Wedding Blog
I know we all love to keep it lighthearted around these parts, and that’s just one of the many things I love about Weddingbee. It’s such an amazing, eclectic group of people who are SO talented and supportive of each other. Sometimes, though, wedding planning isn’t all “sunshine and rainbows” all the time. We’ve all had to make some tough decisions here and there. Whether it’s cutting the guest list, cutting the budget, throwing it all out the window and eloping, or sometimes, calling the wedding off all together. Today, I made a pretty tough decision of my own.
After a lot of thought and more than our fair share of issues, Mr. Rainbow and I have decided not to have a bridal party. It was a weird little journey to this decision, but we felt it was the best way to handle everything that had been going on. Despite the fact that we had already asked all the BMs & GMs to be a big part of our little ceremony, things just weren’t working out how we had hoped when it came to the wedding party.
Without getting into the details, it was basically just a procrastination/responsibility issue. It wasn’t exactly something I wanted to deal with on top of the already mounting to-do list of wedding craziness. We had a funny feeling that this issue would become a trend so, although it wasn’t an easy decision, we took the initiative and nipped it in the bud.
Though I never thought I’d be getting married without a few bridesmaids by my side, I must say, this decision has taken a huge weight off my shoulders. I no longer feel like I have to constantly rally the troops. Ultimately, our wedding is about us, so there’s no point in stressing ourselves out. The only hands we’ll be holding will be each other’s—just the way I like it.
What tough wedding decisions have you had to make? Are you opting out of a bridal party? Do you find your decision to be freeing, lonely, or something else?
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Share this post: Keeping It Real
We had a bridal party (sort of), but they didn’t stand at the front with us, just walked down the aisle and sat in the front row. If I could go back I would have eliminated it all together. Even with such a small party, there was still drama I wish I could have avoided. Good decision.
We reached the same decision you did it our initial planning stages. There were a few reasons:
1 . FI doesn’t really have a lot of close friends. (i so thought of him when I watched “I love you, Man”) He felt weird asking people he barely (or in-laws) knew to be part of the party.
2. All my BM’s had completely different body shapes and the two times that we went looking around for some dresses, it was just NOT good!
3. I couldn’t decided on a MOH, though I never discussed this with them. I KNOW feelings would have gotten hurt and arguments would have arised over this b/c I’ve known one of the girls for a looooong time. One of my sister’s was also an option, but the same drama would have come from the other sisters.
4. We couldn’t afford bridal party gifts. This wasn’t really that big of a deal, I mean we would have gotten them something anyway, but still. It was one of the good things that came out of this.. we saved some $$ on gifts..
Good for you, Miss R. Simplification is always a good thing.
Wow! Thats a tough decision, but I TOTALLY understand…Wedding Party drama is extra stressful. I haven’t even asked all of my Bridal troop divas, but I already can feel the stress coming on with one that I have already asked…
yes. makes perfect sense to me and whatever makes you guys happy at the end of the day is what you should go for. Nobody needs added stress!
Yeah, I understand completely about your decision. I have a group of four girls from college I would have loved to stand up for me with my MOH sister. However, DH did not feel he had enough buddies that warranted such an honor, so we compromised and decided to only have my sister and his brother be the wedding party. Ultimately, it was a great decision because we didn’t have to worry about all the little things that come with having a bridal party, like dress styles and gifts and other things.
We didn’t have a bridal party either, but we made that decision because we wanted the wedding to be about us, not a group of people. It was great because, like you said, no drama. Why have the extra headache (not to mention expense) of it all.
I wish we had decided the same. It ended up being this way either way (minus a MOH), but not after much heartbreak and loss of friendships.
we made the same decision for our wedding, sort of. we both ended up having one person each, our brothers. My brother was my “MOH” and my husband’s brother was the best man. Even though I don’t have my own experience to compare it to, having been to many other weddings, and having been a BM in a few, the wedding day without a big bridal party to tote around and keep on top of was WAY less stressful. I still got a lot of help from my family and friends the day of, but overall it was a completely relaxing day.
