Weddingbee Blog

When our wedding month came around, we were hosting a lot of my extended family from Thailand. It’s not often that they’re able to make it to the U.S.; in fact, our wedding day marked the first time in over 10 years that all of my mom’s 5 sisters were in one place at one time, which is a big deal! Unfortunately, my dad and I were SLAMMED with work. Not only were we in the final sprint of wedding planning, but I was working on a particularly grueling couple of video projects, turning around and working part time for Weddingbee, and then right around 2 AM or so I’d pick up where I left of on printing, gluing, folding, or fluffing whatever DIY projects I had left to do. So, my dad and I were unable to play host and hostess for my family, which utterly bummed me out. This also meant that my mom took on the task of sightseeing chauffeur… an easy task for some, but terrifying for her.

My dad and mom are two halves of a whole. My mom takes on the typical wifely roles, while my dad, while he’s an extraordinary businessman, is so, so crippled when it comes to taking care of himself at home. I swear, the food practically misses his mouth if my mom doesn’t virtually spoon feed him. My mom will take a vacation and leave my dad at home for a month or so, and the entire time my dad will exist on popcorn and oranges. Popcorn. Oranges. 6 times a day. My dad cracked a tooth last time my mom was out of town, from crunching on one too many popcorn kernels. And his doctor said he was eating too much sugar when he went for his checkup! How many oranges a day do you need to eat to be eating dangerous levels of sugar? Yick! But my mom, she relies heavily on my dad as well. Up until that point she hadn’t driven herself anywhere beyond our local grocery stores and shopping malls in years and years and years.

When she decided she was going to take her family to San Francisco (a two hour drive) sans my dad, we all went into throes of panic.

She was so nervous, and we for her. Would she drive the wrong way on a one way street? Would she comprehend quick turns and left turns with dedicated left turn lane? It was scary business.

Independent as I feel like I am, I silently vowed that I’d never become like this. While it’s incredible to be able to depend on your spouse, every day, for the rest of your life, there is also a part of you that dies when you become dependent so long. Not for me, I thought.

And then I went to New York, alone, this past week. I travel alone frequently, mostly to LA, but I’m familiar with LA, so that’s not a big deal. But NYC is different. There are varying forms of public transportation, and from cabs, to the subway, to the LIRR, and with luggage and checking in alone and all those things… I felt myself break into a sweat. I realized it had already started. When we travel, I depend heavily on Mr. Penguin to just shuffle me around everywhere. Subway routes, directions, reservations… he takes care of it all.

It begins. I’m terrified of letting parts of me die, of depending on Mr. Peng for solid chunks of my routine, while he depends on me for others. It’s both comforting but incredibly limiting at the same time. Once I got home, I vowed to take charge of more parts of my life, to drive in more unfamiliar places, to navigate routes that I usually leave up to Mr. Peng. New York was a good lesson for me in independence, or rather, my shameful lack of, so early in life.

What about you? Do you find yourself giving up your independence for convenience now that you’re part of a couple? Or do you try your best to remain as independent as possible, in every aspect of your life? And what about your parents? Are they independent, or dependent on each other? What lessons on independence can you take away from your parents’ relationship?