Wedding Blog

Be sure to check out all the posts in our Relationship Series here!

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Who brings home the bacon in your relationship? If you make more money than your FI, is it a touchy subject in your relationship, or does he like having a sugar mama?

Mrs. Stiletto - He used to make significantly more than I do (he was a mechanical engineer, I work for a non-profit), but when he was laid off in April of this year, the tables turned! He has launched his wedding photography business and while he’s doing very well, it definitely will take a little while before he will turn a profit! These changes have made us more conscious of what we spend our money on and what our priorities are… and it has also made us learn (slowly!) that it’s not his money or my money, it’s our money and we make those decisions together, no matter who is making more.

Mrs. Gloss - He brings home two times as much bacon as I do. I’m pretty sure he’d be fine with it if I made more money, possibly in fact, welcome it - but that will never happen.

Mrs. Mascara - I make slightly more than he does, but neither of us really notices and/or cares. It’s our money now, so whoever brings it in doesn’t matter, as long as we are financially secure!

Mrs. Mary Jane - We both make about the same amount of money right now, but we fluctuate depending on our raises and positions. There have been times when I have made more than he has, or vice versa. I believe that due to the industry he’s in, he will level out as the ‘breadwinner’ in our relationship. Either way is fine with us - marriage is a partnership, so it’s not about whose money it is: it all belongs to both of us.

Mrs. Bear Cub - Even though Mr. Bear Cub has more degrees than I do (he has a masters and a PhD - I only have a masters), we make almost exactly the same amount! It doesn’t really make a difference anyways, though - he helps me pay off my student loans, and when he needs some extra cash to pay off his credit card, I’ll pony up. It’s really our money.

I do, however, always pay for dinner/outings when we’re in Chile - practically only in Chile. The culture here is pretty macho, and waiters definitely expect the man to pay. I get a thrill out of handing my card with a girl’s name on it to the waiter. Invariably, they give it back to my husband after they’ve run it. Then I take it from him, and sign it myself. I know I’m not exactly moving mountains here, but it feels good to challenge preconceptions, especially in a country where women are called “casarita” - little house wife.

Mrs. Lovebird - I’m the only one bringing home the bacon now, but hopefully after he finishes med school and his residency, he’ll bring home more bacon than I do. He loves the fact that I’m his “sugar mommy”. Luckily, we also both have very supportive families.

P.S. I LOVES ME SOME BACON! And none of that lean bacon either. Bring on the pork fat!

Miss Frozen Yogurt - Well, he makes significantly more than I do. Meanwhile, he goes into work later and comes home earlier. And, I have more degrees!! How is that fair? He would be so happy if I made more money, but ultimately he’s happy I’m doing something I really enjoy.

Mrs. Cowboy Boot - Yearly, we probably make the same amount. But it’s not as stable as it sounds. You could call me a Sugar Mama because there are parts of the year when I support both of us—I’m the only one with a yearly salary. Mr. CB works seasonal jobs (whitewater guiding in the summer and is the manager of ski shop in the winter) with some off-time. In his free time, though, he paints adamantly and works towards a career as an artist. Fingers crossed that one day he can just sell paintings and be my Sugar Daddy.

Mrs. Penguin - We make about the same amount after all is said and done. Mr. Peng wouldn’t mind if I made 5 times more than him… I think he’d love it! Between his grad school debt and the fact that he pays more taxes than me, I think our incomes are pretty equal. I fall more into the gender roles… I wouldn’t like it if I made more money than he did. Well if I did, I would get a maid and send my laundry out and REFUSE to do housework (or, he could do it). If I have a bad year or make less (because my income fluctuates) I’m always happier to be doing housework. But if I’m working hard and I know that my income comes in close to his, I usually do housework more begrudgingly. I don’t want to be making more money than him. It’s weird for me, psychologically.

We don’t treat our money as “our” money. I’m still very attached to my own income, and spending my own money on my own things, and I don’t care to see what he spends his pennies on either. He can have what he wants and I can have what I want, without someone looking over our shoulders. I think if his income were significantly more than mine, I’d be way more open to that whole “it’s OUR money” thing. Selfish and true.

