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Hi there.
My name is Miss Rainbow, and apparently, I’m a young bride. I just turned 22 in October and I’m currently the youngest blogger on the ’bee to date. The funny thing is, I haven’t mentioned this before, because I never really thought it was a big deal. I haven’t really gotten any surprised looks or comments about my age from friends or family, but with the internet being what it is, I have found that being an early 20-something bride is not exactly the norm for the rest of the country (or planet).
Let me explain—I was born in Washington State where people get married a bit older, but I spent all my formative years (9-19) in Alabama. The Southeast, in general, is (from what I’ve gathered) notorious for producing younger brides than the rest of the country. I’m not exactly sure why, but I can’t even tell you how many girls in my 2006 graduating class (and some younger!) are already engaged/married.
As I said, being 22 and engaged was never “weird” to me and I never planned on mentioning it.
That was until I got a random message from someone on Facebook chat that I hadn’t spoken to in a while. He casually asked me how wedding planning was going, to which I replied that it was a bit stressful, but generally it was going great. Without skipping a beat, he replied with, “you’re too young.” That’s all, just one sentence.
Uhm, okay… thank you for your opinion that I in no way asked for?!
Anyway, it really struck a chord with me, as I had never been told that I was too young before. My first instinct was anger—I mean, who are you to tell me that I’m too young to get married? However, after thinking about it for a while I realized, some people just don’t get it, and while I have immense respect for those that are “older and wiser”, I am also open-minded enough to realize that hey, different strokes, different folks!
I have found that there’s a big assumption that just because we’re younger than the average bride (27 in the US) that we’re in some way naive and unprepared to handle the responsibilities of a marriage. In reality, there are couples who married at 19 and are celebrating their 50th anniversary, and there are couples who married at 19 and are divorcing at 21. There are also couples who married at 30 and are divorcing at 34, and there are couples who married and 30 and are celebrating their 25 year anniversary. My point is, you have to judge a relationship based on the individuals, not based on their age.
What I’m asking those who doubt the seriousness of a young bride is to realize that everyone is different and that growing up together, doesn’t necessarily mean growing apart. Alternately, for all my young brides, have grace and patience with those that don’t get it, and most importantly, enjoy proving the naysayers wrong. 
Are you a younger bride? What kind of reactions do you get from people regarding your age and marriage?
I was 20 when I got engaged and 21 when I got married. My immediate circle didn’t find it strange because they knew us, and most of the extended circle either didn’t know my age or didn’t think about it much(because I had graduated college)
The only people that made comments to me about my age were people I barely knew (like FB friends)
I completely agree about it being about the person, not the age…though I like how Mrs Star addressed some of the challenges “young-ish” brides face (just as 30+ and encore brides face different challenges)
I think it’s a terrible thing to say that young couple are destined for divorce, because it can plant seeds of doubt in your mind.
I’m 100% committed to making my marriage last a life time because that’s what I promised to do. I would have made the same promise 5 or 10 or 15 years from now and it would mean the same!
Thanks for sharing, Rainbow.
I agree that it has nothing to do with age but rather with the people in the relationship. That being said, I was in a relationship from 20 years old until 28 years old and we both came out of that relationship different people. We had grown apart and wanted different things. I konw that I do not want the things that I wanted when I was in my early 20’s. But we were also not right for each other in the end and I was relieved that we never got married. You definitely seem to have it together and are more serious/mature than most people when they are 22. I also think that majority of people regardless of age do not necessarily have respect for their own marriage, which is most important to understand what youre committing to. I actually got quite bothered by a friend who istead of just congratulating us, proceeded to rant on for about 20 minutes as to why does anyone want to get married and that we are “idiots”…thanks. I think a lot of the time people are just jealous of other peoples happiness, instead of just being happy for them. Don’t let them get you down, you know whats in your heart 
Just like latteelove my close friends and family supported us when we got engaged this year at 23.
The only people who have said anything negative are acquaintances (how is it that the less someone knows about you, the more they think its okay to be rude?) who try to tell me that stats are not on our side.
I usually just say, thanks for sharing and roll my eyes but its nice to know that there are others out there who know what its like!
Thanks for the post Rainbow
I am always surprised at the rude ways that people express their opinions on marriage. I hope you had the chance to tell him off a little bit.
That guy is an idiot! People mature emotionally at very different rates. Some are able to make a lasting lifetime commitment at 20, others aren’t ready at age 40. I personally got married the first time at 25 and was too young. I’m now 37 and am much more prepared for marriage(at least I’d better be-we just got our license this am). But that doesn’t mean just because I was too young at 25, everyone else is too young to make that kind of commitment in their 20s. This guy may not be able to seperate his own emotional “issues” from those of others if he’s making those kinds of unsolicited comments.
