Wedding Blog
So, while we were busily putting together our save the dates, I casually mentioned that I wanted to see Mr. Fro Yo before the wedding and do our reveal at that point. Sister Fro Yo looked at me like I said I want to stab puppies in the eyes and said, “Um…I just went to a wedding where a couple did that and we made fun of them, but whatevs.” Direct quote. (Sorry sister fro yo, but you did!) Well, I argued that our ceremony didn’t begin until 6:30 and I wanted to be sure that we could enjoy our cocktail hour and hors d’oveures, and hell, our wedding! I know taking pictures can take a very long time and I don’t want to regret not taking any because I was itching to get to the party.
Plus, I am totally going to cry. Not that I won’t cry during the ceremony, but maybe if I see Mr. Fro Yo in our own private reveal, I’ll get some of it out there, touch up my make up, and be able to hold it together during the ceremony. While I get that it is not traditional to see your future husband before the wedding, I don’t believe it’s bad luck and in our case I think it’s what works best for us.
Not to mention, we aren’t a very “traditional” couple, anyway. We moved to a new city together 6 months after we started dating and bought a house together before we got married (this past June!). I also think that doing the reveal in private will make it more intimate and romantic for us. We are both somewhat shy and having that special moment in private is important to me.
However, I did waiver momentarily on this decision after our conversation at the save the date party, but ultimately I have my mind made up—I want to do the reveal ahead of time and think that we will have some amazing pictures from it.
Did you make any wedding decisions that were unpopular with your family? How did you handle them?
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Share this post: The Big Reveal
Great topic! We knew we wanted an outdoor ceremony from the start, and also knew that not getting married in a church would be a tough pill to swallow for my Mom. We were up front about our decision from the start, and even though I’m sure my Mom would rather see me get married in a church…I actually have to give her a lot of credit. She has been supportive and open minded, and has kept her opinions about the subject to herself…which is probably hard for her to do. Other than that, there have been little details that I’m sure certain family members don’t exactly love…but the ceremony locale was definitely our biggest hurdle. Hopefully, we’ll have a beautiful day for our outdoor ceremony…and everyone will be happy with our choice!
We are also doing a pre-ceremony reveal. I think it is the best way to make more time for yourself to actually enjoy the day of the wedding! We also moved the wedding literally 3000 miles across the country from my hometown to our new city. That did not win us any fans. But as you stated, you have to do what is good for you and your beau! Good luck with the planning!
We decided about a week before our wedding to see each other before our ceremony. It was one of the best wedding decisions we made! Our first moment together was special and intimate and we had a lot more time to enjoy our reception.
This decision was not super popular with my family (particularly my very traditional grandmother) but I believe we made the right decision for us.
Good for you, Miss Fro Yo! I’ve been fortunate so far to have amazing family support (from both sides) on pretty much everything we’ve discussed, but we still have a long way to go. We’ll just see what happens. 
As for the pre-ceremony reveal - we’re doing the same thing. It just makes so much sense for us (and apparently, for you too). That half hour alone together before the ceremony is one of the things I’m most looking forward to. (And I’m going to cry like I’ve never cried before!)
I’m doing the same thing (ceremony starts at 6pm) and one of my bridesmaids thought it was a little weird. When I mentioned I wanted to have more time to eat our caterer’s delicious food and drink some yummy champagne, she was on board.
Like you & Mr. Fro Yo, we are both pretty introverted and a fairly non-traditional couple. I mean, he came dress shopping with me! As long as you are happy with your decision, I don’t think you’ll notice any dissenting opinions on the big day.
I think that a lot of people are willing to interject their preferences onto others around wedding time. I think you did the exact right thing - you thought through your reasons and stuck to your guns. We’re doing a first look too for the same reasons - great minds think a like
I think we’re going to do before-wedding first look too, but my whole family is on board.
I still know I’m going to cry like a baby seal during the ceremony. I’ve already told the maids that they’re going to need a bucket for each eye, and then someone to hold a towel over the front of my dress. lol.
We did our first look very breifly - only about 5 minutes long. It was wonderful “us” time and even though his mom wasn’t sure how she felt about it, she agrees that the pictures we have from those 5 minutes are some of her favorites from the whole day!
Great post, I think we’ll probably do this, too! And I’m sure someone in the family will object. That’s why I’ve stopped talking about it to people — everyone has their own idea about how you should get married, which is sweet, but not entirely helpful.
good for you! we are taking “first look” photos too, and i won’t be letting anyone convince us out of it
Doing a first look was the best decision we could have made. It was really intimate, got rid of our pre wedding jitters, and left us stress free during all of the photos! We had plenty of time for everything, so we are really happy with our pictures. Our family photos were taking during cocktail hour, and they do look rushed compared to the wedding party and bride & groom pics.
I was told by so many people that if they were to go back in time, they would not see each other before the ceremony…..Had always assumed we’d see each other first, but now have decided against it!
We are also doing a pre-ceremony reveal and photo-taking. At first, fiance was not on board with it, but when I explained he would see me before anyway for the Ketubah signing (I’m Jewish, he’s not), he agreed to consider it. Then we went to a wedding where the bride and groom missed a ton of their party because of huge family photos. At that point, fiance was on-board because he has a ginormous family who are all planning to attend.
We did a first look before the ceremony mostly because of needed that extra time to take family pictures (which turned out amazingly - we got them ALL done before the ceremony and only missed about 15 minutes of our cocktail hour!)
