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After changing my mind about fifty times, Mr. Spaniel and I were finally able to reach consensus on the great name change debate of 2009-10: we will both change our names. This is a pretty big deal for us, since he was totally unwilling to discuss it until pretty recently.
Mine will definitely still be the harder one, since people will know me by a completely new surname, but we will both be known as First Middle Mylast Hislast, as will any children we may decide to have in the future. It’s not an ideal solution (that would only happen if he said to me, “You know, Miss Spaniel, you’re right! You shouldn’t change your name!” but that statement does not appear to be forthcoming), but it’s a solution I can live with.
(source)
I know this isn’t actually relevant, but it’s still funny!
I did consider a few other options, like dropping my middle name (which I have no major connection to) and hyphenating, but I decided to frame what we’re doing as adding a family name rather than losing any of my individual names. And it does make me feel a lot better that he’ll be joining my family just as I’ll be joining his. I think it’s only fair. 
I intend to use my maiden and new last names whenever possible (so my current middle name will probably be dropped, de facto, even if not legally) so that my maiden name doesn’t get lost.
What are the more creative solutions for for name changing out there that you’ve heard? Do you know of any couples that have found success with both parties changing their last names?
We’re both keeping our family names, but I have so much respect for couples who have both changed their names!!!!
We did this exact thing! I was really happy with it, if he wouldn’t just all out change his last name to mine, I figured this was as good as I could get, hah. MN allows you to have two last names, so I’ll be using both names all the time, but my husband is just using my maiden as a middle name.
I think this is a really cool solution to this issue. I know a couple who did this and it worked out for them.
I asked him if we both should change our names since that was the only way I would take his. He said he would rather have me keep my name. I think the idea of changing his name made him understand my attachment to my last name, even though i still say my last name is sooo much cooler than his :-p
Oh man, your ideal solution is Mr.D’s ideal solution, and your current solution is my ideal solution! le sigh, compromise suuuucks 
Wonderful choice!
We each kept our own last names & it wasn’t an issue for either of us. I’d love to hyphenate the (future) kid’s last name, but our last names rhyme — kind of like “ketchup-petchup.” Since we don’t want the (future) kid to be beat up on the playground, we’re just going to use his last name… bummer!
I have been a bit irked with people who have assumed that I have taken his last name and call me “Mrs. Petchup” — this includes a congratulatory letter from the white house. I want that congratulatory note to be addressed to “Dr. Ketchup and Mr. Petchup,” darnit!
I think youguys have come up with a very fair solution! bravo!
That’s a really hard decision!
I’m taking his last name, but I’m having a hard time deciding what to do with my last name. My initials will be the same whether I choose to keep my middle name or my last name, but still. It’s weird wondering if I’m making my family sad by just going by Myname Mymiddle Hislast rather than Myname Mylast Hislast.
Yaaay! I’m so glad you 2 were able to work it out! I’d like to think that my name change post may have helped that decision along.. 
okay.. maybe not! lol, but I can hope!
Sounds like a good compromise!
My favorite creative solution is coming up with an entirely new last name, but this can get confusing for genealogical purposes. So much of a surname is the history behind it, and it would be a shame to lose that. But at the same time, it’s such a cool symbolic gesture, both partners creating a brand new last name.
Nice to hear about so much compromise… it was not too long ago when these discussions were really uncommon. Way to go hive!
I think that’s such a great compromise, and I think it’s awesome that he’s willing to do that!
Thats SO awesome he’s willing to change his name. Unfortunately, Mr. KM isn’t willing to change his name because he’d have to get his licensing and ordination certificate changed and that’s a whole lot of hassle. I think it would be worth it and totally fair, but… oh well, can’t win everything.
[...] example here: One Family, Two Names | Weddingbee Share and [...]
meatball did the same thing!
We always planned on me changing my name. Not just for the sake of tradition, because we felt strongly that his name would become our family name. I miss my old last name a little bit, but I feel good about a decision we made together!
@minneapolitan: I have to look into whether CA will allow that, but I think not. I would LOVE to keep them both as last names without hyphenating!
@Mrs. D’orsay: It does, in about a hundred ways. But I think it’s a great sign if you can!
@anne: Ketchup-Petchup! Love it! We didn’t want to hyphenate kids’ names because both of us have REALLY long last names… it just seemed mean!
@fiftyfootbride: I bet your family would understand. I kind of wanted my family to get a little upset when I told them I’d probably change my name (a while back) so that I had some more ammo to keep mine, but they expected me to, anyway, so it was a non-issue.
@Miss Rainbow: You know what? It actually did have an impact. I had suggested this before and he shot it right down, but after reading your post, I thought I should bring it up again. I don’t know what changed for him (maybe it’s that I told him we both change or nobody does? ;)), but it was awesome.
@Mrs. Mouse: I think it’s great when people can come up with a new family name together… but Mr. Spaniel and I are both very connected to our families and our names and NEITHER of us wanted to give anything up!
@KMSull: We’re not sure if he’ll have to change his license since his last name won’t change (he’s adding a second middle name), but we both thought it was worth the hassle for us. Maybe you can still convince him!
@LatteLove: I know, it seems hard. I have no idea how long it will take to get used to being called Mrs. ReallyreallyDanishlastname.
@Miss Mouse: When my sister and her hubby got married they made up a new name together. I think that it was a great way to do things, but it also upset a lot of people in his traditional family.
As long as you’re not worried about rocking the boat it’s great
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Mrs. Spaniel, Los Angeles Age and Occupation: 28, Law Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Psychologist Wedding Date: March 2010 Venue: Calamigos Ranch About Me: I'm a third-year law student trying to balance graduating with starting my career, keeping up a relationship, and, oh yeah, planning an Old World, multi-cultural, "mountain lodge" wedding for 180 guests! A South Asian Jewish girl getting ready to marry my handsome Catholic Dane, I'm hoping to blend our cultures in our wedding just a bit more gently than by providing samosas as appetizers and offering æbleskiver for dessert. (Although that would also be awesome.)
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