I’m only having my sister stand with me. That hurt the feelings of a few friends, but it’s our wedding and I wanted to avoid the drama. I’m going to have “honorary bridesmaids”. They will walk down the aisle and sit on the second row. They’ll still be a part of it all, but without the extra headache for me.
We had to ask a few wedding party people to step down (although, we did keep the rest of the wedding party). I totally sympathize with you, though! In our situation, these two people were making our planning miserable and so much more stressful than it needed to be, and once we asked them to step down, planning was infinitely better. Sometimes, it’s the right thing to do. I’m glad you made the right decision!
We kept the rest of the party because they were all responsible and we never had to worry about them.
i’m keeping it small, just two people. i didn’t want to have to worry about coordinating a gaggle of friends. too much work. lol
We’re having almost too many bridesmaids :). I couldn’t leave anyone out so we’re just going to have to deal with having 6 people at each of our sides.
I really, really wish that I had done this. It would have saved us so much stress and needless complications.
I’m glad that you found something that worked out well for you. I think that’s the key to planning–finding something that works for you and doing it because you want to, not because you feel like you have to. 
We decided not to have a bridal party very early on in the process and it was an easy decision for me.
I don’t remember ever enjoying being a bridesmaid and I didn’t want to put that burden on my friends (both financially and time commitment). I wanted my friends to be there for me emotionally, but that has nothing to do with them standing next to me in expensive dresses, holding expensive flowers and looking a little lost.
We’re also not having a flower girl or ring bearer. I just felt like “what’s the point”? They’re cute and all, but that’s just two more people to worry about on a day that is already going to be stressful.
How awesome that you tackle these tough decisions as a team. I hope everyone understands and relationships aren’t damaged, but kuddos to you for being proactive and keeping it real.
Miss Rainbow, did you crawl into my head??? We’re having the same issues- I’m fwding to my Mr. because so often lately we’ve been wondering “Is this just us? Does this happen to anyone else?” Our bridal party has been our biggest source of stress. We’re constantly bending over backwards to make their lives easier instead of vice versa, and now his “best man”/brother is trying to dictate what the groomsmen and my groom will wear! We want to cut the bridal party too, but since they are all our siblings/inlaw siblings, we feel the lifelong repercussions will be worse than this year of suffering. *sigh* I’m sorry that you’re going through this, but like me do you feel a little better knowing it’s not just you?
Seriously out of everything, the one thing I’d change that would make my life a million times easier would be not having any bridal party at all. Someone told me that I chose my bridal party too early, and I’d regret it, and I thought “they’re family! It’s the perfect bridal party”, but I think it ended up being the worst- if you lose a friend, it sucks, but you’re stuck with family, and I feel it’s more risky to insult them b.c you have to live with it/hear about it your whole life (or theirs). I WISH I could get a do-over on this one!
Good for you for sticking with what you feel is right. I know this probably wasn’t an easy conclusion to come to, but in the end if it’s what you truly want, then it’s the best option.
Good for you, Miss Rainbow! You need to do what is right for you as a couple, not what you think you should do.
We didn’t have a bridal party - not because we didn’t want to recognize close friends or have them with us on our day - but because we wanted all our guests to feel special for being there. I still had a great group of girls with me to get ready, and they couldn’t have cared less about walking down the aisle or anything like that. No flowergirls or ringbearers, either - just my dad walking me down our short aisle to my man! I wouldn’t have changed a thing.
After being one of eight bridesmaids and seeing the stress and drama it caused the bride I chose only to have my sister and my FBIL in our weddingparty…simple is sweet and stress free…
ps out of eight bridesmaids, myself and the MOH were the only ones who did anything to help the bride out! amazing.
I feel ya rainbow! We decided against a bridal party because all the drama surrounding the whole thing was stressing us both out. I couldn’t be happier with our decision!