However, when we told everyone that we were changing our ceremony from a covered patio to a meadow about 2 miles down a dirt road, most people gave us funny looks/thinly veiled disapproving comments. “A meadow? Like with dirt and clumps of grass? Well, I’m sure it’ll be beautiful…” “No chairs?! You mean we have to stand the whole time?!”
I ignored everyone and it turned out to be the most perfect, beautiful part of the day!
I am on the opposite end of this, but totally with you!
Our ceremony will be in a garden. My fiance and I are so looking forward to the moment when I turn the corner into the rose garden, we see each other across the lawn for the first time, and I approach. We both think it’s so romantic! In addition, we hired our photographer partly because we love the intimacy of his portraits, and we want our faces to reflect the emotion and gravity of the ceremony. So we have always planned to do the portraits after the ceremony, not worrying too much about time since we don’t have attendants.
Enter my sisters, mother and the wedding coordinator (who I ultimately didn’t hire because she was too pushy — hah!). They were all on my case, trying to convince me to do the pictures before the ceremony, saying there wouldn’t be enough light, we woudln’t have time, etc etc. It was so annoying to me! This was one of the dearest aspects of the wedding ceremony to my fiance and I, and they were trying to change my mind about it!
It’s so important to go with what you and your fiance want on these issues, and not let other people sway you. I’m so glad you stuck to your guns!
I’m not sure why people feel like they can be so pushy about this stuff. I think it ultimately comes down to love. They love you, want you to have the best possible wedding day, and — here’s the kicker — think they know better than you.
People need to realize that everyone has a different “best possible day!”
We saw each other for the first time before the ceremony and I think it was one of the best decisions we made. I was a little anxious and nervous until I saw him, but after that, everything was perfect. I was afraid I would cry during the ceremony, but I was just so happy, that I’m smiling ear to ear in all those photos.
We’re going to do a first look as well. Partially for the mundane time-saving reasons, but also because the photographer is not allowed on the main level of the church during the ceremony (she can only take photos from the balcony). The reveal before the ceremony will allow us to capture that moment that we wouldn’t be able to get if we didn’t see each other until the ceremony.
Go for it! We did it and it was totally worth it–calmed my nerves before the ceremony.
@Marinara: Good for you for doing whta you want! I think it is so important and sometimes it’s hard to say no to people (esp family), but you have to do it.
We’re debating what to do. Both sides make valid points. I think it would make for great pictures to see each other ahead of time, but it is more traditional to wait.
TOTALLY seeing each other before the ceremony. We’re ok with it. And yeah, hopefully it will lessen the chances of an ugly cry as I walk down the aisle
I am SO excited for our first look! Even if our parent’s are kinda meh about it.
We totally had a first look and it was the most special part of our day. It was so intimate and special and we both bawled our eyes out! I will treasure those pictures forever
i actually debated this with a male coworker. he was against the pre-ceremony reveal surprisingly. he says it would take away from the moment, but i reason seeing each other quietly will not take from the larger moment when we’re in front of our family and friends and the music is playing.
we have agreed to disagree. lol.
I really want to do a first look, but I’m not sure how my family will feel about it. My mom already is a tad upset I’m not wearing a blusher…so, to totally go untraditional… I don’t know.
WTG for doing what’s right for you!
Kudos to you girl! My family has been on me from day one about how NON traditional my wedding is going to be. Our attitudes have been the same as yours, we want to enjoy our time with our guests after the ceremony–not take a ton of pictures where we’ll feel rushed. We also want that first moment that we see each other to be special and ours alone and we want to have plenty of time for those pictures because the lighting will be best at that time of day. Girl and I’m a crier too…I feel you on wanting to be composed and calm. It’s important to do what makes the two of you feel comfortable…listen to your heart and stick to your guns.
My sister (and MOH) is really unhappy about me having 6 girls in my party, I know it’s a big number, but so what! It’ll be all right :).
The “tradition” of not seeing each other before the ceremony isn’t a glamorous one. It originated during the time of arranged marriages. You weren’t permitted to see each other before the wedding to prevent the groom from bolting, so it’s not really a romantic tradition in the first place.
Do what you want, they’ll get over it.
Well I should say the tradition prevented either the bride or groom from bolting should they not be attracted to their match…
Pretty much ALL of our decisions seem to be unpopular with our family… *sigh* We tend not to share anything anymore b/c we don’t want to deal with the judgements, and funny faces. Otherwise we just ignore it, and remember that it’s our day, and we’re paying for it, so who cares what they think…
Meeting before the ceremony also sparked some not so nice remarks for us. We don’t really have a choice though. Our Ceremony and reception are both outside starting at 6:30….we won’t have the daylight to take the pictures after the ceremony.
Also, when I suggested long tables as opposed to the normal round ones, I practically got my head bit off by my mom, dad, and sister. Le sigh. Gee, I thought it was my wedding!
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Miss Frozen Yogurt, Dallas
Age and Occupation: 28, Special Projects Coordinator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Equity Trader
Engagement Date: March 19, 2009
Wedding Date: April 2010
Venue: Marie Gabrielle, Dallas
About Me: I was born and raised in Texas, and have lived in several of the cities across the state, but I currently reside in Austin. I went to college in Boston and have a special place in my heart for the Northeast. I love reading, shopping, wine, reuniting with college friends that are scattered across the country, reality TV, trying out new recipes, and attempting all the DIY projects that come along with wedding planning. I'm a "bleeding heart, save the world type" and thankfully my job allows me to work on legislation and policy to help out those in need. I met Mr. Frozen Yogurt in a bar, though he doesn't even drink! And now we are planning a modern yet vintage wedding in Dallas while dealing with the trials and tribulations of first time homeownership.
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