Wedding Blog
Recently I got caught up in a conversation about whether or not I was going to change my last name once Mr. French Fries and I tie the knot. I said that I intend to change my name to his, but there never really was much question in my mind whether I would or would not. Call me traditional if you will, but I’ve always known that once I got married I would change my name. Throughout various relationships over the years, I’ve caught myself thinking (not at all seriously) about what my name would sound like with “Joe Schmoe’s” last name and whether or not it was a good fit. And, you know… maybe if it was a good fit, doodling it in the margins of my notebooks like a teenager. You know the drill (don’t act like you haven’t done it!).
Back to the convo, though. When I told the individual that I would be changing my last name, their response was, “Well…that’s because you’re getting married pretty young. If you were older, you’d feel differently.” Now, I can see perhaps where this person’s train of thought was going – maybe if I was older I’d have a PhD, or a MD, or a JD, and I would want to keep my last name because I had contacts or professional affiliations or a book of business built around that last name. Or, maybe they thought that perhaps I would be more attached to my name the longer I had it (? I’m grasping at straws here).
I realize that there are many things they may have intended with their comment and I really doubt they meant any offense… but I couldn’t help but feel like they automatically pegged me as a young, impressionable bride because of one choice I was making. I don’t consider myself a “young bride”, but maybe I am by other people’s standards? I’ve stood on my own two feet as a professional adult for some time now, so perhaps that’s why it struck me the way that it did. Either way, I don’t see my age having anything to do with my decision to change my name – they’re mutually exclusive to me.
What type of reaction did you get from people when you decided that you would/would not take your significant other’s name?
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My Mom wants me to keep my maiden name as my middle name, but I’m not willing to let go of my middle name.
I’m definitely taking my fiancee’s name. It helps that I like it, but moreso I feel very strongly about having the same last name as my children!
With the rampant number of divorced and co-habitating couples who choose to have families I really want that element of cohesion.
You’re 27! I’d hardly say you’re “young and impressionable.” That is so disrespectful, just because you’re in your 20s doesn’t make you a naive child. I’m 22, i’m getting married young, and Mr. Rainbow and I are both hyphenating. Changing names has absolutely nothing to do with one’s age or “naivete” as she’s making it seem.
Aww, French Fries…don’t let people judging you about your age get you down. Everyone knows how much I struggled with it, but have recently let it go and it feels oh-so-good!
Upon going through customs to get back into New York from Greece, the customs officer asked me the nature of my trip and I enthusiastically responded, “We’re on our way back from our honeymoon!” and he followed that right up with, “Wow, kinda young, huh?” and for the first time, it didn’t bother me at all. I just said, “That’s what they say!” and carried on.
If anyone gives you a hard time again, just tell them that at least you’re not engaged at 21 
P.S. Keep an eye out for our name post in the next few weeks…talk about rocking the boat.
Im 28 and I have come across the same reaction. Like somehow because I am a “proffesional” I should know better and hyphenate my name. I don’t care. It’s my choice and I’m changing my name and they will get used to it.
I am not changing my name because I feel have strong negative feelings about the practice from a feminist and historical standpoint. While my family, friends & colleagues were not at ALL surprised by that revelation, I’ve been getting raised eyebrows and plain old shock from my fiance’s side of the family. It’s like they never heard of a woman keeping her name or something! I was surprised by their surprise. In fact, they have repeatedly asked my fiance about it, just to make sure they have it straight. Luckily, they haven’t said anything rude to me, I think they are just truly taken aback.
Two people have made snide remarks along the lines of, “Oh really, how does YOUR FIANCE feel about that?!” I was able to brush it off — knowing him as I do, the image of him being upset by my decision actually amused me.
I can see why people would want to change their name, and I’m glad they have the option to do so — and of course I can see why some wouldn’t choose that. People need to mind their own business…
The funny thing is that these “reactions” always come after the fairly nosy question of what we’ll be doing about our last names, anyway!
Well I’m a “young bride” (23 and will be married at 24) and I’ve had my Master’s degree for a year now so I don’t think degrees have anything to do with your age. I think your choice for changing your name is because its your choice! Not your age or professional level. Today you see gals across the board old and young do different things. I don’t think there is a standard anymore!
Congrats on sticking to your guns and maybe she said that because you look younger 
I always find this a very interesting topic and a hot one here on the ‘bee.
