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Mrs. Pretzel, Seattle Age and Occupation: 32 Learning, Training, and Development Specialist Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28 Manufacturing Engineer Engagement Date: September 2, 2009 Wedding Date: July 2010 Venue: Catholic Church & The Engine Room at Georgetown Studios About Me: I’m just a thirty-something girl who never dreamed of weddings, poofy dresses, or ritzy receptions. I am a rabid knitter, except recently, wedding projects have replaced my yarn and needles. I’ve been fiercely independent since the age of 2 and 30 years later I think my family and friends had given up on me settling down and getting married. Ironically, I had to go all the way to Seattle to find a boy from Purdue. We fell in love over Seattle Beers and cooking together. I love NASCAR, he loves Legos. I can talk like a Muppet and he can fit a whole McDonald’s cheeseburger in his mouth. We are a two reception couple, currently planning a brewery inspired bash.
About Mrs. Pretzel

Bathroom Tears

October 29th, 2009 @ 3:25 pm by Mrs. Pretzel

It seems to be a trend. I didn’t elaborate in my proposal post, but the one thread that runs through Mr Pretzel’s and my engagement journey is that I will hide in the bathroom if I need to cry. Funny, I know. But I want to elaborate on it—because LOVE is not all fairy tales and perfect—and my perfect imperfection is that when my eyes start to water I retreat to the bathroom to have a good cry.

So here it is from the beginning. *Warning: it’s a long post!*

Before I started to date Mr Pretzel, I turned 30—this is not so much a big deal, but Mr Pretzel is 4 years my junior. Being 30 while he was still in his twenties, I felt like the “older woman” and I definitely didn’t want to be the “pushy older woman”. You know, Marisa Tomei in my Cousin Vinny with the foot stomping and clock ticking?

In our courtship I got to places before Mr Pretzel—I knew he was exactly what I was looking for and what I needed early on. I said I love you first, I knew he was the man I was going to marry first (or at least I thought so).

He always got to that same place right behind me, but it stuck in my head that I got there first and it made me a little self conscious *read I was really worried I was “that older woman”*.

It was that last one (realizing that he was the man I wanted to marry) that lead to my first bathroom crying incident. After a vacation with his family I knew he was the one whose hand I would hold in a nursing home but I didn’t dare say anything about it or bring it up. I wanted to be patient and wait for him to get to the same place before I brought the subject up. Plus, I really thought we should be together a full year before talking about marriage. So I didn’t say anything and neither did he—I assumed the thought of marriage had never crossed his brain (I greatly underestimated him). Fast-forward to Valentines day. I was getting a little antsy to talk with him about this, and while we were shopping (I think at Target) he got a phone call from his baby brother. FBIL Pretzel had just bought a ring for his then girlfriend and couldn’t wait to share the info with his brother. I was so happy for them, but at the same time, my heart felt heavy. I so desperately wanted him to bring the subject up. I wanted to talk with him about our future. I felt distant the rest of our shopping trip and fought back tears. When we got back to his apartment, I went into the bathroom and let myself cry. Silly, I know.

Bathroom Tears :  wedding emotional Crying Source

Source

I came out, tears streaming down my face, and Mr Pretzel held me tight and asked what was wrong. I told him I was happy for his brother but I was frustrated that he hadn’t even thought about our future (I assumed) and I wanted to talk about it, but I didn’t want to be the pushy older woman. He tilted my chin towards him and said, “you greatly underestimate me.”

This started our conversations about our future. He found it funny that I was trying so hard not to talk about it that I bottled it all up until it exploded in tears… in the bathroom. We laugh about it now, but coming out of the bathroom with tears streaming down my face was a big turning point in our relationship.

Fast forward to the day he proposed. My heart was set on being engaged while visiting my family in New England. I don’t see them often anymore and I wanted to celebrate with them. Mr Pretzel and I had already started the wedding planning—we had a date set, the venue, the photographer… it wasn’t a matter of “if” but “when”. I thought I knew when he went to buy the ring: an unaccounted for Saturday where we didn’t see each other all day. I also thought I knew when he picked it up: another unaccounted for Saturday right before our trip. I was certain that he was going to propose at the airport, or on the trip. But Mr Pretzel really wanted to surprise me, and thus he had to throw me off his trail. He knew I knew.

He started dropping hints to let me believe he didn’t have the ring. He started to indicate that I shouldn’t go into the trip expecting to get engaged – because I might be disappointed. He was so convincing that when he dropped one last hint at the airport on Wednesday, I was convinced—and crushed. I did a quick pat down of his person and then I knew—or I thought I knew—that he had not gotten the ring. I got mad and sad all at the same time. I was mad that he had “wasted” those Saturdays—the perfect opportunity to pick up the ring. I was sad that we wouldn’t be able to announce our engagement and celebrate with my family. I seriously could not look at him without being overwhelmed by those emotions. We went through security, sat down at the gate, and when Mr Pretzel went to sleep, I went to the ladies room to have a self indulgent cry (a short one). I straightened myself up and went back to the gate in time to collect Mr Pretzel and board the plane—where he promptly fell asleep again.

