Wedding Blog
One thing I decided I couldn’t justify expense-wise was a wedding dress. Dropping hundreds (if not thousands) on a dress I’d be wearing for 6 hours max was something I couldn’t do.
On top of that, I am not a skinny girl. Even though I’ve lost and maintained an 80 lb. weight loss, I’m honest with myself. I stand a hearty 5’10″. I wear size 11 shoes. I can’t buy hats because my head’s too big. I am not delicate and I am not dainty. And I couldn’t wrap my brain around a white dress. To be honest, I scoured the internet looking for a girl who was over size 10 in a white dress with whom I could identify. I didn’t find her. Bummer.
I knew I wanted some sort of sleeve combined with simplicity, femininity, and a little bit of an edge in my dress. I didn’t want too pay much. I didn’t want to have assistance to go to the bathroom while wearing it, and I didn’t want to worry about getting my dress dirty as I traipsed around the farm on my wedding day.
So, it was J.Crew to the rescue. I purchased this adorable dress for 99 dollars. It has sleeves. It is “tropical aqua”, a saturated hue of one of our wedding colors. I felt confident and pretty in it.
I planned to gussy it up with white flowers and ivory jewelry and find some super cute flats for the ceremony and change into white Chuck Taylors for the reception.
But.
Yes, the “but…” crept in. The naysaying thoughts of ‘…but will you feel like a bride?’ started, and I realized I wasn’t totally settled with my dress. I decided to calm my thoughts by posting on the Weddingbee boards about wearing non-bridal-colored dresses. While supportive, most of the replies suggested I check out Offbeatbride.com for inspiration. Now, I love Offbeat Bride (I even bought the book) and had I been planning my wedding a mere 4 or so years ago, I would have been much more attune to an “offbeat” style. But, I’m a little older now, my personal style has matured a bit (for the better… I’ll have to post pictures of my hot pink, black, and white punk rock bathroom I thought was genius @ 23. Ech!).
Oh, lucky for you all, I found it. What can I say—I like color.
(Let’s not make any additional commentary on my full-on scene hair either… goodness 
)
So, while I certainly have some offbeat style in me, I don’t want a truly “offbeat” wedding. I want a wedding that reflects us, and that wedding will be more traditional. Traditional with a blue dress. Or so I thought.
With these feelings of uncertainty growing, I decided it was time for bridesmaid intervention. I tried on my dress for my local bridesmaid, V. Her response was not inspiring. It was kinda like, “Well, that is…CUTE! Yes, CUTE!” It wasn’t the, “Oh my gosh, it is just perfectly YOU” response I was going for at all. It worried me, so I asked a different bridesmaid about it. She said, “Yeah, I was a little worried about us in bright pink, red, and orange and you in tropical aqua.” She had a point. Too much color might equal nauseated guests and a photographer who hates us.
So I caved. I bought another J.Crew dress on clearance. This time, in champagne. It has no sleeves, but it is pretty and simple:
So here I am. A thrifty bride with two dresses. And, at this point, I have no idea if I am finished buying dresses. Sad, but true. I thought I was settled before but I wasn’t, so I’m afraid to say it now. We’ll just have to wait and see…
Did you aim for an offbeat dress, only to find yourself pulled back into something more traditional?
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Share this post: The Quest for My Dress
I love that 2nd dress too! I think it’s great that brides have so many options for dresses now!
Yup, that’s my dilemma now. I bought a dress.. which is white but not at all the traditional wedding dress and now I’m considering buying another one, that looks more like the traditional styles. The first was in expensive and the 2nd one I’m thinking about is as well, but I’m wondering how ridiculous that is. I mean I’m not a celebrity at an award show, so should I really be having wardrobe changes? Hmmm….
I love both of your dresses lady! I totally agree with you on the “Dropping hundreds (if not thousands) on a dress I’d be wearing for 6 hours max was something I couldn’t do.” idea and ended up getting a JCrew white/white seersucker dress at an outlet for 130!
I’m so glad to have found another JCrew lover and I <3 the fact that you’re comfortable with paving your own path!
You rock:)
I really like the second dress! It’s the shorter style that you seem drawn to, but it’s white, and that makes anything bridal
I thought I’d end up a short dress bride, but fell in love with a long, satin gown. Who knew?
I love the second dress! I eye it every time I go to their website. And I hear you on the interesting decor jobs. I did up my last apartment in Bohemian Chic (using Ralph Lauren paint, the opposite of Bohemian…) My living room was fuschia, my dining room royal purple. It has since been repainted. 
I hear you!!! If I had my druthers, most of the time I would wear red. But I wanted something elegant and a little less, well, loud for my wedding. I tried on dresses in blues, silvers, pinks… I ended up in a white dress, but only because I found a style and cut that made me feel like a bombshell and had me singing “I feel pretty” to myself as I waited for my subway on the way home. It helped that I was able to try the dress on in something close to my size (22). For me, the cut, style, and ease of the dress ended up mattering most. But I’m buying colorful shoes!