I am 30 years old. I’ve been “attached” to my name for that long too! However - I’ve always known (like you) that there was no question in my mind, no matter what age I married at, that I would be changing my name.
I understand this is a very personal thing for every woman and that every woman has very strong opinions on this. Legally, I am already married and want to change my name SO badly - but I have to wait til after our wedding, which is in June, as MOST of our family and friends do NOT know that we are legal yet, and therefore still think I’m “single”…
My MOH hasn’t changed hers yet (after 2.5 years) mainly because her ‘excuse’ is that they travel so much and she doesn’t want to deal with her passport, but she swears she’ll change it once they have kids. But I always bring it up and she almost seems defensive when anyone calls her by her husband’s last name (and always ends discussing her excuse of why she hasn’t yet)…
To me, tradition, in this sense, is important. I love my family name - and I’m huge into my genealogy - and I’m very proud to be a member of the family which my name belongs. However - in my opinion, growing that family tree means changing your name and becoming that NEW family for your children and their children.
I haven’t really had anyone bring up this conversation with me - and maybe I’m lucky that I will have a year of marriage where I still AM Keri-Ann MyMaidenName - but I know I can’t wait to become Keri-Ann MyMarriedName - as it will finally begin the next chapter in my life!
I’ve always wanted to change my name to my FH’s as well! Unfortunately, FH and I don’t like his last name!! I don’t really like the way it sounds with my name, and it will definitely be a major change for me (i’m a little worried about it).
We’ve discussed him changing his name to mine, and he doesn’t have an issue with it, but thinks his family will, and doesn’t want to answer all of the questions associated with a male name change. I completely understand where he’s coming from.
So I guess I’m going to bite the bullet and change my name–and hope I get used to it!
Wow, that’s so terrible to say. And hey, my mom got remarried in her 50s and took her new husband’s last name, so really age is not a factor. I think it’s all personal choice. I am going to take his last name, and we’re both happy about it, but he would support me in whatever decision I made.
I am a “bit” over 30 and I am opting to change my name. To me, it was never a question really. Not becaue I consider myself a traditionalist vs. feminist, but rather I just didn’t mind changing it. I knew my fiance would be excited about it (although he would have totally supported my decision not to change my name). I considered the hyphen option, but it just didn’t sound very good.
Overall, I do not know why people have to make such a big deal about another person’s choices. Each bride should be free to make their own decision without being subjected to other people’s judgments and comments. It is a very personal choice after all.
I always assumed I’d change my name, then as time wore on, the choice seemed less and less obvious, and when it came time to decide, I didn’t. So for me, yeah, it was an age thing–I was too used to my name to change it.
But my childhood neighbor married for the first time at 50-something, and she changed her name, so for her it wasn’t an age thing.
It’s just another one of the sixteen bajillion things about weddings and marriages and life in general that everybody’s got an opinion on, and feels that you need to know what their opinion is.
it was very expected for me to take my husband’s name and I always planned on it, not thinking otherwise. I am a young bride, but that’s not why people expected it.
I can’t imagine people saying that a 27 year old bride is too young/not established enough to have reasons not to change her name! I know 22 year old that haven’t and 45 year olds that have!
I’m 31 and in medical school (vet school) and i’m changing my name. most of my classmates have too! I think my dad’s a little disappointed because he’s a dentist and would love to see his little girl graduate Dr. “same-as-him”. But I’m sure he will get over it.
Personally, I don’t think 27 is so “young” that they would should feel the need to even make that comment. (Not that you’re old, either!)
I’m 30 and changed my name. I think it’s everyone’s own prerogative whether they want to make a change or not. Other people are just too dang nosy!
I got married at 24 (the first/youngest of all my friends) and kept my name– and I’m so glad I did! My identity is deeply intertwined with the name I’ve been living with my whole life. And frankly, I am not concerned as possibly having a different surname from my eventual kids– a name isn’t, to me, as powerful an element as it is for many people in terms of being a mother. In other words, I highly doubt I will feel fractured from my children, or somehow inauthentically a mother, because we could have different last names. I just don’ t think it matters that much (but it seems I’m in the minority)!
Wow. Seems like no matter what brides choose (keeping maiden name or taking FH’s name) we get a lot of flak for it! I thought about keeping my name briefly and my parents (my own parents!) were surprised and not in a good way. Then when I decided I’d take FH’s last name (and keep my maiden as my middle) some of my grad school friends criticized me. There’s no pleasing everyone so just do what makes you happy.
