or his mom, it just is. So now I have a long Brasilian last name that makes opening a tab at a bar not as easy as before! I do feel sad sometimes… but I love being connected so much to my hubby and making it easier for our future kids.
You know, honestly…. I am not wild about his last name. But I’m not wild about mine, either. I wish we could just make one up!! In the end, I’ll take his (though he offered to take mine) because its tradition. and without our traditions, our lives would be as shaky as a fiddler on the roof.
anyone? anyone?… I cant be the only theatre degree-holder out here.
I’m taking his last name, because it’s not ‘his’ anymore, it’s ‘ours’….and thats awesome.
My name is short but somehow difficult for people. Its not hard but people are forever adding letters or just changing them altogether.
His name is longer and difficult. Again not that hard but people love to drop one of the letters.
In the end I’m going with his (keeping mine in the middle) for all the standard reasons and I’ll just have to be patient with the misspellings.
Its a hard decision for me - and Im already married. I have a long Italian last name. And thats my only tie to my 100% heritage (my mom for some god unknon reason changed her mind on my original italian first name.) Id be taking a short German name. Our marriage certificate says I changed it, but Im having a serious identity crisis with doing so. Ive decided to go ahead and change it personally, but Im keeping my maiden name professionally. I am known around my field by my name, I dont want ot change it.
@Mrs. Gloss: Aww, that’s a beautiful way to think about it.
I am changing my last name. I think I am pretty comfortable with it at this point, but it was hard for me to accept for awhile.
The pros are that FI and I will have the same last name. Also, I will take his 5 letter last name which will be a lot shorter and easier to spell/ pronounce…
The sadness is that I have a long, weird, really German last name, but hey, it’s who I am and I love it. It also ties me to a family that I am very close to.
I mostly wish I had more options such as hyphenating, but I don’t because of the length of my name. I also considered making my last name a second last middle name, but my Dad pointed out that my middle name initials would be “LD” which in the educational professional’s world is learning disabled. So that’s not going to work either.
My choice to keep my last name was made fairly easily. But honestly, and I never expected this to happen, sometimes I get a little sad that I didn’t take the Dude’s last name.
For me it’s a totally obvious choice, I knew since I was little that I would be taking my future husband’s name…whoever it might be. And my opinion hasn’t changed since then.
I still haven’t decided whether I will hyphenate or take his name, and we were married four and a half months ago! To make matters worse, I’m in the process of applying for an international work visa, so it looks like I’ll be keeping my maiden name for quite a while. eep!
My last name is pretty complex (theres a ski @ the end) and his is short, simple and easy to spell. I actually got a call from my dad last night about his travel arrangements ect and as I hung up the phone after exchanging some polish love, it hit me, I’m the last one with my last name on my side. It made me a little sad and has made me stop and think about changing it a little.
We’re both keeping our names. It never crossed my mind to change it, honestly.
Just a note on the whole “making it easier for the kids” thing: people cite this a lot as a reason to change their names, but in my experience having parents with different names is no big deal. I was raised in a VERY small and VERY traditional town, and my parents had different names (my mom didn’t change hers). I never once ran into a single problem (and I was an overly sensitive kid, so I definitely would have noticed if there were any funny looks!). So if you want to change your name, go for it–but do it because YOU want to, not for the sake of your future kids. The important thing is that they have two parents who love them–it couldn’t matter less if those parents have the same last name.
I love the idea of sharing a last name, but we have the opposite situation of you and Mr. Cloud - I dropped my father’s last name about five years ago and took my mom’s maiden name. So my last name is very much one I chose for myself. My fiance, on the other hand, has his dad’s last name but does not have a relationship with his father, and it’s not something I really want to pass down.
So we’re both keeping our last names.
I’ve had a lot of mental stress over the name change. My last name is VERY unique, but also incredibly long and hard to pronouce (I have the same # of letters/syllables as Arnold Schwarzenegger…)
After a lot of thought, I realized that what I love about my name is the first part, the part that my friends shorten my name to, and call me that. So my solution is to take that short part and add it to his, and create a whole new last name for myself. I love it, he loves it, and it’s totally unique and great for us. We’ve talked about naming our kids that, but since he’s an only child, I think it might kill his parents…
@Mrs. Gloss, that’s the exact same reason I’m taking my guy’s last name! You just put it so beautifully!