Originally we planned to just have the 2 of us, but somehow I got sucked into having a bridal party.
I didn’t have a bridal either and I don’t regret it. It was freeing for me, and my friends pitched in with their support throughout the planning process. Instead of having our friends we had our immediate families stand next to us during the ceremony. I like that when I looked to my left, I could see my mother and on the other side my ILs. It definitely changed the dynamic for me.
I too am struggling with the decision of whether or not to have a bridal party…some concerns are little things liek what to do about a bachelorette party and is it ok to still rely on one or two friends to really help out without then asking them to stand up their with you? Any thoughts or suggestions would be great!
We opted not to have a bridal party too. BEST decision we made. We wanted everyone to come and have fun and have zero responsibilities. Our ceremony was only 9 minutes and we just couldn’t see the point in asking people to wear certain things and be there early etc. The only people that I had to wrangle was our family for pics.
My friends still threw a bachelorette party for me and were totally down with not having to spend money on a dress- although I would have just had them pick any black dress. We just had our parents sign the marriage license. It was awesome and really let my husband and I focus on the moment and each other!
We’re just having a maid of honour (because want my best friend, who played a major role in bringing us together, up there with me) and he wants a best man for symmetry. He’s not sure whether to default to his brother or ask one of his friends, though.
We opted out of a wedding party right away and it was one of the easiest decisions I made.
For us, the wedding is about US and we want all of our guests to be our witnesses. We will have our sisters standing up there with us. It was also about cost saving: less folks to invite to a rehearsal dinner and less flower items to buy.
For me, I have a whole giant crew of amazing girlfriends and would have felt so uncomfortable selecting just a few. Luckily, I have some fabulous girlfriends who have taken charge of planning a ladies night and are on call when I need them. I call them my ladies crew.
@naomijen i had a a few friends who said, “I know you aren’t having a bridal party, but do you want a ladies night? a girls only shower?” and i said, “yes” and they were willing to plan and help out with that. for my girlfriends who have been married, they are sources of endless wisdom and thoughts about marriage and planning, and understand the stress. your friends will want to help you and celebrate you no matter, matching dress or not. i plan on presenting my ladies with small gifts around the wedding, thanking them for being so supportive.
The wedding is about you - and I’m glad you were able to make the decision that would ultimately mean you two get to be happy. That’s the important part. And sometimes I think it’s so much easier just to scrap this idea altogether myself!
You should do what is best for you and your fiance. We are having a smaller wedding party, only choosing very close friends, even though we are having a pretty large wedding.
I’m glad you guys decided to do what was best for the two of you. You’re right, this wedding is about you two, not anyone else. You said it best when you said, “The only hands we’ll be holding will be each other’s.” I love it. Good luck in all your planning. I’m sure it is going to be beautiful!
I had my sister as MOH and a high school friend as Brides Maid. After all the drama and fights and hurt she caused, I would love to go back and time and not have her be a part of the planning and wedding day. Good for you!!
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Miss Rainbow, Tampa
Age and Occupation: 22, Makeup Artist
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Electrical Engineer/Programmer
Engagement Date: November 27, 2008
Wedding Date: May 2010
Venue: The Gamble Plantation
About Me: I'm a quirky (and slightly Type-A) freelance makeup artist who was born in Washington State, raised in Alabama, and now living with my one and only in sunny Florida. I'm fashion and beauty obsessed, and have recently discovered my inner domestic diva extraordinaire. I'm a wannabe chef, decorating addict, and trying desperately to be as crafty as possible---albeit only with a glue gun. I'm hopelessly in love with my fiance, and all things sparkly and feathery. Despite the glittery exterior, I'm a total hippie on the inside. When I'm not making up pretty faces, I love doing what I can to help people, animals, and the environment. Someday the FI and I will change the world, but first we're tackling our modern-vintage-Marie-Antoinette-meets-Alice-in-Wonderland inspired wedding. I just can't wait to be Mrs. Rainbow!
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