Bathroom Tears :  wedding emotional 1117 11

Bathroom site of cry #2 on our trip- Midway airport

I tried to talk myself into getting over it. I didn’t want to land in NH and still be mad/sad. The self talk worked a little, but a few tears streamed down my face as we flew, and Mr Pretzel slept. In Chicago when we got off the plane, Mr Pretzel started to notice that I was upset. I scurried off to the bathroom, trying to get a grip on my emotions. After a short cry I tried to clean myself up, but my eyes were oh-so-red and puffy. I walked out of the bathroom into Mr Pretzel’s arms. I told him I was disappointed, upset and a little mad. He hugged me and smiled.

“I’m upset! Why are you smiling?” I asked.

He said, “If you knew what I knew, you would be smiling.” and squeezed me a little tighter.

My heart lifted a little, but I didn’t want to let myself even get my hopes up. It worked, though. I was calmer and ready to have a great vacation—even if we didn’t get engaged. So his plan had worked, although he didn’t foresee that I would get so upset and cry, he had disarmed my suspicions and primed me to be surprised. Later that evening as he was down on his knee looking up at my face asking me to marry him, I was so happy that he had thrown me off his trail. Bathroom tears—well, they are just my thing.

Did you have a hard time with your emotions before the proposal? Did you share it with your SO or hide your tears?

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39 Responses to “Bathroom Tears”

1 2 

1.
Miss French Fries
Bee
Miss French Fries (message)  2,218 posts, Buzzing bee

Very much like you, I thought that Mr. FF was going to propose on our trip to NYC the summer we got engaged. He ended up not doing it then (he thought it was too predictable, and I guess he was right) and I remember crying at the airport when I realized it wasn’t going to happen. He promised it would happen, but I had to be patient because he wanted it to be a surprise.

 
2.
Miss French Fries
Bee
Miss French Fries (message)  2,218 posts, Buzzing bee

Oh, and he ended up doing it just 2 short months later (but seemingly endless at the time!).

 
3.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Frozen Yogurt (message)  2,685 posts, Sugar bee

Oh, I was so ready for him to propose. I would get dressed up for our date nights only to come home later, get in my pjs and be frustrated (ok, pissed) that nothing happened. Then he surprised me by doing it on a random weekday which I NEVER would have suspected (and he knew this)

 
4.
LatteLove
Hostess
LatteLove (message)  5,590 posts, Bee Keeper

I cried the time I saw my hubs before our engagement because he promised me we would shop for rings and then forgot.
How do you forget something like that in a long distance relationship?!?
i was a mess. cried for half a day.

 
5.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Trail Mix (message)  6,485 posts, Bee Keeper

Good god, I was the QUEEN of this!!! I think it got so bad that he actually decided to propose sooner than he originally intended just bc it seemed like every weekend, we got in a fight bc I would be so upset he didn’t do it!!

 
6.
Sage
Member
Sage (message)  728 posts, Busy bee

Ahh, the old bathroom cry. Yes, I’m a big fan. ;)

 
7.
tea
Member
tea (message)  7,278 posts, Busy Beekeeper

so far i’m doing okay. the only time i got emotional was at a friend’s wedding who was also in an ldr. it was just kind of hard to see them figure out who was moving where while the boy and i were still negotiating!

 
8.
mariavvisa
Member
mariavvisa (message)  321 posts, Helper bee

I LOVE that you used the “clock is ticking” bit from My Cousin Vinny.

 
9.
yogigal
Member
yogigal (message)  419 posts, Helper bee

I cried on Christmas, because he gave me so many hints that I just KNEW he was proposing on the night we celebrated Christmas. I was so dissapointed.

So, by time he proposed on New Years, I was completely surprised because after my christmas “let down” I had decided that I should just let it go.

@miss pretzel- when I first started reading and saw the picture of Midway airport, I thought what a horrible airport to propose in. Glad he waited until you arrived on your trip :)!!

 
10.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Moonbeam (message)  1,732 posts, Bumble bee

Oh, I’ve had my fair share of tears, in the end, we just had a discussion instead of a proposal. Not terribly romantic, but it worked for us.

 
11.
Guest Icon
Guest
NotSoPsycho

Thanks for sharing, but don’t you think you were just a but psycho aka ‘the crazy girlfriend’?!? If there’s one thing I hate about a lot of women these days is the pressure they’re all giving their SO to get married. Why don’t we just let it happen organically. Yes, we might know they’re ‘the one’ but we should wait for them to realize it too instead of guilting them into marrying you.

