- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee Blog
So, I have this friend, and he’s a really great friend. We met in college and whenever I am with him I cannot stop laughing. We get each other’s humor, and I just know I’m going to have a good time with him. The problem? He’s a little unpredictable. And that is really just a euphemism for “gets hammered”.
So, he was just going to be a guest at the wedding, not in the wedding party, or so I thought…
So I have this other friend, and he’s uber talented and is also someone whom I love to be around. He’s not as unpredictable, and his singing voice is unprecedented. In fact, he sang for the Boston Pops Holiday choir, and has been in a number of musicals. I asked him to sing at our wedding during our first dance because I wanted to find a way to incorporate him into the wedding since he’s important to me, and really, anything I can do to get him to sing is always great.
The problem? Friend 2 (singing guy) decided to ask Friend 1 (hammered guy) to play the piano during our first dance while he’s singing. Um… and this was all done without consulting me. The other problem? We don’t have a piano at our venue, nor do I own a keyboard. The major problem? I talked to Friend 1 and he was SO excited to play the piano at our wedding and told me he’d already been practicing our song. My heart sank, and I felt like a total bridezilla for even fretting about this. He’s my friend and 29 (will be 30 at the wedding); I can trust him to play the piano for 5 minutes, can’t I?
Ultimately I decided that I wasn’t going to worry about it. If the 2 of them can coordinate finding a keyboard or piano and bring said keyboard or piano with them, then I’m all for it. As a back up I will make sure that my DJ has the karaoke version of our first dance song. There are so many things I can worry about regarding the wedding, and a friend of mine that wants to do something nice for me is not something I need to stress about.
Anyone else dealing with an uninvited wedding party member, or worried that one (or more) of your guests will have a little bit too much to drink?
That really stinks! I would have ended up
going bridezilla most likely. Just on the singer for inviting them without asking. I see your point though, it is a minor thing in the grand scheme of things.
were you planning on finding a musician to accompany him singing?
Sounds like you’re handling it well! I think you’ve got the right attitude. See it as he wants to do something special for you on your wedding day. If it doesn’t work out, at least you’ve got a back-up plan!
that story is nuts! You have quite a pickle. I hope it goes smoothly!
The guy who married us (we had a friend perform the ceremony) is sort of like your Friend 1. Except, instead of drunk and silly, he gets drunk and beligerent. It happens probably every 6 months or so where he has too much to drink and ends up getting into a fight w/ someone (not a violent fight), getting depressed and inconsolable, or something else equally miserable. However, the rest of the time he’s a wonderful guy who would really do anything for his friends.
When we asked him, we definitely got a few raised eyebrows. Although at least it was us asking him.
What I did was to be very upfront that this was my wedding, that it was really important, and wasn’t the time for him to act like a nut. I also told him we had a back-up, who is someone he doesn’t really get along with, and that I wouldn’t hesitate to have her do it if I thought he might not stay in line. Also, he’s married, and I knew his wife would help ensure that he didn’t get out of line.
But overall, I wasn’t really worried. I knew that he understood the importance, that he was really excited about it, and that he wanted to do a good job for me and my husband. And he did. I’m so glad we made the choice that we did. The ceremony was really personal and he did an amazing job.
He’s your friend, so you know him best. I wouldn’t hesistat to be clear that you know that sometimes he can get a little silly or w/e and that your wedding is NOT the place for that, and that you’ll be heartbroken if he does anything to take away from your day. At the same time, he probably knows that already.
Ah hahaha, that story cracks me up and sounds like something a friend of mine would do.
I am sure at least one of our guests will have too much to drink. Luckily the friends he gets to act like a dope with when that happens aren’t invited, and he has a DD.
Don’t worry; he can probably handle himself through the first dance. I’d only worry if he were playing piano for the last dance. 
i admire you for being mature and easygoing about this–way to keep perspective! maybe friend #2 can keep an eye on friend #1 during cocktail hour and make sure that there’s a limit to the drinks?
I am sure it is bound to happen, but I am hopeful that no one will get out of hand.
ps.
that news clipping is tooo funny!!
