Wedding Blog

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How are you deciding where you spend the holidays? Was it a big issue between you and your FI? How did you come to a decision?

Mrs. Quiche - This is a HUGE deal for me. I do not like to spend Christmas anywhere (including our own home!) except at my mom’s house, which I have done every single year for the past 29 years. I am sure it is something I’ll have to get over at some point, especially with kids, but I still can’t fathom it. We don’t tend to go to Ohio for Easter or Thanksgiving, only occasionally (like this year - YAY!).

All of his family is here in Chicago & we can see them anytime. This is not the case with my family, so it makes sense to spend the big holidays with my family, right? Right??

This Christmas will be the first test. We still haven’t decided what to do.

Mrs. Mascara - Mr. Mascara and I are lucky because both of our families live in the same city and we don’t have to split the holidays. Unfortunately though, that means both of our families expect us to be at all holiday events, which leads to us eating an excessive amount of holiday meals and leaving us no time to relax. I think we’ll have to figure out a new strategy soon.

Mrs. Mary Jane - This is a hard one, especially given that my family is scattered around the country and Mr. Mary Jane’s is local. One could argue that the local family loses the holidays because we see them throughout the year. But in our case, his family is also much larger and more traditional than mine, so they’d probably be more hurt by us spending the holidays without them, than my family would. It’s a tough place for me too because I love his family and have a ball at their celebrations, but I also really miss mine, especially around Christmas.

For the past 2 years (and this one approaching), we’ve spent Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter with Mr. Mary Jane’s family. We will probably continue to do the same, at least with Thanksgiving and Easter: they’re not large celebrations for my very small family. As far as Christmas, we try to see my parents either right before or directly after Christmas if we are able to make the flights and can afford to take the time. I think the Christmas season will become more of an issue once we have children. For now, we just blur the lines of ‘Christmas time’ with my parents, and spend the actual day with his.

Mrs. Gloss - We are splitting holidays, and alternating each year. It’s a big deal for me - I’m not gonna lie - I cried when I realized I wouldn’t be spending Thanksgiving with my family this year.

Mrs. Bear Cub - Even though we’ve been together for 3 years (and married for a month! :D), we’ve never actually spent Christmas at our own home! Last year we went on a week-long kayak trip in Patagonia over Christmas and New Year’s - what better way to spend free days off work, when it’s summer time down here?

This year, we’ll actually be going to Puerto Vallarta for Christmas! It’s pretty crazy, but it kinda just happened. I have to travel to Hawaii for work in early December; my shift at the northern hemisphere telescope ends the week before Christmas. Mr. Bear Cub has to fly to DC on January 1st for an astronomy conference; he gets back to Chile a few weeks later. That leaves two whole weeks (with holidays!) where we could be anywhere in North America! Since our companies are paying for our airfare to Hawaii and DC, we tried to find someplace in between where we could spend Christmas. It just so happens that adding an extra leg to Mexico onto each of our flights is actually cheaper than the original “Chile - Hawaii - Chile” round trip ticket! So…. We’re going to Puerto Vallarta for Christmas, with free airfare! When we told Mr. BC’s mom we were going to be in Mexico for the holidays, she asked if she could come, too - we’re so happy we can spend New Year’s with at least some family!

Mrs. Deviled Egg - Our parents live about 45 minutes apart, so spending time with both families on holidays is manageable for us. We try to be flexible with dinner times and, in the past, have driven separately so the other could stay a little longer with their family if one of us had to leave.

It is weird to spend some time driving around on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter and eating twice as many meals, but it’s worth it because we get to see everyone and sample all the yummy food!

The hardest part is coordinating the times we are at our parents’ houses with the times our siblings will be there, too. Everybody has in-laws to see now and can’t stick around as long as previous years.

Mrs. French Bulldog - Holidays have always been relatively easy for the French Bulldogs. Every holiday has always been somewhat based on the first holiday we spent together. His mom or dad usually gets Christmas Eve and my parents always get Christmas day. Thanksgiving has never been a really big deal for either of our families, so unless FIL Frenchie’s birthday falls on Thanksgiving, or SIL Frenchie is in town, we spend it with my family. For Easter and other holidays, it just depends on who is celebrating and asks us first.