Mrs. Mouse - Until (very) recently, the Dude has been the only breadwinner, since I’ve been in school. I’ve had part-time jobs and student loans, but inevitably he’s ended up paying more than his half of the bills. Now that I’ve started working, things may change a bit, but for now his paychecks are still fatter than mine. We still haven’t quite mastered the whole “combining incomes” thing, but I imagine it will be easier now that we both make money. Honestly, the Dude would love it if I made enough money so that he could quit his job. He’d love to be a stay-at-home dad at some point. I’m not so sure how I feel about that, though!

Mrs. Joey - I started out as the money maker but it’s pretty much even now since we both work for non-profits. He’s still hoping I’ll get some high paying job and he can be a house husband. I think he likes having a sugar mama.

Mrs. Sea Breeze - We’re about the same and he would have no problem whatsoever with me bringing home more. In fact, I think I’d get a kick out of it, too!

Mrs. Dumpling - Despite the fact that he made about 8 times what I made, it was never “our money”. It just worked better if we kept our finances separate. For example, he paid all the house bills and his own bills and I paid my personal stuff (student loan, car, credit cards, gas, spending) with my own paycheck.

Now that I’m a stay at home mom, he is forced to pay everything and I am sorta nervous about wanting to spend money. We’ll see how it goes. I hate asking for cash.

Mrs. Pinot Noir - Mr. PN has always made more bacon then me (usually about 2x more bacon). I know he would be more than happy if I made more bacon - he was really pushing med school for awhile so I could be his sugar mama!!

Mrs. Labrador - Throughout our relationship, our incomes have changed according to the intensity of our class schedules. He wasn’t in classes when we met so he was working full time and was in the top pay range at our work. Then it was pretty even for a while until I had to work my internships and wasn’t earning a paycheck. Now, he’s doing PTA clinicals and intensive classes so I’m the main breadwinner. As far as our professional careers go, he’ll definitely be making more money than me (probably 3-4 times more) but I’ll have the (very small) potential to make waaaay more if I ever “hit it big” in the sports broadcasting world. And if that ever happens, I’m more than sure he’d have absolutely no problem with me buying him his dream cars and boats!

Miss Lamb - The Lambster contributed financially to the relationship a lot more than I did throughout our dating relationship. Now that he’s in grad school, I’m the one with the income. I’m fairly certain when he graduates, he’ll be making more than me again. I don’t care who makes more - we both contribute to the relationship in different ways and respect each other for intangible contributions (like housework, keeping track of car maintenance, etc).

Mrs. Hydrangea - When Mr. H and I started out, I made more money. Then I switched jobs and took a slight pay cut. After the wedding, I decided to make a complete career change and took a huge hit pay-wise. When I made more, he occasionally would make comments but overall didn’t really care. It’s been more of an issue now, with my lesser pay, because things get tight a lot easier then they used to. We really don’t care who makes more, as long as we’re making something!

Miss Potato Chips - We are both pretty gosh-diggity-darn poor. But there have been times when one of us was making significantly more than the other. We’ve always helped each other out; it’s a real give and take. Right now he makes more than I do, by virtue of my measly grad school stipend.

Mrs. Toucan - Mr. Toucan makes a little more, but also has more room to “move up” in his profession than I do. I am pretty sure he’d be fine if I was the “sugar mama” though… he’s says he’d stay home and play video games all day (which even if he were only half serious, I’d veto immediately!).

Mrs. Sunbeam - Mr. Sunbeam brings home the bacon right now, but I hope to even the bacon distribution when I get out of Grad School and can really focus on work. Mr. Sunbeam wouldn’t mind me being a sugar mama at all and I certainly wouldn’t mind playing that role for a while so he could have some down time.

Miss Cookie - I work in the nonprofit world, and Mr. Cookie works in corporate America. You can probably guess who makes more money. But Mr. Cookie would be perfectly fine if I was his sugar momma and he became a stay-at-home dad (which he would be great at). You never know, maybe one day I will ;).