 
12.
lauralou852
Member
lauralou852 (message)  516 posts, Busy bee

Oh my gosh, I would cry without even knowing why I was crying. I was already excited for the proposal, but after I knew he had the ring, it was even worse! I’d cry randomly just because I thought he didn’t even care about if/when he was going to finally propose. (Ridiculous, I know.)

It didn’t help that we’d been together for over 5 years and his brother proposed to his girlfriend of 8 months 5 months before my FI finally asked. So I totally know where you’re coming from with the being happy for them while having a heavy heart at the same time!

 
13.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Snow (message)  916 posts, Busy bee

Oh, Miss Pretzel. I got a little misty reading this post. I felt the same way! We had passed so far beyond the point of needing to talk about the “m” word that we just pretended weddings didn’t happen (seriously, I would change the channel if a wedding popped up on TV).

What a relief to have a bawlfest and get it all out!

(And without tears, our fellas might still be wondering if *they* should talk to us about it…Aw.)

 
14.
HarleyQuinn
Member
HarleyQuinn (message)  102 posts, Blushing bee

Thanks for being real! I know we can all relate to this in some form or fashion. I think its neat that Mr. Pretzel has been outside of the bathroom many times waiting for you to let him comfort you. :)

 
15.
redbullfanatic
Member
redbullfanatic (message)  489 posts, Helper bee

Been there! Our third trip to Maui. I felt like okay this is it this is the perfect time. 5 days went by and nothing. I lost it on the 2nd to the last night on the phone with my sister. Gave up. Then of course…the next night, our last night, he does it. Then I of course felt like a stupid girl. :)

 
16.
Stesse
Member
Stesse (message)  136 posts, Blushing bee

I, too, am engaged to a (gasp) YOUNGER MAN. And I’ve felt the same way - didn’t want to be pushy, didn’t want to hear the ticking, didn’t want to move too fast (because I knew that we would have a long life together regardless…). In the end it worked out. And it was both our ideas. And he totally surprised me with the ring.

And my next non-pushy moment will probably involve the “My Cousin Vinny” clip, ’cause that biological clock is tickin’, baby!

 
17.
Miss Pretzel
Bee
Miss Pretzel (message)  1,899 posts, Buzzing bee

@NotSoPsycho: Absolutely not! I never guilt-ed him into proposing. I got overwhelmed with emotions, tried to hide them, and lost that battle. Letting out these emotions lead to very honest communication between us where I discovered he actually had been starting to think about the future and I really didn’t have any reason to have been “holding back” my feelings and hopes for the future. Being the “pushy older woman” was all in my head.

 
18.
Mrs. Penguin
Bee
Mrs. Penguin (message)  3,530 posts, Sugar bee

I admit to crying a few times over not being engaged yet… unfortunately I have more of a “tears of rage” thing going on and I didn’t do it in private, either ;)

It is a weird feeling to want to cry after hearing someone else getting engaged, but I was totally there with you!

 
19.
Miss Pretzel
Bee
Miss Pretzel (message)  1,899 posts, Buzzing bee

@Mrs. Penguin: I know! All the while I am getting mad at myself for being so silly as to get upset about such a joyous thing! I totally didn’t want to be “that girl”, oh well I own it- it is what it is.

 
20.
Bee Icon
Bee
Miss Trail Mix (message)  6,485 posts, Bee Keeper

@ NotSoPsycho- That is definitely NOT psycho to be upset when your boyfriend doesn’t propose, ESPECIALLY if you’re expecting it! It’s very hard for a lot of us to have ZERO control over a very important event in our lives and to not know when it’s going to happen or even if it’s going to happen is super stressful and pretty agonizing…I think that comment was a little agressive and judgey, personally…

 
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Mrs. Pretzel
Mrs. Pretzel

Mrs. Pretzel, Seattle Age and Occupation: 32 Learning, Training, and Development Specialist Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28 Manufacturing Engineer Engagement Date: September 2, 2009 Wedding Date: July 2010 Venue: Catholic Church & The Engine Room at Georgetown Studios About Me: I’m just a thirty-something girl who never dreamed of weddings, poofy dresses, or ritzy receptions. I am a rabid knitter, except recently, wedding projects have replaced my yarn and needles. I’ve been fiercely independent since the age of 2 and 30 years later I think my family and friends had given up on me settling down and getting married. Ironically, I had to go all the way to Seattle to find a boy from Purdue. We fell in love over Seattle Beers and cooking together. I love NASCAR, he loves Legos. I can talk like a Muppet and he can fit a whole McDonald’s cheeseburger in his mouth. We are a two reception couple, currently planning a brewery inspired bash.

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