I have friends with divorced parents and I know we have it easy!

Mrs. Peep Toe - For the last three years we’ve split Thanksgiving between the two families, but this year my parents are joining us for Thanksgiving at SIL Peep’s house!

As for Christmas, we’ve always spent it with my family, but that’s an easy choice since Mr. Peep is Jewish. Although we’re breaking the mold this year and staying home. I am actually really looking forward to it. We’ve created a lot of Chrismakkah traditions that I now couldn’t live without. How could you not love eight nights of presents and then a big gift on Christmas morning??

Miss Dachshund - I know that this is going to be difficult for us in the future. It makes me a little sad that I was blessed with the most amazing future in-laws, and they live so far away that I never get to see them. 1000 miles between us makes it difficult to spend the holidays with both families.

As of right now, we’re planning on alternating Christmases. Christmas is a pretty big deal to my family, and I’m not sure how I’m going to handle not being with them. However, we’ll tackle that as it comes! This year we’ll stay here.

We lucked out with Thanksgiving, though. We’ll always be able to celebrate both; Canada’s is in October.

Miss Frozen Yogurt - We’ve figured out a plan that works for us now, but once we have kids, who knows what will happen! Right now we spend Thanksgiving with my family (they are closer, so it’s just easier), and then we do Christmas with both (Dallas for a few days, and then Colorado for a few days). It’s great for me because I actually get to enjoy some snow for a few days at Christmas!

Miss Rainbow - Mr. Rainbow’s family consists of about 6 people, and only 2 are local. On the other hand, my family consists of about 18 people, and that’s BEFORE cousins. With such a small family, his holidays were never particularly festive, whereas my (huge) family would all make a point to gather together for either Thanksgiving or Christmas. Mr. Rainbow, who is my cousin’s best friend, was already spending Christmas with my family before I even knew who Mr. Rainbow was, so it was a natural fit to spend Holidays with my side of the family. We usually see his family a day or two before the actual holiday.

Mrs. Cowboy Boot - We live driving distance (14 hours) from my family and flying distance (5 hours) from his. Vacation time and finances all play a role in deciding where we’ll be. Sometimes we don’t get to go anywhere. Everyone wants to visit us in Santa Fe for Christmas and I can’t complain—the skiing is good as is the celebration here in town. Candles line the sidewalks and, on Christmas Eve, everyone walks our arts and crafts road with Thermos’ of hot apple cider and sings carols around open fires. It’s something not to miss.

Mrs. Penguin - My parents are really flexible about the holidays. Because I’m an only child, we don’t have to plan around a lot of people to make the holidays work. Mr. Peng comes from a house of 3 kids, with all of them moved away from home, so holidays are really important and we spend every Christmas in Minnesota with his family. We live near my parents, so I don’t feel bad about this arrangement at all, and my parents often vacation in Thailand over Christmas making it a non-issue. We try to celebrate with my parents on other days; they don’t mind celebrating holidays even if they’re not on the “official” dates. We’re really really lucky!

Mrs. Joey - We celebrate T-giving at home and anyone is welcome to join us, but it’s usually just my parents. We split Christmas by spending Christmas Eve with my family and then flying out on Christmas Day to spend a week a with his family.

Mrs. Mouse - We decided to spend the holidays in Colorado with his family this year. We had wanted to stay in Austin to spend our first Christmas as a married couple in our home together (plus my mom and brother live here, and my other brother will be coming to Austin on his break from college). But things didn’t work out that way, and we decided we’d rather not split the holidays like we did last year. (It SUCKED being apart on New Year’s.) I feel bad not being with my family at Christmas, but my mom told me that I need to be with my husband, and I agree!

Miss Hamster - We celebrate Thanksgiving with my family, since his is halfway across the world and doesn’t celebrate the holiday (obvi). We will have to figure out Christmas - we will probably visit his family every year, and the trip may or may not fall around Christmas-time. I’ll be sad to spend it away from my family, but then again, they are pretty open to “shifting” holidays around based on everyone’s schedules.

