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I have mentioned before that Mr. Pudding and I will be married in a Catholic Church. Couples that choose to go this route quickly realize that there are quite a few hoops to jump before getting to the altar.
The first and most important one is to make sure that both parties have been Baptized, have had their First Communion, and have been Confirmed in a Catholic Church. I know that the strictness of this rule depends on the priest of a particular parish, and there are priests out there that will agree to marry a Catholic and a non-Catholic as long as they promise to raise their children as Catholic. This is not the case in my church. Luckily, Mr. Pudding comes from a Catholic family, and has all three sacraments (despite not being super religious), so this is not something that we have to worry about.
When I called our parish priest to arrange to meet with him to discuss our wedding, he told me that there were several things that we needed to bring with us. The first was our marriage certificate, since we are already legally married. Our priest had no problem with this fact, although I have heard from some members of the hive that they have had problems with priests agreeing to marry them in a religious ceremony if they have already gone through the legal process.
He also asked us to bring our birth and baptismal certificates. I didn’t think that this would be a big problem. We both had our birth certificates, and I was sure that Mama Pudding had my original baptismal certificate hidden away with other baby memorabilia. I was pretty certain that FMIL had Mr. Pudding’s as well. That is when the priest dropped a bombshell: the certificate had to be no more than 6 months old, and needed to be obtained from the church where we were originally baptized. Now, normally, this would not be a problem - and indeed, it wasn’t for Mr. P. But I had been baptized in Poland! How was I supposed to get a baptismal certificate from across the ocean, and what did it matter how old it was?! I mean, wasn’t a certificate signed by the priest who poured the water on my baby head proof enough that I was baptized? I thought that this was a ridiculous request.
I am very lucky to still have family in Poland, and one of my aunts agreed to take care of this annoying errand for me. When I finally got my hands on the certificate, I realized why it was important that the baptismal certificate be no more that 6 months old: The Catholic Church actually tracks all of their members via their original church. The church where I was baptized has been informed of all the sacraments that I have received to date. They knew the date and place of my Communion and Confirmation, despite the fact that I received these sacraments in Canada! They also knew that I have never received the sacrament of marriage, which is very important, since the Catholic Church does not acknowledge divorce or re-marriage.
Now, before any of you decide to make any “Big Brother” connections, consider the fact that church records have been used for years as one of the few reliable sources of historical data. I think that it is pretty cool that my future great-great-great grandchildren will be able to trace and piece together my life story by simply acquiring my baptismal certificate.
Any other Catholic brides out there? Have you found any part of the journey to getting married in a church taxing or surprising?
what perfect timing for me!! We just met with our priest too on Saturday! It is actually my God-Father, so he has been present at/given all of my sacraments thus far (they would not let him baptize me AND be my God-Father). When he explained the NEW baptismal certificate I was so confused as well but then totally understood his explanation of ensuring we have not been married before (and also said some crazy stories of ppl trying to get by this!).
I also really appreciated his explanation as to why the Catholic Church does not recognize divorce. He told us that by performing the sacrament of marriage we are promising to love each other as God loves us, and if they recognized divorce it would mean they recognize that Gods love can end for us, which as Catholics, we do not believe. I never heard that before.
Glad you were able to get the certificate w/o much issue.
Yay Catholic Weddings!! I’m about to start planning one. Been engaged for almost a year but we’re going the long-engagement route because we’re both still in school.
I haven’t met with my priest yet (I live in a different city than where we will be married–though luckily I will be getting married in the church where I received all of my sacraments), but I’ve been trying to get a hold of him to start discussing things. Apparently he’s not that big on email.
I’m glad to read your post so I know what I can expect for when i DO finally get a hold of him. My fiance and I have more hoops to look forward to since he’s not Catholic (though he has been baptized and knowing my parish it won’t likely be a problem). I’m beginning to brace myself and I’m thankful I have your blog to help me know what ti expect 
Im happy to hear that you were able to get the certificate easily! I am already married but since we got married outdoors by DH’s brother (who got ordained for our wedding), his parents also want us to have a wedding in the church. I am not Catholic but I know we will still be able to get “married’ since his brother married someone who wasnt Catholic in the same church.