@ChiDIY: Fiddler!
@Mrs. Gloss: What a lovely way to think about it.
I’m changing my last name to his — and it’s way less complicated than mine now, so I’m happy!
I took my new husband’s last name, and had always expected to, but I’ve been a little surprised at how hard it has been for me to give up my maiden name. I thought it was a no-brainer and spent months playing with my new monogram, but now I’m a little sad about it!
We’ve filled out the paperwork already and I opted to change it to his while retaining mine as another middle name (after MONTHS of going back and forth) and he added my last name as another middle. I figured I’d go by all three all the time, like really demand it.
But I’ve been regretting it sooooo much lately. I love my last name and am so tight with my relatives, and his is incredibly common, especially here, and I don’t feel like I’m really part of the family it came from bc they’re so disjointed. I feel like no matter how hard I try, I won’t get anyone to be able to say or write both names and mine will get dropped all the time. I’ve just been really sad about it recently.
Though, it took a while to come to the decision, it sounds like you made the right choice for yourself and that’s what matter.s
i’m sooo glad that you posted this - it’s nice to know that i’m not the only one who once (ok, maybe even still does) felt a little funny about changing her last name. we had this discussion about two months ago, and my fiance couldn’t understand why it was so hard for me to just change my last name. my reasoning was the same as yours - (silly as it may sound) i feel like a different person, like i’m taking on a totally new identity; and that’s sooo strange! but at the same time, i love that he loves his last name so much (he’s the only grandson on his dad’s side, so he’s pretty much the only one to carry on his grandfather’s (which is also obviously his) last name and he and his grandfather were suupperr close). and so the fact that he so adamantly wants to share something so special to him with me is also very exciting!
* i also had/have other reasons on why it feels a little funny to me, but i’m glad i’m not the only one who feels like i’m going to be a different person (even though i’m obviously not going to be).
I stressed alot about the name change thing. I the oldest of 5 girls. my mom had all sisters and my grandmother had only sisters. meaning the maternal family name was lost. that is untill my parents decided to give me a complicated long name that includes both my grandmother and great grandmothers maiden names. I finally decided that i didnt want to lose that connection to my family history. If i changed it then again the maternal name would be no more. Luckily it hasnt been a problem.
@Emily i totally agree. like i said my name is different and my parents didnt have the same last name. I can honestly say i dont think anyone ever said anything to me. And it never bothered me.
I think it was an obvious choice that I would take his name, but it doesn’t mean that it was any easier to fill out the paperwork and open the social security card that had a changed name on it. I am not particularly attached to my middle name, and to be honest, neither were my parents. So, after making that decision, I got to be FirstName MaidenName HisLastName. I got to keep my family who I love so much, and still take his name
My best friend teaches 5th grade, and almost all of her students (with the exception of 2-3 of them) this year, have parent’s with different last names. Same as last year, and the year before that. Granted with live in DC so maybe that’s more common here. Nearly all of that number is because the wife kept her madien name. One of her student’s parents actually both took the wife’s last name. So whenever I start to freak out about the kids thing, I just talk to all my friends that are teachers to remind me it’s not a big deal on that end. Having different last names does not mean you aren’t a family.
@nhlchick4 my last name ends with a -ski as well! Yay!
This was a very easy decision for me - I will not be changing my last name.
I know you say “what’s the big deal about a name”, but so much of a wedding and marriage are symbolic - the ring, the white dress, the veil, the father handing you over to your soon-to-be-husband. Women historically took their partner’s last name because the man, in society, had control. Remember when it was “I know pronounce you man and wife?”
That doesn’t mean that women who take their husband’s name don’t have voice etc, but I think it’s important to understand where these traditions come from. Then we can decide whether or not we want to continue to perpetuate them or choose to create new ones.
I don’t think it ever crossed my mine not to take his last name, seriously … I guess there are still some parts of me that remain old fashioned!