Mrs. Sea Breeze - Since my family lives in another city, the deal is that we do major holidays with them - it’s usually the only time I get to see them. It kinda sucks to never do Xmas with his family though, so we might try something new this year.

Miss Cloud - This is going to be a big change for us once we are married. When we first started dating, my family lived closer, so for easy holidays like Easter and Thanksgiving, we spent them with them and it was no big thing. But he always went home for Christmas and I went to my family’s house. Then my parents moved further away and we both went separate ways for almost everything. Last year my family came here, and the Mr. stayed as well since he couldn’t get the time off work to go home to New York. It was strange since it was his first year without his family, but I think it helped us to just break the habit of being apart, too. This year we have decided to both stay here, and have our first real “together” Christmas. I’m still sad to think I won’t be with my family, but I’m excited too, to think we will finally be our own family.

Mrs. Pinot Noir - For the past six years we have spent Thanksgiving with his family in Connecticut and Christmas with my family in Minnesota. This works out well for two reasons. We’ve always lived on the East Coast so Connecticut is much closer and easier to travel to for the shorter holiday. We go to Northern Minnesota for Christmas but we are usually able to take 5-7 days which makes the trip more manageable. This also works out because Thanksgiving is a big deal for his family but Christmas is not (they never spend it together) and the opposite is true for my family (Christmas is a much bigger holiday in my family).

The biggest problem was that last year we could not go to Minnesota because we didn’t have enough vacation/money. We spent it at home and had a HUGE fight about whether or not to open presents on Christmas Eve (my choice) or Christmas morning (his choice). I think it is the biggest married fight we have had yet. We ended opening the presents from my family on Christmas Eve and his family on Christmas morning.

Mrs. Hydrangea - Since we’ve been together, Mr. H and I have always attended holiday functions with our families together - as best we could. Now that we’re married, Mr. H will not go for the “you spend some time with your fam, me with mine, then we’ll meet back up together” routine.

For Thanksgiving, my parents usually head out of town, so Mr. H’s family automatically gets that holiday with us. My parents don’t do anything for Easter, so Mr. H’s get that holiday as well.

Christmas is a bit trickier - both of our families celebrate Christmas Eve big, and not much on Christmas Day. Mr. H’s family tends to do things until late at night, so we start off at my parents’ home and then head to his at about 10pm. It’s still really hard as I’m not quite ready to leave, and he’s antsy earlier on in the evening to get to his parents’. I have a feeling it’s just a balancing act that we might never fully accomplish, but we do our best to please everyone, including ourselves.

Miss Lamb - It was a simple matter of compromise and fairness for the Lambster and me. We have divided Thanksgiving and Christmas between the two families and rotate them from year to year. We’ve been doing this for 3 years now and will probably continue to do so.

Miss Trail Mix - For Thanksgiving, we usually split and he goes with his family and I go with mine (although last year the whole FIL Trail Mix clan came up north to have Thanksgiving dinner with my Trail Mix people…). Since we’re both Jewish and Hannukah changes dates every year, we each go home to separate houses for “Chrismannukah” as well… I’m sure this will change in a few years as we build our family and our own traditions but for now, it works for us…

Miss Potato Chips - We’ve been together for nearly seven years and have never once shared a holiday! I have no idea what we’re going to do. None. Honestly, I’m putting off the inevitable… I love quiet, cozy Christmas mornings and Thanksgiving afternoons with my family. And my mom’s food.

Luckily, Potato Head’s family is only 1.5 hours away… easy enough to pull double-duty if we need to. Bah. And Humbug! Sometimes this Chip doesn’t like change.

Mrs. Toucan - Thanksgiving is pretty easy for us since both of our families are only 45 mins apart! We actually get to enjoy 2 Turkey Day meals (his family does a lunch dinner and mine does a supper dinner). We’ve enjoyed 2 large meals at Thanksgiving for a few years now!

Christmas is a bit trickier though since my family spends it with our extended family in New York, and all of his family is in Massachusetts! We plan to alternate Christmases. Last year we spent it with my family, and this year we are vacationing for Christmas with his family!

