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Beehive Feature Launched: Aug 31, 2006 About: A forum for readers to post questions and get feedback from the hive, aka the weddingbee community.
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Relationship Series: Optimist/Pessimist

October 22nd, 2009 @ 11:06 am by Beehive

Be sure to check out all the posts in our Relationship Series here!

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Are you an optimist or pessimist? What about your SO? How does this affect your relationship?

Mrs. Gloss - Always half full for me. He’s a total pessimist - I think we balance each other out. He reminds me I shouldn’t trust everyone, and I remind him it’s okay to trust someone. :)

Miss Moonbeam - I think we both have our cycles of ups and downs, but Mr. Moonbeam is very much a believer in making your own destiny, so maybe he’s the slightly more positive thinker of the two. I have always believed that things will find their way to being OK, but I get kinda bummed sometimes if it’s taking a while.

Mrs. Mary Jane - We definitely both have our periods of both. But generally, I’m a pretty big pessimist about things, and so is Mr. Mary Jane. Thankfully we do realize that this isn’t the healthiest outlook in the world, so we do have our optimistic times, too. We definitely love to daydream about our future together.

Miss Ramen - I am most definitely the pessimist, though I am trying to flip it around… and Mr. R is ever the optimist. It can be frustrating for both of us - but it’s also good, because I think when we finally get to that point of communicating, we balance each other out.

Mrs. Taffy - I am absolutely the optimist!!!! Mr. Taffy isn’t a complete pessimist; he is just extremely practical and doesn’t like to get excited for things he isn’t sure about. We balance each other pretty well; I am glad that I can always make him see the glass half full when needed!

Mrs. Penguin - I just asked Mr. Peng what he thought he was and he immediately answered, “optimist,” which surprised me at first; but he explained that he usually believes things are always going to work out fine, which is very true and pretty much how he lives his life! I was going to call him a cautious pessimist, while I’m a full-blown pessimist, but that’s just how much of a pessimist I am: I can’t even recognize Mr. Peng’s optimism until he has to explain it to me!!!

I think the world is constantly going to cave in around me. Armageddon, huge earthquake, job loss, H1N1, getting mugged, getting shot, infertility, overfertility, scurvy… I wake up every morning fully expecting one or all of these things to happen to me. I never think things are going to work out and I always think we’re one step away from the poor house. I’m suspicious of everyone and assume everyone is suspicious of me. It’s a sad way to live, and I’m lucky to live with Mr. Penguin, who has to constantly reassure me that life will always be OK!

Mrs. Mouse - We’re both pretty optimistic, although I tend to get down more easily than he does. I think his positive attitude has helped me to be more positive over the years—I’m very grateful for him!

Mrs. Cupcake - It’s funny — when I’m feeling pessimistic, he’s always there to bring me over to the bright side, and vice versa. We both have our negative nelly moods, and the other person is always there to balance things out with some optimism. It works our pretty perfectly.

Miss Lamb - I would say that we’re both jaded pessimists. Although I don’t think of it as a bad thing. We’re both fairly practical and prepare for the worst. Thankfully, we’re not pessimists about the same things, so we’re able to encourage one another. I specifically remember a time when we were first dating (maybe 2-3 months into our relationship), and I was having an existential type crisis. He was so sweet and just gently rubbed my neck and said simply, “It’ll be ok.”

Mrs. Bee - I am a horrible pessimist. It’s hard not to be when you’re plagued with daily anxiety about… just existing!

I’ve heard that you learn/inherit optimism/pessimism from your mom, and you marry someone like your dad. That’s true in my case because my mom is a pessimist, and Mr. Bee is an optimist like my dad.

While I almost always see the worst case scenario, Mr. Bee tends to always think things will work out. I tend to be too closed, while he’s been hurt by being too open and trusting. I think balance each other out well, but if I could be one or the other though, I’d definitely want to be an optimist. Life is too short to be so pessimistic! Besides… optimists live longer!

Mrs. Sunbeam - I would say we are both fairly optimistic. Rarely are we both pessimistic about something, and when one of us is down about something going on, the other one will come through with a supportive optimistic view on the situation. I would say I am more often the practical one, and can be way more of a downer than Mr. Sunbeam seems to get. I’ll start over-thinking and really getting worked up about things, but he either doesn’t hit as low as I do or is really good at making me think he’s not as down as he appears. Luckily that doesn’t happen too often! But even when it does, we keep each other sane!

Mrs. Rainbow - I would say I’m pretty much a realist… not too optimistic, not too pessimistic, but maybe with a sprinkle bit more of optimism. The Mister is also basically a realist, with a touch of pessimism. We balance each other out really well, fortunately.

Ms. Sushi - I’m a wouldn’t call myself a pessimist but a realist… one who honestly looks at both sides, both good and bad. I prepare for the worst, but hope for the best. Mr. Sushi is definitely an optimist, which can be like a can of fresh air at times. His optimism is very good for me. :)

Mrs. Snow Pea - We’re equal opportunity optipessimists! We’re both really ambitious and optimistic, but we take every grain of pessimism into account while in action.

Mrs. French Bulldog - I am so the optimist in our relationship. Mr Frenchie calls me his Smiley (insert pet-name here). I learned a long time ago that if things aren’t going your way, sometimes the only thing you have control of is your attitude. Mr Frenchie is more pessimistic; he tends to get all “gloom and doom” and needs me to pep him up. It works well because I’ve gotten really good at snapping him out of it. :)

Mrs. Pinot Noir - I am more of an optimist and Mr. PN is more of the pessimist (he would say “realist”). He tends to let the little things bug him more and doesn’t worry about the big issues. I am the opposite because the little things don’t bug me but I worry about the big picture stuff. For example, he is convinced his order will be wrong in the restaurant and I worry that we will be completely broke (mostly unnecessarily as we have jobs, savings, and retirement). So we do balance ourselves out that way.