I am over 30 (just!), have a J.D. (and am a practicing attorney), and will definitely change my name after FI and I get married. There was no big internal debate, no weighing of options . . . I just knew what the right choice for me was/is!
And *pish tosh* to the incredibly inappropriate comments about your age. You don’t need to explain or defend your decision regarding your name to anyone!
Honestly, I think sometimes you just know what is right for you, and that doesn’t change regardless of age. I’ve known since I was 9 that I would always keep my name. That years before I got any of those additional degrees and professional contacts.
I firmly believe each individual should choose for her or himself how she or he want to handle something so personal as a name. [gets down off of soapbox]
Stay true to yourselves ladies… do what you want! Don’t let parents/friends/in-laws pressure you! When I got married the first time it was a no-brainer for me, take his name. At 35 I was a widow unexpectedly, and now at 41 I’m getting married again. I will keep my (late) husbands name, as I have a child with the same name, and a professional career that I’ve fostered over the last 20 years. My future husband is fine with this, although, I’m happy to be Mrs. Hislastname as well, and have no problem with being addressed as such.
I think his family isn’t overly excited about me not taking his name, but they haven’t said anything to me and Mr. MB is very on board wit my decision. Just do what feels right to you.
I won’t be changing my name because like a previous poster mentioned, I also have some qualms with the history of this practice. I’m also Asian American, and in many Asian cultures the woman keeps her name. I personally don’t think that I’ll feel any less connected to my husband, new family, or kids if I keep my last name but I know that that’s a concern for some. In the end, it’s just about whatever works for each bride and couple. I haven’t run into much criticism, but I can imagine how annoying and invasive it would be to have the defend your choice about something as personal as this - and to tie it to your age and somehow not really knowing better?? Yikes!
I don’t think age has a bit to do with it! My future wife and I are gonna hyphenate our two names & lucky for us we’ve always agreed about that! There are so many reasons why people choose to keep/change their names now, that I think couples should do whatever makes THEM the absolute happiest!
I will be changing my name. Although when I was younger I was determined not to. Yes, my degrees and diplomas and professional work have my maiden name, but everyone understands that I am getting married and that I am changing my name. To me, it just makes sense to unite with our last name too.
I think it’s a case by case basis, I understand not wanting to change your name, and I completely understand changing it too.
Of all the women in my family, I am the only one left with this last name. My two olders sisters took their real dad’s last name once they both turned 18 and my mother remarried a couple of years ago. My father is a horrible person who I have not had contact with in at least 14 years and I am so looking forward to finally getting rid of his name! If I had a better relationship with my father I might have weighed the options, but with the situation I am in changing my name was the clear winner.
When Ive told men that I wouldnt be changing my last name, they said my FI shouldnt be with me. I told them to shove their comment up their you know where (I tend to get vicious real quick). Women tend to be supportive since I have a JD and things printed in my name and the fact that I have always loved my last. My FI doesnt have that same attachment. One male, however, did tell me that he told his FI that she should keep her last name. He said he recognized how much she accomplished before she met him and throughout their relationship, and is proud just to have the chance to create a family with her. He said the last name means nothing because he knows what they have. I thought it was very touching of him and whether you decide you want to keep, change, or create a new last name, everyone should remember that none of these things diminish or enhance the sense of creation of a family that a marriage will bring.
I’m 32- and I love my name, but I am definitely changing mine to Mr Pretzel’s. His reaction surprised me. He wants me to keep my name. He likes my last name (its French and his is German) and thinks that my name sounds funny with his last name. I told him he has 8 months to get used to it- cause it’s changing! Funny how people assume you’ll do one thing based mostly on age.
Maybe they were divorced at one point, or never married? LOL. I really surprised a lot of people by sticking with my last name and his. Technically people still call me by my maiden name.
I think I will change it when we have kids b/c hyphanating is actually quite difficult when it comes down to it. We will see-
I have a feeling this person’s comments came out of her own feelings/issues more than how she felt about your decision. I wouldn’t say you’re young or old, that’s all so relative anyways. heck, I’m 28 and I feel like an old lady sometimes- ha!
No one has questioned my decision about whether or not to change my name, however I’ve gotten the ‘you are so young! why are you getting married?’ I get annoyed when people act like they know more about your life and relationship than you do.