Mrs. Dorsay - Considering Thanksgiving is an American holiday, it’s a no brainer for Mr. D and me. However, I really didn’t want to end up doing “Thanksgiving always in the US and Christmas always in the UK”. So while we live in the US we’ll spend Thanksgiving with my family and alternate Christmases. Since Mr. D isn’t allowed to leave the country this holiday season (thanks immigration!) we’ll be spending both holidays here this year. When we live in the UK we will probably alternate Christmas and Thanksgiving. So the years we spend Christmas in the UK, we will visit the US for Thanksgiving.

Mrs. Apple Cider - Holidays are something that always made me nervous about having a “husband”. It is so hard for me to be away from my family but I know that when you get married you have to think differently. That has already been hard for Mr. AC and me. We decided that we will stay at our apartment for Thanksgiving and my mom and sister are coming to visit. This wasn’t too much of a battle because Mr. AC only has one day off and we definitely prefer to be in NYC for Thanksgiving.

Christmas is already making me nervous. We have had 2 “heated” conversations but I think we have worked it out. The bottom line for us is that we have to be open and honest about our holiday needs. I will never not be sad about being away from my mom and sister on Christmas morning. That is just something I know and will have to work through! Yay for holidays.

Mrs. Sunbeam - This would seem easy for Mr. Sunbeam and me since we are from the SAME hometown, but even having two families in the same town has its issues. Thanksgiving is easy because we are nowhere near either family, so we go to his Aunt’s house near by or do our own thing.

Christmas is another story. Before we were married we would spend the holiday’s ‘apart’. Sure, we were only five minutes away unless he went to his grandmother’s, and then only an hour, but we still weren’t spending the major holiday events together. Now that we are married, I really do not want us to be apart for any holiday moments.

We are still figuring it out, and it’s definitely a delicate topic. He prefers not to miss out on any time with his grandparents since they are aging (mine are too far away to see during the holidays), but I can’t imagine spending Christmases away from my family. I was hoping for Christmas Eve at one family’s house, and Christmas day at the other’s, but we still have to figure it out! Either way I think the first Christmas together is going to be a little bittersweet.

Miss Cookie - We have it really easy. Our families live so close that we never have to compromise about which family we are going to see on the holidays because we get to see both. If Thanksgiving is held at our house, which it is every other year, we actually hold a joint dinner. I am not going to lie, it’s nice.

Miss Ramen - This has been a huge point of contention between us. In general, I think my family is a little more welcoming and expressive of love; my family is EXTREMELY close, so I’m having a rough time imagining splitting the holidays. Fortunately, our parents live in the same city and know each other.

So, we’re not quite sure yet how we’re going to be working out Christmas this year, but we’ll probably end up splitting the day, or doing Christmas Eve with one family and then Christmas dinner with the other family. Who knows, we might end up combining at some point.

Mrs. Snow - This is something Mr. Snow and I recently discussed. We’re in the lucky situation to have most of our families living in the same city, so in eight years, we’ve mostly split up with Mr. Snow going to his family’s shindigs and me staying with my folks. But, getting married changes all that. All the family wants you together (which I completely understand), so we had to make a plan for being together when we visit everyone this year.

For Thanksgiving, we’re too far from home to go anywhere, so we’ll turkey it up with some of our Wisconsin BFFS. For Christmas, we’ll fly home very late on the 23rd, then spend our time driving to and from different family festivities. Mr Snow’s mom lives a few hours a way, so we’ll drive over to visit her after Christmas.

For us, the hardest part is that Mr. Snow has to go back to work immediately after New Year’s while I have a nice chunk of time off (a grad school perk). I’ll stay in NC for an extra week to hang out with my NC/MD bridesmaids and take care of some wedding planning. Both Snowman and I wish he could be here too, but it isn’t feasible with his job.

Now we just have to hope all the airports are open and functional when we fly home (this has been a problem in past years… gotta love a Christmas snowstorm!).

Ms. Sushi - Luckily my ‘rents and Mr. Sushi’s mom only live a 10 minute drive away from each other. So we usually do both—we stop at my family’s house for lunch and stop his mom’s house for dinner.