Miss Frozen Yogurt - I think we both have our fair share of each side. There are days when I feel totally gloom and doom, and he is always there to cheer me up. And I get to the same for him when he feels that way. It’s a great balance for us. :)

Mrs. Sea Breeze - I think the best way to describe both of us would be long-term optimists but short-term realists.

Mrs. Yorkie - I think in a way, we’re each a little of both. I’m always too optimistic and encouraging when it comes to an opportunity/challenge that presents itself to Mr. Yorkie. However, for some reason, when I’m in a similar situation, the outlook never looks so bright to me. Mr. Y can kind of be the same way. It’s definitely a balance!

~~~

What about you and your SO? Optimists? Pessimists? A mix of both?

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14 Responses to “Relationship Series: Optimist/Pessimist”

1.
Jessie516
Hostess
Jessie516 (message)  4,039 posts, Honey bee

I’m embarrassed to say that I’m a bit of a pessimist. I think, for me, when I’m stressed out, I have to work out the “worst-case-scenario” in my head and figure out how I’d deal with it. Then I don’t feel as stressed. The Hubs, however, is an eternal optimist. He always thinks everything will work out happily and seems genuinely shocked if it doesn’t. I think for us, we’ve tried to use the other person’s perspective to temper our own reactions. Things usually aren’t as perfect as he expects, but they’re not as bad as I do. ;)

 
2.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Spaniel (message)  2,646 posts, Sugar bee

I go through phases of each. I think I tend to be a bit more pessimistic if I had to categorize myself as one or the other, but FI is more obviously an optimist.

 
3.
pmerr
Member
pmerr (message)  1,307 posts, Bumble bee

I think we’re each both, but I am generally more pessimistic & he’s more optimistic

 
4.
realeastcoaster
Member
realeastcoaster (message)  476 posts, Helper bee

We both have our days when we think the universe is plotting against us and days when we think the world is our oyster. If I had to classify each of us as one or the other I would class myself as a pessimist (I like to prepare for the worst and hope for the best), while my husband is more of an optimist.

 
5.
Lillindy
Hostess
Lillindy (message)  4,275 posts, Honey bee

Hands down I’m the pessimist in the relationship and he’s the optimist. In a way it’s nice that one of us helps the other realize things can’t always be rainbows and puppy dogs while the other makes it be known that sometimes it is possible.

 
6.
Member Icon
Member
West Coast Bride (message)  672 posts, Busy bee

Mr. WC and I are both extremely pratical (I’m sure, to a fault some would say!). Although we are both pessimistic by nature, I took great steps over the last several years to be more optimistic and open to positivity, and although it’s rubbing off on him somewhat, I also appreciate that he can offer the pessimistic perspective on an issue where I’m wondering if I’m being toooo optimistic or unrealistic (I’m a libra, what can I say, I need to see and hear all sides all the time!)

 
7.
Minutiae
Member
Minutiae (message)  509 posts, Busy bee

I tend to be a pessimist, he’s almost always optimistic. It’s practically inhuman how positively he looks at life; not in a’ world peace and sunshine and rainbows’ way, but in a ‘ I am strong and capable and no one can change that’ way. He can always pick out the silver lining in a situation and turn it into gold. It’s great for me to be around, when I’m constantly slipping into fight or flight mode.

We make a strong team. I’m on defense, he’s on offense! :P

 
8.
GingerRogers
Member
GingerRogers (message)  49 posts, Newbee

He calls himself a realist, but to me he seems a lot more pessimistic about things. I am the complete opposite and a complete optimist. I guess sometimes it works out well because it fully prepares us for whatever the situation may be.

 
9.
tea
Member
tea (message)  2,659 posts, Sugar bee

he’s a realist to my idealist. sometimes i feel like pollyanna! lol. but we balance each other out nicely

 
10.
ms.pascua
Member
ms.pascua (message)  199 posts, Blushing bee

I’m one of those who prepares for the worst & sets up for the best (meaning plan decisions so that the best is a possibility). I feel more “optimistic” if I know I’m ready in case the worst happens. I’m more pessimistic around those who have no contingency plan for problems that might occur, but more optimistic around those who have a plan…which is exactly what FH is like. He always has a plan for how to live life to its fullest - an optimist.

He always wants to believe the best of people, something we have in common. If people don’t live up to our expectations, he’s better at letting go/severing ties with them (with no hard feelings), whereas I’m always hoping I can help them/persuade them/get to be best friends. So, I guess when it comes to dealing with other people, he’s pessimistic/realistic about their personalities, while I’m optimistic.

 
11.
LatteLove
Hostess
LatteLove (message)  4,120 posts, Honey bee

i’m optimistic and he’s pessimistic for sure.

 
12.
fiftyfootbride
Member
fiftyfootbride (message)  3,809 posts, Honey bee

I’m pessimistic, and he’s more optimistic.

 
13.
alishaneva
Member
alishaneva (message)  1,531 posts, Bumble bee

I’ve thought about this over and over again - even before this showed up here - and my conclusion is that we’re both pretty much the optimist AND pessimist. However - we’re never both these things at the same time! Which can be frustrating but works itself out in the end!

 
14.
Jenniphyr
Member
Jenniphyr (message)  1,397 posts, Bumble bee

It really depends. I suppose I’m more optimistic, in terms of trusting others and such, but we’re both often quite pessimistic in regards to ourselves. : ) We really work at boosting each other.

 


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