I understand the conflict here. And a friend of mine recently shared the same feelings as some of you ladies. Her solution you ask? She took her new hubbies last name. A year later they had their first son. She named him Barrett, her maiden name. What an amazing way to honor her family, and forever be connected to it! Some of you with more complicated names may not be able to do this, but possibly with a combination or shortening of your name. Or even as a middle name for your child….
I don’t know if I’m changing mine yet. It’s a big decision!
I’m still so very on the fence about this. It breaks my heart to change my name, but I want the same last name as him. I told him we should just make one up like some of his friends, but… since he’s ordained and has a master’s, it would be really difficult.
@fiftyfootbride: i would love to ‘have to’ take a french last name! i think you definitely have the flair to carry off a moniker like ‘Mrs DLC’
It’s a very easy decision for me…I’ll be taking his last name. I’ve always known I would…I love my last name, and it is incredibly simple…three letters. However, it’s difficult for OTHERS to comprehend and is annoying to explain every time. lol It gets missprounced a lot (really…this is a word the enters your vocabulary VERY early on) So while I will somewhat sad about giving my name up, I’m very excited to take on his irish O’ name.
I come from a family with multiple marriages, divorces and a few last names…so I know the whole different surname from one parent is nothing. Plus my s/o’s name means something to him, wheras mine is more just a name to me. & I’m really close to my family…but having his name will mean a lot more to me than keeping mine.
I love his last name and I can’t wait for it to be “ours” even thought every single one of my Chilean friends think I’m crazy because I will be doing it (Chileans dont usually change them) I couldn’t be happier with my choice
i have a common last name and will be changing it to his name when we get married. he asked that i do it and i really have no attachment to my last name so it was an easy decision.
My initials wouldnt change, but I’d like to keep my name.
On the other hand…. It makes me sad to think about letters addressed to Mr and Mrs.
I have 7 months left to decide, but as of now I think Ill be keeping my name
My wife kept her maiden name and I wouldn’t have her change it unless she really wanted to. I sometimes wish I could change my surname though!
I’m taking his last name, and I knew I always would, but it’s just strange because his mom is a teacher so she’s always known as Mrs. _____ and I’ll be a teacher as well, so I’ll also be Mrs. _____. Kind of strange to think about, but I get along with my FMIL, so I’m okay with it!! Oddly enough though, he has a pretty simple last name yet people ALWAYS misspell it!!! Really?!
I am taking his last name for a few reasons:
1. It’s easier to pronounce.
2. I won’t have to spell it out everydayofmylife.
3. I just like it.
Sure, it will be weird to get used to, and will take time (and yeah, 25 years with one name…even if it IS had to pronounce and spell…kinda a part of me!) but IMO it’s worth it.
Every situation is different! =)
Bless you for writing this. I think this topic should be discussed more! It’s not always an easy decision, and it’s important to have conversations about it.
I’m keeping my name, and so is my fiance. We wrote about it recently on our blog if you’re interested: http://shanandmike.wordpress.com/2009/10/09/a-last-name-ultimatum/
I’ll be taking my future husband’s last name.
I’m chinese and I have both an english and chinese name so even if my english name changes, my chinese name will forever remain the same. I guess I got lucky that way.
I’m taking my fiance’s name because it’s just what I’ve always assumed I’d do, and because I like the sense of partnership it would bring. Believe it or not, it was him who actually asked if I wanted him to take my name!
I probably won’t even keep my name as a “middle” name. : ) My family is still my family, and I am still me, no matter what my name is.
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Mrs. Cloud, Richmond
Age and Occupation: 25, Sales Rep
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Customer Service Manager/DJ
Engagement Date: February 14, 2008
Wedding Date: November 2009
Venue: Cathedral of the Sacred Heart & The Jefferson Hotel
About Me: Mr. Cloud and I are Yankees planning a Southern wedding to show our families from Boston and New York our fabulous city. We are complete opposites, resulting in a wedding to include bridesmaids in pearls and groomsmen in Adidas shell toes. I’m a sorority girl at heart with strong addictions to my blackberry, cherry Chapstick, Coach purses, the Boston Red Sox and our fur baby, Bella. I can’t wait to the throw the party of our lives and of course, marry my best friend!
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