Once we have a bigger house (and a family of our own), I hope that everyone can come to our house for the holidays.

Miss Moonbeam - Since the wedding is so close to the holidays and we live in a different state, we’ll be going them alone. In the future we’ll probably go back to Texas, and spend a couple days in each city for the holidays.

Mrs. Bunny - So far our decisions about where to spend the holidays haven’t caused conflict — but that’s probably because this will only be our second since we’ve been together! Last year we did both Thanksgivings and both Christmases, and this year we’re planning to do Thanksgiving with my parents and Christmas with his.

Mrs. Yorkie - Our families are split geographically. Mr. Y’s parents are in the Bay Area and mine are here in Miami. Our simple solution has been to flip-flop holidays each year. This Thanksgiving we’ll be heading out west for turkey and all the fixings, while Christmas will be spent here celebrating Noche Buena with lechón asado, no doubt. Mmm!

We had such an awesome time getting everyone together at the wedding… I really hope that one of these years we can spend the holidays like that. One big crazy, mixed-up family!

Ms. Swan - Prior to getting engaged, we spent the holidays apart. That decision came primarily from me since I am the only daughter/child of a single mother. I like having my mother around on the holidays even if we only stay in our PJs and have a nice quiet meal, just the two of us. Last year while we were engaged was the first time that Mr. Swan and I spent the holidays together. We spent Thanksgiving here in NYC and Christmas with his family. I was pretty sad the whole day and missed my mother terribly. I didn’t realize how hard it was going to be to be without her. I was shedding tears on the phone. I think I also get very emotional about this because I feel that my ILs could visit us more. We go to visit them much more often (like a ratio of 4 to 1).

Also, my mother and I celebrate holidays with very close family friends who are like family to me, but they are getting older and can’t really go all out like they used to. I’ve realized if I am going to have the happy festive holidays that I want, I’m going to need to step up and host. This year I am crazy enough to host Christmas!!

Mrs. Beagle - Prior to getting engaged, we spent holidays apart with our own families. Although our parents live 5 minutes from each other, our extended families live 6 hours from one another. Last year, we spent Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine, which worked out really well. This year we might do things a little different—what we will do I haven’t figured out yet, but since this will be the first holiday season without my mom, I think we want to spend as much time with my Papa as possible. Like Yorkie, I’m looking forward to hosting some holidays at our house (that will include both our families), but not this year because I’m burnt out from planning anything else right now.

Mrs. Bee - Mr. Bee’s parents live on a remote island in the Philippines that takes 3 planes and two days of travel to get to. My parents operate schools and typically go to Korea to visit relatives over their Christmas break. So Mr. Bee and I are usually on our own during the holidays, but we still get a tree that is as tall as our ceilings allow.

I hope that our home becomes the home that our entire family congregates at over the holidays sometime soon.

Miss Pretzel - Since leaving NH and heading to college, the holidays haven’t ever been predictable. My parents split up and moved away from NH and home became where ever I was. I’d alternate spending the holidays with each of my parents, sometimes my brother and sis in law, and one year I spent the holidays with my dad’s side of the family. I’m pretty flexible and with such a scattered family I have to rotate around. The past few years I have been having Christmas at my house with Mama Pretzel, and last year Papa Pretzel came and stayed with us.

Mr. Pretzel on the other hand, had never spent a Christmas day away from his parents and siblings. That is until last year when an epic Seattle snowstorm interrupted his travel plans; landing him with me, Mama P, and Papa P. After multiple canceled flights, Mr P finally flew out the day after Christmas. I could tell it made him a little sad but we had a blast snowed in. I introduced him to our family tradition (lobster bisque on Christmas Eve) and he introduced us to his (sausage rolls on Christmas Morn).

This year we are spending Thanksgiving at our place with my the parental Pretzels (Papa P is flying in again- yay!) and Christmas at his folks’. Next year we will swap… and so on and so forth. This year it’s hard for me to leave Mama P for the holidays, circumstances make it that she’ll be alone for Christmas. And I know it will take some getting used to for his family not to see him every Christmas, but we both think it is the best compromise.

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How about you? How do you compromise when it comes to the holidays?