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The changing of the last name is something that most brides-to-be spend a lot of time debating. Should I take his? Should I hyphenate? Should I just keep my own? Coming from a Polish family that I like to refer to as “hardcore traditional”, some conventions are not to be messed with. One of those traditions is the name change; even if I decided to keep my maiden name, my stubborn grandmother would still refer to me by my husband’s surname. Why fight city hall? Also, I like the symbolism of sharing a name with my husband. To me, it represents the coming together of a new family unit (although I agree that you do not necessarily need to take the man’s name for this to happen - he could just as easily take yours). Also, as a teacher, I hate the fact that sometimes a mother and child do not share the same last name. I know that this is a pet peeve based purely on my laziness, but looking up the proper name of the mother is a pain!
Nevertheless, to me, the process of changing my name is particularly bittersweet. This is in large part due to my quite complicated and impossible to pronounce first name. You see, my name is a very, very popular name in Poland. In 2004, the name was the 5th most popular baby girl name in Poland. My name is the equivalent of a Jessica, Jennifer, or Amanda in Poland. My name is hard to pronounce and impossible to spell. Somehow, the “z” in the middle always throws people off. Nevertheless, it is a very pretty name, and once people get past the shock, most of them love it.
When I came to Canada in 1992, I didn’t speak a word of English.
On my first day of school, my aunt introduced me to the principal by the English translation of my name. Let me tell you, the translation of my name is quite possibly the ugliest name I have ever heard. The name was reserved for great aunts worldwide. Nevertheless, the name stuck, but I never really felt like the name belonged to me.
When I started university, I decided to use my real, full name, no matter how difficult people found it. I had regained my identity, and felt like myself again.
So you see, names are very important to me. I am not particularly attached to my last name, but Mr. Pudding’s last name is extremely French Canadian. I am worried about how my very Polish first name will combine with his very French one. I guess I should look at the bright side: my new name could make me the poster child for Canadian multiculturalism.
Does your first name “go” with your husband’s last name?
My first name is really French and it get mispronunced quite a lot by English people. My Fiancé has a pure Irish name and I think it sounds really nice together. It’s not possible in Québec to change your name so I will had his name to mine. I got quite a lot of reactions when I talked about changing my name. Even my parents don’t have the same last name.
I’m glad you reverted to your real name and not one imposed on you — I suspect I know what your real name is, and I agree that the Polish version is so so much prettier than the English. I work with a girl who’s got that name, and so many people call her by the English version, which makes me sad.
Where I live, multicultural marriages are fairly common, and I love seeing the results in people’s names.
I”m fortunate in knowing that it does. Our first names rhyme, so I always knew it would go great with his last name.
Shout out to another Polish bride! I’m about 92% Polish and love it 
As I was reading, I was so happy to see that you decided to go back to using your real name. My grandma’s family immigrated from Italy a long time ago, and all the children go by “Americanized” versions of their names. I never understood why–her Italian name is beautiful.
Anyway, I like your positive spin on things–your new name will make you the poster child for Canadian multi-culturalism.
The Guy’s last name is Ukranian, but clearly got butchered by immigration officials and is not spelled in an intuitive way at ALL! Also, no one knows how ot pronounce it, and it is misspelled about 90% of the time (especially on placecards when we attend weddings!). In fact, all the The Guy’s sisters couldn’t wait to get married so they could get RID of their last name!
My last name is Italian. It’s pretty and melodic and goes well with my first name, so I’ve decided to keep it.
My mum has almost always had a different last name than me and it never really caused any difficulties, so I don’t worry about this causing any difficulty for our future children.
Your story reminds me a bit of one of my BMs. Her first name is VERY Greek and when I first met her she had to repeat it probably 5 times before I understood it. Like you, though she used the English translation during elementary-high school. And that name should be reserved for old ladies who work in truck stop diners. So once she moved on to college, she decided to go by her Greek name and I know she’s so happy she did.
I, on the other hand, have a pretty generic American name. I always wanted something a little more “exotic” sounding. I guess the grass is always greener, huh?
He he, I never really thought about it before, but his last name is from Greek mythology and my first is from Roman mythology.
You hate when a mother and child don’t have the same name? That struck me as harsh at first, but then I realized that the biggest reason I wanted to change my name was to share it with my children, not my husband. Tough call.
You’ll have to correct me if I’m wrong, Miss Pudding, but perhaps you hate it when when kids have different last names than their parents because of the sheer volume of people you run into on a daily basis, and your desire to address everybody respectfully by the name they choose to go by–NOT because you are being judgmental? I understand entirely. The last thing I want to do is start a conversation with “Mrs. Jones” only to find out that I should have been calling her “Mrs. Smith.”
FI and I both have 2 syllable germanic last names so I would say my first name goes reasonable well with his last name. I’m still heartbroken about giving up my maiden name though, I have a lot of nicknames based on it and I’ve had it for nearly 27 years!
