Weddingbee Blog

Aunt Pretzel and “The Girl” circa 2006

One of my favorite roles is aunt. I love being Aunt Pretzel to my adorable niece (we call her “the girl”) and nephew (known as “the boy”). Big Bro Pretzel and MOH/Sis-in-law S live in Colorado, so my Auntie time is quite limited.

The Girl presented us with our first wedding “issue”. She is 8 years old—she’ll almost be 9 at the time of our wedding. Before we were engaged my Sis-in-Law called and inquired if we were going to have The Girl be a flower girl. I told her that we weren’t—we weren’t planning on having a flower girl— and for the time being all was good.

A week later Sis-in-law called again. The Girl was telling everyone that Aunt Pretzel was getting married and she was going to be the flower girl. Sis-in-law did a good job of reminding her that Aunt Pretzel hadn’t asked her to be a flower girl yet. She also informed me that I better be prepared to break the news to her myself and expect tears…

She also gave me more details, The Girl said that Aunt Pretzel had told her that when she got married she could be a flower girl. Oh…

I racked my brain and figured out that the conversation that I had had with my niece was 3 or 4 years earlier when The Girl’s uncle (my sis in law’s brother) got married and she was a flower girl. She had asked me then if she could be a flower girl in my wedding. I believe I told her I wasn’t going to be getting married anytime soon, so sure, if/when i got married she could be a flower girl. Wow, that kid has a memory! I wasn’t dating Mr Pretzel yet, heck—I wasn’t dating at all! That kind of statement had little consequence at the time… but it planted a seed in a little girl’s head.

Why not make her a flower girl? Well, I never realized it, but I’ve got opinions ’bout flower girls. I don’t expect everyone to agree, but I think that flower girls ought not to be old enough to understand the responsibility of the job. They should be 3 or 4 years old—maybe a young 5 or 6—but definitely not 8 going on 9. That’s just my opinion. I am fully aware that many wedding sites say flower girls can be as old as 8 years old. Me, I just am not seeing it.

I talked more with my Sis-in-law and got to the root of why The Girl wanted to be a flower girl. It boils down to she wants to be a part of the wedding and wear a pretty dress. Not an unreasonable request from my only niece. Mr Pretzel and I went to thinking about ways that she could be involved in a more meaningful way. I really liked the idea of her doing a reading. She’s a bright girl and has done some readings at Mass for Catholic school. I checked with my Priest and found out that only confirmed adults could do readings, except in the instance of a Catholic School Mass—which obviously our Nuptial Mass isn’t. Booo. I was struggling with this so much that I didn’t dare talk to The Girl on the phone for fear she would ask if she was going to be a flower girl and I would have to say “no” without being able to tell her what her role would be.

Gosh—hat is my problem with flower girls? I finally figured it out: I think that a girl almost 9 years old should have more responsibility. I see the flower girl role as one for little girls, and putting my 8 year old niece in that role I think sells her short. I would much rather have her participate in the wedding in a way that expected a little more out of her. Enter the Jr. Bridesmaid.

Once I figured it out, I was excited—when my uncle got engaged, he and his fiance asked me to be a Jr. Bridesmaid (I think I was 11). I had no idea what it was but I was really honored. The wedding never happened but I remember feeling very included by the gesture. When Sis-in-law told me that the Girl had stolen her Bridesmaid Invite hankie I knew just how to ask her. I ordered up one more hankie: Will you be my Jr. Bridesmaid?

Boy, was there one excited 8 year old on the phone with me when this photo was taken! The Girl will wear a dress in the same color and fabric as her mother, my MOH. She’ll walk down the aisle with the other Bridesmaids, and will do some of the “Bridesmaid” activities with us like a girls’ luncheon and getting ready the morning of the wedding. We haven’t figured out all of her Jr. Bridesmaid duties, but overall we are really happy to have found a way to include her.

Did you have trouble finding the right role for youngsters in your wedding? If you are having a Jr. Bridesmaid, what responsibilities are you giving her?