That sounds stressful! I get annoyed with people that drink too much at important functions. We aren’t in college anymore, people! It sounds like you have it handled though - I am sure he knows he gets out of hand sometimes, so if you are clear with him about what’s appropriate or not appropriate, I bet he’ll get it. Since he’s your good friend, I am sure you can be upfront and honest about your concerns.
I definitely think you have the right attitude! If he’s that excited, I’m sure he wouldn’t screw it up by being drunk during the song!
Wow, that’s a tough situation! Hopefully friend #1 will pull himself together and do something to make you proud and not disappoint you on such a big day.
I’m slightly worried about two of my bridesmaids (close friends from college). Neither have been in a wedding before and they tend to get pretty wild wherever they go. However, my MOH and two other college-friend BMs have promised to keep them in line until after the first dance. That’s all I ask ;o)
well done! You handled that sit like a pro. It’ll all work out in the end since you have a Plan B 
@pmerr: Yeah, I saw it as 2 guys talking, not realizing the big deal about weddings, and just wanting to do something nice for their mutual friend, so oh well.
@flamingred: nope, I was just going to let him sing a capella, or with the karaoke music from my DJ, his choice.
@mrstye: This story definitely gives me hope!!
@Miss Pug: Is it sad that I’m worried about his drinking before cocktail hour? At least he’ll be around other friends of mine, so they will definitely keep an eye on him.
You have such a great attitude about it; I’m sure it will work out. Whenever I/we are faced with that kind of situation, FI & I will quote the Pollyana line (which I think is actually attributed to Honest Abe): “When you look for the bad in mankind, you will surely find it.” Concentrating on the good things & believing the best of our friends & loved ones is always a good thing. When we let “worry” take over, we’re believing the worst of someone - and that never ends well.
On the flip-side, we also think we’ve made it improbable that anyone will get drunk at our wedding: it’s a 10:30am reception, the full bar doesn’t open until the brunch food is served (& we only went with the full bar to get the juices - not served with wine & beer bar), & it closes after two hours b/c we’re giving all our guests Disneyland Park tickets & want them to enjoy the park for as long as possible. We figure our guests will want be fully conscious of that gift, so they’ll probably reign themselves in, without us needing to worry.
I’m a bit worried about our bartenders. Our venue is letting us bring and serve our own alcohol, so I’m having a few of my brothers friends (of legal age) serve beer and wine for us. I know that they love to go out and drink and have a good time, so there will be some stern talks about how much they will be allowed to drink and why before the wedding. I’m sure everything will work out though. My brother won’t let them go crazy and ruin my wedding (I hope!).
I totally feel your pain! I’m worried about one of our groomsmen - we went to his wedding last year, and he was completely hammered by the end of the night. His wife kept trying to cut him off, talked to the bartenders, etc., but it didn’t work. I’ve already talked to my FI and said there’s NO WAY he can get that drunk (luckily he’s better behaved and has a much higher tolerance), but I’m so worried about his friend. If he drank that much at his own wedding, what will he do at ours?!
Wow, that’s a tough situation, but I guess you can only hope that your friend will show some control…at least until after he has to play piano! Hopefully it will turn out well for you!
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Mrs. Frozen Yogurt, Dallas Age and Occupation: 28, Special Projects Coordinator Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Equity Trader Engagement Date: March 19, 2009 Wedding Date: April 2010 Venue: Marie Gabrielle, Dallas About Me: I was born and raised in Texas, and have lived in several of the cities across the state, but I currently reside in Austin. I went to college in Boston and have a special place in my heart for the Northeast. I love reading, shopping, wine, reuniting with college friends that are scattered across the country, reality TV, trying out new recipes, and attempting all the DIY projects that come along with wedding planning. I'm a "bleeding heart, save the world type" and thankfully my job allows me to work on legislation and policy to help out those in need. I met Mr. Frozen Yogurt in a bar, though he doesn't even drink! And now we are planning a modern yet vintage wedding in Dallas while dealing with the trials and tribulations of first time homeownership.
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 29 | 30 | 31 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |
| 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 |
| 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 |
| 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 |
| 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 |
Latest Gallery Pics