My mother works in a pediatrician office and has the same mother/child having different names pet peeve as you do.
@Ninna1125: Thank you for clarifying. That’s exactly what I mean. It just takes a little extra time to ensure that I address the parents of my students using the proper surname.
My husband’s last name is “old English” according to the net. My first name is extremely Irish - no questions, one of the most popular (female and male) irish names.
They’re simple names to pronounce and I do think they go very well together. But it will take a LOT of getting used to.
My maiden name is also Irish (i think, but not your ‘typical’ irish name) as I can trace my father’s paternity back 10 generations to Ireland.
I totally understand using your given name though. My grandmother (father’s mother) and her sister’s parents both came over from Poland and Austria. My great-aunt, who was also my godmother had the most beautiful first name, but never went by it.
Growing up, I only ever knew her as “Aunt Kay” but after she passed and I started really getting into my genealogy and found out her real name was “Casimira” which I fell in love with and ever since have decided that will be the name of my first born daughter.
But I am also and forever will always be curious as to why she never used it and always went by “Kay”.
I also realized “Casimira” was named after her grandfather, Casimir.
So I understand how important a name can be. Plus, my first name is already hyphenated - and I will tell you all it is “Keri-Ann” but there were so many times in elementary school that no one understood the hyphen and I dropped the “-Ann” for so long but then once in high school I made sure it was always exactly as my parents named me and corrected those who only used the first half.
Plus, the name Keri has SO many spellings it does get annoying, that it’s never spelled correctly but it is my name and I love it.
Back to your orig. question. yes my name goes with his but it will take a lot of getting used to as i’ve had mine for 30 yrs.
I am getting married in June and this has been a big debate for me. My reaction is similar to the one you had when your name was “Americanized” For me part of my identity is my initials. It is a nickname that both friends and co-workers have used my entire life. To change my last name would remove my ability to use this nickname that I like. Therefore if anything I will hyphenate I think. His last name is short enough to do so.
P.S. I am also part Polish
@JuneBride_26June2010: Casimira is such a beautiful name! I can understand your great-aunt’s need to shorten it though. Despite the fact that I love my original name, I often cringe when asked for my name for a restaurant reservation, or when I’m speaking on the phone. It’s such a hassle to go through the whole “wow, where is that from and how do you spell it?”
My grandfather’s name was Valentine, and I am dying to name my first daughter Valentina!
We’re both of Irish descent, so my first name goes well with his last. But I don’t think it’s a bad thing to have “mismatching” first and last names. Kind of like you said, it’s a celebration of multiculturalism! It’s cool
Like a few other brides out there, my Fiance’s last name is Italian but not pronounced that way at all. Seriously, you would never guess how his family pronounces it (out Italian exchange student even make fun of him!). As much as I want to keep my name I want to have his too.
I figured instead of having him add mine, I’ll pass my last name down (a name that can easily be a boy’s first name) to one of our sons so the name stays in the family! I love the fact that you’ll be saving Valentine for a future daughter! Its so cute
@Miss Pudding: I think I know what you mean as far as the hassle of always having to talk about it. My FI’s first name is Z. Just the letter. It’s not shortened and it doesn’t stand for anything LOL. It requires at least a 5 minute conversation each time he meets someone new. And I won’t even get into the problems it causes on anything he has to fill out online, because everything tells him that Z is not a valid first name - it doesn’t have enough letters!! aghhhhhhhh!!
@honeybun: Wow! I always complain about my name being nine letters long, but I have never thought about the trouble that a person with a too short name must go through.
His last name and my last name are actually quite similar-sounding.. they both start with the same initial and have the same number of syllables, with accents in the same places. So my name “goes” with his, but my name is Pakistani, and his is Danish! So it’s still a weird thought.
I am the proud owner of a -ski name, and I’ve been stuck in serious debate land as to whether to change it. I have a pretty boring american first name, and I love having a -ski at the end! Even when I have to spell it for people, I don’t even bother trying to say it anymore, people hear it or see that W in the middle and they just freak out.
I had never planned on changing it when I was growing up, just hypenating. When I would doodle in grade school, I would always put ski-smith or ski-jones and never just smith. Although if I compromise and hypenate it’s a whopping 18 letters long. It’s def a toughie!
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Mrs. Pudding, Greater Toronto Area/Vermont Age and Occupation: 26, High School Teacher Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Computer Engineer Engagement Date: August 2008 Wedding Date: July 2010 Venue: Catholic Ceremony, Cultural Hall Reception About Me: Quite literally a citizen of the world, I was born in Poland, grew up in Canada, and now live in the beautiful state of Vermont. I love reading historical biographies, multi-tasking, teasing my hair, and, despite my height, wearing high heeled shoes. I am the ultimate klutz with an uncanny ability to put on a graceful front. Mr. Pudding and I have been dating for over six years, and are very excited to finally merge our (very large) families. We are planning a traditional Polish-Catholic wedding that is anything but predictable.
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