Great post! What is with people giving unsolicited advice about marriage? Ugh, haters.
Anyway, I agree. While age is certainly a factor in relationships, 22 for one person is NOT necessarily 22 for another person. It’s all about the commitment you are making to that person and how much you’ve both thought it through. I know you and Mr. Rainbow have, and that’s all that matters.
I’m not a young bride (27), but my FMIL thinks that we’re too young to marry since we don’t own a house or car yet.
PS- I’ve had people tell me I’m too young and I’m 26!
Excellent post. I really like the ‘growing up does not mean growing apart’ line.
I also turned 22 in October! I don’t think anyone has ever commented to me about my age but then again, I think it might be “normal” for you to be a young bride in Oklahoma?
I am also from the south, and a majority of the girls I graduated high school (2007) with are married, engaged, or have a child. I don’t think it is as unusual as it is in other parts of the world. I got engaged at 19, moved across the country with my fiance for his job, and we are getting married in April. I am only 21. I definitely get the “You are so young!” all the time. IMHO age and maturity levels are two different things. I know people almost 30 who are still not mature enough to marry.
Ive only encountered two people who have had a problem with it. One is his mother. But Im sure if we waited til we were 50 she would still find something to complain about.
And the other is an ex of mine that Im still close with.
Neither of their opinions have done much but push me away from them.
No matter what you do, people will always offer you an unsolicited and rude opinion on how you’re doing it. I just turned 22 in August (we got engaged when I was 21 and a senior in college) and I haven’t gotten any outright criticism, but definitely some raised eyebrows from people.
As for why the south produces young brides (and grooms), my fiance is from Georgia and I know that all of his high school friends that have married have done so for religious reasons (i.e. because they were “waiting” for marriage, and that’s definitely a motivation to marry young!)
That’s absolutely not a factor in our reasons for marrying at 22 and 23 since we have lived together for 1.5 years, but there you go!
Wonderful post, Miss Rainbow! We got engaged at 19 and will be married at 22. I haven’t gotten much judgement from those who know us, but people I meet for the first time and some people online have been quick to judge.
I’d just hope that everyone realizes that young couples are not in the same place as they were at that age; everyone is different.
Isn’t it odd how almost everyone is “too old” or “too young” to get married?
Im a young Bride! I will be 22 in December and will be getting married in March! Im from L.A so most people here are in shock when they find out I’m engaged! But hey! we are happy ready and in love!
I was 19 when we got engaged and will be two months away from 21 when we get married in January. It has definitely been difficult being a younger bride. Unless I’m with my mother or my fiance, no one at bridal shops, florists, venues, etc. take me seriously.
Like some have already mentioned, the people close to us support us fully and have no issues and weren’t surprised at our getting engaged.
I think as people grow older they have a hard time realizing that the people around them are getting older too. To people older than us, we’re just youngsters and not ready for the craziness and hard work or marriage. But I think I am capable of tackling and experiencing the joys of marriage!
@Ms. Min Pin: Thank you! People are always surprised to head that I just turned 22 because I guess I don’t act like your typical 22 year old. It’s great in some cases, but not so much when your dad’s middle aged golf buddies hit on you though, LOL!
@Miss Spaniel: I know! And I did have a chance to tell him where to put it, lol. It’s started with “well.. opinions are like….” and ended with “…everyone has one.” LOL
I encountered so much negativity from strangers and family and friends alike, which is one of the reasons I spent so much time and energy writing my “young-ish bride” series. I hope I was able to help some people see that they’re not alone. I’m right with you in solidarity, young-ish bride sister
Thanks for writing this! I’ll be 24 when I get married next year, and I think some people still think I’m “too young,” especially because I’m still more or less dependent on my parents for some things!
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Mrs. Rainbow, Tampa Age and Occupation: 22, Makeup Artist Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Electrical Engineer/Programmer Engagement Date: November 27, 2008 Wedding Date: May 2010 Venue: The Gamble Plantation About Me: I'm a quirky (and slightly Type-A) freelance makeup artist who was born in Washington State, raised in Alabama, and now living with my one and only in sunny Florida. I'm fashion and beauty obsessed, and have recently discovered my inner domestic diva extraordinaire. I'm a wannabe chef, decorating addict, and trying desperately to be as crafty as possible---albeit only with a glue gun. I'm hopelessly in love with my fiance, and all things sparkly and feathery. Despite the glittery exterior, I'm a total hippie on the inside. When I'm not making up pretty faces, I love doing what I can to help people, animals, and the environment. Someday the FI and I will change the world, but first we're tackling our modern-vintage-Marie-Antoinette-meets-Alice-in-Wonderland inspired wedding. I just can't wait to be Mrs. Rainbow!
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