Weddingbee Blog

I think I’m ready to talk about Mr. HD’s and my relationship. I have a lot of skeletons in my closet relationship-wise (who doesn’t?). We were both really young when we met. We have so much history that I’ll just hit the high (and really low) points. Ready? Me, too (I think).

(personal photo)

The first time we met was in high school. He was a year ahead of me. The first time I saw him I thought he was a total hunk, though he looked WAAY older than his 17 years. He later admitted that he was attracted to me too, but I looked WAAY younger than MY 16 years. So, nothing happened. But I REALLY wanted to pursue something.

I didn’t get my wish until my freshman year of college. It just so happened that H.Dawg had transferred to the school I was attending that same year. Coincidence, or fate? I don’t quite know, but whatever it was, it started the most wonderful (and sometimes, most painful) series of events in my life!

Since we were both cheerleaders on the college squad, we spent many nights together perfecting our stunts and cheering at games. We ended being partnered together for games and as permanent stunting partners. Now, I was definitely starting to feel a major connection, and it seemed like he was feeling it too… but I had a boyfriend. Not a very good one. About 3 months into the school year I broke it off with said boyfriend.

After the split, H.Dawg and I dated for about 3 months and things were good. Then I made the first big mistake in a longer-than-I’d-like-to-admit list. My previously mentioned ex-boyfriend came back into the picture. I won’t go into gory details (mostly to spare myself the self-punishment I go through every time I think about this), but I ended up back with him.

When we broke up again, I knew what a huge effort it was going to take to earn Mr. HD’s trust back. I eventually did, and our relationship flourished. We traveled, moved in together, bought a car and a dog together. We became a family.

(personal photo)

Then, once again, I messed up. I thought the grass was greener on the other side. But once I got there, I realized (like most people do) that it’s not. And I looked back over the fence and saw the devastation I’d left in my wake. My total selfishness had hurt the only man I’d ever been truly in love with. And I’d hurt myself. It felt like my body wasn’t functioning properly, like I needed him in my life in order to survive. I lost too much weight and couldn’t sleep.

I wish I could say that I was able to completely swallow my pride and make the first steps to return. But in reality, it was him all along. Always there, reminding me of what I had, and that all I had to do was come back. When I did, I made a promise to myself and Mr. HD. I swore I would work EVERY day to become the person I knew I could be; the person he already was. And I’ve kept that promise. I try every day to take the high road, to be the better person. I’m making myself into a person worthy of his love. Some days I do well. Others, I know I’ll have to do better tomorrow. On those days, I have to remind myself that he still loves me, even though I may not deserve it.

I’ve made more than my fair share of mistakes in this partnership. I’ve lost trust and had to earn it back. I’ve hurt, not only myself, but the man I love most in the world. Every day I’m thankful that I was smart enough to learn from my mistakes. I’m even more thankful that he was forgiving enough to look past my shortcomings and help me become the person I am today.

This may have been a bit rambling… and an over-share. I guess what I’m trying to get at with this long post is that it’s OK to make mistakes, as long as you learn from them and apologize when necessary. Some people will forgive and forget, some will forgive, and some will do neither. The most important thing is to make sure that you’re living every day as the best person you can be. And just because your relationship has had some major issues doesn’t mean that it can’t be great in the long run. Love takes work.

Has anyone else had to learn the hard way what was best for you?