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Yeah, I went there. Do you like how I found a pink bunny to use to make it cuter?
We started to read How to Love Me as Mrs. Star suggested. One of the questions was about watching porn and the response choices were:
a. No, never
b. Only when you’re not around
c. Only when we are watching together
d. It’s taking over my hard drive (no seriously, this was the actual response)
So, Mr. Fro Yo said no, never, and he said this because porn and I are not friends. Maybe it’s because I’m insecure, or maybe it’s because I want his eyes to be interested in me only, or maybe a little bit of both. But whatever the reason, I’m just not on board with this whole porn thing. Granted, I’m not totally naive to think that he doesn’t want to see it, or most definitely that he hasn’t seen it, or hell, that he doesn’t still see it. Maybe for me, ignorance is bliss.
However, I know plenty of girlfriends and wives that are on board with porn and even subscribe to the magazines for their husbands: I’m just not that girl. But, the way I see it is that I was never that girl. It isn’t like I had a change of heart at some point, so at least I’m consistent. 
What are your thoughts on this subject? Are you the on board type or the naysayer type, like I am?
He’s not “into” porn, and neither am I… however, I do think that the right porn can be very exciting/intriguing. He doesn’t watch alone, but we watch it together occassionally! 
So I guess I’m on board…
Porn is a total deal-breaker for me, and fortunately he’s not into it. It’s not so much that I’m jealous or don’t want him to see other naked women, I don’t of course, but the bigger reason is because I was previously engaged to a full blown porn addict. I’ve got some fabulous baggage from that fiasco, so porn is a big ol’ no no around here.
I’m not on board. Like you, I’m not comfortable with it I suppose. There are other ways to be intimate with each other, I just don’t think porn is it for us.
Similar to Ms. Rainbow, I also dated a sex addict, which is rooted in porn. I am 1000% anti-porn, not because I’m a prude, but because I’ve seen that porn can absolutely rot a person’s soul and destroy their ability to emotionally connect to others. To me, porn is like playing with dynamite - some people never develop serious problems, but for others, the effects are devastating. It’s the cool thing to say porn is awesome, but it’s truly not all fun and games.
I am very comfortable with pornography. My FI and I watch together and sometimes we watch separately. It’s more entertainment than enything else…I liken it to a stripclub. I know some people who consider it a form of infidelity….but to me whatever each couple is comfortable with…is cool.
I dunno why, maybe its because I lived so close to the Holmby Hills in college, but I’m fascinated by the Playboy franchise (I know—this is not exactly “porn” but it is naked ladies) and I really like reading the magazine, and I loved Girls Next Door (circa Holly, Kendra, Bridget… this new group of girls is a bit weak sauce for me). So, it would be hypocritical of me to say that he couldn’t look at that stuff if I like to! We’ve never watched porn together, and I don’t think I would like it—more embarrassment, than the actual “porn aversion” though.
I think this is my “compromise” attitude though. I HATE Mr. Peng talking to other women in real life (ugh, I am sooo jealous) so I kind of think in my head, “well if I’m fine with you looking at porn, then it’s also fine for me to go crazy about you talking to other chicks IRL!” Haha.
Nope, not for me. Watching it together? Sure. I’ll do anything once…er, well, I’ll do *almost* anything once. But when you’re in the habit of watching it on your own, I consider it a form of infidelity. My man doesn’t need other women to be satisfied, thank you very much.
I’m in the middle…we get Playboy and typically I’m the first to even read it. They actually do have great articles! As for video porn we’ve watched some together but it’s not that interesting to me and I’m not naive to think he’ll never watch one alone. I think it is a problem when that’s all the guy wants to do…like eat his Wheaties while watching a porn…just uhm…weird.
I would actually classify porn as one of those things that just isn’t your partner’s business (unless it becomes an addiction or something like that… then obviously it’s an issue for both people). I don’t think looking at something can be a case of infidelity unless there is a bigger problem.
I’ve never actually discussed it with my BF, but like JamaicaBride, I’d be pretty comfortable with it. I watch it myself from time to time. I’m not sure if he does, though, but I really don’t think it would bother me if he did. Strip clubs, on the other hand, are a completely different story 
Kudos on taking on such a contentious topic!! I’m a big NO on the porn. I think it encourages easy gratification, ungrounded fantasies, and **possibly** the oppression of women.