I am concerned about the class we have to take. SIL & BIL took it before they got married and it was a whole day (they were not married outside the church previously) but Im hoping our class will be much shorter since we are already married. Will you have to take this class? Care to share your experience? (How long it was, what the topics were)? Thanks!
We had some issues at first. We couldn’t find a church to marry us. We decided to have our wedding in newport because we went to college there, and it’s where we met. Our families are from different states, so we wanted a locaiton that would be enjoyable to travel too. It seemd like a great idea, until the most important part- finding a ceremony locaiton. We talked to multiple places before finding one that would let an outsider get married.
The church we are marrying with just required we work with our own parish for the pre-wedding things like pre-cana. Once we found the church, things have been going a lot more smoothly. It helps that we are both Catholic and have gone through the necessary sacraments.
My priest is pretty cool. My fiance is not Catholic; I am. I was able to get my certificate easy. My fiance just needed a letter from his home church stating he was baptized.
The big issue with me is the my mother is really set on a full Catholic mass. She does not consider the nuptial service to be “valid”. It is the only thing she is set on and we are not getting married in my hometown, but this is really stressing me out as I feel so weird to have communion when my fiance can not. And yes, at our church it is an option as he is a baptized Christian. And his pastor is co-officiating. Ah! Any suggestions or Bees in the same situation? I’m a very religious Catholic but it just seems like disunity to me.
My fiance and I are both Catholic but not very religious. We’re getting married on the campus where I go to law school. Our priest is the hip, blackberry typing, no you don’t have to take the NFP course, college campus type priest. Love him. Thanks for reminding me to get on collecting my certificates! I really need to do that after finals or else it will never get done.
I’m glad it wasn’t difficult to get the certificate! It seems like such a strange request!
I am catholic and my FH is lutheran. We are getting married in my grandparents catholic church in south philly. My grandparents as well as my parents and my aunts were all married at the church and we chose it because of the sentimentality and tradition. We have had to jump through quite a few hoops. “Fees” and “Donations” that are due, as well as precana and the birth certificates. The only issue we have at this point is that the lutheran church Jon was baptised at has since burned down and no longer has the records.
@ Miss Politico: I don’t think we’ll be having the full Mass at our wedding because, not only would it be weird for me to receive communion when he doesn’t, but it would also be weird for my entire 1/2 of the church to get up to receive communion when his family is sitting there all like “what do we do now???” As far as I’m concerned, if it’s good enough for the Church, it’s good enough for me–especially considering they’re the authority on this matter, they decide what is and isn’t a valid ceremony (no offense to your mother).
I don’t know if this is possible (probably not) or if it would make you feel better, but since his pastor is co-officiating, if his particular faith has some communion practice, would it be possible for his pastor to celebrate that while the Catholics receive the Eucharist? I realize that sounds pretty sacrilegious to have non-Eucharistic communion in a Catholic Church, but it might be worth a shot. Would you be more ok with that?
Just wanted to point out for “unconfirmed” brides such as myself that, even though lots of people think you MUST be confirmed to get married in a Catholic church, it’s not actually true. Maybe some churches prefer it, as you said, and might even tell you they won’t do it unless you are, if your church is part of a more conservative diocese, but in the U.S. it’s not required.
Yay Catholic Weddings We aren’t too far into the process with the Church, besides reserving it and an initial meeting. Our Priest is also a young, iphone using Priest. He had all of the engaged couples over for dinner a couple weeks ago- it was really nice. Good to meet other engaged couples in our Parish and to hang out. He cooked us a great dinner and created a fellowship atmosphere. I’m pretty excited about our Catholic Engaged Encounter weekend.
My husband and I got married in the Catholic church and it was not really all that “difficult.” Yes, there were some steps we had to go through. The first little glitch was that I am not Catholic, or even Christian (non-baptized person here).