@jennifer_espos: Lol @ wardrobe changes! I thought about wearing one and then changing, but it isn’t like one is more intricate or delicate or too heavy or cumbersome or something. It’d totally be me showing off my collection of cute dresses:)
@Miss Snapdragon: I did the same thing! Bright blue office, crazy pop-art stencil shapes in the bedroom and living room, that bathroom, and an almost-chartreuse kitchen! And I bought all this paint off the 5 dollar “mess up” shelf! Maybe I should have taken that as a hint?
I love the 2nd dress - why don’t you add sleeves to it? That’s easily done by a decent seamstress (get recommendations!). I don’t know how pricey it was, but you could even buy another one of it, in whatever size, to have extra fabric for the sleeves. If you don’t find your dream dress - make it!
Bright colors, chucks, I L O V E it! Oh and I totally get the nontraditional dress thing.
Sorry brain is running wild with this idea - you could even show a seamstress the 1st dress and integrate elements of it! Copy the sleeve length, maybe adding a ruffle inspired by the 1st dress to the bottom of the sleeves and/or hem! Use your 2nd dress as your “getaway dress” at the end of the reception.
A girl after my own heart. I love both dresses. And the cool thing about cheap dresses is that you don’t HAVE to be attached to one. If you decide later to get something else, you totally can and you won’t be guilty.
I like both — maybe you could wear the bright one to the rehearsal and the champagne colored one to the wedding? That way you’re getting use out of both. 
I’m with FF! I’d definitely do bright to rehearsal (or shower) and the ivory one for the wedding!
The second one is SO CUTE! LOVE it! You could totally wear the first one to a shower or your rehearsal dinner. Yay!
If you decide you’re not feelin’ the second one, have you considered Dolly Couture? She makes some awesome non-traditional, but still bridal dresses for pretty cheap.
I was also a non-traditional bride, and wore a knee-length bridesmaids dress in white.
I was just eyeing that second dress last night on the internet! If only we had J. Crew in Canada, I would be there all the time. Good luck in your dress quest!
I really, really like both of those dresses! I think the champagne one will make you feel more bridal-y without having to actually wear a “real” bridal gown. Pair it with a fun, funky bolero & it could just be the right style for you!
p.s. love the bright pink paint
I’m sorry, but I have to disagree with you, that bathroom is awesome! Talk about a pick-me-up in the mornings when you can barely get out of bed. That would totally make me bounce out the house to work.
As for the dresses, I love them both. I’m in the same position as you are. I don’t want a huge poof, typical bridal gown. It’s just really not me. P.S. I’m also bigger than a 10—like several more sizes! I agree with Miss FF, keep both and wear the awesome colored one for the rehearsal The champagne colored dress is really gorgeous — very Tiffany’s style. Timeless and classic. Beautiful!
I too did not think I wanted an over the top bridal-y type gown. But the glamour I found in my dress was perfect once I saw the right one. I’m also not stick thin and still felt beautiful!
Good luck!
um hello you are GORGEOUS! and I actually love your hair in the bathroom picture
It won’t matter which dress you decide to wear - you’ll look great regardless!!
Oh I love both of them! I totally think you should wear the first one to the rehearsal dinner and still bride it up a little bit. It’s totally cute!
I love weddingbee and I love OBB equally. That being said, reading blogs can get a little tough because there are so many great ideas floating around but they may not quite fit “you”. I always imagined myself being an OBB with a colorful dress but when it came time to buy my dress I took something that was very bridal and made it my own by adding a little color but still staying a bit traditional. You ARE an OBB, we all are if we want to be.
I love that second J. Crew dress and I think that adding some colorful, kicky heels, flats or boots (if you’re running around a farm) will add just the right touch to let your true personality shine through. (I’m wearing white BUT still wearing my glasses!)
Oh, and don’t be embarassed about your scene hair! I rocked that same “cool mullet” cut for years and I think you looked good!
I love the second dress! I also love your pink bathroom. I agree with the comments to wear the first dress to the rehearsal!
It’s funny how these need to feel a certain way (like a bride) sneak up on us! I think the second dress is super and will be really fun colorful heels!
Add another into the pot for colored rehearsal and the white for the wedding. I think you’ll be the happiest farm bride ever in a comfy dress.
I get the feeling that you haven’t found “the one” yet– It doesn’t sound like you’re that happy with either of them– even though I think they’re both super cute. SO– i say keep looking. Don’t rule out colors if you love them– with a hair piece and a bouquet, you’ll look like a bride. And one things for sure– your groom will think you look like the most beautiful bride if you’re wearing a dress that makes you feel awesome.