I’m not a fan, mainly because I think it’s demeaning to women and because the porn/sex industry has a lot of problems. Also, it sets up a lot of false expectations about women and sex. Basically, I think it’s disrespectful. And arguments that these “actors” choose to do it and it’s their job don’t really fly…in most instances it’s a lot more complicated than that. I’m a fan of healthier and more fulfilling paths to fame and success, so, for these and a number of other reasons, I wouldn’t want to support that industry.
I’m ok with it in theory, but I think it would bother me if it was in my face all the time. I do feel like it’s kind of a private thing, and I wouldn’t forbid my guy from it, but at the same time it makes me feel kind of icky.
It’s kind of a non-issue with us … I am not really bothered by it, and as Miss Spaniel said it’s kind of a personal thing, as long as it doesn’t interfere with your relationship. A question for you “anti” ladies though: are you against your man pleasuring himself (when you’re not there) as well?
There’s a book called “In Harm’s Way” that actually documents the testimony from the civil rights pornography hearings in the US…it’s basically just testimony from lots and lots of women about ways in which porn & the porn industry has contributed to harm in their life, from basic workplace sexual harassment to horrific sexual assault: “From the first set of hearings in Minneapolis in 1983 through those before the Massachusetts state legislature in 1992, the witnesses heard here expose the commonplace reality of denigration and sexual subordination due to pornography and refute the widespread notion that pornography is harmless expression that must be protected by the state.” The book makes a case for why porn isn’t just a ‘private pleasure’ but basically affects the way men view women in ordinary public life, encouraging them to see women not as equal citizens but as objects/slaves/etc.
It is a really intense book…for me, how I feel about porn partially comes down to the fact that it’s a HUGE industry (in fact, so huge that the revenue from porn exceeds that of the combined revenues of ABC, NBC, and CBS!) and one that can be exploitative to the women in it. One of the testimonies in this book is from a woman who claims that Hugh Hefner tried to force her to have sex with a dog, a german shepherd, in the Playboy Mansion.
Putting aside all the issues with the industry — should individuals or couples use it? I would say that if it enhances your intimacy with yourself and one another it’s fine. In my experience, most mainstream porn isn’t about that. My fiance doesn’t like porn at all…in his experience (including being in the military) a lot of men use it because they are young, bored, immature, and insecure. It’s a way of feeling in control over a sexual experience with a woman in a way that you wouldn’t feel over a real person who is free and has desires and a mind of her own.
Love the fact that you are talking about this on here, Miss Fro Yo! And good for you for bringing it up with your man. Women can change the cultural way pornography is perceived…both by expressing what we like about it and what we don’t like about it.
We’ve talked about it and it doesn’t bother me. This is purely my opinion… but I feel like forbidding it because it CAN cause a problem is like forbidding alcohol because some people are alcoholics. If he started spending money on it, if he started bringing unrealistic expectations to bed, or if he started preferring porn to spending time with me… well then I would have a problem. If he chooses to watch it in private when it has absolutely no effect on me? I see no reason to complain.
@CorgiTales: I agree that forbidding it because it can cause problems might be extreme. However, at the same time, I know that his looking at porn and me knowing about it, is bothersome for me, so for that reason alone, it’s already causing problems. Make sense?
I definitely appreciate hearing everyone’s opinion on this!!
@Mrs. Penguin: I think that’s a fair trade off.
Response “D” made me LOL, only because my brother’s friends tell me that he has a hard drive specifically for porn.
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Mrs. Frozen Yogurt, Dallas Age and Occupation: 28, Special Projects Coordinator Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Equity Trader Engagement Date: March 19, 2009 Wedding Date: April 2010 Venue: Marie Gabrielle, Dallas About Me: I was born and raised in Texas, and have lived in several of the cities across the state, but I currently reside in Austin. I went to college in Boston and have a special place in my heart for the Northeast. I love reading, shopping, wine, reuniting with college friends that are scattered across the country, reality TV, trying out new recipes, and attempting all the DIY projects that come along with wedding planning. I'm a "bleeding heart, save the world type" and thankfully my job allows me to work on legislation and policy to help out those in need. I met Mr. Frozen Yogurt in a bar, though he doesn't even drink! And now we are planning a modern yet vintage wedding in Dallas while dealing with the trials and tribulations of first time homeownership.
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