So the head Priest up in the State Diocese had to give my husband permission to marry me, hehe. Then we had to do the birth certificates, his baptismal and communion records, and the priest had to interview my parents to get their statement that I had never been married before.
Then the usual pre-cana, focus, and fees and meetings. I personally think the pre-cana and focus are a really good idea, and I think marrying couples should have to do SOME kind of pre-marital counseling. Its amazing how many people get married without ever having talked about important things like thoughts on finances and children.
My husband isn’t confirmed yet either, and they didn’t give us any trouble. They mentioned, of course, that they hope he will get confirmed soon but they didn’t push the issue much at all.
I’m catholic, but Mr. FF is not. We’ve done our premarital counseling (pre-cana) and have taken our FOCCUS inventory already. We need the baptismal/confirmation certificates, too, so we’ll be wrangling those soon. It’s a lot of work, but I know it will be worth it!
TAXING. We are both practicing Catholics and a Catholic ceremony is important to us, but getting all the paperwork (he was also baptized abroad) is proving to be a pain! I am sort of looking forward to pre-cana though I appreciate that it is a requirement. taking the FOCCUS test was fun too! (i am such a dork!)
we had a terrific experience. both moms were more than willing to help and get the baptismal certificate from our churches of way back when. we thoroughly gained insight into ourselves and our relationship through the weekend workshop. if you attend a marriage prep and don’t want to enjoy it - you won’t. i encourage you to remain open and “give it a shot” - we both felt as though we were in a safe space and comfort area to be able to take about areas that could be uncomfortable or things that just don’t come up every day. it really helped us to start the 2nd step in discussions. who doesn’t talk on the surface about money and family when dating - but this next step and how you approach it is so critical.
enjoy the experience - i hope you have great couples at the church leading the prep and take comfort in knowing why you are marrying in the church and what the true purpose of this is.
i adore weddingbee - but this is NOT about the flowers, dress and music! (though it is ….) = it is nice to get perspective.
My FI was born in Vietnam and can not contact the church where he was baptized. They came as refuges to this country and had to flee their country by night. Baptism papers was the last thing on their mind that night. Luckily, his family has been attending the same church since they’ve arrived and the he did his communion and confirmation there. The church signed off on the necessary paper work needed.
Wow, luckily you still have family in Poland to track down the certificate for you! A lot of work, but I’m sure it will all be worth it when you get married!
Actually, a Catholic priest does NOT have the right to refuse to marry a couple.. I know some might try but technically, according to the United States Catholic Conference of Bishops (check their website), you cannot refuse a couple the right to marry (unless they’re the same sex, but that’s another story entirely). IF they do, you can take it up with your diocese.
You can’t have a full Mass if you’re both not Catholic and they might have some other classes as requirements but Catholic ladies out there, don’t give up on wanting to have a Catholic service just because your SO isn’t Catholic.. marriage is your right in the Catholic Church.
@Kristine:
In my post, I failed to mention that this applies to someone of any religion or non-religion…
According to the USCCB, marriage is a right and you can marry anyone, Catholic or not, baptized or not, Christian or not..
I wish ours would have been that easy (minus the whole ocean thing)…we had to track down our baptismal and confirmation certificates separately…luckily the churches were super helpful, and very quick! It’d be nice if they were all located in one place like yours was!
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Mrs. Pudding, Greater Toronto Area/Vermont Age and Occupation: 26, High School Teacher Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Computer Engineer Engagement Date: August 2008 Wedding Date: July 2010 Venue: Catholic Ceremony, Cultural Hall Reception About Me: Quite literally a citizen of the world, I was born in Poland, grew up in Canada, and now live in the beautiful state of Vermont. I love reading historical biographies, multi-tasking, teasing my hair, and, despite my height, wearing high heeled shoes. I am the ultimate klutz with an uncanny ability to put on a graceful front. Mr. Pudding and I have been dating for over six years, and are very excited to finally merge our (very large) families. We are planning a traditional Polish-Catholic wedding that is anything but predictable.
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