Both dresses are awesome! I’m going to be one of the lone dissenters here and say that I love the first one more - I’m a sucker for ruffles!
I love, love, love the second dress (the first one is adorable too - I would totally wear it, the cotton makes it more of a casual dress).
I think the first dress paired wwith the right shoes and accessories will look smashing - very Mad Men.
Honestly, I would much prefer to wear short dress. A long dress is just not me, but I’m a chicken so I’m sure I will end up with a long dress.
I really love your first dress - but I can’t say I’d feel like a bride in it myself. And the second dress is gorgeous!! I truly love it!
I thought I wanted a short dress … with some colored crinoline … but I keep liking the darn lace long ones with super long trains. WTF, mate.
BTW- I soooo had that scene hair once.
can i just say that j’adore your posts already! i am also 5′10″ wear size 11 shoes, and curvy, lost weight and am still trying to loose more. i just totally related to your post.
sooooo looking forward to more of your posts!
I agree, first one to rehearsal, second to the wedding and I like quiche’s idea of a bolero to give you the sleeves that you liked in the first. I feel ya though on having ideas that others don’t get excited about, made me realize the wedding isn’t 100% about me after all, I do care what my family and closest friends think more than I thought.
OK talk about coincidence - I was reading your post in Google Reader, then went over to OBB to check out the new post over there and what was it about?? Colored wedding gowns! Check it: http://offbeatbride.com/2009/10/colorful-wedding-dress. The website is http://www.weddingdressfantasy.com.
I know you said you think you’re done, but can it hurt to look more? Regardless of what dress you choose, you will look beautiful because it will be a reflection of YOU and how you envision yourself on your big day!
That last dress can totally be “you-ified” with some bright-colored accessories and chucks! I also would encourage you to go on at least one trip to a traditional bridal salon to try on “regular” dresses, just so you can know for sure and you won’t have a nagging indecision in the back of your mind. Like you’ll be at David’s Bridal or wherever and be like “um …. NO WAY” or “hmmm, I didn’t know I *liked* flooffy organza …” An 80 lb weight loss is AMAZING (it’s taken me 4 months to lose 5!), don’t let the starving models deter you from exploring all the options.
Whatever you decide, you will be beautiful on your wedding day no matter what! And your hot pink bathroom is rockin’!
Thanks so much all! I hadn’t even thought about wearing on to the rehearsal dinner! Great idea!
Oooh, and the thought of bolero shopping! Oh darn, something else to research
@betagrl: Interestingly, Mad Men comes up in regards to wedding planning down the road a bit… You’ve given me an idea
@anvil_chick: Thanks! It means a lot to know that my experiences speak to other tall, big-footed brides out there (or anyone who feels like they don’t fit the bride mold in some way…which would be just about everyone, right?)
@bakingbride: LOL, I remember my hair stylist actually saying “What about a fashion mullet?” and me saying “YES! HOW COOL!” It is rough being a slave to hair fashion (at least in retrospect!).
I love them both! I agree with the others on the first to a shower or rehearsal and the second to the wedding
How about you wear the colored dress and get your bridesmaids in the white dresses, that way you stand out from them and you don’t have to compromise on what is “you.” If white isn’t your style you shouldn’t force it.
OOh interesting idea - JBeebe! A reversal!
Anyhow, I was going to say that if you’re mainly looking not to spend a lot of $ keep looking! I was sure I didn’t want a “wedding” wedding dress but I ended up with a rather simple but TOTALLY “wedding” gown in pure white - something else I was going to avoid. For 90% off, completely stumbled upon and when I put it on I couldn’t NOT buy it. So if you’re not feeling either dress keep looking!
and ps: I loved your hair in the bathroom shot!
You can wear the aqua dress to your rehearsal and rehearsal dinner - that way you still get use out of it and it matches your colors.
Plus, I love the J.Crew ruffle dress - I own it in two colors and I picked it for my girls’ bridesmaids dresses!
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Miss Snow, Madison, WI/Asheville, NC
Age and Occupation: 28, PhD student
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Graphic Designer
Engagement Date: August 5, 2009
Wedding Date: June 2010
Venue: Claxton Farm
About Me: I am true Southern gal displaced in the beautiful and blustery midwest. A true theatre geek at heart, I love any kind of performance and spend most of my time researching old productions in dank library archives. When not in the library, I love music (punk rock, bluegrass, and everything in between), design in all forms, any reality TV show on Bravo (especially those that feature housewives or sharp knives), beer and wine from Oregon, and exploring the outdoors. My fiance and I are true best friends, and he inspires me every day. After a long and happy dating relationship, we’ve decided to tie the knot in the mountains of North Carolina, our home state. We’re planning a long-distance, largely-DIY, eco-conscious hip farm affair that celebrates family, friends, and love.
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