Mrs. Duckling - Mr. Ducky makes more than I do. I have 2 jobs, one earning hours as a therapist and my other office job that pays the bills. However, my expenses are less than his because I don’t have a car payment and my student loans haven’t kicked in yet. We work pretty well together, but I’m still getting used to feeling accountable to someone else for all my spending. All the sudden my shoe splurge affects someone else.

Miss Ramen - For now, being the increasingly-poor grad student that I am, Mr. Ramen will be the breadwinner (as long as he gets a job…). Post-graduation, I think I might end up being the sugar-mama until we have baby Ramens. I think we’re both OK with that. Plus, then I can keep shopping my heart out at Anthro!

Miss Trail Mix - Right now, it’s me (he’s in grad school) but for the past 3 years, it’s been him so it’s only fair. In fact, in the spirit of being a women’s studies major, I would feel uncomfortable not being the sugar mama, since he happily did the same thing for me earlier in our relationship. It’s definitely not a touchy subject with us.

And he’s getting an MBA so hopefully we’ll both be bringing home the bacon next year!

Miss Moonbeam - Back in Seattle, we were equal earners. Out in LA, he’s the one makin’ it rain. I’m the only one that has a problem with it. I much preferred feeling like a contributor to the bankroll and he’s so laid back, that either way would be fine.

Ms. Sushi - I’m the sugar mama, but being married to him has helped my paycheck. Being full-time military, I get “dependent” pay now that I’m married. It’s just a few extra dollars to my paycheck. Plus, we have free medical benefits. It doesn’t bother him one bit that I make more $$. He’s actually pretty bad at handling money so I handle all of our finances, anyways. He really wants to be a house husband once we start having kiddies… and I’m okay with that.

Mrs. Bunny - Mr. Bunny makes slightly more than I do, but since I have way more expenses than he does, it seems like a bigger difference than it actually is! My car and car insurance payments are higher, and I’m always having to go to the doctor and get meds. For now, money is still a touchy subject in our relationship, but we’re both hoping that will change when we combine our accounts in the near future. Also I’m hoping to take a part time job soon, so that should boost my income a little bit, as well.

Mrs. Beagle - When we first started dating in college, Mr. Beagle made more than me. Now, my salary is more than Mr. Beagle’s. It’s not really a touchy subject in our house because we are both financially responsible (pay bills on time, help each other out if need be). Since we’ve been on both sides of the spectrum, I don’t think either of us are really bothered by the fact that one of us is making more than the other.

Mrs. Sprinkle - I make a bit more than Mr. Sprinkle does at this point… sometimes I think that bothers him, but it really doesn’t bother me. He is at a turning point in his career, where as I am pretty much where I want to be. I hope that someday he is making more so that when we have kids I can be a full time mom. That is a goal we are working on together. Also, our finances have been merged for almost two years now, and we treat all money as our money.

Mrs. Yorkie - Mr. Yorkie brings home almost triple the bacon that I do. In our earlier years, it secretly made me a little insecure, mainly when it came to travel expenses. (I always insisted on paying my own way.) Now that our finances have been fully merged, there really is no distinction… it’s all ours.

Mrs. Snow - I’m in grad school, so Mr. Snow makes more than I do. During our first four years of dating, he was in school so the scenario was flipped. I’m the one who feels insecure because my income radically decreased when I returned to school, but Mr. Snow doesn’t care. We make certain to live within our means, and someday, we’ll both be out of school at the same time!

Miss Pretzel - With my graduate degree and a couple years more experience, my base salary is more than Mr Pretzel’s. With that said, he works more OT than I do (we are both salaried with OT- a funny idea) so at the end of the day he brings home slightly more. I like that we make almost an equal amount, although I am sure his income will eventually surpass mine.

I especially like that when we purchased our townhouse together we did so budgeting that only 1 of us was working. We said thank you Big Loan Company for saying we qualify for $XXX,XXX, but we think we’ll buy something for less than half that. So, when I move in after the wedding, my income will be almost completely for savings. Rock on! It also makes me feel better that if our circumstances change we know we could survive on one income.

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Who makes the moolah in your relationship? How does it affect your relationship?