Do what you want and don’t listen to the ‘haters.’
I am 27 and I have an M.D. and I can’t wait to change my name! It definitely has nothing to do with age or professional development or any other nonsense. It is completely a personal decision. For me, it is in part tradition, in part me wanting to have the same name as my children, and in part wanting to feel like I am “one” with the hubby in each and every way. Overall, very personal to me. Sure my achievements in my maiden name may be harder to find by someone google-ing my new name, but when it comes to find a job, all my old work will be in my CV anyway, nothing will be lost!
You know something I found very very interesting. I was visiting some family members at the grave yard recently when I noticed the majority of the married women had their maiden names on their tombstone (maybe it’s just this cemetery?). It seems a bit ironic that you are born with a name, get married and change it but when you die it reverts back to your birth name. No great epiphany yet for me, but it’s just all very interesting.
I am changing my name but only because I am so tired of people spelling my name wrong. And lords know if they put my maiden name on my tombstone and misspell it, I will have to come back from the dead to raise hell get it fixed.
That was a really rude comment to make. Age doesn’t mean anything and even if it did, the comment still doesn’t make sense. People are stupid.
The comments I get are 50/50
“You’re changing your name, right?”
“You’re not going to change your name, are you?”
I am changing my name. W to B, it’s like a promotion.
I’ve been having a hard time with this decision…growing up, I was the oldest grandchild on my father’s side with my father’s family’s last name. In our culture (Filipino), if there are no sons (or grandsons) to carry on the name, the oldest daughter keeps her name after marriage & at least one of her children keeps the name to carry it on. It wasn’t until I was 9 that a grandson was born & not until I was 15 that his mother married my uncle to make the name change official. So, for half of my life, I’d been attached to my name, assuming that I would keep it to carry on our family. Add to all this that I LOVE my last name (probably helps that I have a GREAT relationship with my father), & perhaps you can understand my dilemma about changing my name.
Like other previous posters, I really want to have the same last name as our future children, but FI has stated that he’d like to have the same last name as our children, too. Additionally, he thinks his parents may take offense to our children only carrying my name & it may affect their relationship with our kids. Since I don’t want our kids to have strained relations with their grandparents, I think I’ll probably cave in & take his last name, legally & socially, at least.
But I’m holding onto my name in professional circles since I’ve accomplished so much with my name. Complicated I know, but so are my feelings on the subject…
Most people I encounter are surprised that I’m even considering changing my name because a) I’m going to be 33 and am definitely established in my personal and professional identity and b) my fiance’s last name is also slang for the va-jay-jay and people seem to get a real kick out of it. I’m not running to take his name believe me, but for him, it’s symbolic and personally important, so I’m definitely leaning toward doing it.
I can’t believe someone said that! Changing your name or not is totally a personal decision and really it only affects you and your husband, so do whatever makes you happy! I am taking my maiden name as my middle name because I want to have both of my family names, new and old.
@Teddy Bears Picnic- vet student too! Part of me wants to be the first Dr. with my family name, but I will be the first doctor no matter what my name is And yes, your dad will certainly get over it when he gets to see you get your DVM!
No matter what you decide, there are always going to be some people who question it. Why they think it’s any of their business, I will never know!
It’s weird because in theory “it’s just a name,” but there are so many considerations and emotions that go into this decision–it’s kind of a big deal!!
it’s so YOUR decision. shrug it off. take his name proudly if that’s what will make you happy.
I’ve been really torn on this recently. On one hand, I’m pretty young (23) and don’t have anything with my name on it other than my bachelor’s degree. So it wouldn’t be professional suicide to start over with a new name. But… I’m opposed, I think, to the IDEA that I have to change MY name and he doesn’t have to change his. Granted, he has two degrees and an ordination he’d have to change so I understand where he’s coming from, but it just seems so unfair.
I told my mom I wasn’t going to change my name and she flipped out.
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Miss French Fries, Milwaukee
Age and Occupation: 27, Paralegal
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 35, Investments Advisor
Engagement Date: September 20, 2008
Wedding Date: June 2010
Venue: Ceremony: Catholic Church, Reception: Hotel Ballroom
About Me: I'm a Midwestern girl who longs to live in a warmer climate (my feet would be happy in flip flops any day!). I love travel, impromptu napping, grilled cheese sandwiches, my iPhone, singing with reckless abandon in my car, and Mr. French Fries.
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